The Secret to Self-Fulfilment

Today's vlog is a turning point in my process. For those of you who know me for some time you know that this point of self-fulfilment has been a tough one - especially related to my belief system that a career or a professional path would fill the sense of lack that I have experienced thoughout my life. No matter how good I was doing in school and university, ending high-school with average of 19/20 or how well I do in my professional career, being in the UK's top 10% of earners, there has been an endless feeling of not being good enough, that something is constantly missing, that I am not in the right path or that I should be doing something else. I can see how easily I could have spent my whole life focused on the empty hole while disregarding the aboundance that has existed in me all along...

I see that I have been the one creating the hole. believing it to be real and digging it deeper each time. I have been frustated with looking for a solution to a problem that I was creating! Just like with big pharmas, it has been about creating the disease and selling the cure - which does not make sense and is against life but we are doing this to our ownselves already.

Some key points that I faced and that I can now see with clarity are:

- no path will EVER fulfil me.
The constant search for that one career that will fulfil me is a daunting task ahead that I do not recommend to anyone. The idea/fear that some paths will
fulfil you while others won't will keep you trapped and you will likely miss many real possibilities because you are still waiting for that Aha moment to tell you "That is the right thing for you" - a godlike voice that will never come. What I am finally learning is that when I create something, being a business or a career or anything it's more like an extension of myself, a physical manifestation of who I am already. The business or career will be as complete as my relationship with myself. The same applies to personal relationships and even parenting - our outer world is an extension of our inner world. It is not seperate, not more nor less.

- no relationship will EVER complete me.
There are many love songs that focus on the "other half" and "you complete me" so we probably never questioned the danger of such statements. If I am not complete with myself THAT is a red flag that needs attention - it is like our being showing us that there is something that we are not giving to ourselves. One may momentarily feel complete with another but this will not be sustainable and such emotional dependency will eventually destroy the relationship, which is really a shame. Finally, one cannot blame another for not fulfiling our empty space because no one will ever fulfill a space that is not real, but through this the potential of a long-healthy relationship will be lost for real...

- the emptiness will NEVER be fulfilled
The biggest take-away is this: the idea of emptiness is not real in the first place! Therefore, the belief that I will be more or better if I have this, or I am with this person, or I learn this or I do this is a recipe for unhappiness and dispair. The only thing that is really missing is Me, my relationship with myself, my trust and my self-honesty. Once I allowed myself to let go of this self-imposed idea of lack or that something is missing I was able to actual be stable within me. I could even appreciate who I have been thus far and the process that I have been walking in my 29 years of this lifetime. 

In conclusion, my self-stability has been defined by the feeling of being fulfilled which very seldom happens, as it is not real hence the state of not feeling I am doing enough or taking the right path for me, as it has been a point of separation. So my starting point to move myself/take action/create something in my reality must not be this idea of self-fulfilment.

Now THIS is the empowering part because once we change the starting point for creation - as it no longer being a fight or a chasing race for that emptiness - it really starts being the creation of something new that comes from me and that adds on to my life, just like our bodies create life manifested in a new born baby that is an extension of ourselves. And rememeber, all creation starts with a breath.

The second secret of this blog is that the new generations don't need to spend half of their lives missing themselves - so please do share this article and video with your friends. Let's assist each other to start creating the best versions of ourselves, by first being stable and whole individuals.



I have been walking my process of self-investigation with the support of the buddies at DesteniiProcess. Other key resources in my process have been the sharings of all the Destonians and the amazing content on the Eqafe Self-Perfection store. My husband's music and my pet pigeon are also great influences in my life.

Recommended podcast: I am fulfilled - Live Review.

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DAY 129: Holding myself back and the accumulation of problems throughout time

As I mentioned on my last post, today I will walk the self-forgiveness in relation to the depressive state of mind of self-defeat that manifests when I am dealing with my studies for example.

Before I start, I will relate this pattern of depression and self-devaluation with the pattern of holding back to problems. What I mean by this is the habit that I created within me of always having something in the back of my mind preoccupying me. I actually can't remember the last time I was empty of concerns! Within this realisation, I must ask myself what kind of comfort do I experience for holding myself to problems - is this my agenda? What life am I creating for myself if I am always holding myself back to the anchor of definitions, of self-judgment and ideas about myself and the world? If I am holding myself to problems how am I able to create solutions?!

Why am I not applying myself in every moment to help myself?

It makes sense now - the pattern of accumulation of problems is a habit. That is why, despite the fact that I have all the tools I need to help myself dealing with my mind, I am still choosing to live the comfort of the mind. The accumulation of SOLUTIONS throughout time implies a constant correction throughout time too.

