DAY 141: Facing Self-Trust in Public Speaking at a Live Hangout

Just before I pushed the "live" button, there was a shift within me. In a matter of milliseconds,  I though that I couldn't remember what I had prepared myself to say and I became nervous inside myself.  I had to go Live so we started. There was a shift in my attention and my mind was busy with the fear of failing and not being able to express myself in English. The fact that I was already live forced me to push for myself and to live my commitment of presenting the hangout and do that which I had decided to do. I had two guests with me and I realised that I could barely remember their names, even though we know each other for long time. I wasn't stable within me and I was judging myself for that. Curiously enough, the topic of the hangout was exactly about the mind shifts, the parallel realities and the consequences that each one creates to oneself. This became the beginning of an evening of self-investigation and I am grateful that I had the support of the Desteni group and the hangout assisting me in facing the energy of fear that I have been postponing for years.

Once the hangout has finished, I gave myself time to investigate through writing what was going on within me. I looked at my week and the memories that were popping up. My self-instability had not been a sudden thing and the manifestation of instability during the hangout had been the climax of a point that started manifested a week ago, related to self-trust. Not only that, I was also using previous experiences of presenting hangouts to imagine my presentation when in fact that "hologram" was not real and I was responsible for creating my presentation, creating my self-trust and creating the present moment. Like it happened with Jasmine, I was using my past to define my present which caused this distraction within myself and separation from my present reality. This experience confirmed that there is no middle-way: I am either Here or in the mind - and in the end of the day there is actually no choice rather than to stop "living" in the mind and to stand in self-awareness in the real world, if I am willing to change myself. What happened after was absolutely amazing: my body was uncomfortable, I was feeling this nausea in my belly and I was having chills in my body. My husband started asking me questions as to what I was thinking and the word that came up was fear. Obviously, my husband didn't stop there and continued pushing for myself to speak, to expand myself and to not suppress what was happening within me. While speaking to him, I was actually speaking to myself, I was clarifying myself and going through the layers of thoughts until I reached the point of Trust. In that moment, the fear energy became preeminent in my chest and it was overwhelming - as soon as I started stating my Self-Forgiveness on the fear energy I burst into tears. The energy was here, I could feel it in my chest as this massive wall that I thought was impossible to transcend. So I kept on forgiving each thought and my attachment to the fear energy that I was holding myself to. Physically it felt I was near a precipice and I feared to fall. I cried even more when I faced the word Courage - the courage to walk through the fear energy that exists within me. Through Self-forgiveness I was able to release the energy and bring me back to Here and become physically stable. I was still feeling cold but no longer nauseous.

New points opened up in my writing and a new understanding of the energy fear became clear within me when I listened to the interviews Stop in the Name of Fear and The Differencebetween your Beingness and Consciousness for the second time.

I decided to share this point because it may assist those that fear speaking in public or doing live hangouts. The points I suggest investigating are the point of self-trust and fear and to not postpone it anymore because it will eventually manifest for you to face it. Just like it is explained in the Life review, whenever there is a resistance, there is a fear that one must face in one's process of self-change. Why wouldn't one want to change if our fears are actually limiting our expression, our being and our utmost potential?

I will now share specific self-forgiveness and self-correction statements that are assisting me in walking the fear and self-distrust manifested when speaking in public:

Self-Forgiveness on the FEAR ENERGY:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the fear of making a mistake when I am doing something in public  or when I am speaking in public.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to distract me with the fear energy and with the thoughts fed by the energy, instead of focusing myself on the message that I am going to speak and in who I am in each moment of breath.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear to become nervous and being unable to deliver my presentation because it is "too hard" to do it (=to face the fear).

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the energy of fear within me.

