DAY 152: Facing Anticipation: Not Wanting Holiday to End...

My holiday has just begun but in my mind I am anticipating its end, and I don't want it to finish. How contradictory is this?

The question that I must investigate within me is what is it that I am giving to myself on holiday that I am not giving / living every day when I am not on holiday?

On holiday I am usually by the sea or close to nature - either at the beach or in the countryside. This closeness to nature reminds me of my own body, breath, and presence here. When thoughts kick-in, it is easier to stop them because every time I see myself thinking about work or anything else that does not match the current reality, it is easier to recognise that the thought is not real and therefore it makes sense to stop it.

The beauty in nature allows me (forces me!) to enjoy this moment, be present, and be aware of myself.

Today I heard someone saying that on holiday time goes by slowly - it is interesting that one's relationship to time changes as a mirror of oneself, because on holiday activities are not overloaded, there is little or no pressure, and one allows oneself to not be in a rush.

How can I use this beneficial realisation to change my bipolar relationship between holiday versus daily-routine?

The same way that thoughts and memories of work-related points do not support me while I am on holiday, any memories and images of being on holiday must not distract me when I am back to work/home. I notice that it is hasn't been easy to disconnect completely from work during the weekends since weekends are often dedicated to study or to simply rest in order to restart the week fresh again. However, it is now clear to me that I am responsible for creating a daily-routine that is similar to my experience while I am on holiday.

The desire to be on holiday infinitely is based on the belief that my experience of relaxation, free time, good food, sports, sunshine and nature are elements that I can only live on holiday. Despite the fact that some of these are dependent on the time of the year and location, my experience here, aware of my body, breathing, supportive time management, and self-stability must be unconditional. No matter where I am or with whom I am, it is my responsibility to always give me the time to relax, to eat well, to be aware of my body, to be stable, to do things that I enjoy such as being close to nature, and to find a fine balance between a busy lifestyle and self-care. 

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I can only disconnect completely from work when I am on holiday and away from work-environment or daily routine.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get exhausted in my daily-routine and to use the future holiday as a comfort to justify my exhaustion and to believe that my future rest will pay-off the stress that I allow within me during the week.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think of holiday as a reward for exhaustion and hard work, instead of allowing me to be relaxed, eating good food regularly, doing sports and enjoying myself by default in my daily life, both when I am in the city/working lifestyle and on holiday.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to anticipate the end of my holiday and, by doing this, self-sabotaging myself Here.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react within me in stress when I anticipate the end of holiday, as if something is taken away from me.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself perceiving holiday as something separate from me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that it is always me here, either at work/home or on holiday, and that any thought anticipating the end of holiday is a form of self-sabotage that distracts me from being Here now.

When and as I see myself imagining the last day on holiday and react to it, I stop and I breathe. In this, I see that this reaction is a point for me to investigate and forgive, and that apart from it there is no need to feed the energetic reaction within me.

I commit myself to check what I can / must I change in my daily-routine in order to recreate my self-stability, self-enjoyment, self-direction and self-care in every moment of my life.

I commit myself to practice relaxation techniques and other beneficial commitments when I go back to work/home.

When and as I see myself thinking that my experience of relaxation of enjoyment of nature can only happen when I am on holiday away from my daily routine, I stop and I breathe. In self-honesty I see that the experience of stress, rush, and in the mind is an experience that I have been accepting within me and that I have the ability to recreate it differently for the best of me each and every day. Being at the beach or into nature does not give me anything that I am not already - all these points exist within me but it is my responsibility to live them. Therefore, I commit myself to use my relaxing and empowering experience of being on holiday as a remembrance to then continue to apply myself when I am not on holiday.

Finally, as for the perception of time, I commit myself to look at time/hours passing by as a practical support to be efficient in my tasks and with time, and to be able to plan my activities accordingly. Any experience of rush or that the time passes by differently on holiday versus at work is a reference point to see how I am allowing such separation within me, and to empower myself to change my daily routine to be relaxing, enjoyable, manageable, and for me to be always aware of myself/body Here.

