Day 159: Who Are YOU in the face of disagreements?

When it comes to arguments or to simply being in disagreement with someone's ideas or opinions, I notice the tendency within me to focus so much on the clash of the minds that I forget about who I am in midst of it all. The consequence of getting obsessed with what another said to me for example suddenly becomes a traumatic experience that I prefer to avoid rather than investigating -- a nice way to hide my mind from myself! So on this post I will open up the other side of arguments and disagreements, which is the window of opportunity to get to know me, to investigate my own reactions and to let go of the burden that I have perceived such an experience to be.

So the question that came to me was: Who I Am when a discussion intensifies and my view differs from another's opinion?

Until now I have been perceiving another's comments as a personal attack to me, whereby I take it personally and I believe that I must defend myself from the "attack". If I look at my past memories of being in an argument with someone (this often happened with my sisters) I see that I could easily go into an offense mode, either by feeling offended or by spitefully wanting to offend another (the called "low blow"). From that moment on, I can also see the fear of its escalation because I have seen minds fighting before - words are used irresponsibly and the real topic that was discussed slips into second plan because now it is a battlefield for the minds and the energy thereof - I was no different and the same has happened to me, for as long as I participated in my mind.

This is precisely what I am currently changing within me.

What happens if I decide to be stable even when I may sense that another person is reacting?

What happens if I give myself time to respond instead of responding in the heat of the reaction?

What happens if I bring the reaction fully back to myself and recognise that whatever happens inside myself is my own creation?

The answer to these questions will definitely be different from everything that I have been living thus far, because I know exactly what happens when none of the above is applied - there is space for resentment, for sadness, for emotions, for disappointment, for fear, rupture and separation. The other person is just a mirror of all the emotions I allow within myself, first and foremost.

As part of my process of self-investigation I am decided to break down these patterns and to walk through Who I have been in the face of disagreements, in order to live Who I Want to Become in every moment of my life.

I will now look at the tendency to take words personally/as an attack from another.

I see that I would not react to comments if there wasn't something about me in it, meaning, the reaction is a veil that hinders me from seeing something about myself. So the other person actually assists me to uncover aspects about myself that I am not seeing or willing to see.

In a recent experience, the best way to describe my reaction was for feeling misunderstood - for wanting to explain myself and despite my efforts my words were being twisted and interpreted in a certain way that was not my starting point. From this I went into a perceived powerlessness because I was trying to convince another person of something about myself. But why do I need to convince someone about who I am? By bringing this point to myself I see that it was not about the other... It is about me standing for myself, stable and without self-doubt. It is about me being absolutely certain about my starting point and therefore not even reacting to any potential misinterpretations.

It is interesting to see that I was almost missing this point if I would have not stopped the emotional reactions and looked inside. I also see the effect of the reaction because from that moment on everything else was contaminated with the reaction and I was no longer stable within me. A practical tip to not allow emotions to take over is to let go for a moment - in this case, to not respond immediately to another and instead, give me time to stabilise myself again and come back to see the situation in self-honesty and common sense. It may be even a couple of days until one is calm and does not react immediately to another person - because it is not about the "other" but about what I experience inside myself through another.

Based on my experience, writing the backchat or the reaction can assist to let it go however it will not actually assist me to look further inside myself. That is where self-forgiveness comes in. By forgiving myself for the emotions I am participating in, I am able to slowly but surely take off the layers to dig deeper into self-awareness and understand new points about myself hidden behind reaction and fear.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the friction and the thoughts in my mind when someone states a different view of the world, politics and society.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take another person's views and comments as a personal attack to my own self and to my vision for the world.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to go into irritation within me when I notice that my words are being twisted and used in a different meaning than my initial starting point.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of how another may use my words based on the belief that I am being attacked.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to respond to defend myself (in this case my mind) instead of participating here in self-direction, in eventually clarifying what is going on without expecting to be either accepted or understood.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the friction that I feel in the moment I read/hear a comment that is in disagreement with what I am writing/saying is real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that another person is angry at me because I am not in agreement with them. In this, by bringing this point to myself I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get angry at another for not being in agreement with my views or with what I say. In this, I see, realise and understand that I am the one creating anger within me and projecting that towards another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the emotional reaction and the thoughts thereof are real. I see, realise and understand that the thoughts that come from the fear and the reaction are actually indicators of what I am still allowing myself to participate in and I can decide to look into these, forgive the reactions, the fear and allow myself to change myself in relation to Who I am in the face of disagreements.

Self-Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself seeing the emotional reaction building up when I am reading or hearing comments that are in disagreement with what I stand for, I stop my reaction and I breathe.

