Day 157: Feeling anxious, stressed and under pressure is NOT normal

Today I woke up feeling anxious and I went into the experience of anticipation, thinking that I had forgotten to do something or that I had forgotten something somewhere the day before. There was also dissatisfaction by thinking that I had not been as good or that I had done some mistake the day before.

Then I stopped the thoughts and asked myself: Why am I perceiving me as capable of doing less than who I am? Why am I automatically distrusting my ability to do everything at the best of my ability and to not forget stuff? Why am I creating this anxiety in my own body?

The answer was: I am the only one who can stop the judgments, the automatic anxiety, and the thoughts that feed all of these automatic reactions. I am the only one who can forgive myself and let go all the unsupportive mind of old habits, ideas, fear and self-distrust.

I got up, I slowed myself down through breath and I forgave myself out loud. I forgave the thoughts, the imagination, and the scenarios in my mind that were justifying the anxiety and stress. I restarted the day, stable and in self-awareness.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed the feeling of anticipation within me and to believe that this feeling is real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine situations (often the worse case scenario) where I have forgotten to do something and to react even further to these thoughts. I see, realise and understand that by feeding the thoughts I am continuing the cycle of reaction-thought-reaction that creates additional anxiety inside myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge me when I forget things and to punish me mentally for it, instead o seeing that the reason why I forgot things is that I am busy in thoughts (thus not present in the moment 100%) in the first place, and to assist me to learn from this mistake to not repeat it again.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that feeling anxious, stressed and under pressure is normal and that this is the only way I can move myself to do things.

So,

When and as I see myself feeling anxious and under pressure based on the anticipation that I have forgotten something or that I am late, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that the energetic response of reaction does not support me/my body and that it is not a solution for me to remember things or to move myself. I see that the thoughts of anticipation are automatic behaviours based on old habits and memories that no longer exist here and that now I am fully responsible for doing things/creating my life differently.

When and as I see myself feeding the feeling of anxiety and stress with imagination about what I could have done "wrong" or forgotten to do the day before, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that whatever happened the day before I cannot change it, however I can change what I do with the remembrances of it and I can also take responsibility for doing things differently from now on. I also realise that who I am in relation to my reactions is also my responsibility so instead of going into stress and pressure I commit myself to be the solution to myself: if I have forgotten something, I learn from it and I proactively find a solution to start applying now.

When and as I see myself judging myself for whatever I have forgotten to do or for thinking that I wasn't good enough the day before, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that these self-judgments are lies that I tell to myself automatically to feed self-distrust and that feed the stress, anxiety and anticipation.

I commit myself to stop the cycle of energetic responses inside myself and to trust my ability to stabilise myself through breath, through slowing down the mind and by stopping feeding the thoughts that justify the anxiety and stress within myself.

I remind myself that anxiety, stress and pressure are not who I am and therefore I commit myself to not allow automatic mind reactions to take over me/my direction/my decision to stabilise myself and be present.

I also see, realise and understand that the more aware and present I am, the more I am able to do things fully and therefore prevent thoughts of self-doubt, anxiety, stress and pressure within me.

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DAY 143: Comparing Happiness and the Survival Headache

I started feeling a strong headache last night while watching the Pursuit of Happiness, a movie with Will Smith about  a guy that struggles to get just enough for him and his five year old son. I was actually feeling tired as if I was living the same experience as the main character - the tiredness of the constant problems, the bills to pay, the fines and the debt knocking at one's door, which can easily put one down.

This guy was resilient and did not give up. However, and despite the fact that he was showing that he was able to get things done and find solutions, I was in this anxiety of imagining the worse end throughout the whole movie. If I bring this point to myself, I can see this pattern playing out in the relationship with myself - no matter how many times I have proven to myself that I am able to find solutions to myself, to stand up and to do what is best for me, I still allow myself to go into anxiety and into the survival mode of fearing the worse case scenarios in my life.

Another point that opened up was the belief and fear that I would not be able to find solutions like the main character did because I am a woman and because I would not be able to do it all by myself. The headache has been with me during the whole day today and so I have decided to write about it and see which points open up:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to compare me to the main character of the movie and thinking that I would not be able to help myself if I was in his situation of poverty, struggle and a child to take care by myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as unable to face my problems and to find solutions for me and those around me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to underestimate my ability to help myself, to know myself and to do that which is best for me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the survival mode of the mind by imagining the scarcity of money in my own mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within me when I listen to people's problems because I start imagining these problems in my own life instead of assisting me in standing as a point of stability and a point of support to another. I realise that placing me in the position of the victim is not part of the solution but I am actually feeding the problem.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less capable of taking care of myself if I am alone.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to find solutions if I am not with my partner.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as weaker and inferior compared to the guy's story in the movie.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that people need to go through struggle in order to prove themselves as capable or simply to have a story of courage while in the meantime there are unnecessary consequences in one's minds and physical bodies that could be prevented.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the film's story into my own life as an automatic reaction instead of simply learning from it and seeing what values and principles I am missing and separated from.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be with my partner in order to be stable and to give me direction when in fact this is a manifestation of the survival mode projected unto another whereby I fear losing my partner and go into anxiety when I imagine me facing issues by myself.

