DAY 144: Being my own boss - from self-judgments to self-direction

When it comes to business, my experience has been very much based on working for someone else, having objectives established by someone else and following a struture that has been designed by someone else. The fact that all of this framework is pre-existent allows me to dive into do my job and know exactly what to do and when to do the tasks but the picture changes when one ownes a business or starts a business. I began to understand the dynamics of being one's own boss in my experience of being married with an entrepreneur however, what my reality has been allowing me to recently see is that I am my own boss as well - in who I am, in what I do and in how I direct my life.

Who to put the blame on when there is no one else to blame?

The above question came up after walking the points that I will be describing today. This afternoon I noticed that there was some sort of hesitation before I said the magic words "why didn't you do that" and "I was expecting you to give me some direction" and, even though these words still came out of my mouth, the discomfort in m body was here and I had no choice than bringing this point to myself and investigate where my reaction was coming from. Since I started this process of self-investigation I have been dealing with projections - these are thoughts usually echoed towards another but are actually about my own relationship with myself. So, instead of bringing my husband to the equation, I can now see that the frustration was already in me before I put it out against him - the inner-dialogue should then read "why didn't I do that" and "I was expecting something different from me".

The reality is that I haven't yet fully embraced my responsibility of directing me, whether is in my personal life, relationships or in my professional career. In this blog, I will assist me in moving beyond the polarity of judging myself to actually help me understanding this point of self-direction.

Last month I went through very important steps in my process of facing my fears, beliefs and self-trust when it comes to taking decisions in my life. These decisions have to do with giving me direction in expanding my skills and my world and I literally stepped out of my comfort zone in order to walk my decision. There was a lot of "glue" sticking me back to my seat and the mind was constantly sending me reminders of past experiences or of other people's experiences that could easily pushed me back to the comfort zone where I know how things work. It took me time and assistance from friends to put my two feet on the ground, place one in front of the other and start walking slowly but surely into the new challenge ahead.

So, what have been the main points and take-aways from being my own boss? Firstly, that there is no one to blame, not even me; there is no one to compete with, not even with me; there are no valid reactions, not even my own or against me. To give an example of how to walk out of the mind cycle of blame-competition-judgment, I will write about the relationship with myself when things go slower than how I had initially planned (regarding this I recommend the blog article "When Plans Don't Work Out As Planned"). As many might be familiar with this pattern, the tendency is to give into frustration, anger and eventually giving up of one's decision to continue the project. In order to correct this tendency, the notion of time and the relationship with time require an alignment if one wants to use the clock to support the business rather to destroy it. What I mean by this is instead of trying to impose certain timeframes (or should I say bomb-clocks) onto oneself, one must give time to see what works and what doesn't and how long things really take. The mind can play tricks when it comes to beliefs and expectation of how long it will take to start bearing the fruits. I am not saying that having an end-goal is not supportive however, one might get obcessed with the projected results without actually being here and taking each and every required step that eventually create the long-waited and deserved results.

This process of walking a process being it towards professional or personal development goals implies self-direction through which one keeps self engaged with the long-run objective while at the same time deals with real-time points that need to be solved and that will unfold the rest of the journey. No matter where one is in one's process, every single action is part of the big picture and one has the ability to enhance that big picture to become the best that one can ever create for oneself.

This blog title mentions the process of moving from self-judgement to self-direction and the reason for such transition has to do with the realisation that it is the self-judgment that holds oneself back from one's own ability to direct and decide for oneself.  I realise that self-judgments can be great tools to get to know my mind and to understand why I do things in certain ways but that's it! If self-judgments are having any other impact in my life and if I accept these thoughts to play out for many days, that is a redflag informing me that I am not directing myself to walk my decision fully. For as long as I am stuck in self-judgments there is not space for self-correction and this is the sticky glue that can hold me back in the comfort zone because as soon as I step out of it, I will be facing new points that can only be overcomed in self-trust and in self-correction. If one tries to walk through the decision held back to self-judgments than self won't be fully present, won't stand and will fall. This is why at Desteni we walk our process of understanding how the mind works and what the mind shows us through the thoughts that we have about ourselves so that one can direct the thoughts in a constructive way to create one's future differently than how the past has been.

Finally, it is worth reminding me that self-judgment is an energy, just like any other emotion that usually comes along, such as fear and anxiety. New business or new work places and new people can be perceived as scary situations because we are facing first and foremost our own selves through the thoughts that pop up (Will they like me? What impression will they have of me? Will I feel OK in this place? Will I be able to succeed?). As often happens, questions lead to new questions but the same happens with the answers - once I start working out a solution to one point, the domino effect will unfold towards new solutions to my life whereby I will help me in understanding why I am anxious about what other people think of me, or why I would not enjoy myself in that new place, or why on earth would I sabotage my own decision!