I commit myself to slow down my mind until the point where the thoughts exist no more and I am deliberately grounding myself here in my breath. From here, I assist myself to recognise the pattern of reaction to disagreements and my responsibility in not feeding this friction/energy anymore. I commit myself to give me direction to see the common sense (or lack of it) in the disagreement and in making sure that there is no emotion involved in my participation, whereby my starting point is no longer about defending myself/ego but rather in clarifying whatever is not being clear to another based on my understanding of how the world is and how it should be.

When and as I see myself going into self-doubt when someone questions my integrity and self-honesty, I stop my reaction and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that my reaction is an indicator of where I am not unconditionally standing for myself in self-trust. Therefore, I also see that it is not about responding to another or defending myself because there is no quick fix for this - who I am as self-integrity and self-honesty is a decision that I live inside me, in every moment and that I stand in what I say and do.

When and as I see myself participating in irritation when I am seeing that my words are being misinterpreted and twisted into a different meaning, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that this irritation exists within me and this is where my focus goes, not about the other that is activating the irritation! By identifying the tendency to get irritated when things go out of my control because I can't control how another will interpret my words, I see, realise and understand that there is nothing to be worried about. All I can do is to assist me in being honest with myself in the words that I write/speak, in trusting myself unconditionally and in being stable within me when facing my mind and another's mind. I assist me in seeing the situation with a clear view without the emotional/taking personal personality and instead create the space to clarify the misinterpretation.

When and as I see myself participating in the urge to reply back to make my voice heard and try to change how another sees things, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that this urge is based on my desire to have another agreeing with me and ultimately change the other person, which is not how it works. Therefore, instead of participating in the friction of the disagreement, I assist me in being responsible for my self-stability in order to listen to another without reacting nor taking comments personally. I also give myself time to look at the points being discussed without reacting to it, and to reply (if applicable) in absolute self-stability and practical common sense.

From here, I see, realise and understand that I am creating myself differently in the face of an argument, I am letting go of the idea of wanting to defend myself / be seen in a specific way or wanting a specific outcome out of the conversation, and I assist me to focus on Who I am in this moment within myself - that is then projected in who I am and say to another.

Recommended resources for self-support:

Misinterpretation - Quantum Systemization - Part 48

Facing yourself in the Face of Arguments (Part 1) - Life Review

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 156: My relationship with myself, seen through the eyes of a bird

A new little bird joined our family a few weeks ago. This time was a female pigeon that was standing still by our doorstep and when she tried to fly she fell down on the floor. Our commitment to assist the life of our pigeon was extended to this new being that landed on our lives and we simply started doing everything in duplicate: feeding them, playing with them, putting the nappies, enjoying their company, putting them to sleep, and creating a stress-free environment for them and for us.

After two weeks, we decided to take our female pigeon to the park as we were under the impression that she wanted something else. As opposed to our male pigeon that has beenliving with us for longer, the female seemed less open to our presence, constantly screaming in fear when we approached her and enjoying being alone most of the time. She was older than when we found out first pigeon and within three days with us she could eat by herself and fly with excellent control. All of this lead us to think that  she had all the skills to expand herself out there and therefore we should re-assess what she wanted: either to stay with us or flying high out there.

Another thought that was defending this position was the fear of being judged as a bad person for keeping a wild bird at home and domesticating her. Her wild expression was so cute and genuine that I didn't want to mess with it either and I started feeling guilty for preventing her from being herself. As many of those walking the DIP Process know, all these thoughts are not actually about the other but are projections of a point that exists within me - in this case, the feeling and emotion of guilt, wanting to control what happens to another, and wanting to be perceived as a good person are all mirrors of points that I am facing within myself.

IIn this blog, I am addressing self-judgments projected toward what I believe others think of me. This is a point of assisting myself to realise that only I can take responsibility for the thoughts that exist within me, understand where they come from and decide to stop these thoughts. Curiously enough, these new thoughts and experience of self-distrust made me consider that new parents may also experience the need to make a baby feel OK and take personally when the baby cries or is unsatisfied.

In my next blog I will share the process that I have been walking in relation to the decision of letting her go.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge me as a bad person for keeping a wild bird indoors.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project this judgment towards other people and think that they judge me for keeping a wild bird at home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowed myself to think that Duquesa (the new female pigeon) is unhappy and that she wants to leave our house because we are not good enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I see her flying to the window because I think that I am failing to keep her happy and well.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take Duquesa's behaviour personally and to think that she is not OK because I am not giving her enough attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distrust my ability to know what is best for another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the negative and positive mood within me depending on what Duquesa does.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I am responsible for Duquesa's instability indoors and I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame me when she goes against the wall and window.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in emotion to my relationship with Duquesa based on the idea that I can't deal with female birds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to expect that my relationship with the new bird to be the same as I have with Marques (projection), instead of considering this new being in its uniqueness and embracing this new relationship as an opportunity to expand myself in it.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire her to stay with us so that I don't feel bad about myself and I don't think that I am not a good person to her.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty in case she decides to fly away and for taking her decision personally.

