DAY 146: Where the hell did I put it? - How mindshifts affect our daily life

- "DAMN! I can't remember where I put my lipstick and now I am already late for work!" 

The search for something that is lost can escalate into a stressful projection of dispair towards others and the environment around us. This morning I was able to see it coming and almost prevent it. The reason why I still projected some of my frustration towards my husband has to do with the fact that I didn't have any memory that could relate to the lost object. The easy route was to justify my reaction by blaming my partner and creating the idea that he must have been the one putting it somewhere else. I eventually allowed myself to let go of that idea and to focus on looking for it in the potential places where the lipstick could be... and there it was - in my bag. I was the one placing it there even though such moment had not been registered in me. So what happened?

When I look back at this morning's timeline I see an empty space in my mind where something got lost and I just can't remember where it is. I can trace back to the previous night when I was preparing my bag for the next day and at some point I must got distracted - in that moment my action and my awareness split - there was a mindshift often called "distraction" where I distanced myself from my action. Isn't it scary that we do things without actually being aware of our own actions? Why do we allow such separation within ourselves?

Firstly, it is time for me to fully realise that I can only do one thing at a time. In the rush of the 21st Century and the business fast-paced euphoria might be almost surreal to say this but it is true - I can only do one thing at a time and if I believe otherwise I am only lying to myself. Even though I may speak while eating, I can only say one word at a time and I can only swallow the food once at a time and these two actions cannot happen simultaneously. In other words, I am here moment by moment and I exist one breath at a time. Everything I do must fit within this life-pace otherwise mind shifts happen which means that I start living in alternate realities and missing what is really happening Here.

I can relate to this and I am grateful that I was able to see it and to prevent further consequences from last night's mindshift (e.g. avoid going stressed for work, continue blaming my partner and create more anger within me). However, I do see how mindshifts can be the source of accidents on the road when drivers believe that they have seen a green light when in fact it was red, or when pedestrians forget to look both ways to see if a car is coming, or when messages get lost and important communication is not delivered. The examples are endless. The mindshifts that happen in moments of lack of self-awareness is a red-flag for me to investigate its origins and to ask myself: what can I do/become to prevent it from happening again?

I might not be able to report back to that specific moment in time however I do realise that I would know where I had put my lipstick (or whatever I get lost) if I am aware of myself, my body movement and my presence in every moment of breath; or if I don't daydream and participate in imagination or in paralel realities while I am doing something else. If I live the commitment of being aware of each step I take and of each action I create; if I am Here.

I wonder how many accidents would be prevented, how many arguments would be avoided and how much frustration would never exist if we were always aware of each step we take. For example, there would be no need to rememeber where I put things, there would be no one else to blame and I could trust myself in every moment because I would simply know my actions as part of me, the same way I don't need to think about my name when someone asks it to me - it is here, in me and as me.

Another important realisation that came from my mindshift experience comes from the habit of accumulating tasks on a "mental to-do list" which leads me to start an action before I have completed the previous one, ending up with a mental burden. Therefore, I assist myself to stop the mental routine of imagining the next task and I simply write the tasks or ideas on a piece of paper so that I can look at it later. (The original piece of article of this blog was written during my commute on the train and I am now living the commitment of reviewing it for myself and sharing it with you). Being aware of myself and my actions is key in the process of creating what is best for me and for all.


How does breathing and focusing on physical practical living, assist and support with stabilizing the experiences of shifting out of the physical-body?  -Recommended interview
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection


Illustration: Andrew Gable

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DAY 139: Swimming in emotions and how it affects my day-to-day living

- "Why wasn't I able to stop the emotions?"

- "It's not that you were not able Jo - it's simply that you didn't..." (Excerpt from a chat with Sunette)

This lake of emotions is now clear to me but the only reason I could see that I was not stable was because of the consequences of emotions in the various areas of in my life - for example, I have been reactive towards people and towards events when things don't go as planned; I have also been physically exhausted and at the same time with difficulty to sleep; my physical expression and intimacy with my partner seems to be blocked; and, ultimately, my ability to take decisions went down the drain.