 I associate this moment in my life to the opening of the Pandora's Box mentioned in a recent interview that explains why is that the moments of change are great gifts in one's process of self-discovery and self-change. This is the power of Living in self-direction when self-judgments are stopped, understood, forgiven and let go.

In the next post I will walk specific Self-Forgiveness in regards to self-judgments and the fear of not succeeding.

Photo credit: SinRL

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 143: Comparing Happiness and the Survival Headache

I started feeling a strong headache last night while watching the Pursuit of Happiness, a movie with Will Smith about  a guy that struggles to get just enough for him and his five year old son. I was actually feeling tired as if I was living the same experience as the main character - the tiredness of the constant problems, the bills to pay, the fines and the debt knocking at one's door, which can easily put one down.

This guy was resilient and did not give up. However, and despite the fact that he was showing that he was able to get things done and find solutions, I was in this anxiety of imagining the worse end throughout the whole movie. If I bring this point to myself, I can see this pattern playing out in the relationship with myself - no matter how many times I have proven to myself that I am able to find solutions to myself, to stand up and to do what is best for me, I still allow myself to go into anxiety and into the survival mode of fearing the worse case scenarios in my life.

Another point that opened up was the belief and fear that I would not be able to find solutions like the main character did because I am a woman and because I would not be able to do it all by myself. The headache has been with me during the whole day today and so I have decided to write about it and see which points open up:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to compare me to the main character of the movie and thinking that I would not be able to help myself if I was in his situation of poverty, struggle and a child to take care by myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as unable to face my problems and to find solutions for me and those around me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to underestimate my ability to help myself, to know myself and to do that which is best for me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the survival mode of the mind by imagining the scarcity of money in my own mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within me when I listen to people's problems because I start imagining these problems in my own life instead of assisting me in standing as a point of stability and a point of support to another. I realise that placing me in the position of the victim is not part of the solution but I am actually feeding the problem.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less capable of taking care of myself if I am alone.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to find solutions if I am not with my partner.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as weaker and inferior compared to the guy's story in the movie.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that people need to go through struggle in order to prove themselves as capable or simply to have a story of courage while in the meantime there are unnecessary consequences in one's minds and physical bodies that could be prevented.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the film's story into my own life as an automatic reaction instead of simply learning from it and seeing what values and principles I am missing and separated from.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be with my partner in order to be stable and to give me direction when in fact this is a manifestation of the survival mode projected unto another whereby I fear losing my partner and go into anxiety when I imagine me facing issues by myself.

By walking the process over the last five years I have become aware that I am the only one able to assist me - and this is regardless of being alone or with my partner. The reality is that I am the one able and responsible for knowing my mind and walking the correction. This means that this fear and apparent dependency on my partner is not real and it is a moment to remind myself of that and align me to not participate in this belief system of the mind.

When and as I see myself creating unnecessary stress and anxiety within me by imagining what it would be like to have another person's problem, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that I am unable to help myself or another if I become part of the problem - I see that I can understand the problem by placing myself in their shoes however going into stress and anxiety will not help. Instead, I commit myself to apply the solutions that I have been practicing in my own life, such as slowing down the mind, understanding where the thought is coming from, stopping the thought, giving me direction, being self-honest, breathing and being clear in my correction in order to prevent unnecessary consequences.

I commit myself to stand as myself in my process of becoming self-aware, knowing myself and applying the corrective tools of stopping the mind, seeing the situation in common sense and applying the correction and solutions to change the situation for what is best for me. By creating this consistency within me and by building this trust I will be able to assist others in doing the same for themselves.

When and as I see myself comparing me to another person (being it in real life or to a character in the movie) and thinking that I would have given up, I stop the thought and I breathe. I realise that this backchat is not real and is unnacceptable - I realise that I don't have any choice rather than helping myself unconditionally in every moment. I also realise that usually when I compare myself to another is a form of self-judgement whereby I think of me as inferior and weaker. Thus, I commit myself to stop all thoughts of comparison in relation to other people's lives, experiences and stories.

When and as I see myself believing that my self-stability is dependent on being with my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am the only one able to know me, to walk my points, and therefore the one able to create my self-stability in my process of changing my relationship with my mind.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that my economic stability is dependent on my partner, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that it is my responsibility to make sure that I am able to take care of myself and to provide me the best living standard; I am also aware that in today's society and where I am now this living standard requires me to be financially supported. Therefore, the belief that my economic stability is dependent on another is not real because I am actually already proving to myself that I am responsible and capable of my own financial support. Having said this, I am also aware that one's economic stability may be provided by another when couples decide it so in a given time and therefore the fear is also unnacceptable considering that such decisions must be mutually agreed and properly planned.

