Day 145: Stress or Self - Why do we get sick on holiday

I have heard stories of people getting sick on holiday and this might be a common episode for many, especially for those working in the world system. I have investigated this point by myself as it is the second time that I get an infection in my body while on holiday and in my case this is related to stress.

Living in constant state of stress is not the only way I can live. In fact, after spending almost three weeks on holiday in a stress-free environment I am seeing the benefits of not indulging into the stress energy: I have been sleeping better, feeling no friction in my belly after meals, feeling relaxed and more aware of my physical body and my surroundings. At the same time, I am now facing the side effects of the "decompression".

After my first week on holiday I suddenly started with an intense tooth pain caused by an infection in a tooth treated last month that was still weak.  It is interesting to see how the weakspot that already existed in me had been affected on a physical level by the change of lifestyle and environment - in fact, the reduction of my stress levels simply allowed the consequences to playout, meaning, the pain that I was feeling was the consequence of the accumulated stress (and its toxins) in my body for a long period of time that manifested in my weakspot when I stopped the stress cycle on holiday. Last year I also experienced pain and sickness after the first week - my weak point by that time was my stomach - and my homeopath also confirmed how the body cells react to cortisol (the stress hormone) in the digestive system which creates discomfort after eating, among other effects.

Since then I have been more aware of the stress point and this has been a chapter of my process of self-investigation with the tools of self-forgiveness, breathing, self-awareness, self-corrective statements and real-time application. For those facing a similar experience, I found the Self-Living webinars on how to be successful without stress very helpful and with practical examples. What I have been realising is that the process of changing myself is not some wishful thinking or prayer-based theory because change is a physical application where I change my behaviour in real time for and by myself.

Both last year and this year I got assistance and recovered from the pain but the question is: Do I want to get sick and pain every time I go on holiday? How can I prevent the consequences of stress and, more importantly, how can I prevent stress from taking over my physical body and being?

The answer is in the realisation that whatever happens to me is a result of my acceptances and allowances, meaning, stress exists within me because I have accepted it in my life. So the challenge ahead is to investigate and understand how I generate the stress energy and why. Let me start by asking me: Can I wake up and get up without any energetic rush? Can I do my daily job without going into exhaustion? Am I able to walk from point A to B in a constant pace without running or rushing? 
By simply opening up these points I can see already certain memories from childhood popping up in my mind - for example, the constant rush against the clock that I saw my parents living in, my curiosity in typing and speaking very fast just like I saw adults doing, the idea that running from one place to another is an indicator that I am doing something relevant and that being busy is a sign of being good at what I am doing. It is no surprise that my expression and movements can easily get boosted by the energetic emotion of stress. I can see that that which I have believed to be an effective way of dealing with things is actually a limitation because the stress energy is limited in its attention spam and life spam - our body cannot simply cope with stress levels for an extensive period of time without the physical consequences. So now the question is: How can I work, study and do all the things that I must do without doing it in stress or getting stressed by it? Who am I and how is my self-expression without stress?

 

The sooner I see that the stress and pain that I am causing to myself is only my responsibility, the obvious response will be that I am also able to prevent such self-abuse, right? I mean, there isn't anyone saying to me 'you go to be stressed', or 'you got to have a stressful lifestyle' - so why do I impose such ideas onto my own self? In this regard, I am looking at patterns of my own accepted thoughts, ideas and beliefs in the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind. I will start by forgiving the thoughts that I am aware of and then new points will open up. Self-Forgiveness is an ice-breaker to deconstruct the ideas that I have imposed unto myself and it assists me to know myself in self-honesty, humbleness and egolessness.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the stress energy when I face many tasks in my day instead of dealing with my tasks in complete stability and in self-trust.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create the emotional state of stress by thinking that I will not be able to complete my task on time. In this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my own self and my self-direction by participating in the fear of not being able to complete a task on time.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to relax on a daily basis but instead believe that I can only relax on holiday and, based on that, create my own physical and mental exhaustion during the majority of the time that I am not on holiday.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am better or more efficient if I move myself in stress. I see that my definition of stress implies doing things fast however doing things fast and well do not imply stress necessarily. In fact, I am realising that when I am not emotionally stressed I am more open to communicate with others and to be more creative in my approach to things.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to go into stress and inner panic when I am faced with a short notice task or when things don't go as planned / expected.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project my anxiety towards another and blame the other for not helping me instead of slowing down and asking for help in a constructive way.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need the stress energy and the pressure of being late in order to move myself quickly and to make quick decisions.

In my next article I will publish my self-corrective statements as part of my commitment to change my patterns of behaviour, from automated response to self-created movement. 

Suggested video on Less Stress More Success: https://selfandliving.com/p/less-stress-more-success

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DAY 139: Swimming in emotions and how it affects my day-to-day living

- "Why wasn't I able to stop the emotions?"