By walking the process over the last five years I have become aware that I am the only one able to assist me - and this is regardless of being alone or with my partner. The reality is that I am the one able and responsible for knowing my mind and walking the correction. This means that this fear and apparent dependency on my partner is not real and it is a moment to remind myself of that and align me to not participate in this belief system of the mind.

When and as I see myself creating unnecessary stress and anxiety within me by imagining what it would be like to have another person's problem, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that I am unable to help myself or another if I become part of the problem - I see that I can understand the problem by placing myself in their shoes however going into stress and anxiety will not help. Instead, I commit myself to apply the solutions that I have been practicing in my own life, such as slowing down the mind, understanding where the thought is coming from, stopping the thought, giving me direction, being self-honest, breathing and being clear in my correction in order to prevent unnecessary consequences.

I commit myself to stand as myself in my process of becoming self-aware, knowing myself and applying the corrective tools of stopping the mind, seeing the situation in common sense and applying the correction and solutions to change the situation for what is best for me. By creating this consistency within me and by building this trust I will be able to assist others in doing the same for themselves.

When and as I see myself comparing me to another person (being it in real life or to a character in the movie) and thinking that I would have given up, I stop the thought and I breathe. I realise that this backchat is not real and is unnacceptable - I realise that I don't have any choice rather than helping myself unconditionally in every moment. I also realise that usually when I compare myself to another is a form of self-judgement whereby I think of me as inferior and weaker. Thus, I commit myself to stop all thoughts of comparison in relation to other people's lives, experiences and stories.

When and as I see myself believing that my self-stability is dependent on being with my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am the only one able to know me, to walk my points, and therefore the one able to create my self-stability in my process of changing my relationship with my mind.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that my economic stability is dependent on my partner, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that it is my responsibility to make sure that I am able to take care of myself and to provide me the best living standard; I am also aware that in today's society and where I am now this living standard requires me to be financially supported. Therefore, the belief that my economic stability is dependent on another is not real because I am actually already proving to myself that I am responsible and capable of my own financial support. Having said this, I am also aware that one's economic stability may be provided by another when couples decide it so in a given time and therefore the fear is also unnacceptable considering that such decisions must be mutually agreed and properly planned.

When and as I see myself thinking that my partner would be able to apply common sense better than I do in stressful situations or in the context of the movie, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that it is pointless for me to project the movie's story literally into my life because that is not the point of learning from another; I realise that by taking another's story and example personally I am actually getting distracted from my ownself and for my own life. In this, I commit myself to take people's stories as examples to learn from and not to copy from. By learning from another I realise that I am assisting me in applying solutions as the principles of courage, of self-determination, of consistency and of creativity in my own life. I realise that I cannot live another person's process and that all I can and must do is to live my process/LIFE to my utmost potential.

When and as I see myself being limited by my own thoughts, fears, anxieties and images in my mind, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to use the tools of Desteni such as of writing, of investigating my mind, of forgiving myself and of writing my self-corrective statements in order to stop the cycle of self-limitition and give me the chance to change my relationship to myself, from self-limitation to self-awareness, self-expression, self-expansion and self-direction.

Image: 1001moviequotes.com

Recommended Eqafe interviews: 

Life Review - Comparison, Judgement and Competition

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Comparing Images and Imagination 

Comparison: An Introduction - Atlanteans Series

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DAY 136: Symptoms of the I'm not Good Enough personality

This week I came across a behavior within me of holding myself back in actually showing how dedicated I was in my task, as if I wanted the other to believe that I was good in what I was doing by pure magic. There was also this backchat, or should I say backdoor open in my mind about leaving things averagely done, but not in full perfection as I could potentially do.

I was looking at these symptoms and the thought "not good enough" came to my mind. I then realised that I was actually manifesting in my physical action the belief that I am not good enough, even though I had spent time training myself for that specific task.

So, why did I hold myself back? What is that I am trying to limit from my own self?

I decided to look on Eqafe for further perspectives on this personality and the Life Review I'm not Good Enough came up in the results. As soon as I started listening to it, I got amazed and overwhelmed by the similarities of this person's experience regarding the "not good enough" belief that she also had about herself. I took deep breaths to slow myself down and to simply listen to her words and be present.

What I am realising is the  following: not living up to my utmost potential is a form of giving up on my Self. This means that I am accepting and allowing myself to give up on Life, my Life.

The experience I had this week assisted me to look at the points of self-worth and my potential, which brings me back to the 1st principle  of My Declaration of Principle:

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

In my case, I see that the personality behind this self-imposed limitation is the belief that I am not good enough, either towards a specific job, career, relationship or even my own life style. When I first came to London I thought that this was too good to be true, meaning, too good for me; when I got my first job here I thought I had luck and through such thought I was de-valuing all my efforts in learning new skills, my time invested in improving my professional English, my self-direction in meeting people and the ultimate reward of a job offer.