I forgive myself as my body for having accepted and allowed myself to feed the energy of fear and through it create the images and the thoughts that justify the fear.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame another person or event for the fear that I feel within me when in fact the fear is my own creation and I am responsible for understanding it and stopping it.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to exist as the fear energy within me, in my words, thoughts and deeds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the fear energy towards the things that I do, instead of assisting me to investigate where the fear comes from and find/apply solutions to practically assist me, rather than feeding and believing that the fear is a requirement to be aware of myself.

Now that I am aware of the fear energy and the real consequence of distrusting myself, I commit myself to practice my Self-Stance and self-trust in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to stop the thoughts, ideas about myself and the image of failure in my mind as I am aware that I am the one feeding the energy and thus the one able to stop it within me.

When and as I see myself participating in the images of the mind and the energy of fear in my solar plexus when I am speaking in public, I stop and I breathe. I realise that slowly but surely I am walking the process of releasing the fear energy from my physical body and that each moment is an opportunity to apply my decision of stopping living/being fear.

I assist and support myself to be patient in the process of stopping the fear within me and to not get distracted with the images of the mind.

I realise that going into fear is a self-sabotage based on the idea that I am not ready or that I can't/I am limited. I also realise that I fear that which I don't know or that I don't understand. Therefore, I assist myself through writing and self-investigation to understand the fears within me and walk the process of changing myself and giving me direction.

I commit and assist myself to direct me in stopping the fear energy and to not allow it to take control over myself and my body.

I commit myself to trust me in my process of stopping the fear energy within me and changing my relationship with myself, from self-judgement to self-awareness, self-correction and self-respect.

When and as I see the energy of fear manifesting in my solar plexus, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to stand stable when I am facing the fear energy and through this I assist me to change my relationship to fear, from fearing the energy to understanding how it was created and then release it through self-forgiveness.

Self-Forgiveness on SELF-TRUST:

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to trust myself.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to trust my decisions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to distrust my creation as who I am, what I do and say.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as a false and as a liar.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lying to others. By bringing this point to myself, I realise that I am only lying to myself when participating in the mind of thoughts, beliefs and self-judgments.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have self-distrust as my starting point.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be misunderstood and judged when I say something.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-trust.

When and as I see myself distrusting my own self, my actions and my decision, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this self-distrust is not real and it comes from my own self-definition, ideas and beliefs about myself.

When and as I see myself judging what I do as not good enough or not perfect based on an idea of perfection that I have in my mind, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that the image of perfection in my mind is not real.

I commit myself to work with myself in reality and in real time to perfect myself, to expand my self-awareness, to increase my vocabulary, to stop the emotions and to create my own self-stability and self-trust in who I am, in the words I speak and in my actions.

I realise that the state of self-distrust is a justification of the mind to limit myself and to fear leaving my comfort zone and to investigate new points within me.

I also see that the projection about what others judge about me is showing me that which I judge about myself. Therefore, when and as I see myself judging me about what I say or do, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to embrace me in every moment of breath and to stand with and as myself in my words and actions. I realise that the personalities that I am judging are not real.

I commit myself to trust my process of getting to know my mind and of correcting me to become one and equal with Life here.

I commit myself to stop judging what I do or what I say as being wrong and to stop participating in the polarity of right and wrong that keep me trapped in my own self-judgement, self-distrust and fear energy.

I commit myself to focus on who I am in every moment and to assist me in being and doing that which is best for me, in unconditional self-honesty and self-trust.

I commit myself to change my starting point of self-distrust to recreate unconditional self-trust and to take responsibility for trusting myself in every moment.

DIP Lite FREE self-empowerment course: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com
DIP Lite on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DIPLite
DIP Pro: http://desteniiprocess.com

7 year journey to life Facebook group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/journ...

Suggested interviews on TRUST:

Respect, Integrity, Trust and Honour - The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination 
Moving from Unpredictability to Predictability to Self Trust 
Can you Ever Trust your Mind?
Anticipation: Developing Self Trust 
What is Trust
In the Mind we Trust, Despite its Betrayal

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DAY 97: Inflating my career - tendency to make things bigger than what they are

I realise that a career does not need to be inflated and perceived as something bigger than myself. I see that the complication that I created within me is a reflection of what I have been accepting and allowing within and as me. Now I can use this point to correct my tendency to inflate things/make things bigger than what they are (which generates the fear of the future by seeing my "life" separated from me).

