The Secret to Self-Fulfilment

Today's vlog is a turning point in my process. For those of you who know me for some time you know that this point of self-fulfilment has been a tough one - especially related to my belief system that a career or a professional path would fill the sense of lack that I have experienced thoughout my life. No matter how good I was doing in school and university, ending high-school with average of 19/20 or how well I do in my professional career, being in the UK's top 10% of earners, there has been an endless feeling of not being good enough, that something is constantly missing, that I am not in the right path or that I should be doing something else. I can see how easily I could have spent my whole life focused on the empty hole while disregarding the aboundance that has existed in me all along...

I see that I have been the one creating the hole. believing it to be real and digging it deeper each time. I have been frustated with looking for a solution to a problem that I was creating! Just like with big pharmas, it has been about creating the disease and selling the cure - which does not make sense and is against life but we are doing this to our ownselves already.

Some key points that I faced and that I can now see with clarity are:

- no path will EVER fulfil me.
The constant search for that one career that will fulfil me is a daunting task ahead that I do not recommend to anyone. The idea/fear that some paths will
fulfil you while others won't will keep you trapped and you will likely miss many real possibilities because you are still waiting for that Aha moment to tell you "That is the right thing for you" - a godlike voice that will never come. What I am finally learning is that when I create something, being a business or a career or anything it's more like an extension of myself, a physical manifestation of who I am already. The business or career will be as complete as my relationship with myself. The same applies to personal relationships and even parenting - our outer world is an extension of our inner world. It is not seperate, not more nor less.

- no relationship will EVER complete me.
There are many love songs that focus on the "other half" and "you complete me" so we probably never questioned the danger of such statements. If I am not complete with myself THAT is a red flag that needs attention - it is like our being showing us that there is something that we are not giving to ourselves. One may momentarily feel complete with another but this will not be sustainable and such emotional dependency will eventually destroy the relationship, which is really a shame. Finally, one cannot blame another for not fulfiling our empty space because no one will ever fulfill a space that is not real, but through this the potential of a long-healthy relationship will be lost for real...

- the emptiness will NEVER be fulfilled
The biggest take-away is this: the idea of emptiness is not real in the first place! Therefore, the belief that I will be more or better if I have this, or I am with this person, or I learn this or I do this is a recipe for unhappiness and dispair. The only thing that is really missing is Me, my relationship with myself, my trust and my self-honesty. Once I allowed myself to let go of this self-imposed idea of lack or that something is missing I was able to actual be stable within me. I could even appreciate who I have been thus far and the process that I have been walking in my 29 years of this lifetime. 

In conclusion, my self-stability has been defined by the feeling of being fulfilled which very seldom happens, as it is not real hence the state of not feeling I am doing enough or taking the right path for me, as it has been a point of separation. So my starting point to move myself/take action/create something in my reality must not be this idea of self-fulfilment.

Now THIS is the empowering part because once we change the starting point for creation - as it no longer being a fight or a chasing race for that emptiness - it really starts being the creation of something new that comes from me and that adds on to my life, just like our bodies create life manifested in a new born baby that is an extension of ourselves. And rememeber, all creation starts with a breath.

The second secret of this blog is that the new generations don't need to spend half of their lives missing themselves - so please do share this article and video with your friends. Let's assist each other to start creating the best versions of ourselves, by first being stable and whole individuals.



I have been walking my process of self-investigation with the support of the buddies at DesteniiProcess. Other key resources in my process have been the sharings of all the Destonians and the amazing content on the Eqafe Self-Perfection store. My husband's music and my pet pigeon are also great influences in my life.

Recommended podcast: I am fulfilled - Live Review.

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DAY 160: Relationship Patterns: Wanting to leave everything behind and shut the door... Really?

During a conversation with friends, when asked how I deal with the emotional build up in my relationship with my partner I thought of a pattern that I haven't visited for quite some time: the pattern of accumulating dissatisfaction until I reach a point of wanting to leave everything and just go... Actually, my partner and I have been pretty good at applying ourselves in our agreement of mutual understanding and never staying in a reaction for more than a few minutes - often ending with both of us moving through the resistance, stop the argument with a hug, honest apologies and take-aways for the future. However, in that moment sat at the table and honestly sharing about our experiences, I saw in the back of my mind this impulse based on an image that pops-up in my mind of leaving the house as a manifestation of not standing my partner anymore.

Despite knowing that this is a pattern of the mind and not actually the solution to whatever challenges we may face, I could sense an emotional tone in my voice as if trying to still justify this thought and believe it to be valid. In self-honesty, I see that this reaction of leaving is no different from any other reactions that I don't participate in (throwing stuff, swearing, screaming), the main difference being that my version of reaction only happens inside the walls of my mind. I never actually applied the dramatic movie-like separation of shutting the door behind me but this is what my mind is heading in moments where I see the same old-behaviours in my partner that trigger dissatisfaction within me.

When I was walking home, I looked deeper into this point and saw an opportunity to open it up for me and investigate it, once and for all:

• What is behind the desire of wanting to escape in the midst of an argument?
• What do I believe to experience by leaving my partner behind?
• Is it from my partner that I want to runaway from, or from myself? What does this mind-pattern say about ME?

I can identify in my childhood the voices of couples having arguments and also seeing people threatening leaving the house if things were not to change. This is commonly showed in movies and soap operas too. It is interesting to see that it usually comes after an argument or a disagreement, as if there isn't enough room for two people to coexist or as if there is an invisible wall that hinders a calm communication and understanding.

By bringing this point to myself, I wonder what is that I don't want to face inside myself and believe that it is easier to leave - as a point of powerlessness and giving up on myself. Even though there would be a sense of letting it go, I am actually doing the opposite because whatever is causing the emotional reaction is getting suppressed and accumulated within me until it comes out and starts building up again. Why am I not allowing myself to speak in the moment where I see something needs to be discussed, or ideas to exchange to find solutions, instead of believing that such changes will only happen if starting from 0 somewhere else or with someone else?

