DAY 162: The Blame Game & How to Not Be Lame

In a recent chat with a friend I saw myself playing the blame card - a card that I thought it was no longer in circulation - and an interesting process started to unfold in relation to the pattern of blame. Often times challenging conversations become great gifts in our process of self-expansion but the treasure hidden underneath the shaking waters can be easily missed when the tendency is to try to forget about it, to ignore the inner conflict and finally blame the other person for whatever is going on inside. I tried holding on to this card for some time but it was pointless - everything within me was (still is) showing me the need to slow down and understand what is happening. So let me once and for all investigate the Blame Game within me and share some of my realisations that may support others as well.

The first element that I want to explore is the "blind spot of blame", which is the inability to see that my words towards another carry blame. There is this rush of putting words out without realising that these words (written or spoken) carry feelings and emotions towards another. This blindness not only disregards the impact that my words may have unto another, but it also means that I ignore taking responsibility for the thoughts that exist in my own mind, now thrown unto another like a basketball game. I would actually call this emotional blame as a cry for help, but it is often received as a shout that puts others away.

Why do I say that blame is a cry for help? Because it is a projection of something that is going on within ourselves. Be LAME, according to the dictionary is the inability to walk without difficulty as the result of an injury; it is to be incomplete, feebly and weak.

Obviously if another person is unaware of this the whole conversation will escalate into unnecessary separation but, if this is done with someone also willing to walk this process in self-honesty then the journey gets very, very interesting. The gift of bringing blame back to self is the journey that I am walking now - after many years of playing this game that I decided to stop.

On the tube today, the chapter that I was reading on "Further Along The Road Less Travelled" was exactly about blame (no coincidence hein) and it says that the only way to stop blame is to stop. Well, based on my experience this stopping needs to happen both physically - as in taking a deep breath and stopping my current participation in the conversation from the starting point of blaming another, but also mentally by not allowing the thoughts of blame to keep running wild in my mind.

Ask yourself: How many times did I blame another for the feelings I experienced inside? And did it ever help me? Did it help me to understand what was going on WITH ME? The answer is no.

It is apparently easier to blame another than to take responsibility for my own self, my own thoughts, my own reactions and my own self-disappointment. It takes a decision to slow down and to be brutally self-honest. What does this mean? Firstly, it means that I am open with myself to see the truth of me. Secondly, it is the awareness that whatever I am projecting unto another is a point that exists within me and that I am responsible for bringing back to myself. This has been tougher than I thought... How can I bring back to myself a point that I am not yet aware of? It is a process. As I allow myself to see, more points open within me to see and get to know myself further.

In the recent experience I was  blaming another for what I was feeling and experiencing inside me for not being supported enough, understood or cared for. So here I ask myself: where am I not supporting MYSELF enough, understanding MYSELF enough, and caring for MYSELF enough? Why do I expect to receive this sort of support from another and therefore react when I don't get what I believe I need?

Looking back in past situations where blame was a prominent blockage, I did not allow me to be responsible for the points that I was projecting - so what have I been avoiding to give ME? To Realize about ME? To change within ME?

So the blame reaction is a defense mechanism hindering me from investigating and understanding something about me. It is the realisation that the other is not the one triggering these experiences within me - I was the one creating this experience to sabotage a moment of self-expansion.

My starting point in the conversation was to get some sort of freedom, to let go of the relationship, to have a break from it. Now, considering that my relationships with others are a mirror of the relationship I have with myself, I ask myself the question: - What is it in my life that I feel stuck in and I want badly to break away from?

When I didn't get what I thought I needed, I reacted and I blamed the other for not caring about me or understanding me. I even blamed another for not giving me the peace that I asked for. But which peace is this? How can I blame another for taking my peace away when in fact it was this lack of peace within me that triggered the conflict in the first place?

The idea of freedom and release that I was hoping to get from another was a projection of the freedom and release that I wanted to have from my own mind, from the constant thoughts, the same situations, the inner conflicts, fears, thoughts, habits and behaviour.

I understand now that when my relationship with myself is of lame, whereby I feel incomplete and unsure about what I want for myself, the tendency is to look for someone outside of me to guide me - because this is how we have been educated (look up to family, friends, partners and god). When the response from the other side is the opposite of what we wanted (freedom, space, let go), the lame within is projected unto another in the form of blame. The apparatus can be such that the attention shifts completely from self to "the other".

The key is to be able to identify the underlying experience out of which the blame reaction came about; the reaction with others simply becomes the external manifestation of what is going on inside and that we still try to hide from our own selves. It is not to blame pre-programming or wonder about it when things happen or open up. Rather approach it as: Okay, what's my responsibility and response-ability within it?

So the journey through the blame game shows me who/what I have been accepting to be and do, and it holds a decision to either stop and see, or turn a blind-eye (I) feeding the emotion of blame to blind me even more. A heads-up is that the same situation will happen again and again until I see what I am doing, so why postpone? What is there more for me to see and be? Wasn't' the dissatisfaction that led me to wanting the breakthrough and created this whole spiral? If I were to know myself, care for myself, and trust that I am capable for doing what is best for me that my relationship with another would be different - from stuckness to expansion, from blame to seeing, and from fighting to cooperation.

Scott Peck says in his book that forgiveness is the stopping of the blame game. I see that until then I will hold on to blame as a shield protecting my own vulnerabilities. But the forgiveness process only manifests for real if it comes from within, through forgiving myself for the experiences, emotions and feelings that I have created inside myself and where I accepted the dissatisfaction, stuckness, confusion and the desire for a freedom outside me to take over.

In my next blog I will share the process that I am starting to walk through Self-Forgiveness in relation to blame ... Stay tuned.

Recommended Interviews: 

Blame: The Design

Blame: From Beginning to End

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Day 154: Agreement Support series: "Why won't he listen to me?"