- "It's not that you were not able Jo - it's simply that you didn't..." (Excerpt from a chat with Sunette)

This lake of emotions is now clear to me but the only reason I could see that I was not stable was because of the consequences of emotions in the various areas of in my life - for example, I have been reactive towards people and towards events when things don't go as planned; I have also been physically exhausted and at the same time with difficulty to sleep; my physical expression and intimacy with my partner seems to be blocked; and, ultimately, my ability to take decisions went down the drain.

Regarding the last point, I haven't allowed myself to take direction in this current of emotions. As a result, I haven't been able to stop thinking about certain points in my reality without actually deciding upon a solution - my mind is hooked in the same thoughts without any productive outcome whatsoever! Just like Anu explained in his interview "How to Make Choices", it is not possible to take a clear decision in such a cloudy emotional environment - I am literally unable to see the various options, the dimensions to consider and the solution in common sense. 

This "swimming in emotions" is indicating that I am accepting emotions inside of me for a longer period of time than is necessary without standing within a decision inside myself to direct them and instead look for practical solutions. Physically, I have been facing the consequences of the emotional energy effect on my body - not only feeling exhausted, but also had an urinary infection that required antibiotics, a couple of red spots on my face, an allergic reaction and burning sensation in my left ear (Inner Self) and some articulation blockage for a few seconds on my left index finger and on my right big toe. I thought that sports would assist me in reducing stress, however this time I was also reactive in sports and I was allowing myself to be fearful and imagining that I would hurt myself.

Mentally, I see that the more I participate in the thoughts and I believe in the thoughts and emotions to be real, the more I go into this state of directionless because all my attention and resources go into the emotion so there is no energy left for self/for my physical action and for solutions to myself. I can also see the domino effect playing out, whereby I start imagining all the other areas of my life going into chaos and failure, creating even more stress and anxiety within myself. For example, I had a problem with my internet at home and, since then, that other problems unfolded simply because I wasn't able to direct the other things as I would normally do - the reaction became a virus that I manifested whenever something didn't work. If I had not participated in the first reaction, that would have potentially worked as an example to myself to apply in the other areas of my life. Even if I had participated in the first reaction, that must not be an excuse to justify the next reactions. 

Stopping the emotions is a decision and, as with any decision, I must practice it and apply myself in every moment so that change happens.

This is my commitment as of today, this moment, now.

I am aware that the energy build-up had happened and I am still recovering from it so I must not be hard on myself in terms of trying to fight the thoughts and the emotions. As Sunette says, initially I won't be able to NOT go into thoughts and emotions AT ALL - my main focus is to when I see I am thinking too much and in a state of emotion, I take responsibility. Meaning, I write out the emotion and I forgive myself until I am stable.

Also, I must not believe that the emotions will go away by themselves because there is no magic in the process - I take self-responsibility, I face the emotion, I understand where the emotion comes from and I let it go through self-forgiveness. Sports by itself won't help unless I make sure that I create my self-stability first, which is only possible through writing because I slow my mind, I stop participating in the emotional energy and I am able to see the problem and the solution for myself. The imagination is still active in my mind and I dreamed a lot last night again, but instead of believing it to be real, I will investigate the patterns, the fears, the desires, and I let the images go.

By taking responsibility for the emotion that exists within me, I start the process of correcting myself and changing myself.

I am grateful for having the support of the Desteni buddies to assist me in my Process and in reminding me of being Assertive with myself and Standing Up for myself. The fact that we have regular chats has definitely supported me in opening up this point and understanding what was going on over the last two weeks. I will now do my "homework" and write the list of emotions I've experienced since the point opened up and do some sounding of self forgiveness until I feel stable.

More on this to come in my next blog.

Resources:

Heaven's Journey To Life

How to Make Choices - Reptilians - Part 137

What does it Mean to Stand Up - Reptilians' Support - Part 175

Life Review - Acceptance and Allowance vs. The Decision

Desteni Lite FREE course

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DAY 138: When the reaction becomes physical

The Characters I Play to Hide The LIE that is Me – by Andrew Gable

I have been experiencing an enormous reaction within me since Friday. The context associated to it has to do with issues with my internet provider and the lack of competence to fix the problem in a timely manner. However, the reaction itself is my own creation and there is no one or nothing to blame - I am the one accepting this event to take control over me, rather than me directing the point in unconditional self-stability. 
Physically, I have been experience nervousness, mood changes, tiredness, headache and difficulty falling asleep.