When and as I see myself thinking that my partner would be able to apply common sense better than I do in stressful situations or in the context of the movie, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that it is pointless for me to project the movie's story literally into my life because that is not the point of learning from another; I realise that by taking another's story and example personally I am actually getting distracted from my ownself and for my own life. In this, I commit myself to take people's stories as examples to learn from and not to copy from. By learning from another I realise that I am assisting me in applying solutions as the principles of courage, of self-determination, of consistency and of creativity in my own life. I realise that I cannot live another person's process and that all I can and must do is to live my process/LIFE to my utmost potential.

When and as I see myself being limited by my own thoughts, fears, anxieties and images in my mind, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to use the tools of Desteni such as of writing, of investigating my mind, of forgiving myself and of writing my self-corrective statements in order to stop the cycle of self-limitition and give me the chance to change my relationship to myself, from self-limitation to self-awareness, self-expression, self-expansion and self-direction.

Image: 1001moviequotes.com

Recommended Eqafe interviews: 

Life Review - Comparison, Judgement and Competition

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Comparing Images and Imagination 

Comparison: An Introduction - Atlanteans Series

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 141: Facing Self-Trust in Public Speaking at a Live Hangout

Just before I pushed the "live" button, there was a shift within me. In a matter of milliseconds,  I though that I couldn't remember what I had prepared myself to say and I became nervous inside myself.  I had to go Live so we started. There was a shift in my attention and my mind was busy with the fear of failing and not being able to express myself in English. The fact that I was already live forced me to push for myself and to live my commitment of presenting the hangout and do that which I had decided to do. I had two guests with me and I realised that I could barely remember their names, even though we know each other for long time. I wasn't stable within me and I was judging myself for that. Curiously enough, the topic of the hangout was exactly about the mind shifts, the parallel realities and the consequences that each one creates to oneself. This became the beginning of an evening of self-investigation and I am grateful that I had the support of the Desteni group and the hangout assisting me in facing the energy of fear that I have been postponing for years.

Once the hangout has finished, I gave myself time to investigate through writing what was going on within me. I looked at my week and the memories that were popping up. My self-instability had not been a sudden thing and the manifestation of instability during the hangout had been the climax of a point that started manifested a week ago, related to self-trust. Not only that, I was also using previous experiences of presenting hangouts to imagine my presentation when in fact that "hologram" was not real and I was responsible for creating my presentation, creating my self-trust and creating the present moment. Like it happened with Jasmine, I was using my past to define my present which caused this distraction within myself and separation from my present reality. This experience confirmed that there is no middle-way: I am either Here or in the mind - and in the end of the day there is actually no choice rather than to stop "living" in the mind and to stand in self-awareness in the real world, if I am willing to change myself. What happened after was absolutely amazing: my body was uncomfortable, I was feeling this nausea in my belly and I was having chills in my body. My husband started asking me questions as to what I was thinking and the word that came up was fear. Obviously, my husband didn't stop there and continued pushing for myself to speak, to expand myself and to not suppress what was happening within me. While speaking to him, I was actually speaking to myself, I was clarifying myself and going through the layers of thoughts until I reached the point of Trust. In that moment, the fear energy became preeminent in my chest and it was overwhelming - as soon as I started stating my Self-Forgiveness on the fear energy I burst into tears. The energy was here, I could feel it in my chest as this massive wall that I thought was impossible to transcend. So I kept on forgiving each thought and my attachment to the fear energy that I was holding myself to. Physically it felt I was near a precipice and I feared to fall. I cried even more when I faced the word Courage - the courage to walk through the fear energy that exists within me. Through Self-forgiveness I was able to release the energy and bring me back to Here and become physically stable. I was still feeling cold but no longer nauseous.

New points opened up in my writing and a new understanding of the energy fear became clear within me when I listened to the interviews Stop in the Name of Fear and The Differencebetween your Beingness and Consciousness for the second time.

I decided to share this point because it may assist those that fear speaking in public or doing live hangouts. The points I suggest investigating are the point of self-trust and fear and to not postpone it anymore because it will eventually manifest for you to face it. Just like it is explained in the Life review, whenever there is a resistance, there is a fear that one must face in one's process of self-change. Why wouldn't one want to change if our fears are actually limiting our expression, our being and our utmost potential?

I will now share specific self-forgiveness and self-correction statements that are assisting me in walking the fear and self-distrust manifested when speaking in public:

Self-Forgiveness on the FEAR ENERGY:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the fear of making a mistake when I am doing something in public  or when I am speaking in public.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to distract me with the fear energy and with the thoughts fed by the energy, instead of focusing myself on the message that I am going to speak and in who I am in each moment of breath.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear to become nervous and being unable to deliver my presentation because it is "too hard" to do it (=to face the fear).

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the energy of fear within me.