In this post I am starting a new series where I will share points about couple relationships based on my own experience of being a woman and in an Agreement with my husband.

The question "Why is he not listening to me?" arose when I was trying to help my partner but he was closed within his own mind, not wanting to see the common sense and support that I was giving him. There are many dimensions that I could cover but the one that I find really helpful for me to understand is what I can do in such situations. Who am I going to be in the face of a possession of another?

By possession in this context I mean when another is reacting in a personality of righteousness and ego, of separation towards myself and not looking for solutions but rather focus all the attention on the problem.

There have been times in my life where I can see what another is experiencing and that I am rejected when I try to help: I am told that there is nothing that I will say that will help, or that I don't understand, or that the other wants to be alone. Until now I have taken such comments personally and ended up thinking that I was the problem, that I was the one not able to help another, and feeling powerless towards another.

Recently I faced this point and I was surprisingly stable within me, not allowing emotions to manipulate and sabotage myself. My partner was facing a big resistance to see common sense and to listen to the support that I was giving, but this time I stood next to him and not allowed myself to feel influenced by another's possession. I used to think of me as a sponge that allows other emotions and fears to penetrate into myself but now I see that the attitude of resistance and rejection of another is the green light for me to stand stable no matter what and to be determined in supporting another without waiting for an immediate effect/reward or success.

Despite this attitude within me, the next day, I wasn't so certain about my ability to stand stable and I could see my self-trust diminishing, as if during the night I had been contaminated by the words of rejection. At night, when we both sat down to talk about our relationship, something fascinating happened: my partner had reconsider his attitude, wrote about his possession and had written specific commitments to support himself and to accept my help; on the other hand, I had actually started to give up on my ability to help him and began to imagine that we would be better away from each other. During our conversation we talked with each other in self-honesty about our shared fears, our shared and individual goals, and about the emotional reactions that we both allowed ourselves to go into. During our open chat, my partner confessed that my words resonated with him and were in fact key to assist him in seeing what he was doing to himself.

Below is the Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statement that I assist me in living from now on:

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to trust my ability to remain stable unconditionally despite of what my partner says to me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the imagination associated to the fear of rupture.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerless to assist my partner as if I don't know him anymore. I see, realise and understand that it is my responsibility to stand for and as our agreement especially in moments where he is not trusting himself to do so.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to cloud my awareness and stability with projections of the future that is based on snap decisions and imagination.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to stand stable despite the images and the fear that I see in my mind.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to remain 100% stable when I see thoughts in my mind that are not based on the present facts but it is a story that I am telling myself and a parallel life built in the mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to want to run away from people's possessions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get possessed by distrust and imagination based on the reactions I see in my partner.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that our possessions and emotions are real and to believe that the decisions taken in the mind are real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by my partner's reaction and thoughts, instead of allowing myself to see the influence and to decide not to become it.

I see, realise and understand that I have first and foremost an Agreement with myself to be the best I can be, to trust myself in my Process of changing automatic reactions, and to recreate my self-stability for and by myself.

I see, realise and understand that no decisions can be taken of the mind because the backchat and the reactions do not lead to what is best for all: in fact, I see, realise and understand that such backchat is based purely on survival and fear, and so none of this is valid if we want to build a Life  that is best for both of us.

When and as I see myself distrusting my ability to stand stable in face of another's possession, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am responsible for any reaction, feeling or thought that I have within myself in relation to another being.

When and as I see myself imagining taking a decision in my mind when it comes to our agreement (or any decision), I stop and I breathe.

I empower myself to remain here and to not go into the mind of thoughts and imagination.

I commit myself to look at the facts in this present time and to empower my ability to see what is the best for both us, not based on emotions but in common sense and self-responsibility.

I commit myself to realise that what I see in my mind as my imagination is an automated programme that I am responsible for directing, for stopping and for changing in order to change who I am in the present moment and therefore my future.

When and as I see myself thinking that rupture is the only option to deal with our possessions, I stop  and I breathe.

I commit myself to stop the emotion and move beyond the resistance to stand as myself, to trust myself as life and to see that the entertainment of the emotions and fears is a point that I am able to stop in one breath and give me direction.

When and as I see myself wanting to be away from my partner based on the belief that I can't help him because I don't see him applying what I tell him, I stop and I breathe. In this, I see that I will not save another with my words and that I cannot expect another to change because I ask so. I see that he must be the one supporting himself in every moment and that the only way I can help him is by standing as an example to myself, by standing stable, by stopping the thoughts, the emotions, the fears, and by being present unconditionally.

I commit myself to give me time to understand what my partner is going through in his life and I assist me in taking part in the conversation from a starting point of equality and commitment to create the best solutions for both of us.

When and as I see myself thinking that the imagination is real, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to strengthen my self-stability when I am facing a mind possession by recognising that these images are in my imagination only and that I am capable of giving me direction to stop the mind and to remain always as the solution to my own self, to decide what is best for me and to give me direction.

I commit myself to focus on who I am in my relationship with my partner.

I commit myself to stand as Life when dealing with another's mind.

Finally, I commit myself to let go of the ideas, fears and imagination that I think about in the mind, and I focus on the present moment, on the information that is here and in my direction in taking decisions that are based on common sense and what is best for both of us and our Agreement.

* An Agreement is when two beings decide to walk the Process of investigating their minds to become aware of themselves and support each other to reach their utmost potential.

Recommended material:

Relationship Success Support with Agreements Facing the Reality of Self

The Best & The Worst - Relationship Success Support

Relationships and Agreements

The Power of Listening (Part 2)

Picture found on Pinterest.

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DAY 153: Facing Fear Series: Exposing The Fear of Flying

In this blog I am starting a new series of articles that reflect my process of facing my fears - the fears that I have accepted to be me and to exist as it. Even if some of the fears that I will explore don't resonate directly with yours, I recommend reading it from a starting point of seeing the patterns and assisting yourself to identify yours.