So for this I have to let go for a moment of the idea of powerlessness when it comes to changing our relationship for the better and assist another to see what I am seeing, for example a correction in relation to house chores, washing the dishes or any other routines that are often at the heart of the argument. I must also be willing and vulnerable to hear what my partner says, as it can be a great support and reference for my own process of self-change.

I notice that the emotional build-up tends to explode in moments where I feel particularly vulnerable (e.g tired in the evening) or physically weak (sickness or pain). It happens that in these moments my outburst is a call for help more than anything else - I need support and cooperation, and also a sense of equality in the contribution to the house chores, especially if I am not feeling well to keep up my own tasks. From my experience, our bodies are also indicating us a point that has been neglected either through mental exhaustion or accumulation of non-resolved emotions and judgments. So the dissatisfaction towards my partner ends up being a mirror of how I feel in relation to my own self and therefore a great opportunity to look inside, if I am aware of this inside-out process.

Another dimension that I see in this pattern, is the idea that I would not experience this with someone else different. It is interesting to see how my mind projects the dissatisfaction towards another in the polarity of imagining the opposite (positive experience) with someone else. Nevertheless, the common element in the alternative reality is ME and therefore, the likelihood of going through the same pattern with another person or ending up with someone with a similar personality is strong enough.

In essence, whatever I am facing in my current relationship will keep on happening until I transcend my own mind of thoughts, beliefs, reactions, perceptions and judgments. Once I apply myself in my own self-honesty by investigating the source of my own emotional reactions, letting them go through forgiving myself, then I am able to stand by myself and change my communication with my partner, the outcome of disagreements, and ultimately our shared reality.

On my next post I will share my writing of self-forgiveness. Stay tuned :)

Recommend resources:

Inequality in Relationships - Quantum Systemization - Part 78

Facing yourself in the Face of Arguments (Part 1) - Life Review

Walking Through Resistance to Hugging - Relationship Success Support

What Your Thoughts Do When You're Unwell - Quantum Systemization - Part 81

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Day 157: Feeling anxious, stressed and under pressure is NOT normal

Today I woke up feeling anxious and I went into the experience of anticipation, thinking that I had forgotten to do something or that I had forgotten something somewhere the day before. There was also dissatisfaction by thinking that I had not been as good or that I had done some mistake the day before.

Then I stopped the thoughts and asked myself: Why am I perceiving me as capable of doing less than who I am? Why am I automatically distrusting my ability to do everything at the best of my ability and to not forget stuff? Why am I creating this anxiety in my own body?

The answer was: I am the only one who can stop the judgments, the automatic anxiety, and the thoughts that feed all of these automatic reactions. I am the only one who can forgive myself and let go all the unsupportive mind of old habits, ideas, fear and self-distrust.

I got up, I slowed myself down through breath and I forgave myself out loud. I forgave the thoughts, the imagination, and the scenarios in my mind that were justifying the anxiety and stress. I restarted the day, stable and in self-awareness.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed the feeling of anticipation within me and to believe that this feeling is real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine situations (often the worse case scenario) where I have forgotten to do something and to react even further to these thoughts. I see, realise and understand that by feeding the thoughts I am continuing the cycle of reaction-thought-reaction that creates additional anxiety inside myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge me when I forget things and to punish me mentally for it, instead o seeing that the reason why I forgot things is that I am busy in thoughts (thus not present in the moment 100%) in the first place, and to assist me to learn from this mistake to not repeat it again.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that feeling anxious, stressed and under pressure is normal and that this is the only way I can move myself to do things.

So,

When and as I see myself feeling anxious and under pressure based on the anticipation that I have forgotten something or that I am late, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that the energetic response of reaction does not support me/my body and that it is not a solution for me to remember things or to move myself. I see that the thoughts of anticipation are automatic behaviours based on old habits and memories that no longer exist here and that now I am fully responsible for doing things/creating my life differently.

When and as I see myself feeding the feeling of anxiety and stress with imagination about what I could have done "wrong" or forgotten to do the day before, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that whatever happened the day before I cannot change it, however I can change what I do with the remembrances of it and I can also take responsibility for doing things differently from now on. I also realise that who I am in relation to my reactions is also my responsibility so instead of going into stress and pressure I commit myself to be the solution to myself: if I have forgotten something, I learn from it and I proactively find a solution to start applying now.

When and as I see myself judging myself for whatever I have forgotten to do or for thinking that I wasn't good enough the day before, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that these self-judgments are lies that I tell to myself automatically to feed self-distrust and that feed the stress, anxiety and anticipation.

I commit myself to stop the cycle of energetic responses inside myself and to trust my ability to stabilise myself through breath, through slowing down the mind and by stopping feeding the thoughts that justify the anxiety and stress within myself.

I remind myself that anxiety, stress and pressure are not who I am and therefore I commit myself to not allow automatic mind reactions to take over me/my direction/my decision to stabilise myself and be present.

I also see, realise and understand that the more aware and present I am, the more I am able to do things fully and therefore prevent thoughts of self-doubt, anxiety, stress and pressure within me.

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DAY 156: My relationship with myself, seen through the eyes of a bird

A new little bird joined our family a few weeks ago. This time was a female pigeon that was standing still by our doorstep and when she tried to fly she fell down on the floor. Our commitment to assist the life of our pigeon was extended to this new being that landed on our lives and we simply started doing everything in duplicate: feeding them, playing with them, putting the nappies, enjoying their company, putting them to sleep, and creating a stress-free environment for them and for us.

After two weeks, we decided to take our female pigeon to the park as we were under the impression that she wanted something else. As opposed to our male pigeon that has beenliving with us for longer, the female seemed less open to our presence, constantly screaming in fear when we approached her and enjoying being alone most of the time. She was older than when we found out first pigeon and within three days with us she could eat by herself and fly with excellent control. All of this lead us to think that  she had all the skills to expand herself out there and therefore we should re-assess what she wanted: either to stay with us or flying high out there.

