DAY 151: A Pigeon and World Peace: Conflict resolution in real-time

An unexpected event has been assisting me over the last week to understand two things clearer in my mind about conflict towards something or someone: firstly, that I fear that which I don't know and look for excuses in my mind to validate the fear, and secondly that the fear dissipates when I get to know the "other" side and my whole behaviour changes, from rejection to equality, empathy and compassion.

Last Friday, on his way to a meeting my husband saw a little pigeon outside the house and told me to check him out. All I could see was a dark thing that had nowhere to go and in me I saw someone that had no idea what to do. I had been given the instructions to check him out but I could not even hold him! I could not stay outside the whole day so I decided to get my thick gloves and try to hold him - one thing I was sure: under my attention he would not be caught by the cat that was already on his way. So with my super gloves I got him out of that hostile environment and brought the little one home. If initially in my mind I was the victim of such a bad luck, now I was defending him in the name of Life. There was a massive contradiction within me: if on one hand I could sympathise with his position, on the other hand my backchat was telling me that it was dangerous to have a pigeon at home. I had no clue what to do and I was shaking inside - I was with a bird that I judged as dirty, smelly, probably sick, ugly and useless. This was my mind speaking but at the same time I could not leave him outside.  After two attempts of putting him to fly outside and seeing him struggling with the cold and not being able to fly, I decided to open my harms to this new unexpected guest. I called my husband asking for help and what he said to me was crucial: "Put yourself in his place and treat him as you would like to be treated".

So how could a pigeon assist me to grasp this? Well, the details of the experience are as relevant as the realisations thereof, but the important thing here is to see that the experience of familiarity and stability in the presence of another being can happen even when initially there is resistance to accept another's existence. Sadly, this often happens only when the circumstances force us to face the inner fears and when there's no choice rather than to change in real-time, step by step.

The little one that I once thought to be dirty, smelly, probably sick, ugly and useless became my best reference point of self-change. On the second day I stopped wearing my gloves and I could feel his soft feathers for the first time, I could appreciate his smell without judging it, I could look at him as who he is - a breathing being in this world just like me. The former experience of disgust was transformed into a constant caring, attention and dedication that has gradually grown. I gave him the space to know me and he trusted walking on my hands, the same hands that have tried to put him outside twice to fly away. I then realised that his life was dependent on me to feed him and that I was not giving up on this responsibility - this decision had ripple effects and empowered me to not accept other giving-up thoughts in other areas of my life. With this we have been supporting each other, each one in his own process here.

We notice a considerable change in him, from being depressed and in a state of hopelessness, to now being curious about everything, walking around new places in the house, opening his eyes completely and being physically stronger. He can now fly higher as well (luckily we have high ceilings in the house!) and once he is able to eat by himself we will see if he is ready to fly outside.

My husband and I are fully dedicated to this mission and the young pigeon is responding well. We give him food regularly as he does not yet eat by himself, (we test different mixtures of seeds, vegetables and bread to make sure he has all the nutrients), we watch videos on youtube and read forums about pigeon-care, we took him to the vet, we do flying sessions in the living room, we walk with him around the house (he is very social and likes to be with people), we wake up earlier than usual to feed him before work, we try to do shifts of working from home so that he is not alone during the whole day, we place him in areas where he can get direct sunlight in the house, we talk to him and stroke him. Another important element is to have a stress-free environment (for him and for us!).

The timing of this experiment couldn't be better as I am currently writing my dissertation on conflict resolution and investigating the neurological and psychological mechanisms involved in the perceptions of the "we" and the "other", the fear responses, the distrust and the dehumanisation of the out-group. By bringing this point to myself, I can now see that I saw the pigeon species as less than my species, as not worthy of living in the same city or even sheltering on my roof. When I look deeper into this resistance towards pigeons I see memories that have shaped this continuous separation - the childhood memory of being in the park in Paris and getting my trousers dirty with pigeon poop; the image from the movie Mary Poppins where the bird lady is in a dark setting, surrounded by pigeons that cover her and walk on her hat; the memory of when I was maybe three years old and used to go Avenida da Liberdade in Lisbon to give bread to the pigeons and I was scared of them and also tried to scare them away. In my mind I have associated pigeons with darkness, dirt, bad smell, confusion, poverty and irritation. I had no reference of anything else but separation.