In my self-investigation I am realising that the experience of fear towards something or someone is simply the tip of the iceberg: once I start digging further I see that it is no longer the fear itself (the experience of nervousness, reaction, automatic anxiety, thoughts and images)  but what is underneath all of this: what in my personal history has lead me to this moment in time where I fear this or that; how have I created my life based on the fear; what does this fear tell about me and my relationship with myself; why do I keep participating in it; who benefits from the fear; what consequences does it bring; what can I learn from it; and how can I change myself to stop feeding and creating more fear.

The process of bringing the fears to myself demystifies much of the mystery behind fears: the initial energy felt in my chest starts to slow down as I direct myself to understand the fear and to not fear the fear itself.

To kick off this series I will share a fear that I have personally been ashamed of and I don't think I ever shared my writings about it: the fear of flying on a plane.

I faced it very recently and it was actually during this experience that I decided within me to open it up to the world - if I have been hiding it from others (and myself) this may be happening to other people. The primary reason to open it up is first and foremost to say ENOUGH to this fear, begin the process of forgiving myself and letting it go. Until now, every time I go on a trip I face a time-loop: the same thoughts, the imagination of an accident, the paranoia, the cold in my body, the anticipation of the worse case scenario, and ultimately the fear of dying.

As I was writing this blog I typed the words "fear of" and the automatic suggestion of Google was "fear of flying". Apparently I am not the only one and I wonder how other people deal with it (or not). In my case, this fear reaction is very specific and only emerges when I have a trip planned - sometimes it also influences me in the process of planning but it has never reached the point where I don't go on a trip stopped by the fear. Nevertheless, from the moment I book it, to the experience of being in the plane until I land safe and I leave the plane I have always participated in the fear emotion.

It is relevant to mention that since this fear is very specific, I don't experience it "outside" the environment of flying or planning a trip, which is quite tricky because either I write about the fear in that moment or it will not be easy to replicate it to investigate the various dimensions of the fear. As soon as I allow myself to pass the fear of facing the fear itself, I pick up my notebook and I write. Initially it is as if I have a blank and don't know where to begin, but then I simply start writing what I am experiencing. Then, I write my self-forgiveness statements about the experience that I am allowing inside myself. I will share my self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements in my next blog but for now I wanted to first open up the point and lay down the practical ways that each one of us can face the bogus personality that exist in our minds.

An interesting thing that happened last time I took a plane was that I could clearly see beyond the fear. Since I have been walking this process for sometime and I knew already my reactions and the thoughts, I deliberately stopped and asked myself the questions: if I bring this point to myself, what do I see? If I am distrusting the pilot, what does that say about me? What am I projecting towards another? If I am blaming the market/businesses for putting profit above security, what does this thought show about me? If I am here but fearing to not be here (death) what am I accepting inside myself? Why do I create the experience of disempowerment to my own self?

For the first time I saw that the relationship that I have created to flying is an opportunity to get to know myself, my thinking, my concerns, my vulnerabilities and, ultimately, the points that need correction. As with any fear, I can see my pre-programmed behaviour that is almost outside of my control unless I realise that I am responsible for directing myself and for stopping/de-programme/change my mind. The fact that I was ashamed of sharing this fear publicly is another indicator of the self-sabotage that I am allowing to occur: shame is another personality that emerges with fear and that is justified with ideas about myself, about how I must act with others, what I must pretend to be or not to be. All of this is pointless because this is a process of self-honesty whereby I am the only one responsible for the thoughts, personalities and behaviour that I allow within me, so hiding it from others would be mainly about hiding this point from myself. Finally, this is a process of layers and one layer must go in order to make other layers visible and let go of the layers-burden that limit my life, my expression and my movement Here.

In the next blog I will start by sharing the memory of my first flight, the fears that emerged many years ago and the practical ways that I am assisting myself to slow down the mind, stop the fear and allow me to stay grounded even when flying high.

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DAY 144: Being my own boss - from self-judgments to self-direction

When it comes to business, my experience has been very much based on working for someone else, having objectives established by someone else and following a struture that has been designed by someone else. The fact that all of this framework is pre-existent allows me to dive into do my job and know exactly what to do and when to do the tasks but the picture changes when one ownes a business or starts a business. I began to understand the dynamics of being one's own boss in my experience of being married with an entrepreneur however, what my reality has been allowing me to recently see is that I am my own boss as well - in who I am, in what I do and in how I direct my life.

Who to put the blame on when there is no one else to blame?

The above question came up after walking the points that I will be describing today. This afternoon I noticed that there was some sort of hesitation before I said the magic words "why didn't you do that" and "I was expecting you to give me some direction" and, even though these words still came out of my mouth, the discomfort in m body was here and I had no choice than bringing this point to myself and investigate where my reaction was coming from. Since I started this process of self-investigation I have been dealing with projections - these are thoughts usually echoed towards another but are actually about my own relationship with myself. So, instead of bringing my husband to the equation, I can now see that the frustration was already in me before I put it out against him - the inner-dialogue should then read "why didn't I do that" and "I was expecting something different from me".

The reality is that I haven't yet fully embraced my responsibility of directing me, whether is in my personal life, relationships or in my professional career. In this blog, I will assist me in moving beyond the polarity of judging myself to actually help me understanding this point of self-direction.

Last month I went through very important steps in my process of facing my fears, beliefs and self-trust when it comes to taking decisions in my life. These decisions have to do with giving me direction in expanding my skills and my world and I literally stepped out of my comfort zone in order to walk my decision. There was a lot of "glue" sticking me back to my seat and the mind was constantly sending me reminders of past experiences or of other people's experiences that could easily pushed me back to the comfort zone where I know how things work. It took me time and assistance from friends to put my two feet on the ground, place one in front of the other and start walking slowly but surely into the new challenge ahead.