One interview that assisted me to understand where the physical discomfort is coming from  is the Reacting to Your Mind - The Future of Consciousness series, which I recommend listening to. Through it, I learned how I can take the emotional reactions in a supportive way to assist me in the process of investigating my mind and directing myself. I realise now that the physical discomfort is a gift that my mind is giving to me so that I can open the point that is triggering and feeding the reaction, through writing about it, checking the memories, thoughts and words associated to the reaction. If I miss this opportunity to direct the specific point that is manifesting in my own mind, that will mean that I will have to go through the same energy again to see the point again and eventually deconstruct it and change myself. A time-loop is not really an option because that means that I am accepting and allowing more energy to be generated in my own physical body to create once again all the thoughts and backchat related the reactive emotion. The point is here and now, so I will open it up for myself.

While I am writing now, I am noticing my eyes wanting to close for a nap - the perfect self-sabotage and defense-mechanism to not go into the deep layers of my own mind.

I order to open up the point, I will start applying self-forgiveness on the thoughts and backchats that I am responsible for directing:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react to the customer assistant based on the backchat that they don't know what they are doing and that they are not helping ME!

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future and react to the limited internet access at home in the upcoming week.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define my experience by the lack of internet access at home, which I see it is of helplessness because I don't have a confirmation of when this problem is going to be solved and when I can resume my online participation.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame the provider for the frustration that I am allowing myself to participate in.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed the myself, as my body, to be controlled by the reaction instead of me directing the reaction towards an advancement in my process and in my relationship to myself and other people.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the reaction in my tone of voice when speaking with the operator over the phone, which I see it was based on an emotional reaction and powerlessness related to the lack of clarity and solution.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed the reaction to expand and grow within me like a virus, instead of me stopping it and giving it direction by focusing on finding a solution to the problem.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be impatient with the other person because she was not saying that which I wanted to hear. In this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on the external world in order to be stable within me, and therefore keep on feeding the reaction and blame within me.

I realise that speaking in a firm way to find a solution to the problem must not imply an emotional reaction.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that the only way for me to be heard and be respected is if I react and raise my voice.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take the internet issue and the provider's mistake personally, like a personal attack.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reaction in my thoughts is real and that I have the right to react when a service is not given properly. In this I realise that I am the only one playing the reaction game within and in my actions, and therefore I realise that I am fully responsible for the physical discomfort that I feel in my body.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to put pressure on me to have this problem sorted even when they said to me that the department was closed and that only tomorrow they can look into it.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of having had this issue because I judge me as unable to direct the point of choosing the best internet provider.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that other people are more able to insist and negotiate a solution.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feed the backchat of having bad luck to justify the reaction, rather than seeing that no matter what happens in the external world, I must stand as my principle of self-stability and self-responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally to negative situations that do not correspond to the image of "how things should be" in my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire all my relationships to be peaceful and therefore to react when there is a situation of disagreement and when the solution is not straightforward.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become part of the problem by reacting and wanting to project my reaction onto another, instead or standing as an example of self-stability and focused on finding the best solution, instead of making the problem bigger than what it is.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I realise that by desiring the positive scenario to play-out I am actually feeding its negative polarity, and so, I can take this opportunity to see how I am creating the polarity and instability for myself and how I can correct me by not giving in to the thoughts and to rather work with the physical reality towards real solutions.

I realise that I judge people as weak if they don't react and, based on this, I react in fury because I want to be seen as a strong and a respectful person.

In this, I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to be a strong and trustful person within me in every moment of breath, in how I deal with my own self and how I direct me in my process of stopping the mind and rebirthing as Life in the physical body and in this world.

I realise that feeding the reaction will create consequences in my other tasks because I am allowing the energy to consume me and this is not the best for me or to my physical body.

I commit myself to use this experience and these thoughts that the mind shows me to change myself in real time whenever I face a problem in my reality or something unexpected happens. I realise that the reaction against the unexpected (being it a positive or a negative emotion) manifests because I have created an idea/image of how things should be, so I am already establishing the platform for the reaction to manifest to any other scenario.

When and as I see myself imagining the perfect scenario in the mind, I stop and I breathe. I realise that in reality things take time and that such scenarios can only be used as a reference but not as a definitive outcome considering that there are other points to be considered and other people/systems involved.

When and as I see myself going into a thought of reaction and imagining me reacting to another, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to give me this opportunity to direct my mind and to change my programming of automated reaction to a stable communication, first with myself and then to the other.

When and as I see the mind showing me memories of people reacting and getting what they want, I stop and I breathe. By bringing this point to myself, I realise that I tend to respond in panic and quick solution when someone is reacting for the sake of keeping a 'peaceful' relationship and making everyone happy. In this, I realise that by participating in another's reaction I am actually being self-dishonest and maintaining the pattern of problem-reaction-solution in this world, which is not a real solution to the problem because a reaction is never based in common-sense but in emotional energetic charges. I commit myself to assist me in seeing, realising and understanding that the idea that people get what they want when they react is a belief-system within me, based on manipulation and self-manipulation that limits me, because according to my belief system, if I don’t react I am weak and the other is the winner.