Regarding the last point, I haven't allowed myself to take direction in this current of emotions. As a result, I haven't been able to stop thinking about certain points in my reality without actually deciding upon a solution - my mind is hooked in the same thoughts without any productive outcome whatsoever! Just like Anu explained in his interview "How to Make Choices", it is not possible to take a clear decision in such a cloudy emotional environment - I am literally unable to see the various options, the dimensions to consider and the solution in common sense. 

This "swimming in emotions" is indicating that I am accepting emotions inside of me for a longer period of time than is necessary without standing within a decision inside myself to direct them and instead look for practical solutions. Physically, I have been facing the consequences of the emotional energy effect on my body - not only feeling exhausted, but also had an urinary infection that required antibiotics, a couple of red spots on my face, an allergic reaction and burning sensation in my left ear (Inner Self) and some articulation blockage for a few seconds on my left index finger and on my right big toe. I thought that sports would assist me in reducing stress, however this time I was also reactive in sports and I was allowing myself to be fearful and imagining that I would hurt myself.

Mentally, I see that the more I participate in the thoughts and I believe in the thoughts and emotions to be real, the more I go into this state of directionless because all my attention and resources go into the emotion so there is no energy left for self/for my physical action and for solutions to myself. I can also see the domino effect playing out, whereby I start imagining all the other areas of my life going into chaos and failure, creating even more stress and anxiety within myself. For example, I had a problem with my internet at home and, since then, that other problems unfolded simply because I wasn't able to direct the other things as I would normally do - the reaction became a virus that I manifested whenever something didn't work. If I had not participated in the first reaction, that would have potentially worked as an example to myself to apply in the other areas of my life. Even if I had participated in the first reaction, that must not be an excuse to justify the next reactions. 

Stopping the emotions is a decision and, as with any decision, I must practice it and apply myself in every moment so that change happens.

This is my commitment as of today, this moment, now.

I am aware that the energy build-up had happened and I am still recovering from it so I must not be hard on myself in terms of trying to fight the thoughts and the emotions. As Sunette says, initially I won't be able to NOT go into thoughts and emotions AT ALL - my main focus is to when I see I am thinking too much and in a state of emotion, I take responsibility. Meaning, I write out the emotion and I forgive myself until I am stable.

Also, I must not believe that the emotions will go away by themselves because there is no magic in the process - I take self-responsibility, I face the emotion, I understand where the emotion comes from and I let it go through self-forgiveness. Sports by itself won't help unless I make sure that I create my self-stability first, which is only possible through writing because I slow my mind, I stop participating in the emotional energy and I am able to see the problem and the solution for myself. The imagination is still active in my mind and I dreamed a lot last night again, but instead of believing it to be real, I will investigate the patterns, the fears, the desires, and I let the images go.

By taking responsibility for the emotion that exists within me, I start the process of correcting myself and changing myself.

I am grateful for having the support of the Desteni buddies to assist me in my Process and in reminding me of being Assertive with myself and Standing Up for myself. The fact that we have regular chats has definitely supported me in opening up this point and understanding what was going on over the last two weeks. I will now do my "homework" and write the list of emotions I've experienced since the point opened up and do some sounding of self forgiveness until I feel stable.

More on this to come in my next blog.

Resources:

Heaven's Journey To Life

How to Make Choices - Reptilians - Part 137

What does it Mean to Stand Up - Reptilians' Support - Part 175

Life Review - Acceptance and Allowance vs. The Decision

Desteni Lite FREE course

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DAY 109: Slowing down my mind [my Journey at the farm]

Today is my third night in South Africa, where I will be living over the next month. One point that requires my attention is the rush in my mind that I easily participate in, almost never allowing me to slow down and give me direction without any mind-stress. I can also see how I have been playing this mind-mode under the excuse that is the London's way of life, when it is actually my responsibility to change myself and my interaction with/in reality.