So, what have been the main points and take-aways from being my own boss? Firstly, that there is no one to blame, not even me; there is no one to compete with, not even with me; there are no valid reactions, not even my own or against me. To give an example of how to walk out of the mind cycle of blame-competition-judgment, I will write about the relationship with myself when things go slower than how I had initially planned (regarding this I recommend the blog article "When Plans Don't Work Out As Planned"). As many might be familiar with this pattern, the tendency is to give into frustration, anger and eventually giving up of one's decision to continue the project. In order to correct this tendency, the notion of time and the relationship with time require an alignment if one wants to use the clock to support the business rather to destroy it. What I mean by this is instead of trying to impose certain timeframes (or should I say bomb-clocks) onto oneself, one must give time to see what works and what doesn't and how long things really take. The mind can play tricks when it comes to beliefs and expectation of how long it will take to start bearing the fruits. I am not saying that having an end-goal is not supportive however, one might get obcessed with the projected results without actually being here and taking each and every required step that eventually create the long-waited and deserved results.

This process of walking a process being it towards professional or personal development goals implies self-direction through which one keeps self engaged with the long-run objective while at the same time deals with real-time points that need to be solved and that will unfold the rest of the journey. No matter where one is in one's process, every single action is part of the big picture and one has the ability to enhance that big picture to become the best that one can ever create for oneself.

This blog title mentions the process of moving from self-judgement to self-direction and the reason for such transition has to do with the realisation that it is the self-judgment that holds oneself back from one's own ability to direct and decide for oneself.  I realise that self-judgments can be great tools to get to know my mind and to understand why I do things in certain ways but that's it! If self-judgments are having any other impact in my life and if I accept these thoughts to play out for many days, that is a redflag informing me that I am not directing myself to walk my decision fully. For as long as I am stuck in self-judgments there is not space for self-correction and this is the sticky glue that can hold me back in the comfort zone because as soon as I step out of it, I will be facing new points that can only be overcomed in self-trust and in self-correction. If one tries to walk through the decision held back to self-judgments than self won't be fully present, won't stand and will fall. This is why at Desteni we walk our process of understanding how the mind works and what the mind shows us through the thoughts that we have about ourselves so that one can direct the thoughts in a constructive way to create one's future differently than how the past has been.

Finally, it is worth reminding me that self-judgment is an energy, just like any other emotion that usually comes along, such as fear and anxiety. New business or new work places and new people can be perceived as scary situations because we are facing first and foremost our own selves through the thoughts that pop up (Will they like me? What impression will they have of me? Will I feel OK in this place? Will I be able to succeed?). As often happens, questions lead to new questions but the same happens with the answers - once I start working out a solution to one point, the domino effect will unfold towards new solutions to my life whereby I will help me in understanding why I am anxious about what other people think of me, or why I would not enjoy myself in that new place, or why on earth would I sabotage my own decision!

 I associate this moment in my life to the opening of the Pandora's Box mentioned in a recent interview that explains why is that the moments of change are great gifts in one's process of self-discovery and self-change. This is the power of Living in self-direction when self-judgments are stopped, understood, forgiven and let go.

In the next post I will walk specific Self-Forgiveness in regards to self-judgments and the fear of not succeeding.

Photo credit: SinRL

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DAY 141: Facing Self-Trust in Public Speaking at a Live Hangout

Just before I pushed the "live" button, there was a shift within me. In a matter of milliseconds,  I though that I couldn't remember what I had prepared myself to say and I became nervous inside myself.  I had to go Live so we started. There was a shift in my attention and my mind was busy with the fear of failing and not being able to express myself in English. The fact that I was already live forced me to push for myself and to live my commitment of presenting the hangout and do that which I had decided to do. I had two guests with me and I realised that I could barely remember their names, even though we know each other for long time. I wasn't stable within me and I was judging myself for that. Curiously enough, the topic of the hangout was exactly about the mind shifts, the parallel realities and the consequences that each one creates to oneself. This became the beginning of an evening of self-investigation and I am grateful that I had the support of the Desteni group and the hangout assisting me in facing the energy of fear that I have been postponing for years.

Once the hangout has finished, I gave myself time to investigate through writing what was going on within me. I looked at my week and the memories that were popping up. My self-instability had not been a sudden thing and the manifestation of instability during the hangout had been the climax of a point that started manifested a week ago, related to self-trust. Not only that, I was also using previous experiences of presenting hangouts to imagine my presentation when in fact that "hologram" was not real and I was responsible for creating my presentation, creating my self-trust and creating the present moment. Like it happened with Jasmine, I was using my past to define my present which caused this distraction within myself and separation from my present reality. This experience confirmed that there is no middle-way: I am either Here or in the mind - and in the end of the day there is actually no choice rather than to stop "living" in the mind and to stand in self-awareness in the real world, if I am willing to change myself. What happened after was absolutely amazing: my body was uncomfortable, I was feeling this nausea in my belly and I was having chills in my body. My husband started asking me questions as to what I was thinking and the word that came up was fear. Obviously, my husband didn't stop there and continued pushing for myself to speak, to expand myself and to not suppress what was happening within me. While speaking to him, I was actually speaking to myself, I was clarifying myself and going through the layers of thoughts until I reached the point of Trust. In that moment, the fear energy became preeminent in my chest and it was overwhelming - as soon as I started stating my Self-Forgiveness on the fear energy I burst into tears. The energy was here, I could feel it in my chest as this massive wall that I thought was impossible to transcend. So I kept on forgiving each thought and my attachment to the fear energy that I was holding myself to. Physically it felt I was near a precipice and I feared to fall. I cried even more when I faced the word Courage - the courage to walk through the fear energy that exists within me. Through Self-forgiveness I was able to release the energy and bring me back to Here and become physically stable. I was still feeling cold but no longer nauseous.

New points opened up in my writing and a new understanding of the energy fear became clear within me when I listened to the interviews Stop in the Name of Fear and The Differencebetween your Beingness and Consciousness for the second time.