There are other dimensions to consider that have not been analysed, mainly related to the current design of the job system and the money system that also promote the separation between work and holiday. For those interested in this area and curious about new ways of living in society I recommend reading the proposal of the Living Income Guaranteed, that outlines a transition to an economic system that focus on shared well-being and the end of modern survival.

Photos taken in the Algarve, Portugal.

{ Continue Reading... }

Day 145: Stress or Self - Why do we get sick on holiday

I have heard stories of people getting sick on holiday and this might be a common episode for many, especially for those working in the world system. I have investigated this point by myself as it is the second time that I get an infection in my body while on holiday and in my case this is related to stress.

Living in constant state of stress is not the only way I can live. In fact, after spending almost three weeks on holiday in a stress-free environment I am seeing the benefits of not indulging into the stress energy: I have been sleeping better, feeling no friction in my belly after meals, feeling relaxed and more aware of my physical body and my surroundings. At the same time, I am now facing the side effects of the "decompression".

After my first week on holiday I suddenly started with an intense tooth pain caused by an infection in a tooth treated last month that was still weak.  It is interesting to see how the weakspot that already existed in me had been affected on a physical level by the change of lifestyle and environment - in fact, the reduction of my stress levels simply allowed the consequences to playout, meaning, the pain that I was feeling was the consequence of the accumulated stress (and its toxins) in my body for a long period of time that manifested in my weakspot when I stopped the stress cycle on holiday. Last year I also experienced pain and sickness after the first week - my weak point by that time was my stomach - and my homeopath also confirmed how the body cells react to cortisol (the stress hormone) in the digestive system which creates discomfort after eating, among other effects.

Since then I have been more aware of the stress point and this has been a chapter of my process of self-investigation with the tools of self-forgiveness, breathing, self-awareness, self-corrective statements and real-time application. For those facing a similar experience, I found the Self-Living webinars on how to be successful without stress very helpful and with practical examples. What I have been realising is that the process of changing myself is not some wishful thinking or prayer-based theory because change is a physical application where I change my behaviour in real time for and by myself.

Both last year and this year I got assistance and recovered from the pain but the question is: Do I want to get sick and pain every time I go on holiday? How can I prevent the consequences of stress and, more importantly, how can I prevent stress from taking over my physical body and being?

The answer is in the realisation that whatever happens to me is a result of my acceptances and allowances, meaning, stress exists within me because I have accepted it in my life. So the challenge ahead is to investigate and understand how I generate the stress energy and why. Let me start by asking me: Can I wake up and get up without any energetic rush? Can I do my daily job without going into exhaustion? Am I able to walk from point A to B in a constant pace without running or rushing? 
By simply opening up these points I can see already certain memories from childhood popping up in my mind - for example, the constant rush against the clock that I saw my parents living in, my curiosity in typing and speaking very fast just like I saw adults doing, the idea that running from one place to another is an indicator that I am doing something relevant and that being busy is a sign of being good at what I am doing. It is no surprise that my expression and movements can easily get boosted by the energetic emotion of stress. I can see that that which I have believed to be an effective way of dealing with things is actually a limitation because the stress energy is limited in its attention spam and life spam - our body cannot simply cope with stress levels for an extensive period of time without the physical consequences. So now the question is: How can I work, study and do all the things that I must do without doing it in stress or getting stressed by it? Who am I and how is my self-expression without stress?

 

The sooner I see that the stress and pain that I am causing to myself is only my responsibility, the obvious response will be that I am also able to prevent such self-abuse, right? I mean, there isn't anyone saying to me 'you go to be stressed', or 'you got to have a stressful lifestyle' - so why do I impose such ideas onto my own self? In this regard, I am looking at patterns of my own accepted thoughts, ideas and beliefs in the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind. I will start by forgiving the thoughts that I am aware of and then new points will open up. Self-Forgiveness is an ice-breaker to deconstruct the ideas that I have imposed unto myself and it assists me to know myself in self-honesty, humbleness and egolessness.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the stress energy when I face many tasks in my day instead of dealing with my tasks in complete stability and in self-trust.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create the emotional state of stress by thinking that I will not be able to complete my task on time. In this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my own self and my self-direction by participating in the fear of not being able to complete a task on time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to relax on a daily basis but instead believe that I can only relax on holiday and, based on that, create my own physical and mental exhaustion during the majority of the time that I am not on holiday.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am better or more efficient if I move myself in stress. I see that my definition of stress implies doing things fast however doing things fast and well do not imply stress necessarily. In fact, I am realising that when I am not emotionally stressed I am more open to communicate with others and to be more creative in my approach to things.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to go into stress and inner panic when I am faced with a short notice task or when things don't go as planned / expected.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project my anxiety towards another and blame the other for not helping me instead of slowing down and asking for help in a constructive way.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need the stress energy and the pressure of being late in order to move myself quickly and to make quick decisions.