I forgive myself as my body for having accepted and allowed myself to feed the energy of fear and through it create the images and the thoughts that justify the fear.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame another person or event for the fear that I feel within me when in fact the fear is my own creation and I am responsible for understanding it and stopping it.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to exist as the fear energy within me, in my words, thoughts and deeds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the fear energy towards the things that I do, instead of assisting me to investigate where the fear comes from and find/apply solutions to practically assist me, rather than feeding and believing that the fear is a requirement to be aware of myself.

Now that I am aware of the fear energy and the real consequence of distrusting myself, I commit myself to practice my Self-Stance and self-trust in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts, ideas about myself and the image of failure in my mind as I am aware that I am the one feeding the energy and thus the one able to stop it within me.

When and as I see myself participating in the images of the mind and the energy of fear in my solar plexus when I am speaking in public, I stop and I breathe. I realise that slowly but surely I am walking the process of releasing the fear energy from my physical body and that each moment is an opportunity to apply my decision of stopping living/being fear.

I assist and support myself to be patient in the process of stopping the fear within me and to not get distracted with the images of the mind.

I realise that going into fear is a self-sabotage based on the idea that I am not ready or that I can't/I am limited. I also realise that I fear that which I don't know or that I don't understand. Therefore, I assist myself through writing and self-investigation to understand the fears within me and walk the process of changing myself and giving me direction.

I commit and assist myself to direct me in stopping the fear energy and to not allow it to take control over myself and my body.

I commit myself to trust me in my process of stopping the fear energy within me and changing my relationship with myself, from self-judgement to self-awareness, self-correction and self-respect.

When and as I see the energy of fear manifesting in my solar plexus, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to stand stable when I am facing the fear energy and through this I assist me to change my relationship to fear, from fearing the energy to understanding how it was created and then release it through self-forgiveness.

Self-Forgiveness on SELF-TRUST:

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to trust myself.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to trust my decisions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to distrust my creation as who I am, what I do and say.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as a false and as a liar.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lying to others. By bringing this point to myself, I realise that I am only lying to myself when participating in the mind of thoughts, beliefs and self-judgments.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have self-distrust as my starting point.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be misunderstood and judged when I say something.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-trust.

When and as I see myself distrusting my own self, my actions and my decision, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this self-distrust is not real and it comes from my own self-definition, ideas and beliefs about myself.

When and as I see myself judging what I do as not good enough or not perfect based on an idea of perfection that I have in my mind, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that the image of perfection in my mind is not real.

I commit myself to work with myself in reality and in real time to perfect myself, to expand my self-awareness, to increase my vocabulary, to stop the emotions and to create my own self-stability and self-trust in who I am, in the words I speak and in my actions.

I realise that the state of self-distrust is a justification of the mind to limit myself and to fear leaving my comfort zone and to investigate new points within me.

I also see that the projection about what others judge about me is showing me that which I judge about myself. Therefore, when and as I see myself judging me about what I say or do, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to embrace me in every moment of breath and to stand with and as myself in my words and actions. I realise that the personalities that I am judging are not real.

I commit myself to trust my process of getting to know my mind and of correcting me to become one and equal with Life here.

I commit myself to stop judging what I do or what I say as being wrong and to stop participating in the polarity of right and wrong that keep me trapped in my own self-judgement, self-distrust and fear energy.

I commit myself to focus on who I am in every moment and to assist me in being and doing that which is best for me, in unconditional self-honesty and self-trust.

I commit myself to change my starting point of self-distrust to recreate unconditional self-trust and to take responsibility for trusting myself in every moment.

DIP Lite FREE self-empowerment course: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com
DIP Lite on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite
DIP Pro: http://desteniiprocess.com

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

Suggested interviews on TRUST:

Respect, Integrity, Trust and Honour - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination 
Moving from Unpredictability to Predictability to Self Trust 
Can you Ever Trust your Mind?
Anticipation: Developing Self Trust 
What is Trust
In the Mind we Trust, Despite its Betrayal

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 140: Live events and Stopping the Fear in real-time

I manage live events as part of my daily job and I have noticed how the fear of an unexpected technical issue is terrifying. I am walking the process of stopping the fear in real-time whenever the fear possession starts manifesting in me however I realise that I haven't yet sat down and written about it to fully open the point within me,  facing them and starting my self-correction. For example, during a live event  I start imagining the various scenarios of "what can go wrong" and drifting away from myself, so I have to really push myself to ground myself and focus on that which I do have control and can guarantee that I do the best of my ability for a successful event.

As always, breathing has been my main support to slow down the mind and give me back my physical stability. Sometimes I wonder how people deal with these fears and emotions if they are not walking the Process, however I can see how I had not been aware of these for many years and that I had simply suppressed the fear, trying to replace it with some positive thoughts and praying that everything would go fine. Nowadays, I have been proving to myself that I am the one able to create my self-stability, just like I am the one responsible for creating my own reactions, fears, emotions or a stressful state of mind.