I decided to share this point because it may assist those that fear speaking in public or doing live hangouts. The points I suggest investigating are the point of self-trust and fear and to not postpone it anymore because it will eventually manifest for you to face it. Just like it is explained in the Life review, whenever there is a resistance, there is a fear that one must face in one's process of self-change. Why wouldn't one want to change if our fears are actually limiting our expression, our being and our utmost potential?

I will now share specific self-forgiveness and self-correction statements that are assisting me in walking the fear and self-distrust manifested when speaking in public:

Self-Forgiveness on the FEAR ENERGY:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the fear of making a mistake when I am doing something in public  or when I am speaking in public.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to distract me with the fear energy and with the thoughts fed by the energy, instead of focusing myself on the message that I am going to speak and in who I am in each moment of breath.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear to become nervous and being unable to deliver my presentation because it is "too hard" to do it (=to face the fear).

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the energy of fear within me.

I forgive myself as my body for having accepted and allowed myself to feed the energy of fear and through it create the images and the thoughts that justify the fear.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame another person or event for the fear that I feel within me when in fact the fear is my own creation and I am responsible for understanding it and stopping it.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to exist as the fear energy within me, in my words, thoughts and deeds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the fear energy towards the things that I do, instead of assisting me to investigate where the fear comes from and find/apply solutions to practically assist me, rather than feeding and believing that the fear is a requirement to be aware of myself.

Now that I am aware of the fear energy and the real consequence of distrusting myself, I commit myself to practice my Self-Stance and self-trust in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts, ideas about myself and the image of failure in my mind as I am aware that I am the one feeding the energy and thus the one able to stop it within me.

When and as I see myself participating in the images of the mind and the energy of fear in my solar plexus when I am speaking in public, I stop and I breathe. I realise that slowly but surely I am walking the process of releasing the fear energy from my physical body and that each moment is an opportunity to apply my decision of stopping living/being fear.

I assist and support myself to be patient in the process of stopping the fear within me and to not get distracted with the images of the mind.

I realise that going into fear is a self-sabotage based on the idea that I am not ready or that I can't/I am limited. I also realise that I fear that which I don't know or that I don't understand. Therefore, I assist myself through writing and self-investigation to understand the fears within me and walk the process of changing myself and giving me direction.

I commit and assist myself to direct me in stopping the fear energy and to not allow it to take control over myself and my body.

I commit myself to trust me in my process of stopping the fear energy within me and changing my relationship with myself, from self-judgement to self-awareness, self-correction and self-respect.

When and as I see the energy of fear manifesting in my solar plexus, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to stand stable when I am facing the fear energy and through this I assist me to change my relationship to fear, from fearing the energy to understanding how it was created and then release it through self-forgiveness.

Self-Forgiveness on SELF-TRUST:

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to trust myself.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to trust my decisions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to distrust my creation as who I am, what I do and say.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as a false and as a liar.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lying to others. By bringing this point to myself, I realise that I am only lying to myself when participating in the mind of thoughts, beliefs and self-judgments.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have self-distrust as my starting point.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be misunderstood and judged when I say something.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-trust.

When and as I see myself distrusting my own self, my actions and my decision, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this self-distrust is not real and it comes from my own self-definition, ideas and beliefs about myself.

When and as I see myself judging what I do as not good enough or not perfect based on an idea of perfection that I have in my mind, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that the image of perfection in my mind is not real.

I commit myself to work with myself in reality and in real time to perfect myself, to expand my self-awareness, to increase my vocabulary, to stop the emotions and to create my own self-stability and self-trust in who I am, in the words I speak and in my actions.

I realise that the state of self-distrust is a justification of the mind to limit myself and to fear leaving my comfort zone and to investigate new points within me.

I also see that the projection about what others judge about me is showing me that which I judge about myself. Therefore, when and as I see myself judging me about what I say or do, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to embrace me in every moment of breath and to stand with and as myself in my words and actions. I realise that the personalities that I am judging are not real.

I commit myself to trust my process of getting to know my mind and of correcting me to become one and equal with Life here.

I commit myself to stop judging what I do or what I say as being wrong and to stop participating in the polarity of right and wrong that keep me trapped in my own self-judgement, self-distrust and fear energy.

I commit myself to focus on who I am in every moment and to assist me in being and doing that which is best for me, in unconditional self-honesty and self-trust.

I commit myself to change my starting point of self-distrust to recreate unconditional self-trust and to take responsibility for trusting myself in every moment.

DIP Lite FREE self-empowerment course: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com
DIP Lite on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite
DIP Pro: http://desteniiprocess.com

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

Suggested interviews on TRUST:

Respect, Integrity, Trust and Honour - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination 
Moving from Unpredictability to Predictability to Self Trust 
Can you Ever Trust your Mind?
Anticipation: Developing Self Trust 
What is Trust
In the Mind we Trust, Despite its Betrayal

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DAY 140: Live events and Stopping the Fear in real-time

I manage live events as part of my daily job and I have noticed how the fear of an unexpected technical issue is terrifying. I am walking the process of stopping the fear in real-time whenever the fear possession starts manifesting in me however I realise that I haven't yet sat down and written about it to fully open the point within me,  facing them and starting my self-correction. For example, during a live event  I start imagining the various scenarios of "what can go wrong" and drifting away from myself, so I have to really push myself to ground myself and focus on that which I do have control and can guarantee that I do the best of my ability for a successful event.

As always, breathing has been my main support to slow down the mind and give me back my physical stability. Sometimes I wonder how people deal with these fears and emotions if they are not walking the Process, however I can see how I had not been aware of these for many years and that I had simply suppressed the fear, trying to replace it with some positive thoughts and praying that everything would go fine. Nowadays, I have been proving to myself that I am the one able to create my self-stability, just like I am the one responsible for creating my own reactions, fears, emotions or a stressful state of mind.