Another thought that was defending this position was the fear of being judged as a bad person for keeping a wild bird at home and domesticating her. Her wild expression was so cute and genuine that I didn't want to mess with it either and I started feeling guilty for preventing her from being herself. As many of those walking the DIP Process know, all these thoughts are not actually about the other but are projections of a point that exists within me - in this case, the feeling and emotion of guilt, wanting to control what happens to another, and wanting to be perceived as a good person are all mirrors of points that I am facing within myself.

IIn this blog, I am addressing self-judgments projected toward what I believe others think of me. This is a point of assisting myself to realise that only I can take responsibility for the thoughts that exist within me, understand where they come from and decide to stop these thoughts. Curiously enough, these new thoughts and experience of self-distrust made me consider that new parents may also experience the need to make a baby feel OK and take personally when the baby cries or is unsatisfied.

In my next blog I will share the process that I have been walking in relation to the decision of letting her go.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge me as a bad person for keeping a wild bird indoors.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project this judgment towards other people and think that they judge me for keeping a wild bird at home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowed myself to think that Duquesa (the new female pigeon) is unhappy and that she wants to leave our house because we are not good enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I see her flying to the window because I think that I am failing to keep her happy and well.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take Duquesa's behaviour personally and to think that she is not OK because I am not giving her enough attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distrust my ability to know what is best for another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the negative and positive mood within me depending on what Duquesa does.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I am responsible for Duquesa's instability indoors and I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame me when she goes against the wall and window.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in emotion to my relationship with Duquesa based on the idea that I can't deal with female birds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to expect that my relationship with the new bird to be the same as I have with Marques (projection), instead of considering this new being in its uniqueness and embracing this new relationship as an opportunity to expand myself in it.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire her to stay with us so that I don't feel bad about myself and I don't think that I am not a good person to her.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty in case she decides to fly away and for taking her decision personally.

Self-corrective statements

When and as I see myself feeling ashamed for keeping a wild bird indoors, I stop the judgment and I breathe. This emotion of shame is a point of self-distrust towards my decision to assist the bird in her own path no matter what path is (indoors or outdoors).

I see, realise and understand that the judgment of being a bad person for keeping Duquesa inside only exists within me and that I am responsible for stopping it. I also see that the emotional reaction of pity towards her and myself only exist within me and that is clouding my ability to see the situation in common sense and what is best for her and for all.

When and as I see myself taking Duquesa's/another's attitudes personally and thinking that I am failing in being liked by another, I stop these ideas and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that the backchat about myself exists first and foremost within me and that the need for being liked is not real. I also see, realise and understand that I am basing my reactions in an idea and imagination that she doesn't want to stay with us, which is a contradiction; I see, realise and understand that through these thoughts I am actually separating myself from another being and not allowing me to be fully stable when interacting with her.

When and as I see myself reacting to her reaction against the nappy and against being indoors, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to stay stable and grounded in my relationship to Duquesa despite her reaction. I assist me by placing myself in her situation and in giving her an environment that is stress-free, stable and that accommodates her needs. As it happened when Marques, this is a new process to all of us and I can only be open to the response from her and understand that this is a moment of change to her too.

When and as I see myself thinking that I should simply open the window and put her outside, I stop and I breathe. I am aware that it is night now and that birds don't see in the dark and that such an act would not be self-responsible. I also see, realise and understand that any decision taken based on an emotional reaction does not consider what is best for all as it can only address the emotion of the mind (and a quick fix).

Therefore, I assist me in slowing the mind down and in considering solutions that address the current moment, such as going to the park in the morning and see if she wants to fly away.

When and as I see myself blaming me for killing the wild nature of a bird, I stop and I breathe. By bringing this thought to myself I see that I am feeling limited if I was kept indoors and I had wings to fly. I see that I am also projecting my fear of doing something wrong towards the bird by keeping her indoors.

When and as I see myself feeling sad by thinking that she is loosing her self-expression here with us, I stop and I breathe. I see that I am defining her self-expression as an idea of what birds should or should not do instead of seeing that a being self-expression is not something that I can take away.

When and as I see myself distrusting my ability to know what is best for another being, I stop and I breathe. I assist me in focusing on common sense and basic needs where we are equals/similar. I see that she is currently safe and restful, and that it is not my purpose to keep a bird prisoner against her will.

I commit myself to stop the ideas that another doesn't like me and that I am failing in keeping another happy. I commit myself to take responsibility for the thoughts that I allow in my mind and I assist me in recreating my self-stability and self-trust in self-honesty, and to assist me in realising that who I am is not dependent on how another responds to what I do.

I commit myself to stop the self-judgments and the shame for keeping a wild bird indoors and to stop projecting these unto what I think others think about me. I commit myself to focus on what is here, what I can do to assist another, and what is simply common sense to do such as rescuing a bird in need and addressing the situation as it evolves.

I commit myself to bring the point of judgment and of wanting to be liked by another back to myself, and I assist me in being stable in my decision, in applying myself and in standing for myself. I also commit myself to trust my decision of trying to assist this bird unconditionally without expecting to be liked, or to be approved or to be seen as better for doing it.

I commit myself to stop imposing her a path based on what happened with Marques. I assist me to be open to solutions in real-time so that I can give her what she needs to express herself and be OK.

I commit myself to recreate my relationship with Duquesa from wanting to save her to actually see her as equal to me and to always base my decision of supporting her life as I support mine.

I commit myself to look at practical solutions to apply in moments where she is agitated and flying against things. I commit myself to breathe to stabilise myself first and to not react to her agitation.

I commit myself to be patient her and with myself, and to make sure I am stable in my relationship with Duquesa, either at home or if she decides to fly away.