Self-corrective statements

When and as I see myself feeling ashamed for keeping a wild bird indoors, I stop the judgment and I breathe. This emotion of shame is a point of self-distrust towards my decision to assist the bird in her own path no matter what path is (indoors or outdoors).

I see, realise and understand that the judgment of being a bad person for keeping Duquesa inside only exists within me and that I am responsible for stopping it. I also see that the emotional reaction of pity towards her and myself only exist within me and that is clouding my ability to see the situation in common sense and what is best for her and for all.

When and as I see myself taking Duquesa's/another's attitudes personally and thinking that I am failing in being liked by another, I stop these ideas and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that the backchat about myself exists first and foremost within me and that the need for being liked is not real. I also see, realise and understand that I am basing my reactions in an idea and imagination that she doesn't want to stay with us, which is a contradiction; I see, realise and understand that through these thoughts I am actually separating myself from another being and not allowing me to be fully stable when interacting with her.

When and as I see myself reacting to her reaction against the nappy and against being indoors, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to stay stable and grounded in my relationship to Duquesa despite her reaction. I assist me by placing myself in her situation and in giving her an environment that is stress-free, stable and that accommodates her needs. As it happened when Marques, this is a new process to all of us and I can only be open to the response from her and understand that this is a moment of change to her too.

When and as I see myself thinking that I should simply open the window and put her outside, I stop and I breathe. I am aware that it is night now and that birds don't see in the dark and that such an act would not be self-responsible. I also see, realise and understand that any decision taken based on an emotional reaction does not consider what is best for all as it can only address the emotion of the mind (and a quick fix).

Therefore, I assist me in slowing the mind down and in considering solutions that address the current moment, such as going to the park in the morning and see if she wants to fly away.

When and as I see myself blaming me for killing the wild nature of a bird, I stop and I breathe. By bringing this thought to myself I see that I am feeling limited if I was kept indoors and I had wings to fly. I see that I am also projecting my fear of doing something wrong towards the bird by keeping her indoors.

When and as I see myself feeling sad by thinking that she is loosing her self-expression here with us, I stop and I breathe. I see that I am defining her self-expression as an idea of what birds should or should not do instead of seeing that a being self-expression is not something that I can take away.

When and as I see myself distrusting my ability to know what is best for another being, I stop and I breathe. I assist me in focusing on common sense and basic needs where we are equals/similar. I see that she is currently safe and restful, and that it is not my purpose to keep a bird prisoner against her will.

I commit myself to stop the ideas that another doesn't like me and that I am failing in keeping another happy. I commit myself to take responsibility for the thoughts that I allow in my mind and I assist me in recreating my self-stability and self-trust in self-honesty, and to assist me in realising that who I am is not dependent on how another responds to what I do.

I commit myself to stop the self-judgments and the shame for keeping a wild bird indoors and to stop projecting these unto what I think others think about me. I commit myself to focus on what is here, what I can do to assist another, and what is simply common sense to do such as rescuing a bird in need and addressing the situation as it evolves.

I commit myself to bring the point of judgment and of wanting to be liked by another back to myself, and I assist me in being stable in my decision, in applying myself and in standing for myself. I also commit myself to trust my decision of trying to assist this bird unconditionally without expecting to be liked, or to be approved or to be seen as better for doing it.

I commit myself to stop imposing her a path based on what happened with Marques. I assist me to be open to solutions in real-time so that I can give her what she needs to express herself and be OK.

I commit myself to recreate my relationship with Duquesa from wanting to save her to actually see her as equal to me and to always base my decision of supporting her life as I support mine.

I commit myself to look at practical solutions to apply in moments where she is agitated and flying against things. I commit myself to breathe to stabilise myself first and to not react to her agitation.

I commit myself to be patient her and with myself, and to make sure I am stable in my relationship with Duquesa, either at home or if she decides to fly away.

Recommended resources:

A Pigeon and World Peace: Conflict resolution in real-time: http://joanaslifeprocess.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-71-pigeon-and-world-peace-conflict.html

The Consciousness of the Dove: https://eqafe.com/p/the-consciousness-of-the-dove-part-1

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 140: Live events and Stopping the Fear in real-time

I manage live events as part of my daily job and I have noticed how the fear of an unexpected technical issue is terrifying. I am walking the process of stopping the fear in real-time whenever the fear possession starts manifesting in me however I realise that I haven't yet sat down and written about it to fully open the point within me,  facing them and starting my self-correction. For example, during a live event  I start imagining the various scenarios of "what can go wrong" and drifting away from myself, so I have to really push myself to ground myself and focus on that which I do have control and can guarantee that I do the best of my ability for a successful event.