Being physical with other animals here at the farm has been very cool, particularly with the dogs and the horses. The dogs are always up for playing and I enjoy myself running around, doing tricks with the ball, hugging them and play without looking at the time.


My schedules changed completely and in these first days it was weird to have so much time to dedicate myself to my process: for example, I see a point within me and I can write about it in that moment, or I decide to listen to an interview and I do it in the next minutes, or I have a chat with another person, or I simply lay down to rest or read a blog.
 

Now that I have rested from the long trip, I am starting to help in the common activities, such as taking care of the horses in the morning and in the afternoon. Today I helped with cleaning the stable, preparing the horse's bed, the food, checking his temperature and looking for ticks in his hair. Interacting with a big animal like a horse really requires my full awareness so no time wasted in the mind. I must be aware of my physical presence as well as his presence, to make sure that I am safe and he is OK with me. A cool example is to check where my feet are next to the horse! I am not yet totally comfortable alone with the horse in the stable and I do see points that require correction through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, so I will walk these.

I have been attending the live recordings of the Eqafe interviews daily and I can relate to many of the experiences I have within me and the points that I am walking in my Life. It is really supportive to take notes while listening to it, which is something that I don't usually do it London as I listen to the interviews on the crowded tube, but that I will try to do when I am back. Whenever I listen to a new interview I think that everyone in the world would benefit immensely from listening to it too… 

So while at the farm, I am giving myself the time to ground myself, to stabilise myself, to expand my self-trust and to learn new ways of doing things and of seeing this world in common sense.

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DAY 108: How do I make decisions?

I can decide to drift in the mind or to give me direction. Recently I have been noticing the thoughts that take me to the emptiness of uncertainty and it creates a feeling of powerlessness. This feeling of the mind, althought made of powerlessness, can have the power to contaminate my reality. I wonder if this is a life pattern that everyone faces. Is everyone living in between the mind and, very now and then, in this reality? Or never at all. My mind goes easily into a poetry moment when it comes to face the hard walls of my mind.

So at the moment I am living the decision to not drift into the mind of thoughts and I have decided to focus on a task that I proposed myself to do but that I forgot to actually start it. How many times it happens to start something with the best intentions to finish it (I can actually see the final product in my mind as if it is real) but the actual physical realisation never takes off completely from the initial motivation? Now that I am looking at this point, a new interesting dimension came up: when I imagine something being done, I associate it with how the time is portrayed in movies and in TV series - things happen in quantum decisions because I see the character thinking about something and the next scene the person is already doing it. Have I not tried to implement this quantum decision-making in my own life too?

How many times do I take a decision of slowing down and take the time to perfect myself but suddenly I change my decision based on the imagination of the next challenge - but when the challenge comes, I start thinking twice because I have not taken the time to establish my foundation. I must not take the quantum-action of series personally as I am walking this life in real-time. If decisions as based on imagination, then it is not trustworthy. I better test it in real-time and find out for myself if such decision works for me.

If I am constantly desiring to have a quantum-mind experience copying what happens in movies and series, the notion of time is going to be manipulated and this physical reality disregarded.

So the task that I am going to walk this week is to look at how I make decisions. It is a great timing as I am walking this point on my DIP lesson and I have been having an enormous resistance to walk the exercise of identifying the positive and the negative elements that make my decision-making. It is just unacceptable to waste this opportunity to support myself and change who and how I have been existing as.

Do I make decisions based on the movies and series' fiction-time? Or do I actually consider real time?

Do I make decisions based on the fear of loss?

Do I make decisions based on negative and positive feelings/emotions?

Is my decision based on common-sense?

Am I wanting to copy someone else? Am I wanting to be somebody else?

When I go into the mind, the past and the future dance with each other. It requires training to be in physical time, think in physical time and accept physical time. I must finally realise that my body requires a breath-in and a breath-out to function well and that my life-time is made of the breaths I take and give.