Recommended resources:

A Pigeon and World Peace: Conflict resolution in real-time: http://joanaslifeprocess.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-71-pigeon-and-world-peace-conflict.html

The Consciousness of the Dove: https://eqafe.com/p/the-consciousness-of-the-dove-part-1

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DAY 153: Facing Fear Series: Exposing The Fear of Flying

In this blog I am starting a new series of articles that reflect my process of facing my fears - the fears that I have accepted to be me and to exist as it. Even if some of the fears that I will explore don't resonate directly with yours, I recommend reading it from a starting point of seeing the patterns and assisting yourself to identify yours.

In my self-investigation I am realising that the experience of fear towards something or someone is simply the tip of the iceberg: once I start digging further I see that it is no longer the fear itself (the experience of nervousness, reaction, automatic anxiety, thoughts and images)  but what is underneath all of this: what in my personal history has lead me to this moment in time where I fear this or that; how have I created my life based on the fear; what does this fear tell about me and my relationship with myself; why do I keep participating in it; who benefits from the fear; what consequences does it bring; what can I learn from it; and how can I change myself to stop feeding and creating more fear.

The process of bringing the fears to myself demystifies much of the mystery behind fears: the initial energy felt in my chest starts to slow down as I direct myself to understand the fear and to not fear the fear itself.

To kick off this series I will share a fear that I have personally been ashamed of and I don't think I ever shared my writings about it: the fear of flying on a plane.

I faced it very recently and it was actually during this experience that I decided within me to open it up to the world - if I have been hiding it from others (and myself) this may be happening to other people. The primary reason to open it up is first and foremost to say ENOUGH to this fear, begin the process of forgiving myself and letting it go. Until now, every time I go on a trip I face a time-loop: the same thoughts, the imagination of an accident, the paranoia, the cold in my body, the anticipation of the worse case scenario, and ultimately the fear of dying.

As I was writing this blog I typed the words "fear of" and the automatic suggestion of Google was "fear of flying". Apparently I am not the only one and I wonder how other people deal with it (or not). In my case, this fear reaction is very specific and only emerges when I have a trip planned - sometimes it also influences me in the process of planning but it has never reached the point where I don't go on a trip stopped by the fear. Nevertheless, from the moment I book it, to the experience of being in the plane until I land safe and I leave the plane I have always participated in the fear emotion.

It is relevant to mention that since this fear is very specific, I don't experience it "outside" the environment of flying or planning a trip, which is quite tricky because either I write about the fear in that moment or it will not be easy to replicate it to investigate the various dimensions of the fear. As soon as I allow myself to pass the fear of facing the fear itself, I pick up my notebook and I write. Initially it is as if I have a blank and don't know where to begin, but then I simply start writing what I am experiencing. Then, I write my self-forgiveness statements about the experience that I am allowing inside myself. I will share my self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements in my next blog but for now I wanted to first open up the point and lay down the practical ways that each one of us can face the bogus personality that exist in our minds.

An interesting thing that happened last time I took a plane was that I could clearly see beyond the fear. Since I have been walking this process for sometime and I knew already my reactions and the thoughts, I deliberately stopped and asked myself the questions: if I bring this point to myself, what do I see? If I am distrusting the pilot, what does that say about me? What am I projecting towards another? If I am blaming the market/businesses for putting profit above security, what does this thought show about me? If I am here but fearing to not be here (death) what am I accepting inside myself? Why do I create the experience of disempowerment to my own self?

For the first time I saw that the relationship that I have created to flying is an opportunity to get to know myself, my thinking, my concerns, my vulnerabilities and, ultimately, the points that need correction. As with any fear, I can see my pre-programmed behaviour that is almost outside of my control unless I realise that I am responsible for directing myself and for stopping/de-programme/change my mind. The fact that I was ashamed of sharing this fear publicly is another indicator of the self-sabotage that I am allowing to occur: shame is another personality that emerges with fear and that is justified with ideas about myself, about how I must act with others, what I must pretend to be or not to be. All of this is pointless because this is a process of self-honesty whereby I am the only one responsible for the thoughts, personalities and behaviour that I allow within me, so hiding it from others would be mainly about hiding this point from myself. Finally, this is a process of layers and one layer must go in order to make other layers visible and let go of the layers-burden that limit my life, my expression and my movement Here.

In the next blog I will start by sharing the memory of my first flight, the fears that emerged many years ago and the practical ways that I am assisting myself to slow down the mind, stop the fear and allow me to stay grounded even when flying high.

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DAY 151: A Pigeon and World Peace: Conflict resolution in real-time

An unexpected event has been assisting me over the last week to understand two things clearer in my mind about conflict towards something or someone: firstly, that I fear that which I don't know and look for excuses in my mind to validate the fear, and secondly that the fear dissipates when I get to know the "other" side and my whole behaviour changes, from rejection to equality, empathy and compassion.

Last Friday, on his way to a meeting my husband saw a little pigeon outside the house and told me to check him out. All I could see was a dark thing that had nowhere to go and in me I saw someone that had no idea what to do. I had been given the instructions to check him out but I could not even hold him! I could not stay outside the whole day so I decided to get my thick gloves and try to hold him - one thing I was sure: under my attention he would not be caught by the cat that was already on his way. So with my super gloves I got him out of that hostile environment and brought the little one home. If initially in my mind I was the victim of such a bad luck, now I was defending him in the name of Life. There was a massive contradiction within me: if on one hand I could sympathise with his position, on the other hand my backchat was telling me that it was dangerous to have a pigeon at home. I had no clue what to do and I was shaking inside - I was with a bird that I judged as dirty, smelly, probably sick, ugly and useless. This was my mind speaking but at the same time I could not leave him outside.  After two attempts of putting him to fly outside and seeing him struggling with the cold and not being able to fly, I decided to open my harms to this new unexpected guest. I called my husband asking for help and what he said to me was crucial: "Put yourself in his place and treat him as you would like to be treated".

So how could a pigeon assist me to grasp this? Well, the details of the experience are as relevant as the realisations thereof, but the important thing here is to see that the experience of familiarity and stability in the presence of another being can happen even when initially there is resistance to accept another's existence. Sadly, this often happens only when the circumstances force us to face the inner fears and when there's no choice rather than to change in real-time, step by step.