The following self-corrective statements are a continuation of my previous post DAY: 16 The Career Indecision Vírus.

I commit myself to be practical in regards to my career decision and to simply apply myself in developing my communication skills, taking advantage of the fact that I speak multiple languages, always considering the practical requirements to work in the world system, motivating myself to learn and then direct me in a field of interest where I can expand myself.

I commit myself to study in order to practice common-sense and move myself from the starting point of looking at solutions to this world and change the world like I change myself.

I support me in working in the system to support myself to change the system, first by perfecting me and then in applying myself into perfecting the system.

I realise that the priority must be me, from within, in looking at the thoughts that I have, the indecision,  my acceptances and allowances, the relationships that I have created in my mind, the desires and projections for the future. From here, I realise that regardless of what I decide, it is always me directing me, and so I commit myself to live the decision of becoming my own self-stability, self-comfort and self-direction. This decision must then be applied into everything I do, including my daily job, career and participating in this world.

I commit myself to re-establish the relationship of self-trust and self-direction that I will then consequently apply into everything I decide to do and become. 

I commit myself to become the best of me in self-integrity, self-honesty and self-worth and to live it in any career or job or activities that I do.

I commit myself to respect and take my decisions seriously.

When and as I see myself distrusting a decision that I just made, I stop and I breathe. I realise that each and every single decision that I take "counts" in terms of my own creation - I realise that my distrust towards the career became a habit and a distraction, based on projections of how the future could be in this career, or that career, which is all based in the images/ideas/definitions/desires of the mind. As I agreed before, I am not defined by the image and perception that a career is usually associated with, such as the elitism, recognition, respect and prestige - I realise that all of these associations are the result of brainwashing on the unequal value that society (we) gives to its own people (ourselves). 

I commit myself to value each and every single person and their activity as worthy, without judgments of being more or less, but to rather look at the practicality of the existing careers and become my own example in making the most of my own actions and to actually transform my career in a way that addressed real-current issues in this world.

When and as I see myself starting to navigate in my mind projecting me into a future separated from me, based on information and ideas that I am imposing upon myself, I stop and I breathe.

I give me this opportunity to stop the confusion of my mind and to assess in self-honesty why am I creating a future against my own Life/stability - Therefore, I commit myself to bring the point here and see what is my starting point and what future/fear is my mind showing me that I must correct within me in my thoughts, words and actions. I support me in applying common sense in my own decisions and do the best thing for me, in real-time, in this present moment, in order to change the reality that I create to myself - and create heaven on earth, from within.

Sometimes I see that my indecisions are superficial based on greed (wanting to do and have everything) so I commit myself to take it easy and to stick to self-honesty, as to what is feasible and what steps I require to take in order to become my solution. I finally realise that a career can/must be a solution that is part of the bigger world solution for all of us, to recreate and live in a better world.

I commit myself to trust my own volition and I support myself to be aware of my own self-creation/world-participation in every moment. I have every moment to practice my self-confidence in my process of living my decision of correcting me, within and as my decisions, and perfecting me in walking the talk.

A world where a career is a real freedom-of-choice = Living Income Grant

Image 1: http://leadersinheels.com/lifestyle/5-secrets-for-successfully-juggling-a-business-with-children/

Image 2: http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2013/07/25/day-177-how-companies-justify-poverty-wages-the-solution-2/

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Day 75: When competition plays the game: fear of loss and jealousy

Who am I without competition?  Can you imagine Life without compitytion? It is a pity that we still haven't changed our participation in this world as such.