When and as I see myself judging me as weak if I don't react to the problem/person, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a process of walking in self-honesty for myself, stopping all the self-judgements and the thought patterns that create unnecessary consequences for the sake of keeping an image of "strength" and for wanting to "win" the case - therefore, I commit myself to stop the judgement of weakness/strength associated to the reactive pattern. I realise that such judgement is based on my own experience of perceiving reactive people as being successful, when in fact the reaction is affecting self and everyone else unnecessarily. I also realise that such competition is pointless because in a reaction everyone loses the potential of changing the pre-programme reaction into a fruitful outcome that considers what is best for all.

When and as I see myself taking the problems personally and thinking that nothing goes as planned, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the obsession with planning in the mind is an indicator of the excessive attention and energy that I put into the mind, rather than being fully present in my physical reality and direct myself in real time and working with what is here, without anchoring myself to the images of the mind of "how things should be".

I commit myself to stop the reaction within me, breathe, slow down the mind, see the thoughts and live the decision to direct my thoughts to support me in finding solutions to myself and, consequently, to others and to this world problems.

Recommended resources:
https://www.facebook.com/7yearjourneytolife
lite.desteniiprocess.com
eqafe.com

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DAY 126: Headache, Despair and Stress

Usually I tend to give a context related to my life before I apply my Self-Forgiveness, however tonight I realise that the context is irrelevant since the stress point can be very wide and affect us in many different ways. Actually, I have been planning to write about a point that came up recently related to chronic stress, when I was made aware by my homeopath that I was manifesting earlier symptoms of such condition that affects both the mind and the body. Since then, I have been reading about it, I met people that went/are going through it and I have been supporting myself through writing and self-awareness, dealing with my mood changes and the polarity of excitement VS depression.

To start with, I recommend reading the "Shock, Trauma and Stress: DAY 479" and the "Shock, Trauma and Stress (Part Two): DAY 480" to understand the processes involved on the Quantum Physical level that contribute to the manifestation of chronic stress in the Mind and Body. Tomorrow I will also be sharing some perspectives on Chronic Stress during my participation at the Desteni I Process LIVE hangout.

On today's post I will apply the Self-Forgiveness on the experience of despair that I have been going through today associated to a strong headache.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel desperate when I am with a headache because of the apparent idea that I am powerless towards it to stop it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the headache to feed the fear of having a disease that could potentially be life threatening.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of me as a victim of the headache without actually taking responsibility for the origin of the headache. I am aware that if exists within me it is because I have created it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into the state of dispair and impacience within me when I am with a aheadache, which I see comes from the self-judgment for not being able to move myself as fast or as enthusiastic as I usually do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame the headache for the discomfort I feel in my head instead of embracing myself and work with what is here in order to find the root of the pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complain about the headache and to blame my job for the stress that I create within me, without realising that I am distracting myself from the origin point that I must look at and take responsibility for. I notice that today, despite the strong headache throughout the whole day, I have been aware of my thoughts and therefore I can support myself to deal with the thoughts and give me direction to forgive the thoughts and realise that I am able to stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to hold on to thoughts about the things that I must do and then create this pressure in myself based on the fear of forgetting to do something at work or at home. I realise that this pressure can be avoided if I write down my tasks or if I simplify the task. I also have been realising that my mind tends to complicate things but when I de-constructed into smaller tasks these are not as big or complicated.

Self-Correction statements:

When and as I see myself getting stressed about having a headache, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am creating this stress dose unto myself unnecessarily because I am not supporting myself to get stable. This is actually an excellent opportunity to stand for and by myself in order to remind myself that I must stop the stress and breathe; that I must support myself unconditionally and that I am responsible for creating the headache in first place.

When and as I see myself fearing headaches based on the fear of being sick and the fear that the headache won't stop, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the headache is not something separated from me and therefore I cannot disregard it or judge it. It is actually my responsibility to cooperate with my own self so that I find what is causing the headache and I help myself through the process of changing myself.

When and as I see myself blaming my job or the people around me for the stress and despair that I am feeling, I stop the thoughts of blame and I breathe. I realise that while typing this sentence I saw the fear of failure coming up, which is a point that I have been accumulating within me with no reason. I see that the fear of failure won't avoid things to fail because I am actually not standing totally clear and unconditional in my actions, as fear corrupts self-honesty.

When and as I see myself giving in to the self-victimisation pattern when I feel pain in my head, I stop myself and I breathe. I realise that I don't have to feel/become/behave like a victim of my own headache. Instead, I can give myself direction to rest, to lay down, to slow down in order to help myself physically and, once I am stable, to help myself by walking the points in my mind manifested during/by the headache.