The decision to stop and write here and right now was not planned in my mind - I had to impose it to myself otherwise I would stay in the pre-programmed mode of imagining it and getting distracted with thoughts outside of me.

Thinking about other people's lives is also a point to consider that is manifested in the movies and TV series. A decision that I must take is to really investigate where my thoughts come from when I am looking at another's person life. I must decide to bring those points to myself - investigate where the comparison come from, what do I perceive the other has, how do I judge me in relation to the other, etc.  This will allow me to identify my mind-decisions and obviously support me in my correction from the mind to real-physical time. I will walk the decision point this week and I will be sharing some of my realisations that will eventually arise.

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DAY 105: Days without writing - practical points to re-embrace self and stop procrastination

You know when you are traveling, moving from one place to another and everything is temporary, until you finally reach your home and you start to be more organised? Well, I haven't been physically travelling but this is an analogy to what happens to me when I am not writing and I am moving from one point to another, as if I am escaping from my own self, without actually living the commitment of dealing with my reality completely and being specific. The idea of getting to the comfort of my home (the moment when I stop and write) became an delusional oasis and used as an excuse to procrastinate the creation of such oasis everywhere I go - and that moment never came until now. I am now alone, laid down on the sofa, typing on my laptop and it is calm. However, what is blocking me from recreating this stability when I am somewhere else?

I am actually recreating my habit of not leaving the writing for late in the evening - by experience, by the end of the day I will be so tired that I will easily postpone the writing for the next day, and the snowball starts its journey until I get tired of procrastinating.

The resistance to be disciplined is an good point to look at: I realise that I enjoy when the plans change and the routine is no longer a routine. However, this lack of consistency is based on an idea that I get bored with doing the same thing every day, such as writing every day. But wait a second: don't I eat every day? Don't I breathe in every moment? Don't I wake up every day?

What if my body was to make a strike and not wake up? How on earth do I want to become consistent and confident in my process if I am not recreating the consistence and confidence in me? I this also a great trap of the mind, because even though the action of writing is the same, I never write the same things and there is always an expansion within me.

The process of change is manifested in what I do - and this is why few people consider changing themselves, because that is the real process to walk - changing patterns, changing assumptions, changing schedules if needed so that my new tasks can be done.

While I am trying, my eyes are starting to shut down - the mind is striking! So what can I do to actually stand as my living awareness and continue what I  was doing?

• Becoming aware of my breath - this support me to stand here and see what I am doing;
• being assertive with the time that I have dedicated for writing;
• stopping the thoughts and imagination of the mind (daydreaming)
• Look at the big picture of what I am doing and how getting distracted in the mind does not benefit me in any way whatsoever
• Embracing what I am doing, such as writing
• Being my own example
• Expanding myself is something that is unique and I can only do it for myself

In the end, it all comes down to self-honesty and to who I am in each moment.

So:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself when I postpone my daily writing, as I notice that I am the one deceiving myself and not actually supporting me in changing my habits to become a better version of myself and in becoming organised with my own things.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to admire the people that appear to be organised instead of learning with them and perhaps asking how they manage their time efficiently so that I know what changes I can adopt for myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create a snowball of excuses to not write and a snowball of thoughts about what I should be doing, instead of being realistic with my time available and prioritise that which must be done.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to postpone the things that I enjoy myself doing, instead of creating my own balance of responsibility and self-enjoyment, work and relaxing, study and play, without these being necessarily polarities but things that support me equally.

When and as I see myself getting frustrated with the fact that I am postponing and accumulating things to do in my mind, I stop, I breathe and I write down the list of things that I have in my mind to do. I commit myself to make my tasks practical according to the time available and the prioritisation of the tasks.

When and as I see myself feeling regret for not doing that which I wanted to do, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a trap of the mind because both the plan and the desire to "tick box" the plan existed only in my mind. Therefore, instead of putting me under pressure, I can help me to see what can I do in that specific moment to recreate my stability, to be flexible with me and to find a solution that will be lived for real.