The little one that I once thought to be dirty, smelly, probably sick, ugly and useless became my best reference point of self-change. On the second day I stopped wearing my gloves and I could feel his soft feathers for the first time, I could appreciate his smell without judging it, I could look at him as who he is - a breathing being in this world just like me. The former experience of disgust was transformed into a constant caring, attention and dedication that has gradually grown. I gave him the space to know me and he trusted walking on my hands, the same hands that have tried to put him outside twice to fly away. I then realised that his life was dependent on me to feed him and that I was not giving up on this responsibility - this decision had ripple effects and empowered me to not accept other giving-up thoughts in other areas of my life. With this we have been supporting each other, each one in his own process here.

We notice a considerable change in him, from being depressed and in a state of hopelessness, to now being curious about everything, walking around new places in the house, opening his eyes completely and being physically stronger. He can now fly higher as well (luckily we have high ceilings in the house!) and once he is able to eat by himself we will see if he is ready to fly outside.

My husband and I are fully dedicated to this mission and the young pigeon is responding well. We give him food regularly as he does not yet eat by himself, (we test different mixtures of seeds, vegetables and bread to make sure he has all the nutrients), we watch videos on youtube and read forums about pigeon-care, we took him to the vet, we do flying sessions in the living room, we walk with him around the house (he is very social and likes to be with people), we wake up earlier than usual to feed him before work, we try to do shifts of working from home so that he is not alone during the whole day, we place him in areas where he can get direct sunlight in the house, we talk to him and stroke him. Another important element is to have a stress-free environment (for him and for us!).

The timing of this experiment couldn't be better as I am currently writing my dissertation on conflict resolution and investigating the neurological and psychological mechanisms involved in the perceptions of the "we" and the "other", the fear responses, the distrust and the dehumanisation of the out-group. By bringing this point to myself, I can now see that I saw the pigeon species as less than my species, as not worthy of living in the same city or even sheltering on my roof. When I look deeper into this resistance towards pigeons I see memories that have shaped this continuous separation - the childhood memory of being in the park in Paris and getting my trousers dirty with pigeon poop; the image from the movie Mary Poppins where the bird lady is in a dark setting, surrounded by pigeons that cover her and walk on her hat; the memory of when I was maybe three years old and used to go Avenida da Liberdade in Lisbon to give bread to the pigeons and I was scared of them and also tried to scare them away. In my mind I have associated pigeons with darkness, dirt, bad smell, confusion, poverty and irritation. I had no reference of anything else but separation.

But none of that prevented me from saving this little one. Who I am now and who I want to become cannot accept such inequality anymore. Over the last week I created the opportunity to redefine my relationship towards this pigeon and pigeons in general, to move from "them" to the "we", together sharing the same roof and the air we breathe. The simplicity of this micro-experience in my life can be projected into the societal and international divisions between people that define themselves as enemies, as opposites and as a threat to one's existence. Peace and reconciliation is possible, and it starts from within by living out the words we want to see manifested in this world, such as peace, understanding, respect, growth, equality

Finally, there was also the physical aspect of the pigeon - it is apparently not as expressive as a dog or a cat and at first sight pigeons have an intimidating look. It's a human habit to judge the book by its cover and missing much of what is here in this life and world. If I had never accepted this change in me I would have never seen the delicate presence of a pigeon, the preening movements to clean his feather, his response to sounds, his begging for food, his patience, his curiosity and his every-day discoveries.

So what changed since last week? I did. He did. We got to know each other and created a mutually supportive environment, where I give him that which he is unable to provide for himself and he assists me to be present here as nature. The giving and receiving approach is a practical way of living the word Peace, as perfectly explain on the Consciousness of the Dove interview, where peace exists when I become Peace and live as it in everything I do - in this case, through treating another as I would like to be treated and in recreating supportive relationships and a new way of existing within myself, with others and with the world as a whole.



Recommended Interview: 

The Consciousness of the Dove - Part 1,2,3

What does it mean to become and live the word ‘peace’?

Why is it not enough to desire peace as a way of manifesting it?

Why is it not so much your intentions, ideas and thoughts that influence your body, but your beingness?

Why are many people not aware of their beingness?

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DAY 149: I'll do it next time - the misleading comfort of postponement

I wanted to postpone it... I found comfort in thinking that I would come back to this point and I would continue it another day. 

This backchat happened to me today regarding something that I was having resistance to do. I realised that this mind-comfort was not real since the opportunity to do it was here and now. 

I looked at this point and I see that I have the tendency to postpone things for later, which is a way of giving up on myself and in my ability to do something now for myself. From here, I create the desire to recreate a similar scenario in order to continue from where I stopped. This is also a form of holding myself back; what could be done in one moment I will extend it in time, sometimes for a few days, months or even years. 

The same happens with my process - when a point within me is postponed (e.g. a resistance to do something) I am creating an unnecessary timeloop for myself instead of pushing for myself towards an absolute completion and dedication to this present moment. Some points have multiple layers but the new ones will only emerge if I open up the way. By projecting a similar scenario in the future I am participating in the desire/energy to recreate this situation again and I can see also as a form of control because then I will have this "personal agenda" to accomplish. I am now seeing that I have created this condition to myself of going through the same point again when in fact my application can be in real-time and I can expand myself if I allow me to. 

I wanted to share this point no matter how short it is. In fact, after writing these notes to myself I found an excuse within me to publish it only tomorrow - but this excuse is not valid. The information is here and the excuse that "it will take time to publish" to my blog is not valid when I see the underlying resistance of sharing myself, of actually pushing for myself to complete it now with the tools that I have. Will there be new points once I publish this article? Absolutely. I will also write Self-Forgiveness on these points which will give a nice continuity to this one. 

Image: Andrew Gable - The Choice To Postpone The Inevitable – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 543

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DAY 148: How to stabilise myself when facing unexpected events

Today my bicycle was stolen and it took me a few hours  to stabilise myself and to focus on the things that I had planned that day and so this post is specifically to assist me in dealing with unexpected events in my reality.