The more I feed the imagination the stronger it gets and so a firm decision is absolutely required to not go into the thoughts. Today during the live event I got scared (I scared myself) when something changed on my screen and I felt like a stone against my chest and a racing heart beat. In that moment I realised that such reaction and harm in/to my physical body is unacceptable and I slowly slowed myself, breath by breath, until my muscles relaxed again. I then felt the polarity manifesting, which was a feeling good sensation and the image of the end of the event. In that moment I wanted the time to move faster because I feared an unexpected issue to spoil the event - this fear isn't real but it assisted me in identifying my mind-patterns and walk these points in writing.

Curiously, by digging into the fear and anxiety in this example, I can identify the pattern of self-judgment emerging from it.

Why would something unexpected happen?

Who am I when something unexpected happens?

Why did I desire the time to move faster?

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine that something unexpected will happen to my event. I see that these images are based on my past experiences that I am now projecting to my present reality.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think of me and define me as a victim of unexpected incidents and accidents.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire time moving faster during a live event instead of being stable and present in every single moment, during and outside work, when things are simple or when things are complex.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to realise that my time is my life and that who I am in every moment is not limited by my professional activity, quite the contrary - I realise that my daily job and any activity that I do is a moment where I am facing my mind and it is an opportunity for self-correction and to live the principles of  courage, self-trust, self-learning and self-correction.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that problems only happen to me and to think that things are simpler to other people.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to place a judgement of "right", "wrong", "easy", "complicated" when something happens in my reality. I realise that this emotional attachment to the things that happen to me is what I am busy with and therefore missing the step of an immediate physical self-correction. I realise that it is pointless and self-dishonest to compare my experience to others because I am only in my mind and therefore any thought about how others deal with their own mind is invalid because I am not dealing with their minds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and feed the mind-energy of anxiety in my physical body through my participation in thoughts and for passively accepting these thoughts to run inside of me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am this fear and this anxiety that manifests when something unexpected happens. I realise that the fear and the anxiety became automatic as part of my habit of living in constant fear however this is not who I am if I am to stand as Life, and as breath and as the solution to mySelf.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get distracted by the scenarios that my mind plays out and to believe that I must fight the thought or keep feeding the thought and self-sabotaging my own reality. I realise that I dont' require to think about the worse case scenario to be focused on my reality - actually, this pseudo-awareness is actually stress and it brings unnecessary consequences to my physical body which I am responsible for preventing it. I realise that in order for me to apply solutions in the physical reality I must stop the mind, breathe and restart my action in common sense, self-awareness, self-honesty, onenness and equality.

When and as I see myself creating and participating in a thought of something unexpected happening during my event, I stop the mind and I breathe. I commit myself to focus on my actions, on the practical steps that I know I must take to make sure everything goes well and I commit myself to stop any frustration when it comes to things outside of my control.

I commit myself to invest my time and my attention to the points that I am able to change and to improve, instead of defeating myself with the fear of that which I can't change or manage. In this, when and as I see myself going into the terrifying fear of some technical failure to spoil my event, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the event is an accumulation of actions that are taken in self-honesty, to do everything to my ability to complete an event flawlessly.

When and as I see myself going into memories, information about problems and the emotion of fear during a live event, I stop and I breathe. I realise that these memories, images and fears are points within me that I must forgive and let go so that a new relationship to my job and myself can develop.

When and as I see myself thinking of me as a victim of people or of situations, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this self-definition isn't the best for me because I am deliberately putting myself in stressful situations and in constant fear of losing my self-stability instead of creating my self-stability for myself in every moment. I realise that people or situations do not create victims and that this idea only exists within me about myself.

I commit myself to assist me in standing stable within me in every situation and with anyone, and for that, I commit myself to stop and breathe whenever my mind goes into the imagination of a crisis or problems in my reality, and to assist me in that moment to recreate my self-stability until there is no fear-energy within me.

I realise that the emotion itself does not come from the thought but comes from my belief and physical attachment to the thought or idea. Therefore, when and as I see myself limiting myself with a sudden thought that something "bad" or an accident will happen in my reality, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this thought is a projection of my own self-distrust and self-judgement and therefore I am able to correct the self-distrust and the ideas about myself.

I commit myself to change my attitude towards myself and my actions in any given moment, from self-judgement towards self-enjoyment and self-expansion in my relationship to myself.

I commit myself to become a stable being in my physical body and to not get distracted with the ideas I have created about myself in the mind.

When and as I see myself to have defined me as/believed that my self-judgements are real, I stop and I breathe. I realise that when the thought comes up I am "responsABLE" for directing the thought in a practical way, by seeing if it assists me or not, and to decide to let it go if it is not the best for me. Finally, I realise that even when some unexpected issues occur, I am capABLE of directing myself in self-stability and self-support in order to be the solution and to not become/participate in the problem.