When and as I see myself using people in my mind as an example of solution-makers and an example of organisation, I stop and I breathe. Instead of associating these points with these people, I can see how in this specific moment can I do that which I would associate with the other person. This way, I am learning with the other and becoming my own example.

When and as I see myself thinking/imagining that I will write at night before I go to bed, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this was the same pattern I had with praying before going to bed, when I was already so exhausted that I would fall asleep and then feel bad for not having prayed. So, I commit myself to help myself in facilitating my actions and, instead of trying to make them for the days that I didn't do, I can instead look at a solution moving forward, starting a new commitment to write at lunch time, or on the bus, or when I arrive home, or in the morning before work!

When and as I see myself falling asleep while I am writing, I stop me and I breathe. I realise that in these moments I am actually doing things in my mind, imagining what I will do next but in reality I am with my eyes closed, away from my opportunity to do things for real and to live to my utmost potential.

Daily writing is not an obligation; writing daily is like drinking water - it refreshes me, it makes things clear, it supports me without me even being completely aware of how I am fully responsible for my stability and that I am giving me the conditions to be stable inside-outside.

I have also realised that the resistance to write every day is similar to the resistance to study - it is interesting that these are two elements for self-development, self-expansion, self-change and self-creation. So, when and as I see myself being lazy with my own Life, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to do things for myself based on the realisation that I am fully responsible for my life here, for who I am, for what I allow myself to do and to not do, for supporting me unconditionally and being the example to my own self. I am the teacher and the student. I am the creator and the creation. I am the words that I write and walk. Any resistance to do that which supports me to stand stable, to expand myself and to express myself I know that is an indicator of a point to transcend. Curiously enough, I have now realised that the resistance to have fun can also exist (!) therefore this is also a point to be lived within and by me.

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DAY 100: My relationship to entertainment - opening this point within me

Before I took the decision to stop and write, I was going to watch another episode of a series. My starting point was based on a long day of work and an escape from a headache of the mind that I was starting to feel.  I was seeing my my partner entertained with a game and I felt the anxiety of wanting to stop studying and doing something fun and relaxing, even though I was creating exactly the other polarity of stress in the thoughts of "what should" or "should not do". Now that I am writing, I am giving me my stability back.

The pattern mentioned above of using entertainment as an escape is old - meaning, I realise that is has been within me for awhile, since school time where I saw entertainment/play as a reward after study. Nowadays, the same relationship with entertainment still exists however the time for games and relaxation is shorter than in childhood, so another pattern emerged: the accumulation of desire for entertainment and "free time".  After the daily 8 hours (sometimes more) at work, I have committed myself to continue studying for a Masters which I am now on my first year.

Yesterday, I realised an immense anxiety when I read the list of my assignments' deadlines, like an attack of fear of not making and the backchat of "it is too much at the same time". In my mind,I read the desire to go on holiday again to let go of all the various projects that I am involved. But then I ask myself: Do I want to run away from myself all my life? Is this real tiredness or am I sabotaging my own commitments?

In self-honesty, I do want to live all my commitments, not only the MA but also my daily writing, the DIP, the married life, the physical rest, my friendships and sports. So the feeling and anxiety of overwhelmingness is an indicator of a point that I must support myself to organise my daily life in a way that is viable, is fun and I express and expand myself in everything that I do.

But where does my need for entertainment come from?

Let me have a  look at that what is that watching a series gives me that I am not giving to myself by default:

• usually watching a series is a sign of having done all my other tasks and so there is a moment of "freedom" in my daily schedule to simply watch others on the screen;
• watching a series fills in a break when I arrive home after work, just before I start my other tasks such as the study or my writings;
• a postponement that is covered by an apparent calmness
•  a distraction from my own thoughts and a distraction of myself, because I am focused on another's life and therefore I don't judge me nor make mistakes. At the same time, I see that I am not creating anything either, I am only being an observer of other characters.
• The comfort of seeing the characters finding always a solution for their problems
• It gives me motivation to watch the next one because I want to follow the story; it feeds me curiosity about their story

So now, by bringing these points to myself, I can ask myself how am I participating in the other polarity in relation to my own life/story? Why do I participate in the resistance of facing and transcending my own problems, as if I want to keep me in a time-loop without understanding my own mind, instead of moving forward, finding solutions to myself and being curious to know me and my potential as Life? Why am I not creating myself for the best of me in everything that I do, without labeling my actions as "highs" or "lows"? Can I not read my university deadlines in absolute stability and confident that I am going to manage my time accordingly?

