The Secret to Self-Fulfilment

Today's vlog is a turning point in my process. For those of you who know me for some time you know that this point of self-fulfilment has been a tough one - especially related to my belief system that a career or a professional path would fill the sense of lack that I have experienced thoughout my life. No matter how good I was doing in school and university, ending high-school with average of 19/20 or how well I do in my professional career, being in the UK's top 10% of earners, there has been an endless feeling of not being good enough, that something is constantly missing, that I am not in the right path or that I should be doing something else. I can see how easily I could have spent my whole life focused on the empty hole while disregarding the aboundance that has existed in me all along...

I see that I have been the one creating the hole. believing it to be real and digging it deeper each time. I have been frustated with looking for a solution to a problem that I was creating! Just like with big pharmas, it has been about creating the disease and selling the cure - which does not make sense and is against life but we are doing this to our ownselves already.

Some key points that I faced and that I can now see with clarity are:

- no path will EVER fulfil me.
The constant search for that one career that will fulfil me is a daunting task ahead that I do not recommend to anyone. The idea/fear that some paths will
fulfil you while others won't will keep you trapped and you will likely miss many real possibilities because you are still waiting for that Aha moment to tell you "That is the right thing for you" - a godlike voice that will never come. What I am finally learning is that when I create something, being a business or a career or anything it's more like an extension of myself, a physical manifestation of who I am already. The business or career will be as complete as my relationship with myself. The same applies to personal relationships and even parenting - our outer world is an extension of our inner world. It is not seperate, not more nor less.

- no relationship will EVER complete me.
There are many love songs that focus on the "other half" and "you complete me" so we probably never questioned the danger of such statements. If I am not complete with myself THAT is a red flag that needs attention - it is like our being showing us that there is something that we are not giving to ourselves. One may momentarily feel complete with another but this will not be sustainable and such emotional dependency will eventually destroy the relationship, which is really a shame. Finally, one cannot blame another for not fulfiling our empty space because no one will ever fulfill a space that is not real, but through this the potential of a long-healthy relationship will be lost for real...

- the emptiness will NEVER be fulfilled
The biggest take-away is this: the idea of emptiness is not real in the first place! Therefore, the belief that I will be more or better if I have this, or I am with this person, or I learn this or I do this is a recipe for unhappiness and dispair. The only thing that is really missing is Me, my relationship with myself, my trust and my self-honesty. Once I allowed myself to let go of this self-imposed idea of lack or that something is missing I was able to actual be stable within me. I could even appreciate who I have been thus far and the process that I have been walking in my 29 years of this lifetime. 

In conclusion, my self-stability has been defined by the feeling of being fulfilled which very seldom happens, as it is not real hence the state of not feeling I am doing enough or taking the right path for me, as it has been a point of separation. So my starting point to move myself/take action/create something in my reality must not be this idea of self-fulfilment.

Now THIS is the empowering part because once we change the starting point for creation - as it no longer being a fight or a chasing race for that emptiness - it really starts being the creation of something new that comes from me and that adds on to my life, just like our bodies create life manifested in a new born baby that is an extension of ourselves. And rememeber, all creation starts with a breath.

The second secret of this blog is that the new generations don't need to spend half of their lives missing themselves - so please do share this article and video with your friends. Let's assist each other to start creating the best versions of ourselves, by first being stable and whole individuals.



I have been walking my process of self-investigation with the support of the buddies at DesteniiProcess. Other key resources in my process have been the sharings of all the Destonians and the amazing content on the Eqafe Self-Perfection store. My husband's music and my pet pigeon are also great influences in my life.

Recommended podcast: I am fulfilled - Live Review.

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DAY 129: Holding myself back and the accumulation of problems throughout time

As I mentioned on my last post, today I will walk the self-forgiveness in relation to the depressive state of mind of self-defeat that manifests when I am dealing with my studies for example.

Before I start, I will relate this pattern of depression and self-devaluation with the pattern of holding back to problems. What I mean by this is the habit that I created within me of always having something in the back of my mind preoccupying me. I actually can't remember the last time I was empty of concerns! Within this realisation, I must ask myself what kind of comfort do I experience for holding myself to problems - is this my agenda? What life am I creating for myself if I am always holding myself back to the anchor of definitions, of self-judgment and ideas about myself and the world? If I am holding myself to problems how am I able to create solutions?!