I have the time now to work on the points that are here, now.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define me by the pattern/problem that I am working within me and therefore not walking out of the pattern/problem.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the comfort of "having to deal with something" is real, when in fact I am allowing myself to postpone the practical application of the solution for the problem.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the problem because that is all I have ever known and this idea gives me the comfort of the self-definition and habit.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to postpone my practical application to problems such as stress and exhaustion at work or in my studies, that I see this is not supporting me to build the foundation for solutions within me and to apply myself in all that I do.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to take every moment of my lifetime to walk my solutions and help myself to stop the problems/patterns within me, and by doing this, stopping the accumulation of problems over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my problems as "too big" and therefore justify the length it is taking me to transcend the problem. In self-honesty I realise that I must practically and actively participate in deconstructing the problem in every moment, through self-awareness, writing, real-time change, self-investigation, self-forgiveness and through self-corrective commitments otherwise it will not magically go away.

On my next post I will walk the self-corrective commitments as part of my decision to correct the problems and become my own solutions in this lifetime. In the meantime, I recommend listening to the interview What You Take For Granted - Life Review.

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DAY 123: Facing a REACTION - The Past Me and the New Me

Today I faced who I have been within a reaction - my old me that I visited again: I was nervous, stressed, could not think properly, I wanted to blame another and, despite of all the signs, I still wanted to justify this state of mind.  This time, however, there was a moment where the energy of the reaction was so deliberately strong that made me stop and see what I was doing to myself. Being aware of the pattern of reaction within me supported me to slow down and take a decision: the decision to not allow this consequence in my Life anymore - the decision to become the solution instead of feeding the problem - The decision to change who I am in the Present and, therefore, my Future.

So what was the problem?

The problem was that I could not find my tube card - for about 2 minutes I searched for it while trying to call my husband to check if he knew where the card was. After about 5 minutes I went into the experience of rush because I would be late for work. I kept on trying to contact my husband but he did not pick up.  I was literally on my own and it became clear that no one else could help me:  the same way that giving in into the mind-reaction in blame, anger and self-victimisation was also my creation. I noticed that it has been a long time since the last time I went into this stressful state of "fighting against the clock" and having my plans being delayed by an unexpected issue. It was also being accumulated by other small points that now seemed to be extremely big and justifying my belief of self-victimisation.

The Solution:

I decided to leave a voice mail on my husband's phone and in that moment I noticed the anger in my voice and the energy came up in a hiccup. In that moment, I dropped the call and I stopped - I physically stopped myself in the room and took a breath. I said to myself something like: "this situation is unacceptable - I am creating this experience to myself, I see that. I must become my solution. Blaming another for taking my card is not helping in any way so why do I do it? Instead, what can I actually do at the moment to make sure that I leave on time for work?"  From this moment, the whole scene changed. Instead of feeding the blame towards my husband, I directed my attention into a practical solution. Interestingly enough, I opened up my wallet again and I saw a backup card that I could use for the train too! Before, I remember to check my wallet and I could not see it even though it was there all the time! This says a lot about the whole blindness driven by the blame and reaction projected onto other people.

The reward:

The unexpected experience that before could have potentially conditioned and limited my day, I realise that it was a transcendance point within me that I was able to understand where it was coming from and how I could change myself and my reality. The deliberate change of attitude towards my reaction can work as a future reference to keep on applying my self-correction in every moment.

When my husband called me back a few minutes later, I could still recognise the traces of blame and anger in my communication even though I had already found a solution. In the end, my husband informed me that unfortunately the card had been left  in his jacket's pocket by mistake, and I reacted again. So additional points that I must look at are: - why do I want the other to see that I am reacting? What is reaction going to do to the other? Why do I believe that by reacting with another this is going to prevent the same point happening in the future?

When I left the bus I was physically stable within me, walking firm in my decision to not allow this experience to define the rest of my day. I took the tube and I wrote about this experience, about the point of blame, the spitefulness of reacting towards another in my communication and the desire to blame the other to justify the emotional energy, instead of stopping the reaction within me. I then realised that the reaction is of the past and of the present, but not necessarily of the future as long as I don't create/feed it. In self-honesty, it is my responsibility to become aware of the reaction, to breathe through the energy, to stop it from being projected and to release in from within, through self-forgiveness, breathing, writing and living the decision to breakthrough a pattern that otherwise could easily contaminate me and the reality around me.

 The old-reaction pattern was for the first time replaced by a real-time change in the way I saw the problem, I saw the solution and I decided to become it - embracing the New me that I am responsible for creating.

Art work by JL Kenney

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DAY 97: Inflating my career - tendency to make things bigger than what they are

I realise that a career does not need to be inflated and perceived as something bigger than myself. I see that the complication that I created within me is a reflection of what I have been accepting and allowing within and as me. Now I can use this point to correct my tendency to inflate things/make things bigger than what they are (which generates the fear of the future by seeing my "life" separated from me).

The following self-corrective statements are a continuation of my previous post DAY: 16 The Career Indecision Vírus.

I commit myself to be practical in regards to my career decision and to simply apply myself in developing my communication skills, taking advantage of the fact that I speak multiple languages, always considering the practical requirements to work in the world system, motivating myself to learn and then direct me in a field of interest where I can expand myself.