When and as I see myself using the headache as an excuse to be lazy or to be self-dishonest, I stop and I breathe. I realise that being self-honest is the key to support myself and that by not being self-honest I am just harming my self. For example, when and as I see myself saying to myself that I am not going to write because I have a headache, I stop and I look into the justification, I check within me why I am not going to write and in that moment I can decide to rest first and to write after, making sure that I am not running away from my responsibility to support me and change the relationship with myself - from self-judgment to self-cooperation.

Self-Correction commitments:

I commit myself to remind myself to stand stable in moments when the headache seems to be overwhelming.

I commit myself to relax, to slow myself down and to give me time to investigate what triggered the headache within me and what are the points that come up from this experience so that I can stop participating in it, walk the self-forgiveness and change the relationship with myself.

I commit myself to stop the fear of failure within me and to be calm when dealing with challenges in my life, being at work when something changes at last minute, or when new events happen in my personal/family life. I realise that I can be proactive within me to see what is the problem and to work on a solution, which occurs in common sense and self-honesty, not through reactions.

I commit myself to embrace the headache as a moment where I can only stand for myself and cooperate with my own self, to not give up on myself but to actually support me, both physically through resting and mentally by walking/investigating the layers of the mind through Self-Forgiveness and Self-Realization. I realise that only in self-stability, self-honesty and in standing by the Principle of doing what is Best for All it will be possible to recreate long-lasting solutions for myself and others, being at work, at home or in the society.

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DAY 112: My Pre-programmed fears and other person's fears

Recently I was having a conversation with someone very close to me and I said that I was taking care of the horses, which is something new to me and to the other person. I was enthusiastic about fetching the horses, walking next to them, giving them a carrot, checking ticks, preparing their bed, water and food. I noticed that even though the other was glad to hear the cool things I have been doing, there was preoccupation and one thing that the person said to me was "don't forget the horses also bite". In that moment I went into a small reaction of "hey, don't worry, they are ok. You don't have to think about that". Within me, however, I was angry because I thought that the other was passing me a new fear for me to deal with. So my starting point was to actually accept the words as an image of me being bitten and therefore the fear got accepted within me. This was so quick that I did not even questioned myself, until I spoke about this with a Destonian, also walking the Journey to Life Process. Through our conversation I realised that the other did not necessarily pass me the fear - I was the one not directing the information I was receiving.

I can now see that the relationship that I have with the person that is close to me has been one of "father and daughter", meaning, I hear the other and most of the times I don't question that information because I believe that it is for my own good that I should keep it and use it as a protection. This is obviously not a learning process but more like a survival toolkit of advices that I should keep. At the same time, there is a belief that if I don't hear to this person, something bad will happen exactly because I did not consider those fears. But who said that the fears protect me? The fears limit me from doing certain things and that does not mean that I am not harming myself already - the stress that the fears energy produce, the constant survival mode, the images that I create based on these ideas do create consequence in my reality, inside my physical body and externally by being unaware of myself here.

So why couldn't I direct another person's comment about the horses? I simply did not consider this to be possible because so far I have been accumulating information as fears: mines (pre-programmed fears) and from others. Both types are part of my process - the process within myself/mind and the interrelational process. The latter is based on my relationship to others and how I direct myself in those circumstances. I realise that when I am having a conversation with another I am as responsible for the words I speak as for the words I listen - meaning, if another tells me about their ideas about what horses do, I am responsible for dealing with any reaction that come up within me and to direct the information. If I see that I am starting to create a fear based on the other's experience, I am responsible for stopping and not accepting nor allowing the fear within me. I can stand stable within me, look at that fear and decide within me that this fear is unacceptable and that I do not allow that fear in/as me. I can also forgive the emotional reaction and forgive any visualisation that I have created based on the persons comments.

In addition to this, I can share with another my experience with the horses and show to the other that his idea about the horses is limited to his experience or knowledge but that from my physical reality with dealing with the horses they have not bitten and will not necessarily going to bite me. There are so many variables for an animal to potentially harm a person that the fear will do nothing but to create separation, first within me (by existing in a fear dimension) and then towards the horse (separated from my awareness in this physical reality).

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accept the fear that someone tells me (e.g the fear of being bitten by a horse) when in fact this fear is simply information that I have accepted and allowed to become part of my fears list, instead of taking responsibility for my acceptances and allowances on first place.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to breathe and consider that the fear that I am listening from another does not correspond to my real experience with the horses and therefore I forgive myself for adopting another's fear as mine.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to disregard my reality of dealing with the horses without any bites but instead accept the fear of another's reality that is not dealing with the horses whatsoever.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that fears are real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fears "taught" by parents are true based on the belief that, if I don't hear them, something bad is going to happen and they will tell me: "see, I told you that it could happen".