As always, breathing has been my main support to slow down the mind and give me back my physical stability. Sometimes I wonder how people deal with these fears and emotions if they are not walking the Process, however I can see how I had not been aware of these for many years and that I had simply suppressed the fear, trying to replace it with some positive thoughts and praying that everything would go fine. Nowadays, I have been proving to myself that I am the one able to create my self-stability, just like I am the one responsible for creating my own reactions, fears, emotions or a stressful state of mind.

The more I feed the imagination the stronger it gets and so a firm decision is absolutely required to not go into the thoughts. Today during the live event I got scared (I scared myself) when something changed on my screen and I felt like a stone against my chest and a racing heart beat. In that moment I realised that such reaction and harm in/to my physical body is unacceptable and I slowly slowed myself, breath by breath, until my muscles relaxed again. I then felt the polarity manifesting, which was a feeling good sensation and the image of the end of the event. In that moment I wanted the time to move faster because I feared an unexpected issue to spoil the event - this fear isn't real but it assisted me in identifying my mind-patterns and walk these points in writing.

Curiously, by digging into the fear and anxiety in this example, I can identify the pattern of self-judgment emerging from it.

Why would something unexpected happen?

Who am I when something unexpected happens?

Why did I desire the time to move faster?

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine that something unexpected will happen to my event. I see that these images are based on my past experiences that I am now projecting to my present reality.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think of me and define me as a victim of unexpected incidents and accidents.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire time moving faster during a live event instead of being stable and present in every single moment, during and outside work, when things are simple or when things are complex.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to realise that my time is my life and that who I am in every moment is not limited by my professional activity, quite the contrary - I realise that my daily job and any activity that I do is a moment where I am facing my mind and it is an opportunity for self-correction and to live the principles of  courage, self-trust, self-learning and self-correction.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that problems only happen to me and to think that things are simpler to other people.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to place a judgement of "right", "wrong", "easy", "complicated" when something happens in my reality. I realise that this emotional attachment to the things that happen to me is what I am busy with and therefore missing the step of an immediate physical self-correction. I realise that it is pointless and self-dishonest to compare my experience to others because I am only in my mind and therefore any thought about how others deal with their own mind is invalid because I am not dealing with their minds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and feed the mind-energy of anxiety in my physical body through my participation in thoughts and for passively accepting these thoughts to run inside of me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am this fear and this anxiety that manifests when something unexpected happens. I realise that the fear and the anxiety became automatic as part of my habit of living in constant fear however this is not who I am if I am to stand as Life, and as breath and as the solution to mySelf.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get distracted by the scenarios that my mind plays out and to believe that I must fight the thought or keep feeding the thought and self-sabotaging my own reality. I realise that I dont' require to think about the worse case scenario to be focused on my reality - actually, this pseudo-awareness is actually stress and it brings unnecessary consequences to my physical body which I am responsible for preventing it. I realise that in order for me to apply solutions in the physical reality I must stop the mind, breathe and restart my action in common sense, self-awareness, self-honesty, onenness and equality.

When and as I see myself creating and participating in a thought of something unexpected happening during my event, I stop the mind and I breathe. I commit myself to focus on my actions, on the practical steps that I know I must take to make sure everything goes well and I commit myself to stop any frustration when it comes to things outside of my control.

I commit myself to invest my time and my attention to the points that I am able to change and to improve, instead of defeating myself with the fear of that which I can't change or manage. In this, when and as I see myself going into the terrifying fear of some technical failure to spoil my event, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the event is an accumulation of actions that are taken in self-honesty, to do everything to my ability to complete an event flawlessly.

When and as I see myself going into memories, information about problems and the emotion of fear during a live event, I stop and I breathe. I realise that these memories, images and fears are points within me that I must forgive and let go so that a new relationship to my job and myself can develop.

When and as I see myself thinking of me as a victim of people or of situations, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this self-definition isn't the best for me because I am deliberately putting myself in stressful situations and in constant fear of losing my self-stability instead of creating my self-stability for myself in every moment. I realise that people or situations do not create victims and that this idea only exists within me about myself.

I commit myself to assist me in standing stable within me in every situation and with anyone, and for that, I commit myself to stop and breathe whenever my mind goes into the imagination of a crisis or problems in my reality, and to assist me in that moment to recreate my self-stability until there is no fear-energy within me.

I realise that the emotion itself does not come from the thought but comes from my belief and physical attachment to the thought or idea. Therefore, when and as I see myself limiting myself with a sudden thought that something "bad" or an accident will happen in my reality, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this thought is a projection of my own self-distrust and self-judgement and therefore I am able to correct the self-distrust and the ideas about myself.