But none of that prevented me from saving this little one. Who I am now and who I want to become cannot accept such inequality anymore. Over the last week I created the opportunity to redefine my relationship towards this pigeon and pigeons in general, to move from "them" to the "we", together sharing the same roof and the air we breathe. The simplicity of this micro-experience in my life can be projected into the societal and international divisions between people that define themselves as enemies, as opposites and as a threat to one's existence. Peace and reconciliation is possible, and it starts from within by living out the words we want to see manifested in this world, such as peace, understanding, respect, growth, equality

Finally, there was also the physical aspect of the pigeon - it is apparently not as expressive as a dog or a cat and at first sight pigeons have an intimidating look. It's a human habit to judge the book by its cover and missing much of what is here in this life and world. If I had never accepted this change in me I would have never seen the delicate presence of a pigeon, the preening movements to clean his feather, his response to sounds, his begging for food, his patience, his curiosity and his every-day discoveries.

So what changed since last week? I did. He did. We got to know each other and created a mutually supportive environment, where I give him that which he is unable to provide for himself and he assists me to be present here as nature. The giving and receiving approach is a practical way of living the word Peace, as perfectly explain on the Consciousness of the Dove interview, where peace exists when I become Peace and live as it in everything I do - in this case, through treating another as I would like to be treated and in recreating supportive relationships and a new way of existing within myself, with others and with the world as a whole.



Recommended Interview: 

The Consciousness of the Dove - Part 1,2,3

What does it mean to become and live the word ‘peace’?

Why is it not enough to desire peace as a way of manifesting it?

Why is it not so much your intentions, ideas and thoughts that influence your body, but your beingness?

Why are many people not aware of their beingness?

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DAY 114: Haunted by Memories

I never considered that memories could be harmful, even though I had already noticed that memories bring instability caused by the emotional attachment towards the memory: good or bad, memories still have an impact in my reality and, by allowing such emotions to control my present, I am getting stuck in the mind. Not only mentally stuck, but physically sick. My body has been a reference to when I am unstable and lately I am having strong belly pain, unable to stand up for too long and diarrhea. It is not a coincidence because the pain manifests with specific thoughts (fears) and the location is also specific (the solar plexus) where the fear energy gets accumulated - it is amazing.
One memory that "haunted" me recently was about a car accident that happened to a friend of mine during my primary school years. I have never wrote about this memory but it is part of a repeating thought that pops up often when I am in the car with friends. Her name was Margarida and she died on that car accident - it was one of my first encounters with death and it was weird to see and to feel ta contagious sadness among the people at the funeral. At the same time, everybody was speaking about her and recognising her existence ("did people do that when she was alive?").
 The emotion attached to this memory is fear and confusion: fear that a car accident could also happen to me, and confusion for not knowing why she died, why her and not any other of us? I don't remember anyone explaining me what death was apart from the same old-story that she is an angel in the sky.

The point of sharing this memory is to investigate the emotions within the memory in order to support me to understand how my mind works and how to assist myself in recreating my stability.

I see, realise and understand that it is not a coincidence that this memory pops-up often in my mind and I will be walking the Self-Forgiveness on my next post.

 Artwork by Andrew Gable: http://andrewgableart.com/store/inside-the-mind-original-drawing/

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DAY 113: The fear-cycle: why limiting oneself with fears that self created?

This post expands on a point opened up during the previous post My Pre-programmed fears and other person's fears which I recommend having a read first for context.

While writing the self-forgiveness, I had this image of a board game on which the pieces move forward based on the dice result. In this game there are certain "houses" that are forbidden or that have dangerous carts and these are marked with a red cross. Obviously I want to avoid reaching those "touch points" and so the game is to hope for "gentle" dices result that will keep me away from the danger of those places.

Since I invented this game in my mind, it makes sense to see that I created those forbidden places marked with crosses.
- Is this not what we do with our own lives? 
So now my "life" became this uncertain path with places and moves that I should not go/do based on the fear-belief that it is against me - however, I created it in first place! Is this not ridiculous? How come I have allowed myself to create a path/game against my own self, against my self-expansion and my future?

In essence, I am fearing fears that I have created and imposed unto myself in first place. I have created these fears in my mind in complete separation - separated from myself, my awareness and my breath. I have allowed the mind to took over my Life and it became such an automated mind-behavior that I not even questioned the fears or the resistances - I have been the one holding myself back. I have believed in the labels and "crosses" that I had attached to my path, some of them consciously and others unconsciously from pre-programmed fears (e.g. parents, society). Nevertheless, all of these blocking points are limiting myself and I have made myself believe that these limitations were me.