When I realised that there had been a deliberate robbery, I felt an energy of anger growing within me against whoever had taken it, against society as a whole and against the economic system that promotes survival. It helped to go out and run to keep moving myself and slow down the mind. The tendency was to look at every single bicycle hoping to find mine but whenever the energetic emotion of anger and sadness came up, I stopped the thought, I breathed and reminded me that I am not defined by this situation of being a victim of theft.

This was the second time it happened, however now I have the tools to deal with the emotional turmoil that comes with such an experience. I noticed how my thoughts were being contaminated by this experience of disappointment and distrust towards society, and that my mind was projecting such emotions to other areas of my life, which was unacceptable. How can my experience of anger influence my attitude towards other things that I am doing? Why do I accept becoming the emotions and therefore believing that whatever I do will get contaminated by it? Well, in reality I now see that I am the thoughts and emotions that I accept within me. That is also why it was no surprise that suddently I was distrusting my ability to deal with other areas of my life, because my distrust towards the outer world was firstly existing inside me.

In fact, all these emotional waves are dependent on whatever I do with them - either I feed them to continue the victim personality or I let them go. Letting them go does not mean to forget them but to simply use this memory as a remembrance to learn from: for example, to be more careful when locking my bike or to consider a bike chip. Well, bicycle theft is not a good example considering that it is quite hard to prevent these: no matter how good one's lock is, in the UK a bicycle is stolen every minute and less than 5% of those are returned to their owners (Bikeoff.org). Nevertheless, preventing my emotional reaction is completely my own resonsibility.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to build up the emotion of anger within me when facing an unexpected event such as bike theft.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take this incident personally and to think that someone had done this deliberately to make me anger.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame another for the anger I create/participate within me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the anger and the sadness into other areas of my life and to fear that unexpected events affect other areas of my life.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use this event to feed other emotions within me such as fear.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to stabilise myself and to resume my plans of the day realising that thinking about what happened and trying to look for the bicycle was not going to stabilise me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotion of self-distrust when facing a situation of feeling distrust towards the society we live in. In this, I realise that this generalisation is not supportive and I am aware that the current system promotes such separation among the people when in fact it is not necessary nor real, as we are all one and equal.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to look at this point in common sense, do what needs to be done in terms of reporting the burglary and then continue with tasks.

When and as I see myself trying to justify the feeling of sadness within me based on the memory of today's events, I stop and I breathe.

When and as I see myself feeling anger and feeding this feeling within me when I face an unexpected event that imply something being stolen from me, I stop the emotional build-up, I breathe and assist me to fully stabilise my presence.

When and as I see myself projecting the anger unto the people around me and unto society as a whole, I stop the thoughts and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am the only one creating this experience to myself and feeding the emotion within me. I also see, realise and understand that any scenarios/projections unto other areas of my life are not real and are unnecessary since these are images fed by emotions such as fear.

When and as I see myself going into the turmoil of emotions that are manifested in the way I start questioning everything and distrusting everyone in my reality, I stop and I breathe.

When and as I see myself getting obecessed with the emotions and distracting myself from the other responsibilities in my day, I stop and I breathe. I assist me in learning from this experience and to use this as a remembrance to be more effective in stopping the energy within me and to allow myself to dedicate my time to my responsibilities.

When and as I see myself believing that it is OK to be emotionally overwhelmed by situations like this, I stop and I breathe.

When and as I see myself judging the time that I am spending in dealing with this point as pointless, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am dealing with a point that is here and that this is an opportunity to re-establish my self-stability and to re-start in every breath, fresh and in complete self-will to correct myself and to give me direction.

I see, realise and understand that the time spent in the mind of emotions, thoughts and projections is time that I miss of my creation here.

I commit myself to let go of the emotion of anger as I see that it does not assist me to see the situation in common sense and in being practical about the things to do in order to deal with the events in my reality effectively and in self-support.

Reference: http://www.bikeoff.org/design_resource/ABT_problem_introduction.shtml

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DAY 147: Honouring being alive - reflections during medical surgery

While I was laid down on the chair I felt my legs and arms weaker and numb, as if the local anesthetic was infiltrating the rest of my body. I was breathing to relax my jaw and to slow down my heart beat . What I was also slowing down was my self-defeating thoughts. The fear of something going wrong can be persistent but, for the second time in my life, I noticed that my willingness to be alive is real, even if I am not fully aware of it in every moment. The decision to stand with my body and to assist me through stopping the mind was simple - in fact, all I could do in that moment was to be present, to trust myself and to wait for the endondotical surgery to finish.

Image: http://www.capcitydental.co.uk/articles-and-videos/recognising-whos-a-good-dentist/

What began as a root canal complication ended up to be a tooth perforation, an infected root canal and an abcess of the size of a grape inside my gum. This was the third time that this tooth was giving me pain: the first root canal treatment was done in August, followed by another in November and I was  on antibiotics and painkillers since then. My mouth started screaming for emergency care and a different approach was needed. I decided to go to a new dentist and have a second opinion... In the end, emergency assistance was needed. I wonder how much time and sleep I could have enjoyed if I had had the specialist help since August.

Back to the surgery, in my mind, the thoughts were dancing to the sound of memories, of stories and of cases that were fatal. The initial fear of dying from an accident got smaller and smaller by stopping feeding these ideas. First of all, it was a non-sensical inner backchat - I was batling against my own life and I was separating me from my body that keeps me here. Secondly, I was projecting the worst case scenario without any consistent fact - the Doctor was saying that everything was going as expected. Thirdly, I cannot foresee what happens to me after my death - so excluding that alternate reality was simple. Lastly, I realised that the fear and the distrust was a sabotage of my own decision of going to a new place.

What I did do was to appreciate that moment: I was grateful for the fact that I was being treated, that I was having access to a basic human right that is quality health care; I was grateful for having  had searched for help and that people around me had recommended me seeing a recognised specialist. 