I commit myself to change my attitude towards myself and my actions in any given moment, from self-judgement towards self-enjoyment and self-expansion in my relationship to myself.

I commit myself to become a stable being in my physical body and to not get distracted with the ideas I have created about myself in the mind.

When and as I see myself to have defined me as/believed that my self-judgements are real, I stop and I breathe. I realise that when the thought comes up I am "responsABLE" for directing the thought in a practical way, by seeing if it assists me or not, and to decide to let it go if it is not the best for me. Finally, I realise that even when some unexpected issues occur, I am capABLE of directing myself in self-stability and self-support in order to be the solution and to not become/participate in the problem.

I commit myself to use the information brought by my mind to assist me in the process of dissecting the thoughts, the fears, the personalities, the emotions and the fears, and to embrace my mind as a guide for me to walk towards self-realisation and self-corrE(A)CTION.

The more I write, the more points emerge. I can identify new dimensions as part of my daily job and I will continue walking these points and share them in blogs to come.

References:
Free Life Coaching http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/
Life Review - Trying to Suppress Your Mind https://eqafe.com/i/jferreira-trying-to-suppress-your-mind-life-review

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 134: The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

On this blog I share the Principles that I commit myself to Stand as and Live by, manifested in everything I Do, Speak and Think. This is my Process of Living, supported by the Desteni tools, that I Walk for myself.

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

Start your Process with the assistance of a Group of People dedicated to Life.

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Supporting materials: https://eqafe.com/free

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 107: What it means to make a commitment

On my second day of my 21-days-of-study commitment, I realised that one first point to consider when making a commitment is its practical application, meaning, checking what is that I need to change in my current daily life in order to incorporate my living commitment.

So I looked at my current schedule and daily responsibilities to see what is possible to change to dedicate a few hours of my day to study. I am aware of a pattern within me that consists of planning something with really good intentions based on my current situation, but when the actual day comes there are other points to consider that pop-up as excuses in my mind. Therefore, my time planning needs to be realistic and also quite flexible so that I don't go into the polarity of giving up. For the moment, I have adjusted my after-work planning in order to take the most out of the hours in the evening.

A second important step was to communicate my commitment to my partner so that we can manage our common tasks in a way that supports my decision to have free time to study. An outcome from our conversation was a weekly plan of cooking days!

I am aware that this is a point within me that will support me in other areas of my life, because keeping consistency, as well as being able to motivate me unconditionally, can be a challenge. Finally, it implies real-time self-correction: whenever I see that I am going into exhaustion or frustration, I must stop, breathe and look at what can I do to change, which can include writing on a pattern that repeats, applying self-forgiveness on my self-definitions, investigating my starting point in my decisions, readjusting the perceptions of time (how long it takes me to do certain things), prioritising my tasks and restart my application to make sure that I am living my commitment in self-honesty (as the best for me always and in all ways). 

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 106: I end up never doing what I have planned to do

There has been this constant backchat of self-defeat: "I can never do what I have planned to do", based on the assumption that time is too short for my things - is time too short or am I exhausting it with many plans and little action? If I spend time in the mind in thinking what I will do, I am already creating the experience of not corresponding to the mind, because real things take real time. It is supportive to take notes of tasks to do but more than that is daydreaming - I am more productive if I start the actions, rather than thinking about it.

The things that I have not been doing include my self-writing and studying.

Writing every day is time that I give back to myself and it is fair that, if during the day I am giving my time/attention to others, I should equally dedicate time for myself. I am aware of this unbalance whereby I tend to give to others that which I am not giving to myself. - How can I be stable with another if I am not being stable within? How can I be assertive with others when I am not being assertive with me? How can I be supportive to others if I am not supporting me first?

This week I have also realised how I tend to admire people that appear to be very organised and that appear to have time to do everything they want to do. If there is admiration, this is an indicator of a point that I perceive myself to be lacking and therefore I get entertained with the desire instead of learning with another and applying that in my own life.

Now I see that the desire to have free time is the desire to entertain myself, to be passive, to do nothing, so why do I want to have free time if I am not being assertive with the time I have? If I had free time, would I stop to write and study? Probably not. So my starting point hasn't been to manage my time for my commitments but to continue the patterns of the mind, under the excuse that I don't have time for everything. Finally, when the free time comes, I spend it with entertainment because it is a reward for my hard work of not doing what I really want!

The resistance to study is bi-polar: there is an initial thought of "this is too much for me" but when I transcend this barrier and I start, I really enjoy it and realise that I can do it. Indeed, I have all the tools to educate myself and to expand myself in the field that I am studying. When I am studying, other dimensions within my process become more clear as I read new authors and new perspectives on social/world issues. 