Instead of hoping the dices to give me a "nice result", it now makes sense to me that what I can and must do is to clean these crosses out of the way, meaning, to look at the board game and investigate why I put those forbidden labels in first place, understand where the fears came from and what was the transcendence I feared to face in those checkpoints. It is apparently easy to go with the flow of the mind because we can blame everything and everyone, including the dices result. But we know what we are doing to ourselves therefore, I commit myself to stand as my directive principle in whatever move I take.

There is so much more to play and expand in me/through me that getting stuck in my own created fears of the mind is unacceptable and a waste of me/LIFE.


Platform to start facing one's fears with specific support and structure: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

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DAY 112: My Pre-programmed fears and other person's fears

Recently I was having a conversation with someone very close to me and I said that I was taking care of the horses, which is something new to me and to the other person. I was enthusiastic about fetching the horses, walking next to them, giving them a carrot, checking ticks, preparing their bed, water and food. I noticed that even though the other was glad to hear the cool things I have been doing, there was preoccupation and one thing that the person said to me was "don't forget the horses also bite". In that moment I went into a small reaction of "hey, don't worry, they are ok. You don't have to think about that". Within me, however, I was angry because I thought that the other was passing me a new fear for me to deal with. So my starting point was to actually accept the words as an image of me being bitten and therefore the fear got accepted within me. This was so quick that I did not even questioned myself, until I spoke about this with a Destonian, also walking the Journey to Life Process. Through our conversation I realised that the other did not necessarily pass me the fear - I was the one not directing the information I was receiving.

I can now see that the relationship that I have with the person that is close to me has been one of "father and daughter", meaning, I hear the other and most of the times I don't question that information because I believe that it is for my own good that I should keep it and use it as a protection. This is obviously not a learning process but more like a survival toolkit of advices that I should keep. At the same time, there is a belief that if I don't hear to this person, something bad will happen exactly because I did not consider those fears. But who said that the fears protect me? The fears limit me from doing certain things and that does not mean that I am not harming myself already - the stress that the fears energy produce, the constant survival mode, the images that I create based on these ideas do create consequence in my reality, inside my physical body and externally by being unaware of myself here.

So why couldn't I direct another person's comment about the horses? I simply did not consider this to be possible because so far I have been accumulating information as fears: mines (pre-programmed fears) and from others. Both types are part of my process - the process within myself/mind and the interrelational process. The latter is based on my relationship to others and how I direct myself in those circumstances. I realise that when I am having a conversation with another I am as responsible for the words I speak as for the words I listen - meaning, if another tells me about their ideas about what horses do, I am responsible for dealing with any reaction that come up within me and to direct the information. If I see that I am starting to create a fear based on the other's experience, I am responsible for stopping and not accepting nor allowing the fear within me. I can stand stable within me, look at that fear and decide within me that this fear is unacceptable and that I do not allow that fear in/as me. I can also forgive the emotional reaction and forgive any visualisation that I have created based on the persons comments.

In addition to this, I can share with another my experience with the horses and show to the other that his idea about the horses is limited to his experience or knowledge but that from my physical reality with dealing with the horses they have not bitten and will not necessarily going to bite me. There are so many variables for an animal to potentially harm a person that the fear will do nothing but to create separation, first within me (by existing in a fear dimension) and then towards the horse (separated from my awareness in this physical reality).

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accept the fear that someone tells me (e.g the fear of being bitten by a horse) when in fact this fear is simply information that I have accepted and allowed to become part of my fears list, instead of taking responsibility for my acceptances and allowances on first place.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to breathe and consider that the fear that I am listening from another does not correspond to my real experience with the horses and therefore I forgive myself for adopting another's fear as mine.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to disregard my reality of dealing with the horses without any bites but instead accept the fear of another's reality that is not dealing with the horses whatsoever.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that fears are real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fears "taught" by parents are true based on the belief that, if I don't hear them, something bad is going to happen and they will tell me: "see, I told you that it could happen".