I commit myself to use the information brought by my mind to assist me in the process of dissecting the thoughts, the fears, the personalities, the emotions and the fears, and to embrace my mind as a guide for me to walk towards self-realisation and self-corrE(A)CTION.

The more I write, the more points emerge. I can identify new dimensions as part of my daily job and I will continue walking these points and share them in blogs to come.

References:
Free Life Coaching http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/
Life Review - Trying to Suppress Your Mind https://eqafe.com/i/jferreira-trying-to-suppress-your-mind-life-review

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 121: If I was alone, would I do/behave the same way?

The following points opened up after writing and re-reading the previous post: "DAY 40: From attention seeker to self-expression". 

When and as I see myself judging what I say based on the idea that the other person is judging me as an attention seeker, I stop and I breathe. This "attention-seeking" definition reminds me when as a kid I started to show what I could do, but I realise that I was actually taking the other person's comment of "here you are showing off" as an attack against myself! Instead of taking the thought or even the comment personally, I commit myself to look within me at the starting point for me to share myself or share a story or show something to another.

I now see and I start realising that this judgment of being an attention-seeker is in itself a limitation, because I am "killing" my self-expression or any potential for expansion or realisation in that moment while I am communicating with another. Therefore, when and as I see myself going into the self-judgment of being an attention-seeker or showing-off, I stop , I breathe and I check within me what is the starting point of what I am saying or doing. Instead of going immediately into the self-judgment of being an attention-seeker, I accept and allow myself to correct my starting point and to stand in self-honesty, in self-support, equal and one with the other that is listening me and speaking to me.

When and as I see myself defining me as something that is clearly creating limitation in my reality and in my relationship to what I do and to other people, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself to realise that the self-definition became my acceptances and allowances, but that this is not unchangeable! I realise that the comfort and the perceived stability that the self-judgment brings is not real but I haven't allowed myself to be or do something differently.

I realise that, just like this world system, I got used to certain rules and beliefs because I never heard or saw something different, but that does not mean that the way things are is the best way (it clearly isn't, based on the inequality and lack of common sense that exists in this world system). The same applies to my process: if I see that the self-definitions, the self-judgments and the fears are limiting me, why would I continue attached to it? Why do I fear to step forward and walk in self-initiative to change my own relation to myself?

When and as I see myself judging the way I communicate and the way I express myself as seeking for attention, I stop and I breathe. In this moment, I can ask myself: If I was alone, would I do/behave the same way? Am I being unconditional in my expression with another or am I waiting to have something back, either a comment or a look of acceptance? I realise that who I am with others must be one and equal to who I am within me, based on the same principles, motivation and self-correction.

When and as I see myself suppressing my expression, my voice and my movement based on the thought that someone is watching me and judging  me, I stop and I breathe. I assist and support myself to see that the judgment already existed within me and that I am accessing  a mind-system through another, in a projection of my own mind. In this, I commit myself to stop the thought that I am being judged by another and I bring this point to myself to see how I am judging my own body movement, voice and actions.

When and as I see myself judging my voice, my behavior and even my clothes as childish, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a self-definition that I have believed myself to be but that I never took responsibility for stopping the judgment and actually enjoy myself and express myself in absolute stability and self-confidence.

When and as I see myself wanting a response from my reality to accept that which I am doing or saying, I stop and I breathe. I realise that my reality is a mirror of what's happening inside me, therefore whatever response I am looking for outside me is that which I am not giving to myself yet. On the other hand, when and as I see myself thinking that I am being an attention seeker, I stop and I breathe. I assist myself to investigate the factor behind wanting to get specific people's attention, which I see to be related to the resistance to stand firm by myself unconditionally and regardless of what others say  or do.

I commit myself to practice my stability in my communication, by slowing down and by stopping the mind in the moment. Through this, I assist and support myself to see what I am believing and defining myself to be, why I am defining as it, how I am limiting my decisions, my options and my existence Here.

I realise that if I don't stand for and by myself my expression will be reduced to my mind (world mind) of accepted and allowed do's don'ts, self-judgments and self-limitations.

I will continue investigating and writing about this point.

Artwork: "CONSUMED By The Idea of Yourself" - Charcoal and Chalk Pastel on Paper, 11x14inch, by Andrew Gable

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 120: From attention seeker to self-expression

At some point in my life I started desiring to be unnoticed, to melt in the crowd and not create any waves - it was the period of my life of going with the flow, wanting to be in a group of friends and fearing to be or manifest anything "outside the normal".