In my next article I will publish my self-corrective statements as part of my commitment to change my patterns of behaviour, from automated response to self-created movement. 

Suggested video on Less Stress More Success: https://selfandliving.com/p/less-stress-more-success

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 100: My relationship to entertainment - opening this point within me

Before I took the decision to stop and write, I was going to watch another episode of a series. My starting point was based on a long day of work and an escape from a headache of the mind that I was starting to feel.  I was seeing my my partner entertained with a game and I felt the anxiety of wanting to stop studying and doing something fun and relaxing, even though I was creating exactly the other polarity of stress in the thoughts of "what should" or "should not do". Now that I am writing, I am giving me my stability back.

The pattern mentioned above of using entertainment as an escape is old - meaning, I realise that is has been within me for awhile, since school time where I saw entertainment/play as a reward after study. Nowadays, the same relationship with entertainment still exists however the time for games and relaxation is shorter than in childhood, so another pattern emerged: the accumulation of desire for entertainment and "free time".  After the daily 8 hours (sometimes more) at work, I have committed myself to continue studying for a Masters which I am now on my first year.

Yesterday, I realised an immense anxiety when I read the list of my assignments' deadlines, like an attack of fear of not making and the backchat of "it is too much at the same time". In my mind,I read the desire to go on holiday again to let go of all the various projects that I am involved. But then I ask myself: Do I want to run away from myself all my life? Is this real tiredness or am I sabotaging my own commitments?

In self-honesty, I do want to live all my commitments, not only the MA but also my daily writing, the DIP, the married life, the physical rest, my friendships and sports. So the feeling and anxiety of overwhelmingness is an indicator of a point that I must support myself to organise my daily life in a way that is viable, is fun and I express and expand myself in everything that I do.

But where does my need for entertainment come from?

Let me have a  look at that what is that watching a series gives me that I am not giving to myself by default:

• usually watching a series is a sign of having done all my other tasks and so there is a moment of "freedom" in my daily schedule to simply watch others on the screen;
• watching a series fills in a break when I arrive home after work, just before I start my other tasks such as the study or my writings;
• a postponement that is covered by an apparent calmness
•  a distraction from my own thoughts and a distraction of myself, because I am focused on another's life and therefore I don't judge me nor make mistakes. At the same time, I see that I am not creating anything either, I am only being an observer of other characters.
• The comfort of seeing the characters finding always a solution for their problems
• It gives me motivation to watch the next one because I want to follow the story; it feeds me curiosity about their story

So now, by bringing these points to myself, I can ask myself how am I participating in the other polarity in relation to my own life/story? Why do I participate in the resistance of facing and transcending my own problems, as if I want to keep me in a time-loop without understanding my own mind, instead of moving forward, finding solutions to myself and being curious to know me and my potential as Life? Why am I not creating myself for the best of me in everything that I do, without labeling my actions as "highs" or "lows"? Can I not read my university deadlines in absolute stability and confident that I am going to manage my time accordingly?

At the moment, I am grateful that I stopped the urge to watch the series and directed me to write, stopping the indecision of the mind as to "what should I do". Writing-self is a point of direction to stop, clarify the headache of the mind and start again, prioritizing my responsibilities and doing the best with the time that I have. Luckily my job does not imply bringing work home so it depends on me to manage the 5 hours in the evening to my self-commitments.

On my next blog I will write the self-forgiveness on the need for external entertainment, which is a point of separation.

{ Continue Reading... }