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to "convert" the information I hear from another person into a fear, instead cross-referencing that information with my reality and not accepting it to become a fear within me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerless towards the fear when in fact the fear is an acceptance that I am responsible for.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accept the fear of being bitten by a horse to be something that will happen to me, when in fact a fear is an idea in my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use the fears as a certainty of what could happen (predicting the future based on the fears knowledge existing in my mind) instead having my presence in real time as my reference for self-creation.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed fears to take over me, meaning, to consume my self-expression and liveliness in the moment.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for directing the information received from another and realising that the fear is unacceptable to exist in first place and to control who I am.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that fears are real simply because the fears are based on a memory which in my mind is so clear that I project unto my reality. In this case, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accept another's comment about the horses as a prediction of what will happen just because that same person once told about a cat that attacked my aunt. I realise that in my mind I associated this memory of a cat attacking my aunt and projected as the idea of a horse biting me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by another's comments and limit my action by fearing to be close to the horses.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that if I am bitten that is a punishment because I should have listened to the person's fear. Here I realise that the idea of the horse biting me is a form of control in my mind and that I also use the idea that the other person will be disappointed at me as an excuse to not stop the fear.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself listening to another and realising that a fear is starting to build up within my chest (which starts to feel tightened), I stop, I breathe and I decide within myself that the fear (e.g. being bitten by a horse) is unacceptable to exist within me and to control my reality.

Instead of reacting towards another person's words, I direct it as what it is and I take responsibility for any reaction or fear that come up and I forgive myself for creating instability within me.

I realise that I am responsible for every single acceptance and allowance within myself, which includes all the fears' list that I have defined me as. I also realise that I have created myself based on these beliefs and ideas about me which is not supportive.

I realise that I am responsible for creating my stability which comes from standing stable as my breath, understand where the fears come from and become the solution/support to myself.

When and as I see myself accepting another person's fear as mine, I stop and I breathe. I take this opportunity to check if that fear already exists within me and I commit myself to forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear within me. I check what is the memory that the fear brings and within the memory check what is the emotional reaction associated to it. I commit myself to forgive all these emotions that I have attached to myself and to my physical body.

I realise that I am walking the process of understanding and becoming aware of my pre-programmed fears, why they exist, how these fears are limiting me and then taking responsibility for forgiving myself for this self-destruction. At the same time, by interacting with other people, I am walking the process of dealing with a fear that was projected from another that it might not have existed within me before. In these cases I can simply decide not accept the fears in my reality, breathe through it, stand stable and let it go.

I realise that by accepting the fear I am accepting limiting my reality because I am not directing me in self-awareness but rather directing me based on fears and therefore creating excuses and blocking options in my reality to avoid the fears that I have created in first place.

When communicating with another, I commit myself to stand one and equal to the other person and to share my experience in relation to that point (e.g. taking care of the horses) so that the other may also see that the horses don't have to necessarily bite. I realise that this is possible once I have stopped the fear from getting "installed" within me, by having said within me that the fear is unacceptable and by allowing myself to stand stable as the words I hear and the words I speak.

I commit myself to be an active listener instead of a passive one, and to bring other points into the conversation through sharing myself one and equal to another, without wanting to change the other but to simply look at other points that may have not been considered.

I realise that if my fears are based on a memory and on an emotional reaction associated to it, by opening the point within me, I am actually facing the fear in real-time and is an opportunity to stop accepting that fear-memory-emotion to control my reality.

When and as I see myself visualising the fear based on what the person is talking about, I stop and I breathe. I bring that fear into me, I check the reaction in my chest and I say/decide within myself that this fear is unacceptable. I realise that I don't have to have a reason to have such a fear because I am committed to support myself by being aware of my reality. By being aware of my reality I can be cautious in case I see that the horse starts to be violent. Contrarily, fears create a separate reality in my mind that limits my actions, my expression and my awareness.

When and as I see myself blaming another for passing me their fears, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am the one responsible for my acceptances and allowances and that regardless where the fear comes from (pre-programmed or from my external reality) I am the one to direct what is happening within me. I also realise that by directing it I am able to change my relationship to the fear, forgive the energy-emotion associated to the fear, forgive the memory associations and stand stable within me.