Why am I not applying myself in every moment to help myself?

It makes sense now - the pattern of accumulation of problems is a habit. That is why, despite the fact that I have all the tools I need to help myself dealing with my mind, I am still choosing to live the comfort of the mind. The accumulation of SOLUTIONS throughout time implies a constant correction throughout time too.

I have the time now to work on the points that are here, now.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define me by the pattern/problem that I am working within me and therefore not walking out of the pattern/problem.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the comfort of "having to deal with something" is real, when in fact I am allowing myself to postpone the practical application of the solution for the problem.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate the problem because that is all I have ever known and this idea gives me the comfort of the self-definition and habit.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to postpone my practical application to problems such as stress and exhaustion at work or in my studies, that I see this is not supporting me to build the foundation for solutions within me and to apply myself in all that I do.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to take every moment of my lifetime to walk my solutions and help myself to stop the problems/patterns within me, and by doing this, stopping the accumulation of problems over time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my problems as "too big" and therefore justify the length it is taking me to transcend the problem. In self-honesty I realise that I must practically and actively participate in deconstructing the problem in every moment, through self-awareness, writing, real-time change, self-investigation, self-forgiveness and through self-corrective commitments otherwise it will not magically go away.

On my next post I will walk the self-corrective commitments as part of my decision to correct the problems and become my own solutions in this lifetime. In the meantime, I recommend listening to the interview What You Take For Granted - Life Review.

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DAY 105: Days without writing - practical points to re-embrace self and stop procrastination

You know when you are traveling, moving from one place to another and everything is temporary, until you finally reach your home and you start to be more organised? Well, I haven't been physically travelling but this is an analogy to what happens to me when I am not writing and I am moving from one point to another, as if I am escaping from my own self, without actually living the commitment of dealing with my reality completely and being specific. The idea of getting to the comfort of my home (the moment when I stop and write) became an delusional oasis and used as an excuse to procrastinate the creation of such oasis everywhere I go - and that moment never came until now. I am now alone, laid down on the sofa, typing on my laptop and it is calm. However, what is blocking me from recreating this stability when I am somewhere else?

I am actually recreating my habit of not leaving the writing for late in the evening - by experience, by the end of the day I will be so tired that I will easily postpone the writing for the next day, and the snowball starts its journey until I get tired of procrastinating.

The resistance to be disciplined is an good point to look at: I realise that I enjoy when the plans change and the routine is no longer a routine. However, this lack of consistency is based on an idea that I get bored with doing the same thing every day, such as writing every day. But wait a second: don't I eat every day? Don't I breathe in every moment? Don't I wake up every day?

What if my body was to make a strike and not wake up? How on earth do I want to become consistent and confident in my process if I am not recreating the consistence and confidence in me? I this also a great trap of the mind, because even though the action of writing is the same, I never write the same things and there is always an expansion within me.

The process of change is manifested in what I do - and this is why few people consider changing themselves, because that is the real process to walk - changing patterns, changing assumptions, changing schedules if needed so that my new tasks can be done.

While I am trying, my eyes are starting to shut down - the mind is striking! So what can I do to actually stand as my living awareness and continue what I  was doing?

• Becoming aware of my breath - this support me to stand here and see what I am doing;
• being assertive with the time that I have dedicated for writing;
• stopping the thoughts and imagination of the mind (daydreaming)
• Look at the big picture of what I am doing and how getting distracted in the mind does not benefit me in any way whatsoever
• Embracing what I am doing, such as writing
• Being my own example
• Expanding myself is something that is unique and I can only do it for myself

In the end, it all comes down to self-honesty and to who I am in each moment.

So:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself when I postpone my daily writing, as I notice that I am the one deceiving myself and not actually supporting me in changing my habits to become a better version of myself and in becoming organised with my own things.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to admire the people that appear to be organised instead of learning with them and perhaps asking how they manage their time efficiently so that I know what changes I can adopt for myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create a snowball of excuses to not write and a snowball of thoughts about what I should be doing, instead of being realistic with my time available and prioritise that which must be done.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to postpone the things that I enjoy myself doing, instead of creating my own balance of responsibility and self-enjoyment, work and relaxing, study and play, without these being necessarily polarities but things that support me equally.