The more I feed the imagination the stronger it gets and so a firm decision is absolutely required to not go into the thoughts. Today during the live event I got scared (I scared myself) when something changed on my screen and I felt like a stone against my chest and a racing heart beat. In that moment I realised that such reaction and harm in/to my physical body is unacceptable and I slowly slowed myself, breath by breath, until my muscles relaxed again. I then felt the polarity manifesting, which was a feeling good sensation and the image of the end of the event. In that moment I wanted the time to move faster because I feared an unexpected issue to spoil the event - this fear isn't real but it assisted me in identifying my mind-patterns and walk these points in writing.

Curiously, by digging into the fear and anxiety in this example, I can identify the pattern of self-judgment emerging from it.

Why would something unexpected happen?

Who am I when something unexpected happens?

Why did I desire the time to move faster?

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine that something unexpected will happen to my event. I see that these images are based on my past experiences that I am now projecting to my present reality.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think of me and define me as a victim of unexpected incidents and accidents.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire time moving faster during a live event instead of being stable and present in every single moment, during and outside work, when things are simple or when things are complex.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to realise that my time is my life and that who I am in every moment is not limited by my professional activity, quite the contrary - I realise that my daily job and any activity that I do is a moment where I am facing my mind and it is an opportunity for self-correction and to live the principles of  courage, self-trust, self-learning and self-correction.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that problems only happen to me and to think that things are simpler to other people.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to place a judgement of "right", "wrong", "easy", "complicated" when something happens in my reality. I realise that this emotional attachment to the things that happen to me is what I am busy with and therefore missing the step of an immediate physical self-correction. I realise that it is pointless and self-dishonest to compare my experience to others because I am only in my mind and therefore any thought about how others deal with their own mind is invalid because I am not dealing with their minds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and feed the mind-energy of anxiety in my physical body through my participation in thoughts and for passively accepting these thoughts to run inside of me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am this fear and this anxiety that manifests when something unexpected happens. I realise that the fear and the anxiety became automatic as part of my habit of living in constant fear however this is not who I am if I am to stand as Life, and as breath and as the solution to mySelf.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get distracted by the scenarios that my mind plays out and to believe that I must fight the thought or keep feeding the thought and self-sabotaging my own reality. I realise that I dont' require to think about the worse case scenario to be focused on my reality - actually, this pseudo-awareness is actually stress and it brings unnecessary consequences to my physical body which I am responsible for preventing it. I realise that in order for me to apply solutions in the physical reality I must stop the mind, breathe and restart my action in common sense, self-awareness, self-honesty, onenness and equality.

When and as I see myself creating and participating in a thought of something unexpected happening during my event, I stop the mind and I breathe. I commit myself to focus on my actions, on the practical steps that I know I must take to make sure everything goes well and I commit myself to stop any frustration when it comes to things outside of my control.

I commit myself to invest my time and my attention to the points that I am able to change and to improve, instead of defeating myself with the fear of that which I can't change or manage. In this, when and as I see myself going into the terrifying fear of some technical failure to spoil my event, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the event is an accumulation of actions that are taken in self-honesty, to do everything to my ability to complete an event flawlessly.

When and as I see myself going into memories, information about problems and the emotion of fear during a live event, I stop and I breathe. I realise that these memories, images and fears are points within me that I must forgive and let go so that a new relationship to my job and myself can develop.

When and as I see myself thinking of me as a victim of people or of situations, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this self-definition isn't the best for me because I am deliberately putting myself in stressful situations and in constant fear of losing my self-stability instead of creating my self-stability for myself in every moment. I realise that people or situations do not create victims and that this idea only exists within me about myself.

I commit myself to assist me in standing stable within me in every situation and with anyone, and for that, I commit myself to stop and breathe whenever my mind goes into the imagination of a crisis or problems in my reality, and to assist me in that moment to recreate my self-stability until there is no fear-energy within me.

I realise that the emotion itself does not come from the thought but comes from my belief and physical attachment to the thought or idea. Therefore, when and as I see myself limiting myself with a sudden thought that something "bad" or an accident will happen in my reality, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this thought is a projection of my own self-distrust and self-judgement and therefore I am able to correct the self-distrust and the ideas about myself.

I commit myself to change my attitude towards myself and my actions in any given moment, from self-judgement towards self-enjoyment and self-expansion in my relationship to myself.

I commit myself to become a stable being in my physical body and to not get distracted with the ideas I have created about myself in the mind.

When and as I see myself to have defined me as/believed that my self-judgements are real, I stop and I breathe. I realise that when the thought comes up I am "responsABLE" for directing the thought in a practical way, by seeing if it assists me or not, and to decide to let it go if it is not the best for me. Finally, I realise that even when some unexpected issues occur, I am capABLE of directing myself in self-stability and self-support in order to be the solution and to not become/participate in the problem.

I commit myself to use the information brought by my mind to assist me in the process of dissecting the thoughts, the fears, the personalities, the emotions and the fears, and to embrace my mind as a guide for me to walk towards self-realisation and self-corrE(A)CTION.

The more I write, the more points emerge. I can identify new dimensions as part of my daily job and I will continue walking these points and share them in blogs to come.