The same applies to the Desteni courses: an initial resistance to start writing - "it will take me ages to walk these points", but when I start the exercises, I bring my stability back and I realise how grateful I am for opening up these points within me. Each exercise allows me to work on new points that otherwise I would take much longer to face them.

So, where do I start? With myself and my commitments as my self-direction. Today I am re-starting my commitment to study for 21 days in order to break the habit of procrastinating, which include studying for my MA and the Desteni I Process. I will share with you how my daily application has changed based on my prioritisation and which resistances I face when trying to change my mind-patterns.

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 105: Days without writing - practical points to re-embrace self and stop procrastination

You know when you are traveling, moving from one place to another and everything is temporary, until you finally reach your home and you start to be more organised? Well, I haven't been physically travelling but this is an analogy to what happens to me when I am not writing and I am moving from one point to another, as if I am escaping from my own self, without actually living the commitment of dealing with my reality completely and being specific. The idea of getting to the comfort of my home (the moment when I stop and write) became an delusional oasis and used as an excuse to procrastinate the creation of such oasis everywhere I go - and that moment never came until now. I am now alone, laid down on the sofa, typing on my laptop and it is calm. However, what is blocking me from recreating this stability when I am somewhere else?

I am actually recreating my habit of not leaving the writing for late in the evening - by experience, by the end of the day I will be so tired that I will easily postpone the writing for the next day, and the snowball starts its journey until I get tired of procrastinating.

The resistance to be disciplined is an good point to look at: I realise that I enjoy when the plans change and the routine is no longer a routine. However, this lack of consistency is based on an idea that I get bored with doing the same thing every day, such as writing every day. But wait a second: don't I eat every day? Don't I breathe in every moment? Don't I wake up every day?

What if my body was to make a strike and not wake up? How on earth do I want to become consistent and confident in my process if I am not recreating the consistence and confidence in me? I this also a great trap of the mind, because even though the action of writing is the same, I never write the same things and there is always an expansion within me.

The process of change is manifested in what I do - and this is why few people consider changing themselves, because that is the real process to walk - changing patterns, changing assumptions, changing schedules if needed so that my new tasks can be done.

While I am trying, my eyes are starting to shut down - the mind is striking! So what can I do to actually stand as my living awareness and continue what I  was doing?

• Becoming aware of my breath - this support me to stand here and see what I am doing;
• being assertive with the time that I have dedicated for writing;
• stopping the thoughts and imagination of the mind (daydreaming)
• Look at the big picture of what I am doing and how getting distracted in the mind does not benefit me in any way whatsoever
• Embracing what I am doing, such as writing
• Being my own example
• Expanding myself is something that is unique and I can only do it for myself

In the end, it all comes down to self-honesty and to who I am in each moment.

So:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself when I postpone my daily writing, as I notice that I am the one deceiving myself and not actually supporting me in changing my habits to become a better version of myself and in becoming organised with my own things.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to admire the people that appear to be organised instead of learning with them and perhaps asking how they manage their time efficiently so that I know what changes I can adopt for myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create a snowball of excuses to not write and a snowball of thoughts about what I should be doing, instead of being realistic with my time available and prioritise that which must be done.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to postpone the things that I enjoy myself doing, instead of creating my own balance of responsibility and self-enjoyment, work and relaxing, study and play, without these being necessarily polarities but things that support me equally.

When and as I see myself getting frustrated with the fact that I am postponing and accumulating things to do in my mind, I stop, I breathe and I write down the list of things that I have in my mind to do. I commit myself to make my tasks practical according to the time available and the prioritisation of the tasks.

When and as I see myself feeling regret for not doing that which I wanted to do, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a trap of the mind because both the plan and the desire to "tick box" the plan existed only in my mind. Therefore, instead of putting me under pressure, I can help me to see what can I do in that specific moment to recreate my stability, to be flexible with me and to find a solution that will be lived for real.

When and as I see myself using people in my mind as an example of solution-makers and an example of organisation, I stop and I breathe. Instead of associating these points with these people, I can see how in this specific moment can I do that which I would associate with the other person. This way, I am learning with the other and becoming my own example.

When and as I see myself thinking/imagining that I will write at night before I go to bed, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this was the same pattern I had with praying before going to bed, when I was already so exhausted that I would fall asleep and then feel bad for not having prayed. So, I commit myself to help myself in facilitating my actions and, instead of trying to make them for the days that I didn't do, I can instead look at a solution moving forward, starting a new commitment to write at lunch time, or on the bus, or when I arrive home, or in the morning before work!

When and as I see myself falling asleep while I am writing, I stop me and I breathe. I realise that in these moments I am actually doing things in my mind, imagining what I will do next but in reality I am with my eyes closed, away from my opportunity to do things for real and to live to my utmost potential.