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DAY 88: Self-Worth (and lack of it)

In self-honesty, and through self-forgiveness, I will look at and open up the point of self-worthiness and the lack of it within me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take my mind for granted and never questioned me about the point of self-worth and never actually investigated where the need to excel  comes from.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life/my things have to be complicated because I believe that I am destined to take on complicated and complex tasks, instead of looking at each and every single point of my life (either tasks at work, studies, career, family) in practical common sense, without believing me to be special in any way whatsoever.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have an emotional relationship to my actions, which I realise is based on the polarity thoughts of succeeding VS failure, when in fact it is through this starting point that I am failing to be self-honest. I also realise that the emotional relationship to things is a manifestation of fear of loss that instead of taking it personally I can help myself in dealing with it and forgiving each thought.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define my value/worthiness based on the ideas of perfection of the mind and, when such an idea of a perfect team, a perfect day, a perfect relationship or a perfect job don't match with the reality, I go into a self-devaluation and self-disappointment mode.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create layers of things that I believe I must do to compensate the failure, without seeing that I am competing with my own mind and the ideas of perfection that are not real in first place.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to have the reality as my starting point and therefore do that which must be done considering my position, my abilities, my experience, my time and my availability.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to value me as Life, within and as each breath, constantly, without hesitation, regardless of where I am and what I am doing.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that by standing within the starting point of Life, as that which is best for All, in self-honesty, my decisions will be based on such principle and therefore no devaluation will happen because there is nothing to judge as right or wrong, perfect or imperfect. I also realise that in self-awareness and self-honesty I am able to correct myself when I go into the thoughts/values/judgements of the mind, take a breath, give me back the stability of Life and move myself from Here, in common sense and practical solutions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I must devalue myself/skills in order to be seen as humble and to be accepted by another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am confident and value my work I will be judged as vain.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen/judged as having a high potential and therefore desiring to be special in the eyes of another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to go beyond people's expectations without seeing that these were my own expectations and that I have been the one limiting myself in such self-limitations.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to limit my expansion by holding myself back and by desiring to be recognised for a hard working person and a victim when I go beyond that what is physically sustainable.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to exhaust myself until I can no longer fight with the mind without seeing that this fight with the mind is pointless - I realise that the mind shows me my acceptances and allowances and it is my responsibility to stand in my directive Principles as Life and to give me direction in self-honesty, by forgiving each point of the mind, understanding it, and finally start the Process of self-correction consistently, all-ways and for eternity.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to leave a backdoor opened based on the idea that I have to go through the same point again in the future because I am not ready to correct myself now and because I have defined me as that point (comfort zone of the mind). Therefore, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is about going through the same points/cycles over again and I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will react to the same points in the same way, which is a disregard for my process of self-honesty and self-change.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine me having a depression because of work and blaming the system for it, without seeing that I am participating in this scenario by accepting it in my mind and projecting it in my reality, instead of taking the responsibility of taking care of me in every moment of my Life and changing all the self-abusive patterns that exist in my relationship to myself.

Self-corrective statements:

When and as I see myself thinking that the solution for a problem is creating another problem such as working long hours and compromising my physical rest, I stop and I breathe. I realise that a solution that stands for life must stand for All life, including my own. Therefore, I commit myself to stop looking at my life from a mind starting point of competition, excess and inequality, and to start changing my solutions within me by applying solutions that consider everyone involved in the situation.

When and as I see myself looking at the situation from a mind starting point, which I see within me to be based on secretism, on inequality, on competition, on memories, on previous experiences, on ideas of success and failure, and on emotional fear, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the starting point within me must be of Self-Honesty as Life, one and Equal to another in order to make any change in my experience on Earth and therefore to change my participation. I realise that 'my world' reflects my own accepted mind and that any reactions, fears or emotions that pop up are materials for me to work on, forgive and change, in order the outcome of my participation.

When and as I see myself judging the "normal" job from 9-5 as not being good enough for me for being too simple, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the judgement towards a normal job is not real per se but it is based on my experience of seeing my father working extra hours, working over the weekend, arriving home late, which I have associated to success and worthiness. I realise that working more hours compromises my physical stability specially when it becomes a habit and when there is no self-direction in that decision (a sort of go with the flow = mind). Therefore, when and as I see myself participating in the polarity of judging  extra-hours as wrong but at the same time staying till late by default, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this polarity creates conflict and a friction within me that is not supportive. I also see I that sometimes there is a real need to fix something that implies staying until late however that does not mean that there is an emotional attachment to that situation based on the fear of doing that a pattern or based on the fear of abusing my body. In such situations, I commit myself to stabilise me through breath and to do what needs to be done in that moment, adapting and being flexible, always considering what is best for All, including me. I realise that if I have an early morning in the next day, I must be responsible for myself in this point and communicate it accordingly to make sure that I don’t compromise my physical rest.