After that, I started to participate in the opposite polarity, of wanting to "be different", getting fascinated with people called "alternative" and wanting to be pioneer in going to new places. One thing that I never considered was the bunch of self-judgments that I was accumulating within me, the comparisons towards others, the definitions, the ideas of right and wrong, the regret, the desire, the need of an experience, the fear of missing something. All of these layers have done something - suppressed my self-expression.

On Self-Expression, I recommend reading a recent post on the Heaven't Journey to Life, as it explains how self-expression emerges from the real-time application in the process of stepping out of the accepted limitations.  I am now seeing that by accepting and allowing the rights and wrongs, the self-judgments and the idea of I should or shouldn't be, I am limiting my self-expansion and therefore I am shutting down my self-expression. By accepting and allowing judgments within/towards me I am blocking any possibility of self-correction, because the self-definition became a prison. On the other hand, I realise that if I am able to identify the problem (the prison, the self-judgment) I am giving myself the key to open the door. Stepping out of this mind-prison is an opportunity to express myself, to recreate my action and walk the process of changing myself.

Based on my experience, I notice that self-expression and enthusiasm in the society I live in is often seen as attention-seeking. If one speaks louder, or is very active and participator can be called as "an attention seeker". But the fact that I take this judgment personally is an indicator of my relationship towards being the centre of attention - the positive and the negative of it.

Since this point is opening up, I will take this opportunity to explore how and why I judge me as an attention seeker when I am doing or saying something that is less common, what is my relationship towards another that is listening to me, how I am still suppressing my self-expression, and how can I start walking a solution of correcting this relationship I have created towards myself. I realise that regardless of what one says or things about what I do, the point that I have been missing or avoiding to face is my self-honesty. For this, I will start walking my self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me and others as attention seekers when I/others speak louder, participate or manifests enthusiasm towards something or someone.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge people as attention seekers when they are speaking a lot - by bringing this point to myself I realise that I  am actually missing what the other person is saying as I am only focusing on the judgment and creating separation towards the other person. I also see that I am the one judging myself as an attention seeker when in common sense if I speak loud it is likely that another person will hear me; in this point I realise that the point that I must look at is my starting point to communicate with another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as an attention seeker based on the idea that I speak more and I am more active than other people around me, when in fact this self-judgment only exists because I am comparing myself with the others - in this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowing myself to have comparison as a starting point to define myself as an attention seeker. In this, I see that I am defining myself in comparison to others instead of being unconditional and stable in my actions: being the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my self-expression by not standing stable within everything that I do or say. I realise that my changes of mood is often due to the energetic highs and lows of external motivation in my mind which is not who I really am as my self-direction, as Life.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think about what others may think of me while I am speaking, which I see is a mind-defense mechanism to create separation towards another instead of being fully present in the words I speak.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to realise that speaking with another is speaking with myself - therefore, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge meas superior when communicating with my own self.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to label people as "attention seekers" when they are comfortable in speaking in public or are in the centre of the attention. I realise that this is a projection of my own self-judgment when I am being heard for example.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that communicating and speaking with another is a form of attention-seeking, instead of  checking the origin of the self-judgment. I realise that it is the starting point that has to change, both from the one who speaks and from the other that is getting the message.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to speak with another as myself and therefore not needing to prove anything to my own self.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to see that the judgment and fear of being an "attention "seeker is also creating self-limitation because I am not exploring other options nor allowing myself to be stable in my communication with another, as equals.

The layers are opening up and I see the memories from childhood popping up, which is an indicator that I am looking into my mind. I will continue investigating this point, the problem and the solution of self-correction.

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 91: In the image and likeness of Barbies and Kens

I realise that since young age I created an admiration for blue eyes, green eyes and long hair. This is definitely related to the toys I had in my childhood, specifically the barbies that had a beauty beyond what I could ever have - I would never have such green eyes, or such a blond hair - and that was frustrating. For some years I actually desired the father of my children to have light eyes so that my children could be in the image and likeness of barbies and kens! Isn't this real brainwahsing? Now older, I can see how there is still an energetic reaction in a mix of admiration, jealousy and comparison each time I see someone who would fit in the image and likeness of barbies and kens. 

  

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the women that fit in the image of long blond hair, or long brown hair, light blue or green eyes because I have put such physical characteristics as superior beauty and was unreachable to me because I did not have light blue or green eyes or a long hair. 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that women with such physical characteristics had advantages in our society because people would like them easily for their beauty. In this, I realise that there is a point of jealousy and comparison and desire to be easily liked by others without realising that I was the one accepting this starting point of superiority and inferiority based on physical appearance. 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that people with light blue and green eyes are nicer people because I associate to the good characters in movies that are sweet and kind, just like in the Disney stories, and to the image of angels in the churches.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feed the desire to be accepted by others instead of looking at what is here, standing stable within and as my physical body, without comparing to another's body not having any image as a reference.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the separation towards other women based on the belief that they are like angels superior to me and that I am inferior because I have brown eyes and brown hair, without realising that the starting point of judgments and associations related to the physical traits are brainwashing from the media, advertising and movie industries.  