Daily writing is not an obligation; writing daily is like drinking water - it refreshes me, it makes things clear, it supports me without me even being completely aware of how I am fully responsible for my stability and that I am giving me the conditions to be stable inside-outside.

I have also realised that the resistance to write every day is similar to the resistance to study - it is interesting that these are two elements for self-development, self-expansion, self-change and self-creation. So, when and as I see myself being lazy with my own Life, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to do things for myself based on the realisation that I am fully responsible for my life here, for who I am, for what I allow myself to do and to not do, for supporting me unconditionally and being the example to my own self. I am the teacher and the student. I am the creator and the creation. I am the words that I write and walk. Any resistance to do that which supports me to stand stable, to expand myself and to express myself I know that is an indicator of a point to transcend. Curiously enough, I have now realised that the resistance to have fun can also exist (!) therefore this is also a point to be lived within and by me.

{ Continue Reading... }

Day 104: Who am I in an embarrassed moment?

After writing my previous blogs and listened to the three Eqafe interviews on embarrassment, I started to become aware of the moments when I feel embarrassed about something that I said or did, helping me to de-construct the multiple thoughts associated to and the starting points that lead to the experience of embarrassment.

One of the first moments which I was able to apply what I listened on the Eqafe interview was at work - so work place is a great opportunity to face oneself and to transcend the mind. I was working with a new team and I was a aware of that "irrational" need to prove myself as being a good person in the eyes of the new acquaintances. At some point, a colleague asked something which I replied immediately. In a matter of seconds, I realised that I had not heard the question properly and that my answer did not make sense. I thought immediately that I was being judged by the others as being possessive and selfish in the eyes of the new colleagues. I tried to quickly explain that I had not understood the question and tried to explain myself (redemption). But this time, since I have been working on this point of embarrassment, I was able to stop for a moment and I ask myself: what is that I am fearing others to think of me? Am I these judgements? Why am I defined by the "eyes/I of others"? Do I need to prove that I am not possessive and selfish, or should I trust myself that this is not who I want to be and therefore it is my responsibility to correct myself?

Other questions that I could have considered would be: Why would I think that the new colleague would judge me negatively if we haven't even spoken yet? Why do I think that others will have the wrong impression of me? Why do I define me by what people may think of me?

Many of the points shared in the Eqafe interviews were not entirely new to me in regards to embarrassment, however, until now I was not able to stand in self-honesty to actually see how I behave and think exactly  as what is described. The point of awareness in real-time allows me to bring the point to myself and see where am I defining myself as an image of perfection, trying to control my reality  through my mind. The advantages of not going into embarrassment  is the ability to stand for myself, to support me in my presence and to care for me/who I am being.

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 103: Why do I feel embarrassed

I must deconstruct the moment of embarrassment to see all the layers under the experience of embarrassment  Walking it through self-corrective statements helps me to open us these layers within me.

This is a continuation of my blog: Embarrassment - Losing my comfort zone at work

When and as I see myself judging the action of speaking English in public as something too big and too risky for me, I stop and I breathe. In this sentence I realise the following: speaking in English is speaking a language, not more not less than speaking in Portuguese or in French; speaking in public is not different, or should not be different than speaking with myself or with the people that are close to me; judging something as more than what I perceive I can do is an idea, therefore, I can first do the action and then see what is that I must align in order to stand equal to that action - in this case, judging speaking in public to be a big task was my own mind-dictatorship telling me how to judge that moment and define me according to the experience and fear of being overwhelmed by something "bigger than me". Finally judging it as risky implies that I have an agenda to follow in order to stick to a certain image or reputation that only I invented to myself, instead of creating myself through my actions - is it not risky to stay stuck in my own imposed mind of ideas and fears? I realise that the risk is also an idea through which I limit my options and my own expansion. In fact, speaking in public in English is supporting me to stand comfortable with the language, comfortable with my own voice and making myself more clear to others. Speaking in public and outloud forces me to change the way I communicate, the structure of my narrative, it helps me to see what is relevant and what is ego, and I start enjoying myself in my communication in English, instead of getting frustrated with it.