Whilst on that chair, I could see the need of making such quality healthcare available to everyone in need - when it comes to pain, everyone feels it and everyone deserves the best assistance. I was grateful for the fact that people care about other people's teeth and that are interested in investigating the problem and in working on a solution. I was also aware that unfortunately many people (the majority I would say) are not able to have this type of specialised medical attention: first, because they don't know they need; secondly, they don't have the funds for it.

In what information is concerced, I was shocked by the fact that many dentists practice root canal surgeries without the required equipment and that many cases end up in failure and infections. I have a university degree, I am doing an MA, I speak three language and despite all of this I did not know what Endondotical specialists were, and worse, that I needed one baddly.  To my surprise, I was not the only one thinking that any dentist can do such treatments. Well, they probably can but they shouldn't unless they have the experience and the equipment to do it well.

Honouring being alive applies to my life but also to the lives of everyone else. I wonder how many people might be going through the same descomfort (it can be in the mouth or anywhere else where body pain exists) without actually asking for help or being able to have the medical intervention needed. I wonder if this article will assist people to skip some unnecessary pain and empower both patients, doctors and society to do something about it.

My recommendations are:

1. Addressed to doctors - there must be a call for self-responsibility and humbleness in the sense of recognising that they might not have the proper equipment to fix the problem and that the best thing to do is to refere the patient to a specialist; at the heart of its profession must be the patient's well-being; preventive medicine should be applied in order to help patients to prevent future health issues; doctors should have a network of contacts in order to ask for help if a second opinion is needed; doctors should invest in their emotional stability to make sure that their ability to help another is not jeopardized by the tricks of the mind; doctors should be the ambassadors for honouring life as many lives depend on their ability to reduce pain and find cures; finally, it is essential that doctors support political campaigns that promote equal access to healthcare for all citizens.

2. Addressed to patients and everyone of us - do ask for help when your body is showing signs of infections; if you see that your doctor is not able to offer a solution, there is no problem in asking for a second opinion to another doctor; if your doctor gives you a treatment that implies removing teeth, definitely go somewhere else to double check before any irreversible damage is done; honour your life and your body unconditionally in every moment; by doing so, we are more likely to also care about our fellow humans and to recognise that we are all better off if everyone has good health and lives well; be open to listen to another's issue and be willing to share any information or contacts that may be helpful;

3. Addressed to our society - it is our responsibility to prevent healthcare issues and to guarantee that problems are solved once and for all. By this, it is our responsibility to support social, political and scientific innovation so that the future is brighter and fairer for everyone. It is also a right and an obligation to investigate and to share solutions that tackle the very root of economic inequality. Finally, lets all do our share and communicate solutions to problems that we have found in our personal lives and live the commitment of doing unto another that which we would have liked to be done unto us.

In my next article I will write on the effects and how one can support oneself when it comes to chronic pain and medical frustration.

See More:

Check out the Living Income Guaranteed Proposal and the Equal Life Foundation – a HOLISTIC and PRACTICAL approach to the current socio-economic condition to end the disaster of a dysfunctional capitalism.

Check out the Desteni I Process Lite – a FREE online course that will assist humanity to change the human condition and end the disaster of a dysfunctional consciousness.

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DAY 146: Where the hell did I put it? - How mindshifts affect our daily life

- "DAMN! I can't remember where I put my lipstick and now I am already late for work!" 

The search for something that is lost can escalate into a stressful projection of dispair towards others and the environment around us. This morning I was able to see it coming and almost prevent it. The reason why I still projected some of my frustration towards my husband has to do with the fact that I didn't have any memory that could relate to the lost object. The easy route was to justify my reaction by blaming my partner and creating the idea that he must have been the one putting it somewhere else. I eventually allowed myself to let go of that idea and to focus on looking for it in the potential places where the lipstick could be... and there it was - in my bag. I was the one placing it there even though such moment had not been registered in me. So what happened?

When I look back at this morning's timeline I see an empty space in my mind where something got lost and I just can't remember where it is. I can trace back to the previous night when I was preparing my bag for the next day and at some point I must got distracted - in that moment my action and my awareness split - there was a mindshift often called "distraction" where I distanced myself from my action. Isn't it scary that we do things without actually being aware of our own actions? Why do we allow such separation within ourselves?

Firstly, it is time for me to fully realise that I can only do one thing at a time. In the rush of the 21st Century and the business fast-paced euphoria might be almost surreal to say this but it is true - I can only do one thing at a time and if I believe otherwise I am only lying to myself. Even though I may speak while eating, I can only say one word at a time and I can only swallow the food once at a time and these two actions cannot happen simultaneously. In other words, I am here moment by moment and I exist one breath at a time. Everything I do must fit within this life-pace otherwise mind shifts happen which means that I start living in alternate realities and missing what is really happening Here.

I can relate to this and I am grateful that I was able to see it and to prevent further consequences from last night's mindshift (e.g. avoid going stressed for work, continue blaming my partner and create more anger within me). However, I do see how mindshifts can be the source of accidents on the road when drivers believe that they have seen a green light when in fact it was red, or when pedestrians forget to look both ways to see if a car is coming, or when messages get lost and important communication is not delivered. The examples are endless. The mindshifts that happen in moments of lack of self-awareness is a red-flag for me to investigate its origins and to ask myself: what can I do/become to prevent it from happening again?

I might not be able to report back to that specific moment in time however I do realise that I would know where I had put my lipstick (or whatever I get lost) if I am aware of myself, my body movement and my presence in every moment of breath; or if I don't daydream and participate in imagination or in paralel realities while I am doing something else. If I live the commitment of being aware of each step I take and of each action I create; if I am Here.

I wonder how many accidents would be prevented, how many arguments would be avoided and how much frustration would never exist if we were always aware of each step we take. For example, there would be no need to rememeber where I put things, there would be no one else to blame and I could trust myself in every moment because I would simply know my actions as part of me, the same way I don't need to think about my name when someone asks it to me - it is here, in me and as me.