When and as I see myself getting frustrated with the fact that I am postponing and accumulating things to do in my mind, I stop, I breathe and I write down the list of things that I have in my mind to do. I commit myself to make my tasks practical according to the time available and the prioritisation of the tasks.

When and as I see myself feeling regret for not doing that which I wanted to do, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a trap of the mind because both the plan and the desire to "tick box" the plan existed only in my mind. Therefore, instead of putting me under pressure, I can help me to see what can I do in that specific moment to recreate my stability, to be flexible with me and to find a solution that will be lived for real.

When and as I see myself using people in my mind as an example of solution-makers and an example of organisation, I stop and I breathe. Instead of associating these points with these people, I can see how in this specific moment can I do that which I would associate with the other person. This way, I am learning with the other and becoming my own example.

When and as I see myself thinking/imagining that I will write at night before I go to bed, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this was the same pattern I had with praying before going to bed, when I was already so exhausted that I would fall asleep and then feel bad for not having prayed. So, I commit myself to help myself in facilitating my actions and, instead of trying to make them for the days that I didn't do, I can instead look at a solution moving forward, starting a new commitment to write at lunch time, or on the bus, or when I arrive home, or in the morning before work!

When and as I see myself falling asleep while I am writing, I stop me and I breathe. I realise that in these moments I am actually doing things in my mind, imagining what I will do next but in reality I am with my eyes closed, away from my opportunity to do things for real and to live to my utmost potential.

Daily writing is not an obligation; writing daily is like drinking water - it refreshes me, it makes things clear, it supports me without me even being completely aware of how I am fully responsible for my stability and that I am giving me the conditions to be stable inside-outside.

I have also realised that the resistance to write every day is similar to the resistance to study - it is interesting that these are two elements for self-development, self-expansion, self-change and self-creation. So, when and as I see myself being lazy with my own Life, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to do things for myself based on the realisation that I am fully responsible for my life here, for who I am, for what I allow myself to do and to not do, for supporting me unconditionally and being the example to my own self. I am the teacher and the student. I am the creator and the creation. I am the words that I write and walk. Any resistance to do that which supports me to stand stable, to expand myself and to express myself I know that is an indicator of a point to transcend. Curiously enough, I have now realised that the resistance to have fun can also exist (!) therefore this is also a point to be lived within and by me.

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Day 56: We are made to last. The current system is not.

When are we going to create things that last for as long as our bodies do? Today’s consumer society is literally destroying us, inside-outside. It is completely against who we really are, as beings that care for Life. This has been our creation, fellow god...

The system is against ourselves because we are against each other, thus against ourselves. 

Based on these notions, people who design, produce and sell products do not care about it at all because people are simply busy on surviving, just like you and me. Surviving is a must in this current economic system and we have no choice.  

You may have all the good intentions in the world but the product your are selling is just as fragile as the system itself. 

 

There are no warranties for a life time.

Money has a central role in this game. Interestingly, products of quality are away more expensive than the ones of fragile materials. But why on earth are we creating such products in first place? Isn’t it ridiculous?

If we have the best materials, why don’t we use it to produce that which is essential... And please do not allow your brain to be washed with ideas like “there isn’t enough for everyone”. You are the one that must be considered, everyone is. If we can build millions of useless stuff every day, of course we can create enough articles that will last in time for everyone who’s alive and for all the future beings that will be born.

When we buy a product we are literally buying the time we will use it, not the time we want it to last. Well, on average it will work the time that the warranty covers it. This is such a joke... Not to mention the waste of the excessive production of objects that are simple designed to make profit. We are suffocating ourselves and the air we ALL breathe. Oh dear gods, if we know that certain things harm us, why are we still producing it? Are we that dumb?

But wait a sec! Our bodies are made to last. Feel the strength of your bones! Embrace yourself! You feed yourself because you want to last, you want to take care of your body and feel well. SO WHY ARE WE ACCEPTING A SYSTEM THAT DOES NOT SUPPORT LIFE?
This is self-corruption.

The good news is that this system was not made to last either. 

Make sure you stand up.

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