When and as I see myself under estimating my skills by wanting to be seen as humble, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this idea of humbleness as being passive and ignorant is a self-dishonesty and a limitation because I am holding myself back and postponing myself, instead of applying my skills at my fullest potential in everything I do, all the time. I realise that there is no real need to be accepted by the other because this starting point is based on separation and fear of being rejected. I commit myself to stand stable and self-honest in my communication with the other, by stop speaking about certain things or in a certain way on order to be accepted (I come to the realisation that such judgments exist within me and therefore I can stop them).

When and as I see myself thinking that business models only change when there is a tragedy (associated to death or depression) I stop and I breathe. I realise that by feeding the patterns of the mind within me I am actually perpetuating the system, as within so without. Therefore, I commit myself to take my Life/my current reality to face the points that are here and that I am capable and responsible for directing, as my own example. I realise that I have all the tools I need to apply my self-correction in every moment of breath, in every decision and in everything I do.

When and as I see myself postponing my application, my self-honesty and my self-correction by thinking that I will likely go through the same point again in the future, I stop and I breathe. I realise that it is up to me to go through the same emotional experience again and recreate the same consequence to myself again. In self-honesty I see that it is not the best for me and that also affects the others around me. Therefore, instead of accumulating more points within me to deal with 'later', I commit myself to embrace one point at a time, looking at the point that is here and open it for myself, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-realisation and self-commitment to change and finally apply it.

I realise that I am valuing me as Life by standing as my commitment to stop my participation in the mind and in stopping my acceptances and allowances that my thoughts show me. I realise that the desire for competing with another is also based on the idea that I must prove to myself that I deserve having more than the other and that I am worth more, instead of stopping the inequality within me and looking at the practical thing to do. In this, I realise that I am not standing as Life-value each time I perceive me as more worthy and less worthy in my thoughts, which are judgements of the mind in separation with myself/the other/Life here.

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DAY 85: The Fear of Walking Alone

Today I could see and physically feel this fear manifested in two ways within me: the fear of walking alone in my process and then fear of walking alone on the street. I was walking down the street in Dublin and in my mind I thought about the possibility of being attacked by another being, either prosecuted or in a direct physical invasion of my space. It was a little bit late at night and I was not familiar with this part of the city, so my mind some connections were made regarding: late night + alone + new city for me = imminent danger. So this brings me to the point of not being unconditionally stable wherever I am, in making sure that I walk my process of breathing, stopping the mind, continue walking (both in the physical and in exploring my Process) and that I do not give in into the mind. So what happened when I gave in into the mind: an enormous energy of fear was felt within my whole body: I was crossing the road and I saw people crossing in the opposite direction. When we were passing by each other, I had the sensation that one male was actually moving in my direction to push me. I reacted in fear of actually moving away to the left as in my mind I was anticipating some sort of attack. This happened in a matter of seconds and fortunately there were no cars in that moment, otherwise it could have been dangerous because for a moment I was only focused on that other being and not realizing that I was crossing the road! After this, I continued walking alone but in a watchful manner and distrustful towards other beings that passed by me that night.

The fear-energy was disturbing, extremely strong and mind-created. I was forgetting that there had been quite a big sports match in the afternoon and that there was many people drunk walking around, so this could have possibly been an unbalanced human being affected by alcohol with no intention to harm me but because we were physically close (crossing the road) I associated the idea imminent danger once I saw his unbalanced body movement.

What I take from here is the danger of feeding the mind and how this generates a separate reality in my mind about how I think things can happen based on stories, imagination, experiences from other people and even news that I see happening to other people. In essence, the mind repeats the past in a very manipulative manner because it uses the present reality to feed the patterns of the past. However, in my Process of Change, I can use that which my mind shows me to understand where the fears come from, to stop them and to give me direction to walk away from the mind and change my present and future.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to walk on the street and participate in the fear of the mind by thinking that is too late to be in the street at night and therefore “punish me” in the thoughts of being attacked by a male figure.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is normal to be fearful because I am a woman walking alone at night in a new city, without realizing that this is a brainwashing of victimization that I, as a woman, have accepted to justify the fears of the mind.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to walk alone on the street in complete stability, physically present, breath by breath. I realize that being careful and aware of reality does not imply to have fear, because in fear I am no longer in this reality, but “living” in a mind separate reality.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be convinced in my mind that the person crossing the road was going to attack me because I was matching his body movement with the image of the mind of seeing someone walking in my direction to harm me. In this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I needed to be in a protective and defense mode because I would be a victim of that male attack instead of realizing that this was happening in my imagination. Therefore, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be a victim of a male attack and I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the mind into this reality.