I commit myself to study in order to practice common-sense and move myself from the starting point of looking at solutions to this world and change the world like I change myself.

I support me in working in the system to support myself to change the system, first by perfecting me and then in applying myself into perfecting the system.

I realise that the priority must be me, from within, in looking at the thoughts that I have, the indecision,  my acceptances and allowances, the relationships that I have created in my mind, the desires and projections for the future. From here, I realise that regardless of what I decide, it is always me directing me, and so I commit myself to live the decision of becoming my own self-stability, self-comfort and self-direction. This decision must then be applied into everything I do, including my daily job, career and participating in this world.

I commit myself to re-establish the relationship of self-trust and self-direction that I will then consequently apply into everything I decide to do and become. 

I commit myself to become the best of me in self-integrity, self-honesty and self-worth and to live it in any career or job or activities that I do.

I commit myself to respect and take my decisions seriously.

When and as I see myself distrusting a decision that I just made, I stop and I breathe. I realise that each and every single decision that I take "counts" in terms of my own creation - I realise that my distrust towards the career became a habit and a distraction, based on projections of how the future could be in this career, or that career, which is all based in the images/ideas/definitions/desires of the mind. As I agreed before, I am not defined by the image and perception that a career is usually associated with, such as the elitism, recognition, respect and prestige - I realise that all of these associations are the result of brainwashing on the unequal value that society (we) gives to its own people (ourselves). 

I commit myself to value each and every single person and their activity as worthy, without judgments of being more or less, but to rather look at the practicality of the existing careers and become my own example in making the most of my own actions and to actually transform my career in a way that addressed real-current issues in this world.

When and as I see myself starting to navigate in my mind projecting me into a future separated from me, based on information and ideas that I am imposing upon myself, I stop and I breathe.

I give me this opportunity to stop the confusion of my mind and to assess in self-honesty why am I creating a future against my own Life/stability - Therefore, I commit myself to bring the point here and see what is my starting point and what future/fear is my mind showing me that I must correct within me in my thoughts, words and actions. I support me in applying common sense in my own decisions and do the best thing for me, in real-time, in this present moment, in order to change the reality that I create to myself - and create heaven on earth, from within.

Sometimes I see that my indecisions are superficial based on greed (wanting to do and have everything) so I commit myself to take it easy and to stick to self-honesty, as to what is feasible and what steps I require to take in order to become my solution. I finally realise that a career can/must be a solution that is part of the bigger world solution for all of us, to recreate and live in a better world.

I commit myself to trust my own volition and I support myself to be aware of my own self-creation/world-participation in every moment. I have every moment to practice my self-confidence in my process of living my decision of correcting me, within and as my decisions, and perfecting me in walking the talk.

A world where a career is a real freedom-of-choice = Living Income Grant

Image 1: http://leadersinheels.com/lifestyle/5-secrets-for-successfully-juggling-a-business-with-children/

Image 2: http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2013/07/25/day-177-how-companies-justify-poverty-wages-the-solution-2/

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DAY 96: The Career Indecision Vírus

I realise that I easily underestimate myself and what I do.  In this, I also realise that my indecision and lack of self-security is like a virus that contaminates everything I do, which was also manifested in my attempt to play an instrument, which I never took seriously. I am now sharing some of the self-forgiveness that assisted me to open up the career points within me:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to others for not knowing what career should I take.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to compete with others when it comes to deciding a career.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to hesitate in my career based on the fear of regretting my choice and for believing that it will be too late to change my own decision! In this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to sabotage my own decisions before even I take them or test them. I realise that the fear of failing is simply a fear of the mind - If I trust myself I am not failing on me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to live the decision of being fearful instead of taking my decisions seriously and doing it for myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define me as indecisive by taking another person’s advise as more relevant than my own decision, instead of realising that it is always me who walks the decision and therefore there is no such thing as being forced to do something – I am the one responsible for my actions and it is my call to listen to the other and then to decide for myself what is the best thing to do for myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to see my decisions based on another person’s agreement, otherwise I perceive myself as doing the wrong thing.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on another’s approval about what I do, what career to chose, instead of trusting me unconditionally and standing equal to another, without dependency but rather in mutual support.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that choosing a career path would take me away all my doubts like magic. I realise that I am the same whether I have a career path or not and that sooner or later I will have to clear my doubts and fears. This is my Process and every single episode of my life is a reflection of the points that I must deal with and transcend, in real-time.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to see/believe that a career is something in a distant future that I project in my mind, instead of realising that I am creating me with every action and therefore my career will be the accumulation of my actions and activities/work in the world system. Within this I see that regardless of the professional field of work, I will always have to deal with my own self in order to be able to take the most of what I do to make sure that my career is aligned with the principles of Life, of giving as I would like to receive, of self-responsibility, of self-honesty, common sense, oneness and equality.

On my next blog I will walk the self-corrective statements.

Image: http://literaryemergency.com/2012/04/06/panicky-indecision/

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