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to "convert" the information I hear from another person into a fear, instead cross-referencing that information with my reality and not accepting it to become a fear within me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerless towards the fear when in fact the fear is an acceptance that I am responsible for.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accept the fear of being bitten by a horse to be something that will happen to me, when in fact a fear is an idea in my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use the fears as a certainty of what could happen (predicting the future based on the fears knowledge existing in my mind) instead having my presence in real time as my reference for self-creation.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed fears to take over me, meaning, to consume my self-expression and liveliness in the moment.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for directing the information received from another and realising that the fear is unacceptable to exist in first place and to control who I am.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that fears are real simply because the fears are based on a memory which in my mind is so clear that I project unto my reality. In this case, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accept another's comment about the horses as a prediction of what will happen just because that same person once told about a cat that attacked my aunt. I realise that in my mind I associated this memory of a cat attacking my aunt and projected as the idea of a horse biting me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by another's comments and limit my action by fearing to be close to the horses.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that if I am bitten that is a punishment because I should have listened to the person's fear. Here I realise that the idea of the horse biting me is a form of control in my mind and that I also use the idea that the other person will be disappointed at me as an excuse to not stop the fear.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself listening to another and realising that a fear is starting to build up within my chest (which starts to feel tightened), I stop, I breathe and I decide within myself that the fear (e.g. being bitten by a horse) is unacceptable to exist within me and to control my reality.

Instead of reacting towards another person's words, I direct it as what it is and I take responsibility for any reaction or fear that come up and I forgive myself for creating instability within me.

I realise that I am responsible for every single acceptance and allowance within myself, which includes all the fears' list that I have defined me as. I also realise that I have created myself based on these beliefs and ideas about me which is not supportive.

I realise that I am responsible for creating my stability which comes from standing stable as my breath, understand where the fears come from and become the solution/support to myself.

When and as I see myself accepting another person's fear as mine, I stop and I breathe. I take this opportunity to check if that fear already exists within me and I commit myself to forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear within me. I check what is the memory that the fear brings and within the memory check what is the emotional reaction associated to it. I commit myself to forgive all these emotions that I have attached to myself and to my physical body.

I realise that I am walking the process of understanding and becoming aware of my pre-programmed fears, why they exist, how these fears are limiting me and then taking responsibility for forgiving myself for this self-destruction. At the same time, by interacting with other people, I am walking the process of dealing with a fear that was projected from another that it might not have existed within me before. In these cases I can simply decide not accept the fears in my reality, breathe through it, stand stable and let it go.

I realise that by accepting the fear I am accepting limiting my reality because I am not directing me in self-awareness but rather directing me based on fears and therefore creating excuses and blocking options in my reality to avoid the fears that I have created in first place.

When communicating with another, I commit myself to stand one and equal to the other person and to share my experience in relation to that point (e.g. taking care of the horses) so that the other may also see that the horses don't have to necessarily bite. I realise that this is possible once I have stopped the fear from getting "installed" within me, by having said within me that the fear is unacceptable and by allowing myself to stand stable as the words I hear and the words I speak.

I commit myself to be an active listener instead of a passive one, and to bring other points into the conversation through sharing myself one and equal to another, without wanting to change the other but to simply look at other points that may have not been considered.

I realise that if my fears are based on a memory and on an emotional reaction associated to it, by opening the point within me, I am actually facing the fear in real-time and is an opportunity to stop accepting that fear-memory-emotion to control my reality.

When and as I see myself visualising the fear based on what the person is talking about, I stop and I breathe. I bring that fear into me, I check the reaction in my chest and I say/decide within myself that this fear is unacceptable. I realise that I don't have to have a reason to have such a fear because I am committed to support myself by being aware of my reality. By being aware of my reality I can be cautious in case I see that the horse starts to be violent. Contrarily, fears create a separate reality in my mind that limits my actions, my expression and my awareness.

When and as I see myself blaming another for passing me their fears, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am the one responsible for my acceptances and allowances and that regardless where the fear comes from (pre-programmed or from my external reality) I am the one to direct what is happening within me. I also realise that by directing it I am able to change my relationship to the fear, forgive the energy-emotion associated to the fear, forgive the memory associations and stand stable within me.

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DAY 111: Learning how to walk

Many of you may relate this expression with the Process we are walking with the DesteniiProcess of facing our minds and changing practically to become the best we can be. However, this time I am literally referring to learning how to physically walk with my feet on the ground. Let me explain: I have been noticing the formation of callosities on my feet on the external side, in the centre of the soles next to the toes and on my ankles but I always thought this was normal due to the commute walking, my shoes at work or simply because many people happen to have it. I also thought that the only way to fix this was by going to the pedicure and removing the callosities every now and then.

As always, mind assumptions should not be followed but simply investigated.