This point has been so ingrained in my actions that I couldn't see it anymore. Slowly but surely I am walking this process of realising Self as Life where competition is not part of the equation. Why? Because competition is in fact an internal fight of the ego that feeds the mind with its energetic highs and lows. Considering that all is Equal and One, and if I allow competition to exist within and as me, I am the one competing with myself - and this system is the manifestation of self-competition/self-abuse/separation from self and others as self.

Two interesting examples where one can self-investigate the pattern of competition is in sports and in relationships.

On a recent tennis match, I saw many points coming through while I was playing: for instance, the image of me winning the game; the perception of being better than my opponent based on our physical appearances; the ego-driven energy of desiring to win; the fear of failure (losing the game); and the shame of telling others the result in case of losing. All these distractions and comparisons (com-prison) of the mind were in fact interfering with my real action.

 The programme of my conscious mind was literally playing the game... I was the one allowing this game of competition to take place. As soon as I saw the point of competition rising in my thoughts, I stopped and I directed these points through self-forgiveness:

So I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate in the desire of winning... and in the fear of losing, etc., because none of it is real! See: the mind works in polarities- the positive and the negative - and this friction creates conflict which generates the energy to fuel the mind. So we are actually feeding our own bullshit in a cycle of stupidity.  

 Both the negative and the positive points must be investigated since this is part of the same pattern of competition. So I stop and I see how I participate in sports. I then realise that who I am during the game is not dependent on competition - I play with my body, not with the mind. Do I really want to be unstable? Is this how I want to participate in this world towards another human being? Is this how I want to be treated by others? My opponent was probably having a similar backchat and that is the mental fight that humans are busy with.... Even though none of it is real, each one is responsible for its manifestation and how it plays out in this world.

Interestingly, this pattern is found in all human interactions. Let's look at the relationship between two people, where one seeks for another's attention in the mind game called love. By believing that the other person fills the other half of self (which by itself is impossible to be halved), there is going to be the fear of lost, the fear of being alone and a complete dependency.

As it is presented in Anu's interview on control, the very foundation of relationships is deception because you are accepting points in the other that you believe to be separated from you and that you are not being/allowing as you - that is where dependency comes from.

Human beings will then enter in the game of self-sabotage, self-distrust and control around self, based on image-ination. By accepting and allowing accepted relationship towards self and another, one will be always in active competition with  potential "external players"  - the outcome manifested in this world is commonly known as jealousy.

The polarity of inferior-negative is also manifested here: one accepts to be inferior to the partner (which is projected in this world as a desire for protection), while at the same time desires to show superiority towards other human beings (e.g. other women), pretty much like defending one's territory. 

Since one is entertained with this game, it is required a lot of self-honesty to realise that the competition is actually towards self, and always SELF. These patterns are actually showing self that one is not absolutely complete/stable/satisfied alone (as Life) and that is not allowing self to be Trustworthy, to Trust Self and to stand One and Equal with other beings, as Self.

I am currently walking these points of competition in my writings through self-forgiveness,  looking at the multiple personalities that I have created towards women that interact with Joao, looking at my backchat and forgive each point as it pops up. Interestingly, the women that I perceive as a "threat" to this survival instinct of the mind, are women that I consider as superior to me - in this case, I must investigate what points I see in them that I am not yet Living as self. It is my responsibility to clean up the mess inside me and recreate self as the best of me, for the best of All. This is the only way to support self in bringing self back to the principles of Life, as Oneness and Equality as all that exists.

Competing with Self (and others as self) is a lost fight. One is actually destroying self and consequently this world. Can you see how we are in fact creating wars in this world? Have a look at the fear of losing power, the need to control and the greediness of survival - these have all the same starting point  of competition over resources. Now have a look at how in your Life you are feeding such patterns. Fascinating isn't it? Now you know what to do.

For more information on Self-Forgiveness:

2012 - When Self Forgiveness is Real?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjKJGRfkOww&feature=youtu.be

Anu’s interview about Control:

http://eqafe.com/p/reptilians-life-map-to-the-kingdom-of-heaven-part-19

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