At the moment, I am grateful that I stopped the urge to watch the series and directed me to write, stopping the indecision of the mind as to "what should I do". Writing-self is a point of direction to stop, clarify the headache of the mind and start again, prioritizing my responsibilities and doing the best with the time that I have. Luckily my job does not imply bringing work home so it depends on me to manage the 5 hours in the evening to my self-commitments.

On my next blog I will write the self-forgiveness on the need for external entertainment, which is a point of separation.

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Day 12: How Do We Still Accept Things How They Are Now?

The same complaints all the time... Look at an History book: what a book the humanity has been writing, without even learning how to write first! Who taught us how we should direct ourselves, how should Life on this planet be supported, how things really work within our mind, how human are self-limiting themselves by fool believes, etc. etc. It is time to learn with ourselves and stop desiring a help from the ouside: we have now to speak in our common expression: which is LIFE!

Stop distractions,
Stop holding the breath!

Sometimes I find myself going into this point again: the illusion of emotions and finding motivations outside myself to move myself.

This is a mental illness. Every feeling of shame, of regret, of jealousy, of superiority and inferiority are all mental illnesses.

At least now I am able to stop by myself. The sooner I wake up the better. It is just unacceptable to ignore! i mean, when I heard that the poverty that has been existing since always, the people suffering, the disrespect for human life, the human trafficking, the corruption, the modern slavery, the abuse of animals and pants will all continue if the economic system doesn't change', well I must say that this was quite a disappointment for me - or should I say, it was the end of the illusion that I was holding on just because I didn't knew any solution for it. So far, my involvement in charities, political party and students group didn't bring me any global solution that would guarantee the end of such atrocities. Even working on the MIllennium Development Goals became such an issue because the more I was digging, the more sand was going back to the hole, by finding that many of the effort was part of such a big system that keeps things as they are... even before I was born! The hope was given to the 80's, times that were considered to generate a truly global development. I joined the boat in 1987 and 22 years later I was still making a research about the North-South inequalities and interdependence. This time, the 'old' social, political and economic constraints have new threats of a growing population, compromising the development in a global scale. New times, but the same patterns. The same complicated speeches and the same empty words without a committed action.

The majority of the world problems have roots in the economic system. Can you see it? Can you feelt it?

After all of this, it would be quite naif to ignore a solution that will most likely end with all the abusive chapters of our History. But it is not a word solution: it is all about taking action in any ways while enjoying the benefits of an Equal Money System and each single human being, whether in Portugal or in Tawain will receive a Life income, which will guarantee an equal amount of money for the basic human needs. Why equal? We all need food, shelter, education, health and we are all here equally - by this, no jealousy is allowed and no one will have to be worried about the other's survival - because all will have! (Like at the primary school!)
Interesting: this change in the way money has been used is what has been missing for the achievement of the 8 MDG's, the UN Declaration for Human Rights and all the constitutions! A dignified Life for all, without the bi-polarity of the mind and of the world inequalities (which we have created).

... Lets get back to the basis: the soil produces food everyday so there is no point to create our own cycle of poverty, which is lack of money and resources dominated by human. I can guarantee you that no one would be happy to see how the current system really works, controls, manipulates and complicates human life! By this, the question comes up: if this is what we know so far, imagine how things will be when we wake up from the sleep we don't even remember to fall into!

Stop the thinking = the action will be new
Equal Money System = Life will be manifested in all of us!

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