 When and as I see myself holding myself back to the memory in my mind where I judge me in being embarassed, I stop and I breathe. Instead of simply accepting this memory as the only thing that was left from my past, I start investigating what is that the memory/mind/embarrassment and judgments are showing me what I have bee accepting myself to be and exist as. In this case, I realise that the memory of my performance as being the cause of failure is a manifestation of devaluation of my own self, whereby I judge everything that I do or touch as getting less value because I got involved. I also realise that the action of speaking in public was merely a few minutes of practically assisting the event, but the weight over this memory is the self-judgment. As the Eqafe interview also assisted me to see is that what my mind is showing me in moments of embarrassment is that which I fear others to thing of me, that in turn is a projection of that which I want to hide from others and, finally, of that which I want to keep avoiding facing within me. I commit myself to stop the habit of going automatically to the acceptance of self-judgments but to instead stop the self-judgment and support me to be stable in everything I do and to embrace my actions. I see that I would not harm me on purpose, nor would I deliberately decide in self-interest, because none of these "choices" are self-honest actions. So, if I think that others are judging me as less, I see that this is my own thought and that I must forgive me for diminish me in my relationship to others. I can only stand as life in this world if I stand for and as my own life and if I respect me as Life, equal and one with another being and all that exists. I commit myself to stop the attachment to the memory and to stop manipulating me through defining me as the memory and the accepted perceptions of myself and others. I commit myself to debunk my own personalities found when I investigate these moments of embarrassment.  I commit myself to restart again in each breath and let go of the judgments and give me time and practice the ability to know myself, to understand the patterns of my mind and to help me unconditionally to change me in self-direction in order to stand in oneness and equality and to be always self-honest.

Recommended Eqafe interviews:

Embarrassment: Is it Really so Bad? - Atlanteans - Part 107

Embarrassment: Embarrassment and Personalities - Atlanteans - Part 106

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 102: Embarrassment - Losing my comfort zone at work

Today I faced some points related to the pattern of embarrassment. It is such a great coincidence that the eqafe website just released new interviews about Embarrassment - Is it really so bad? so I will definitely check it out and cross reference.

The energetic experience that I went through many of you can probably relate to. I was doing something new at work - I was actually reading a text to an audience during a presentation - and that moment got stuck in my memory after the event has finished. In my mind I thought that that moment had been terrible, that my voice was breaking, sounded too childish, my accent and my English weren't perfect. Once the event ended, a massive judgment about my performance took over me and I thought that I was being under the spotlight by my colleague's eyes. In my mind, all the event had been great apart from my intervention.

WTF! Why and how am I capable of being so hard on myself? Why on earth did I manipulate this memory in a way that focus 90 minutes of production into 5 minutes? There was so much time and dedication to make the event happening and at the end I was not even grateful for myself?

One of the origins of my judgment has to do with my eagerness to correspond to the perfection painted by the mind of what a perfect oral intervention look like. However, such image usually comes along with rehearsals, with auto-queues, with practice and none of these elements were present today. I was doing that which I usually see other people doing and I thought it was easy... Today I realised that doing it is a different story. From a positive critical point, I could have been more relaxed in my reading, I could have reduced the length of the text to help people to understand it, I could also have skipped some of the points to avoid spamming. A good learning curve for me. However, this was not the approach I had during the day.

After the presentation, I was feeling so heavy within me, I just wanted to leave the place to avoid being looked at. Probably people would not even remember my intervention but my mind has this "fascinating" ability to make my things REALLY big. It is a self-speculation that separates me from others. Now, while writing, I can actually see that it would have been a good opportunity to ask for feedback from my colleagues to improve my performance next time. Also, I realised that I could have been satisfied that after a year of doing this job I am comfortable enough to take part in the event and to manage everything by my own. None of these interesting realizations were available in my mind during the day!

So here I will start opening the point of embarrassment within me and after this I will listen to the interview to see which other points I can consider to develop confidence within me unconditionally:

Self-Forgiveness on the language point:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to see the challenge of public speaking in English as something too big for me and too risky.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to pass an image of perfection and of maturity when speaking in English as I would usually feel when speaking in Portuguese.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feel angry and frustrated within me for not being as comfortable in English as I am with the Portuguese.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to perceive public speaking as a risk for my reputation because I can easily make mistakes in English when I am not focused and when I try to go beyond what is written.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity of wanting to represent success and then feel that I have failed in this mission that I imposed unto myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to play with the words and the vocabulary in English as I like to do in Portuguese. I realise that this requires practice and requires time to build the vocabulary in me, just like it took me so many years to be fully confident and comfortable with the Portuguese language.

Self-Forgiveness on the memory manipulation:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the memory that I created in my own mind and to hold on to it because I felt as if I had lost my comfort zone.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was going beyond my own self because I was doing something new and therefore I actually limited me in thinking that this was a big task for me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to get distracted by my own memory that keeps me locked in the past and with this I do not allow myself to move on, to learn, to correct me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the desire to be strong and to let go off the past without actually looking at myself in self-honesty, investigate what is holding me back and take off the mask that I hide myself behind. I realise that I don't need to be this perfection for others and that such relationship to others and to myself is a separation. I exist here, not in the mind. So actually, this moment today was real but the memory isn't - so what is that should require my attention? Should I not rebirth from the ashes of the mind? All that the mind shows me  are the patterns that I am still holding myself to.

I will continue this point on my next blog.

{ Continue Reading... }