Self-Corrective Statements

I commit myself to let go of these thoughts when I am walking alone, no matter at what time in the day and I commit myself to be stable within me in every moment of breath, to make sure that I am present here, equal and one with any other being here – this way I also see that I am able to move myself if needed, but not from an energetic reaction that does not support me and only creates separation, nervousness and physical instability. I realize that I did not even consider helping that male in case he was actually falling due to the alcohol imbalance.

When and as I see myself going into a fear state, I stop, I breathe and I speak Self-Forgiveness outloud to myself to guaranteed that I help me to bring me back to Here and not feed the fears of the mind.

When and as I see myself thinking that being a woman alone walking down the street at night is synonymous of danger, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that this idea is based on the education that I had, the news that I heard and the whole perception of inequality between males and females that I see it should not exist. Within this, I commit myself to stand equal to the male presence and to never again allow me to underestimate my presence based on the idea that I am weaker in case there is an attack from a male. I also realize that such situation I cannot anticipate however, I am responsible for taking care of myself in recreating my stability within me and recreating my self-trust in my presence on this earth. I commit myself to stop the projections of the mind when some elements “match” the idea of perceived danger, such as the point of being late at night, being alone in a foreign city and being a woman.  Regardless of being alone and being a female, I am as responsible for being stable within me as everybody else, anywhere and at any time.

When and as I see myself being unstable within me and moving myself in fear, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to breathe and do Self-Forgiveness until I am stable to make sure that I don’t create my own mess in my reality for being distracted in my mind. In essence, it is quite simplistic: I must make sure that I don’t allow myself to be petrified and possessed by the mind-fear and the mind-personalities and that the only way to do it is to face the fears/personalities, forgive them, let them go and support me to be physically here, present, as my own example and able to do what is best for me and for the others.

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Day 51: Everyone wants to hear "Everything is going to be alright..."

Within this dream state we live in our bubble worlds created and designed by our thoughts of grandeur and magnificence, we say these words to our children because that is our hope, we hope all will turn out ok and that all will be well in the end of this life, but that is just a hope. Something that neither can be tested to be true nor relied upon as fact. There is no certainty to our livelihoods here in this world as each day most beings scramble thru to make it, going against the grain in what feels like waves crashing over them such as the money system, the debt system, the consumerism system, the job system, to get enough money coming in to pay the bills and necessities. Working and working to keep this point of surviving going that is if they are able to keep there job or even get a job in this failing economy.
Garbrielle 

I wanted to share Garbrielle's words from the article "Why do we Lie to our Children?" as she amazingly uncovered the magic message behind the famous expression "Everything is going to be alright...".


Empty words based on an invisible hope that should not be necessary in first place, if we were all to live the words we speak.

How did we humans become so powerless that we seem unable to put into practice the security we want to see in the world? 
 
Expecting a father, a mother, a teacher, a president, a priest, a grandma or a friend to give the comfort of a future projection that won't be more than words. And because such comfort is not real, people desire it. Yet, the words of change are not applied so hope will vanish and things won't be alright for everyone. There is no real investigation for a solution and the promise will fade away.

It's all down to self-honesty.

We can also find such expression in movie scenes when someone is simply avoiding to tell how complicated a situation is. Everyone wants to behave like a hero towards somebody else, and everyone wants to believe in a hero that will fix the world. Why? Ask yourself! When was the last time you trusted yourself?


How will our children have a different future if we are clearly repeating historical patterns of survival? For how long are going to allow such illusionary game being projected, instead of finally stopping and standing up for structural changes in self-responsibility.

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Day 4: Fear of death?

How can we fear of death if we have never allowed ourselves to live?

What we see in this world isn't Life... hunger, distrust, sadness, violence, greed, inequality, destruction, envy, suffer, murder, richness, poverty, excess, obesity, power, inferiority/superiority, separation, segregation, de-pression, egos.

Untill there is one being not being considered as Life, our presence in this world is but an illusion and death makes us start again and again untill we finaly allow ourselves to BE LIFE.

The fears and all the shit in the mind aren't allowing us to be Life, to express ourselves.

Is there anything that oblidge us to think, to fear, to suffer ? No, except ourselves in our own minds.

It is possible to stop the maze of thoughts. Just stop it!

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