References:
Free Life Coaching http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/
Life Review - Trying to Suppress Your Mind https://eqafe.com/i/jferreira-trying-to-suppress-your-mind-life-review

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DAY 137: Going For It When the Mind Shouts in Fear

A moment of change can be as simple as not believing in my own fears and in moving myself physically to do something that I would not do if I was to follow the mind. This moment happened just now, when I decided to pick up Anna's cat outside - I said Yes I can go, but then in a matter of milliseconds I had these thoughts in my mind of What if I have an elevator accident, what if the cat attacks me, What if I get stuck in the elevator, What if the cat gets stuck in the elevator, What if something harmful happens. All I could see were reasons not to go out of the apartment, as if this the safety inside was real. Obviously these reasons were based on fear and not based on any common sense whatsoever. I had to stop the thoughts and assist me in remind myself that I had taken the decision to go outside, make a break, meet the cat and bring the cat home. So I got in the elevator, I kept on stopping the mind attempts to feed the fear of having an emergency, I left the elevator, I went outside and there was the cat, waiting. I stood there, no more fear was disturbing. The second part of this episode was when I realised that the cat was not coming to me. In that moment I had another assault of fear, thinking What if I get close to the cat and she attacks me, what if she runs away. So I reminded myself again to be present and to work with what was here- I sat on the floor and started to talk with her, patiently waiting for her - I decided to live the decision of bringing her home, rather than believing that this was going to be simple or difficult. I then started to slowly getting close to her while talking with her. After 5 minutes she got up and started walking in my direction. I walked next to her, very slowly so that she would not get scared and we got in the building together. The third part of this story happened at the elevator, when the two fears came together: being in the elevator with the cat - which in my mind was like Being in the elevator that can get stuck or fall, with a cat that can get really scared and attack me inside the elevator. It was as simple as getting in the elevator, going up and coming out, however I was still participating in the energy fear. For a moment I even thought that the cat would smell the fear and jump out of my arms - I mean, who would like to be in the arms of someone shaking and in fear? I breathed, I focused on holding the cat in my arms, opening the door in a very calm movement, coming out and getting home.
As soon as I got home I saw that this had been a cool moment of standing for the decision to go out. Even though I still participated in the initial hesitation during milliseconds, I walked through it for real. The fear is a sticky glue that my mind uses to keep me in a state of apparent safety, when in fact having fear itself is an indicator of self-distrust. How can I be safe outside of me when I am not safe within me, as in every decision, word or action? By accepting the fear of going out I was opening the door for the fear of dying, for the fear of harming myself, for the fear of being irresponsible with the cat and ultimately I was being irresponsible towards my own self because I did not want to change my relationship to fear.

I now see that the cat was there assisting me unconditionally; I was seeing in this projection the idea that I created about me when I am in fear. Why do I accept me to become the fear? Is the fear more than me or is it me accepting and allowing the fear to be more than me? Is the fear more than life or is it me accepting the fear to be more than life? Am I fear or am I accepting and allowing myself to be fear?

Therefore,
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become the fear of going outside of the apartment.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the thoughts in my mind and the imagination about me going out are real.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to place the fear above my own self-stability and my self-trust in creating my decisions unconditionally and within common sense. I realised that the backchat that motivated the fear was based on imagination and in "what if" scenarios that are out of my ability to direct.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of fear out of a situation where I am enjoying myself in doing something new to me such as picking up the cat outside.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind shouting is a real voice that I must listen to it. Instead, I realise that the mind is showing me the point that I must look at, the point that I am holding myself to, the fears that I am limiting myself with. Therefore, instead of getting scared with my own mind, I can work with what the mind shows me and direct me in my living application to not live out the fear. 

When and as I see myself having the mind shouting me the what if scenarios  I stop, I breathe and I look at what the mind is showing me. 
I commit myself to see for myself that I am creating the fears to myself and that I am limiting myself by believing that these scenarios will happen when in fact I am the one stopping myself in my own reality. I realise that even before I got in the elevator I was already imagining that I would not leave the elevator alive, therefore the elevator was simply a projection of my own fear of death.
I commit myself to direct myself in my own responsibility to stop the fear and the backchat of death.
When and as I see myself participating in the creation of the "what if" scenarios, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am responsible for stopping the thoughts and the fears within me, moment by moment. I realise that regardless of what happens outside of my ability to direct in the world, all that I can direct it is me and who I am in every moment of breath.
When and as I see myself sabotaging my decision of doing something new that I have no point of reference such as picking up the cat by myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the mind is showing me other reference points that work as a comfort zone because I got used to live in/as fear.
I commit myself to stop being the living manifestation of the fear of the mind.
I commit myself to stop "living" the fear of death. 
I commit myself to create my own stability by not going into fear and in trusting that my decision is the best for me in any given moment. 
I commit myself to trust myself as life in every decision I take in the physical reality instead of trusting in the thoughts of the mind.

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DAY 126: Headache, Despair and Stress

Usually I tend to give a context related to my life before I apply my Self-Forgiveness, however tonight I realise that the context is irrelevant since the stress point can be very wide and affect us in many different ways. Actually, I have been planning to write about a point that came up recently related to chronic stress, when I was made aware by my homeopath that I was manifesting earlier symptoms of such condition that affects both the mind and the body. Since then, I have been reading about it, I met people that went/are going through it and I have been supporting myself through writing and self-awareness, dealing with my mood changes and the polarity of excitement VS depression.

To start with, I recommend reading the "Shock, Trauma and Stress: DAY 479" and the "Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Two): DAY 480" to understand the processes involved on the Quantum Physical level that contribute to the manifestation of chronic stress in the Mind and Body. Tomorrow I will also be sharing some perspectives on Chronic Stress during my participation at the Desteni I Process LIVE hangout.

On today's post I will apply the Self-Forgiveness on the experience of despair that I have been going through today associated to a strong headache.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel desperate when I am with a headache because of the apparent idea that I am powerless towards it to stop it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the headache to feed the fear of having a disease that could potentially be life threatening.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of me as a victim of the headache without actually taking responsibility for the origin of the headache. I am aware that if exists within me it is because I have created it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the state of dispair and impacience within me when I am with a aheadache, which I see comes from the self-judgment for not being able to move myself as fast or as enthusiastic as I usually do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the headache for the discomfort I feel in my head instead of embracing myself and work with what is here in order to find the root of the pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complain about the headache and to blame my job for the stress that I create within me, without realising that I am distracting myself from the origin point that I must look at and take responsibility for. I notice that today, despite the strong headache throughout the whole day, I have been aware of my thoughts and therefore I can support myself to deal with the thoughts and give me direction to forgive the thoughts and realise that I am able to stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to hold on to thoughts about the things that I must do and then create this pressure in myself based on the fear of forgetting to do something at work or at home. I realise that this pressure can be avoided if I write down my tasks or if I simplify the task. I also have been realising that my mind tends to complicate things but when I de-constructed into smaller tasks these are not as big or complicated.