Here at the Desteni farm I was made aware that the callosities don't have to exist. So why on Earth do I have this dead hard skin on these parts of my feet? It was actually the specific location of the callosities that allowed us to find the root of the problem: in essence, the way I have been walking all my life can be traced by these formations, meaning, the dry skin on my ankle show the way I place my feet on the ground, secondly the lateral callosity is where I place the external side of the foot and lastly, the callosity next to my toes in the centre is where I find balance. The fact that I don't place my whole foot on the floor using my ankle, then my whole sole and finally my toes to distribute the weight has been creating these callosities as a consequence. Just like with all my body, I have been shaping it throughout my life and now these callosities are a reference in my process and that I can check to correct my walking pattern. It is "funny" (or actually scary!) that I never noticed  how I was walking with the side of my feet, in a slight unbalance. Since the body needs to find a way to compensate such position, the callosities are formed, working like a "natural" protection of the skin because the normal muscles of the sole and the toes are not in use. In addition to this, later in life other parts of the body would probably be affected and deformed, such as the hips.

How to correct this tendency? Since last week I have been learning and practicing a new way of walking, which should be the "normal" way: first placing the ankle, then the whole sole of the feet and finally the toes, giving me balance and impulse in each step; my hips are stable because I apply strength on my belly muscles; my back, my neck and head are straight, as if I an invisible string is pulling me from the sky; I focus on my breathing and I have my arms relaxed on the sides. I have been walking barefoot to feel the whole feet and this is very supportive to stand one and equal with the ground/the grass/the Earth.

I recommend everyone to double check their walking pattern. It has been an amazing challenge to change this habit and the physical correction has been very revealing: each step is a firm movement within me supporting my process of self-confidence; walking with my neck and head straight allows me to see things at a constant level; using the toes properly allows me to walk faster; being aware of my breath supports my awareness in what I do and where I am.

It is no coincidence that the word "callousness" means indifference, emotionally frigid; apathetic. This describes well the relationship I have been having with my own walking, unaware of my own body movement, doing it automatically as a robot for so many years and affecting my posture, my attention to my reality and my own direction. So the DesteniiProcess is indeed the best gift I can give to myself, along with the amazing Eqafe support that I am eternally grateful for. All of these materials and sharings have great impact in my whole life, through discovering who I have become and learning how to recreate myself, through self-forgiveness, physical correction, self-care, self-expression and in changing my relationships to myself and others.

 

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DAY 92: Quantum Suicide and Quantum Life

Third Contact movie

This year I have had the opportunity to see the questions of life and death projected into the screens and scripts of two featured movies: one of them was the documentary The Act of Killing, and most recently, the thriller Third Contact. Today I will explore points that I realised while watching the latter.

This low budget movie touches upon the issues of bipolarity, depression, immortality, life after death, memories, past lives and traumas through visual communication and interlinked stories of the characters that we come across. This blog post is not so much a movie review but rather my sharing of the points that came up while watching it. At some point, I thought: what if that person (or someone going through the same mental turbulence) was to apply self-forgiveness on the memories of the mind, on the anger, on the sadness, on the experience that one is creating to oneself and others, on the past, on the self-definitions, the multiple personalities, the fears and on thoughts that are against oneself? Would this not be a form of re-birth? Are we not all desiring to kill the thoughts in our own minds that keeps us going on in circles and ultimately our own physical death?

I found that it is not a coincidence that the image of suicide is often related to bullet in the head, not in the heart - one is actually killing the mind, the thoughts, the addictions that we have never been educated to deal with. The heart is the physical organ that distribute the blood and the oxygen throughout the body, the same with the lungs that feel the body with the air we breathe, however, none of these organs are associated to suicide, because these are not supposed to be stopped while they are functionally working! Why would a human being kill its own body when is fully functional and healthy? Nevertheless, the body will stop working when the mind takes control. This has to do with our own acceptances and allowances, our misdirection and our distractions that keeps us away from our own self-honesty as Life. So, the act of suicide that pops up in the mind appears to be a "solution" to a Life that was never fully lived.

Back to the movie Third Contact, were these deaths real? Or was it the end of the personalities? Or even the end of memories that hold people back?  How would life be if we were to let go of the past?

I then considered that a quantum life, lived in every moment of breath, consists of a quantum death of personalities that must be cleared if we are to know ourselves.

Our physical existence allows us to birth in every breath we take, and to die in every out-breath. An opportunity to change who we have been so far. And I agree with the quote from the film, where she said: "Your concept of death is outdated", because at least for the majority of the people in the developed countries, death is not a consequence of physical hunger, or lack of healthcare or even physical abuse against human rights. Death here can appear as the idea of the mind that one cannot stand anymore, or that one does not have strength to face the problems in Life, or that one is emotionally fragile due to the end of a relationship, or that the loss of money took away one's pride and therefore life does not make sense in that person's mind.