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire my children to have an easy life and to believe that they will be happier if they are physically perfect according to the image of perfection in our society of light eyes and blond hair.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project into my children my own frustrations, instead of correcting these judgments within me to make sure that I stop my self-interest and the manipulation towards other people's lives.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to place admiration for physical look on top of self-honesty in my relationships with males and with myself.

Self-corrective statements:

When and as I see myself perceiving blond women with light blue or green eyes as specials, mainly because in Portugal is not so common to find these physical traits, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to stand equal and one with all the other beings regardless of their physical appearance and I commit myself to stop any emotional attachments related to admiration when seeing someone that corresponds to the image of "perfection". Instead of feeding the mind, I commit myself to see/stand in common sense and beyond the limitation of brainwashing for consumerism, comparison and jealousy. 

When and as I see myself accepting and allowing myself to discriminate people according to their physical look based on the belief that blond people with blue/green eyes are luckier, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is my own projection of inferiority by believing that I was less lucky for not being pretty and that I was rejected by others because I did not have a sweet look like an angel. I realise that I used the physical appearance as an excuse to justify my own beliefs, not allowing me to see that I was creating this experience and self-judgments in my own life. 

When and as I see myself associating the long hair and light eyes to the image of angels, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this idea of kindness and peace is not real and that these associations are a limitation because I am not allowing me to see people as equals as who we really are.

When and as I see myself looking at another being from a starting point of comparison, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understanding that the comparison pops up automatically as a defense mechanism of the mind to keep me attached to my own beliefs. Therefore, I commit myself to let these ideas go and to get to know the people without projecting my own self-judgments nor previous relationships. I realise that in order for me to know the others I must first get to know me, in self-honesty, clear from ideas, beliefs, judgments, images and memories. I commit myself to support me in being aware of my own thoughts when I am interacting with another being, responsible for stopping the patterns of thoughts/comparisons and I commit myself to forgive each and every thought that pops up in my mind.

I realise that the preference for specific physical characteristics come from the images that I saw on TV, in movies and in magazines that I associated to perfection, however I realise that once again this society found ways to make profit out of such associations to manipulate people to buy certain products such as barbies and products that are promoted by certain images. I commit myself to stop the cycle of image-manipulation, comparison, self-judgment and judgment of others within me by supporting me in stopping the thoughts and any energetic attachment and association to the differentiation of the physical look. Finally, I realise that it is ridiculous that we compare our physical bodies which have unique characteristics when what we can do it to is to change/correct ourselves through learning with each others, communicating with each and helping each other.

{ Continue Reading... }

Day 20: Expect-ations... actions that are not real

Tonight I came across this question:

Why do I feel obliged to correspond to others' expectations about me?

How come I've been putting others' expectations above me? Well, the mind is quicker than my actions and it is just too easy to imagine what I think others are expecting from me, which is based on the ideas I have been building about myself - layers of memories, beliefs and definitions of who I am.

Simple: expectations are not real. The same with beliefs and self-definitions.

In fact, expectations are a serious sign of a mental disease... Why? Because it is about wanting to prove myself to myself (funny hein?) - everything I think others' may expect from me is a projection of what I expect from me, which is an obvious point of separation. It is like an internal fight of wanting to do something but then the opposite ends up happening. That which I expect is in fact seen as not me, as something separated from me and that it is not me yet - but who made me believe that I am not what I want to be??

Projections towards others reflect me like a mirror --- in self-awareness I realise that I can 'use' the expectation (thoughts) as a form of seeing what I am judging myself as. If I expect to be the 'perfect' girlfriend to Joao, it is not about Joao at all --- it is about the idea I've created of what a perfect girlfriend should look/be like to Joao. By expecting it, I am judging me as not being that perfection (otherwise I would not need to desire it because I would simply be it!). By keep feeding such ideas, I will become it because that has been the mind-limitation behind my actions.

When and as I see myself participating in any expectation (as thoughts) towards someone, I stop and I breathe. Within this I allow myself to see the pattern of expecting what I perceive as not being able to be/do to myself . By this, I Stop it. There is no point in feeding self-limitations at all. I am here. I am responsible for creating the belief of 'not being this'/or 'not being able of doing that'/'this is not who I am', bla bla. This is such a mind control.

Simple: the mind is not real. How can I prove it? By stopping whenever a pattern comes in, breathing and walking in another direction. Walking the talk in self-honesty and self-correction. The body is real.

Note: The toughest part is to overcome the first resistance of recognizing that it is my responsibility to stop - there is no one to blame. The expectations were not created by the other --- it was created by me. The second part is to be willing to start again. Welcome to Process.

{ Continue Reading... }