Self-Correction statements:

When and as I see myself getting stressed about having a headache, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am creating this stress dose unto myself unnecessarily because I am not supporting myself to get stable. This is actually an excellent opportunity to stand for and by myself in order to remind myself that I must stop the stress and breathe; that I must support myself unconditionally and that I am responsible for creating the headache in first place.

When and as I see myself fearing headaches based on the fear of being sick and the fear that the headache won't stop, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the headache is not something separated from me and therefore I cannot disregard it or judge it. It is actually my responsibility to cooperate with my own self so that I find what is causing the headache and I help myself through the process of changing myself.

When and as I see myself blaming my job or the people around me for the stress and despair that I am feeling, I stop the thoughts of blame and I breathe. I realise that while typing this sentence I saw the fear of failure coming up, which is a point that I have been accumulating within me with no reason. I see that the fear of failure won't avoid things to fail because I am actually not standing totally clear and unconditional in my actions, as fear corrupts self-honesty.

When and as I see myself giving in to the self-victimisation pattern when I feel pain in my head, I stop myself and I breathe. I realise that I don't have to feel/become/behave like a victim of my own headache. Instead, I can give myself direction to rest, to lay down, to slow down in order to help myself physically and, once I am stable, to help myself by walking the points in my mind manifested during/by the headache.

When and as I see myself using the headache as an excuse to be lazy or to be self-dishonest, I stop and I breathe. I realise that being self-honest is the key to support myself and that by not being self-honest I am just harming my self. For example, when and as I see myself saying to myself that I am not going to write because I have a headache, I stop and I look into the justification, I check within me why I am not going to write and in that moment I can decide to rest first and to write after, making sure that I am not running away from my responsibility to support me and change the relationship with myself - from self-judgment to self-cooperation.

Self-Correction commitments:

I commit myself to remind myself to stand stable in moments when the headache seems to be overwhelming.

I commit myself to relax, to slow myself down and to give me time to investigate what triggered the headache within me and what are the points that come up from this experience so that I can stop participating in it, walk the self-forgiveness and change the relationship with myself.

I commit myself to stop the fear of failure within me and to be calm when dealing with challenges in my life, being at work when something changes at last minute, or when new events happen in my personal/family life. I realise that I can be proactive within me to see what is the problem and to work on a solution, which occurs in common sense and self-honesty, not through reactions.

I commit myself to embrace the headache as a moment where I can only stand for myself and cooperate with my own self, to not give up on myself but to actually support me, both physically through resting and mentally by walking/investigating the layers of the mind through Self-Forgiveness and Self-Realization. I realise that only in self-stability, self-honesty and in standing by the Principle of doing what is Best for All it will be possible to recreate long-lasting solutions for myself and others, being at work, at home or in the society.

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DAY 125: Investigating Fear... fearlessly

The decision to walk the Fear point is taken. The self-will to start this new journey within my Journey to Life comes from the understanding that no matter how far I go and no matter what I do I will always face the Fear point - until I have changed. 

 When I mean by change it is not simply saying that "I have no more fear", but to actually change my relationship to that which causes fear - most often, the Unknown. This reminds me the famous myth of Adamastor, the personification of the challenges that the Portuguese navigators created to give a name to the fear of the unknown when they started their journey of the Discoveries across never before sailed seas.
By looking at the fear as a pre-programme or a programmed mind system, I see that it is and has always been a delusional system that keeps me separated from this world, in my own bubble of fear - So tonight I ask myself the following questions: 

Why on earth am I allowing a programme to destroy and corrupt everything that I am and I do in my life?

What is going on within me to have always believed that the fear is real and that I must obey to the mind of fear?

Why do I use my past experiences to justify the fear of the future instead of learning from my experience to stop the fear and see reality in common sense?

What are the beliefs underneath my fears?

Why did I create fears based on images/projections that I believe are real even though these are also based in fear which are a mind fabrication in first place?

Why am I creating scenarios in my life that are against my own existence and against the development of my full potential?

Who am I if I am not fear?
What do I fear to lose?

I notice that it takes courage to open the Pandora Box in regards to the Fear pattern. I can see how in my daily life fear manifests from the little to the significant examples, with small and big consequences. I can only walk one layer at a time and so I will start by looking at the emotional reactions that I have in my daily life to see how these are based on fear - for example, by looking at the fear of falling on the street, the fear of ageing, the fear of disappointing another, the fear of failing, the fear of misunderstandings, the fear of violence, the fear of pain, the fear of the dark, the fear of people, the fear of animals, the fear of accidents, the fear of cancer, the fear of fear, the fear of change, the fear of the future, the fear of the past, to name a few. 

An interesting thing that I notice is that, despite the fact that I have been walking the Process with Desteni for more than four years, I see now that I haven't yet applied the Self-Forgiveness on many of the points listed above - this shows me how deep the pre-programming can be that I cannot even see what I am doing to myself. Slowly but surely I am opening these points within me and flourishing fear-free. Just like the Portuguese navigators, I am becoming aware of the Fear within me, through points and perspectives never looked at before. I have the will and I have the tools of Self-Forgiveness, Self-Honesty and Self-Correction. I am ready to see and sail...

Suggested interviews:

Introduction - Fears & Phobias

Where do They Come From? - Fears & Phobias

Car Crash - Fears & Phobias

Fear of Fear Itself - Fears and Phobias

Fear of Fear Itself (Part 2) - Fears and Phobias

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