For others, it is actually the concept of Life that has been disregarded and needs to be recreated - those are the ones that are starting to be aware that Life does not necessarily need to be a fight, or a struggle, or a proof to go to heaven, because life on Earth should be Heaven for Every single being.  This is the group of people where I  stand and I have been realising that a mind-death is actually a process of re-birthing from the physical within the realisation of who we are and what Life can be. The physical death, when it is not caused by physical accidents, it's the consequence of the self-abuse from within, as the physical body can only handle that much... And as I mentioned earlier, the act of Self-Forgiveness is one of the most revealing tools that I could ever come across to help myself, to face my mind, to get to know me, my fears, to stop allowing the depression within me, the polarity of lows and highs of the mind, the excitement and the passiveness, the paranoia and the movies in my own mind.

The director of the movie overcame his own resistance by living the decision of making this movie. As he said during the Q&A session, it was a priority that he gave to himself and directed himself to do it, without procrastinating anymore. We can learn from him! It is true that, at some point, we cannot stand our minds anymore and something must be done. Considering the pre-programme of the mind, we will go through the same cycles over and over again, even repeating our parents' patterns, until we stop creating and participating in such cycles of thoughts and actions.

As I got older, I could see the patterns manifesting in my different relationships and in different situations of my life. I couldn't see it by myself - it was just impossible because nothing in my reality was pointing me to a way out. My religion in Portugal was not helping either, quite the opposite. My friends did not know how to help and I was creating consequences around me. I wanted to understand what was going on and why the patterns were repeating. Where were the fears coming from? I also wanted to understand where my accidents were coming from. Was there a god punishing me? Was there a devil punishing me? What was the common element in all of these patterns? Was it me punishing myself? Was I creating my own thoughts and fears? Well, if I got the questions and I must have the answers. If I was creating these thoughts to myself, I should be able to delete the thoughts. If I was killing myself in such a state of mind, I must be capable of rebirthing myself in full self-awareness and start again. I can see this now. I couldn't see it before I was introduced to Desteni, their articles, the interviews, the forums and the videos. Even today I still ask myself how the hell was I able to hear them, considering that my mind is so complicated and suspicious. So I realise that I am the example to myself: if I was able to slow my mind, to start forgiving myself and to let go of my self-distrust, then this is the proof that I am able to change myself.

It is interesting that in the Third Contact movie, people shaved their heads when they were ready to "die". When I shaved my head for the first time I remember to think that I never thought I could do it, because I was not ready to LIVE myself, free of judgments! I could see other people doing it but not me. It was easy for others, but not for me. It was OK for others, but not for me.. The same with making movies: I thought that others could do it, but I couldn't. Until I took the decision to make my first video-clip.

I thought that others could be self-honest but not me, until I started to write for myself in complete openness and vulnerability.

I thought that others could write themselves on blogs but not me, until I started my blogs.

I desired others to change themselves but never considered that I could only change myself - until I took the decision to walk the Process of self-honesty and go through my deepest patterns, secrets, paranoia, memories and fears.

I did not have to literally kill myself to start seeing this; I did not have to ascend to a sky/heaven in order to be in peace with myself; I did not have to create conflict with others in order to see change around me - because my change is coming from within and is then manifested in what I say, write and do Here.

My physical reality is an indication and cross-reference of my own Process, as within so without, Life within, Life outside, in Oneness and Equality. So my own ideas of life and death must be challenged, questioned and changed. We have underestimated the potential of Life so much that death became the apparent easy way out, when the majority of the suffering is coming from our own minds, and this is unacceptable, considering that we could be doing much better in actually working on ourselves and then working together to make this Earth and Life an enjoyable place to be. Aren't Wars the projection of our own self-destruction? Isn't Poverty the manifestation of our own greedy mind separated from the others? Isn't this world a mirror of our own lack of self-responsibility for our own creation?

The process that I am walking is a Quantum process to be lived moment by moment, breath by breath, point by point, while walking the various layers of the mind. When a thought comes up, I take a breath and check within self-honesty what is my starting point, where is the reaction coming from or the fear, and I focus on clarifying it within me, self-forgive and let it go, so that when that point comes up again I am able to correct myself and not give in into the cycle. It is amazing to see that so much of my time on Earth is spent in the thoughts and concerns of the mind that really block me to look at other things in this world. It is also fascinating that since I started to sort out my own mind-mess I have been finally started my Masters in diplomatic studies and I am more than ever keen to work in this world to participate in its change for a better place for all, through common sense and solutions that are the best for all, me and the people. 

Would you go back to the mind-paranoia if you were to discover yourself as your own direction, as Life Here?

Movies mentioned:

http://theactofkilling.com/

http://www.thirdcontactmovie.com/

Supportive links:

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

http://desteni.org/

https://eqafe.com/free

http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

http://www.youtube.com/user/SunetteSpies?feature=watch 

http://www.facebook.com/groups/journeytolife/

Picture from: http://www.dailybeefcake.com/2013/07/02/bringing-third-contact-to-the-big-screen/

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