Another important realisation that came from my mindshift experience comes from the habit of accumulating tasks on a "mental to-do list" which leads me to start an action before I have completed the previous one, ending up with a mental burden. Therefore, I assist myself to stop the mental routine of imagining the next task and I simply write the tasks or ideas on a piece of paper so that I can look at it later. (The original piece of article of this blog was written during my commute on the train and I am now living the commitment of reviewing it for myself and sharing it with you). Being aware of myself and my actions is key in the process of creating what is best for me and for all.


How does breathing and focusing on physical practical living, assist and support with stabilizing the experiences of shifting out of the physical-body?  -Recommended interview
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey of a Lifetime
desteni.org – Participate in Forums or Search the Vast Desteni Material
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection


Illustration: Andrew Gable

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DAY 144: Being my own boss - from self-judgments to self-direction

When it comes to business, my experience has been very much based on working for someone else, having objectives established by someone else and following a struture that has been designed by someone else. The fact that all of this framework is pre-existent allows me to dive into do my job and know exactly what to do and when to do the tasks but the picture changes when one ownes a business or starts a business. I began to understand the dynamics of being one's own boss in my experience of being married with an entrepreneur however, what my reality has been allowing me to recently see is that I am my own boss as well - in who I am, in what I do and in how I direct my life.

Who to put the blame on when there is no one else to blame?

The above question came up after walking the points that I will be describing today. This afternoon I noticed that there was some sort of hesitation before I said the magic words "why didn't you do that" and "I was expecting you to give me some direction" and, even though these words still came out of my mouth, the discomfort in m body was here and I had no choice than bringing this point to myself and investigate where my reaction was coming from. Since I started this process of self-investigation I have been dealing with projections - these are thoughts usually echoed towards another but are actually about my own relationship with myself. So, instead of bringing my husband to the equation, I can now see that the frustration was already in me before I put it out against him - the inner-dialogue should then read "why didn't I do that" and "I was expecting something different from me".

The reality is that I haven't yet fully embraced my responsibility of directing me, whether is in my personal life, relationships or in my professional career. In this blog, I will assist me in moving beyond the polarity of judging myself to actually help me understanding this point of self-direction.

Last month I went through very important steps in my process of facing my fears, beliefs and self-trust when it comes to taking decisions in my life. These decisions have to do with giving me direction in expanding my skills and my world and I literally stepped out of my comfort zone in order to walk my decision. There was a lot of "glue" sticking me back to my seat and the mind was constantly sending me reminders of past experiences or of other people's experiences that could easily pushed me back to the comfort zone where I know how things work. It took me time and assistance from friends to put my two feet on the ground, place one in front of the other and start walking slowly but surely into the new challenge ahead.

So, what have been the main points and take-aways from being my own boss? Firstly, that there is no one to blame, not even me; there is no one to compete with, not even with me; there are no valid reactions, not even my own or against me. To give an example of how to walk out of the mind cycle of blame-competition-judgment, I will write about the relationship with myself when things go slower than how I had initially planned (regarding this I recommend the blog article "When Plans Don't Work Out As Planned"). As many might be familiar with this pattern, the tendency is to give into frustration, anger and eventually giving up of one's decision to continue the project. In order to correct this tendency, the notion of time and the relationship with time require an alignment if one wants to use the clock to support the business rather to destroy it. What I mean by this is instead of trying to impose certain timeframes (or should I say bomb-clocks) onto oneself, one must give time to see what works and what doesn't and how long things really take. The mind can play tricks when it comes to beliefs and expectation of how long it will take to start bearing the fruits. I am not saying that having an end-goal is not supportive however, one might get obcessed with the projected results without actually being here and taking each and every required step that eventually create the long-waited and deserved results.

This process of walking a process being it towards professional or personal development goals implies self-direction through which one keeps self engaged with the long-run objective while at the same time deals with real-time points that need to be solved and that will unfold the rest of the journey. No matter where one is in one's process, every single action is part of the big picture and one has the ability to enhance that big picture to become the best that one can ever create for oneself.

This blog title mentions the process of moving from self-judgement to self-direction and the reason for such transition has to do with the realisation that it is the self-judgment that holds oneself back from one's own ability to direct and decide for oneself.  I realise that self-judgments can be great tools to get to know my mind and to understand why I do things in certain ways but that's it! If self-judgments are having any other impact in my life and if I accept these thoughts to play out for many days, that is a redflag informing me that I am not directing myself to walk my decision fully. For as long as I am stuck in self-judgments there is not space for self-correction and this is the sticky glue that can hold me back in the comfort zone because as soon as I step out of it, I will be facing new points that can only be overcomed in self-trust and in self-correction. If one tries to walk through the decision held back to self-judgments than self won't be fully present, won't stand and will fall. This is why at Desteni we walk our process of understanding how the mind works and what the mind shows us through the thoughts that we have about ourselves so that one can direct the thoughts in a constructive way to create one's future differently than how the past has been.

Finally, it is worth reminding me that self-judgment is an energy, just like any other emotion that usually comes along, such as fear and anxiety. New business or new work places and new people can be perceived as scary situations because we are facing first and foremost our own selves through the thoughts that pop up (Will they like me? What impression will they have of me? Will I feel OK in this place? Will I be able to succeed?). As often happens, questions lead to new questions but the same happens with the answers - once I start working out a solution to one point, the domino effect will unfold towards new solutions to my life whereby I will help me in understanding why I am anxious about what other people think of me, or why I would not enjoy myself in that new place, or why on earth would I sabotage my own decision!

 I associate this moment in my life to the opening of the Pandora's Box mentioned in a recent interview that explains why is that the moments of change are great gifts in one's process of self-discovery and self-change. This is the power of Living in self-direction when self-judgments are stopped, understood, forgiven and let go.

In the next post I will walk specific Self-Forgiveness in regards to self-judgments and the fear of not succeeding.

Photo credit: SinRL

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