A new pattern emerged when I started my MA and I realised that I was doing my assignments from a starting point of simply passing it. That's what happened during my first year, until I saw what I was doing - I was imposing a limitation to my own self by not going beyond the "pass" and to fully express myself and dedicate myself to develop the skills required in my field of studies. This actually reminded me some of my colleagues at school that would be extremelly happy for passing a test despite the low score - there are many reasons as to why kids don't have better grades but one of them is the belief that one cannot and will never reach a better position in life, which probably came from the social-economic environment that one grew up with. Imposing a low potential to oneself works against our own development and I saw that for myself in how I was using the excuse of working full-time, for example, to justify not doing a better at Uni. There is obviously the practical time and availability required to study however in self-honesty I can see how I was manifesting the backchat of simply wanting to pass. During this year I noticed the physical change in my attitude towards my studies and the self-enjoyment is extremely rewarding because I am going beyond my self-imposed limitation and I am directing myself to the best of my ability.

The questions and, therefore, the answers are inside me and I know exactly what I am doing when I accept less than who I can be.

As it is explained in the Eqafe interview mentioned earlier, the "Not Good Enough" personality is a cover-up of the mind that we accept and through it allow ourselves to be powerless; the belief that such thought is real makes us live such personality until we have given up of ourselves completely. Just like she did in her life review, I look back in my childhood and I could see moments where I have defined me as not good enough, especially when comparing myself to my sister and to other adults. At that time I did not have the tools of Desteni to realise that comparison was not supporting me and, even though my parents have always pushed for me and valued my work, I haven't done that for myself. At school, even though I had the best grades in the class there was still a dissatisfaction within me because there were things that I had forgotten and that I could do better. So now I am looking at a pattern related to the "Not good enough" personality which is self-distrust and lack of self-worth. The consequences of participating in these patterns have eventually manifested in adulthood like an automated mind-programme that manifests in almost everything I do. So I must support me to stop, look at what I am creating for myself and decide to stand for myself.

What is the resistance to stand for myself unconditionally and to respect me as Life?

In order for me to be able to know myself, I must investigate these points in self-honesty, without any hidden agenda within myself. I will start by scratching the surface:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of valuing me and telling others what I am capable of doing at work and school for example.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone else is better than me and therefore I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as not being good enough by comparing myself to the ideal of perfection that exists in my mind (projected to others).

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the opposite polarity of imagining that I am being recognised by another as being great in what I do. I realise that the desire to be recognised by another is not real and that I am the one who is able to stand in unconditional self-support and self-recognition in everything that I do.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by people's positive compliments and by people's negative feedback.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to go into powerlessness and nervousness when I recieve negative feedback and to go  into excitement and self-worth when the feedback is positive.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that holding myself back is the norm in the society because it is better not to stand out by doing things differently or to be fully dedicated to things.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate my full dedication to something or to a project based on the idea that perfection will lead to criticism and judgements. I realise that these judgements exist primarily within me and these are related to the fear of being excluded for doing things perfectly well and as the best I can.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge my work (especially during my school years) by comparing it with my colleagues. I now see, realise and understand that I was feeding the idea and self-definition that I must be better than them, instead of doing my best for myself and to make sure that I develop my skills to reach my utmost potential.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not worthy of having the best grade or the best salary or the best relationship with my husband or to become the best of me in my life. At the same time, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define me as the grades or any other system evaluation - I am aware that the system is not based on fairness or equality and therefore I must not define me as it and I commit myself to stand stable and to know where I stand as my Principles.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to value me only if others value me, which is a catch 22 considering that each one is us is in our own bubble. I realise that my self-worth must be unconditional and based on self-honesty only.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to recognise my work as an extension of me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the reaction of dissatisfaction towards who I am and what I do. I realise that I am trying to fit in an idea (like a hologram) that exists in my mind and that I get frustrated when I am unable to play out such image of perfection.

I commit and assist myself to stop participating in the image of perfection in my mind because that it is not real. I realise that the "I'm not good enough" personality emerges from the images of the mind and from the comparisons with people that I have perceived to fit in the image of perfection in the mind. Therefore, by stopping participating in the image of the mind I am assisting me to start living perfection in my own actions, by learning and applying my skills to the best of me.

When and as I see myself participating in self-distrust, I stop and I breathe. I realise that self-distrust is based on previous experiences and in the accumulation of self-disappointment that I still use to justify the belief that I am not self-worthy and that I cannot trust myself to change me. I realise that my process of changing my relationship with myself exists in every moment of breath and therefore I commit myself to stop manipulating my present and future based on my past experiences and memories which are also a manipulation of the mind.

When and as I see myself participating in the polarity of feeling ashamed for doing something perfectly well and for explaining to others how I have done it, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I resist to talk about my merits based on the fear of being judged as egocentric and as smug. However, I realise that these are the judgements that I have created about myself. Therefore, I commit myself to assist me in standing for my actions, to talk about my actions without any judgement and, if a judgement come up, I commit myself to look into it in self-honesty and see for myself if there were any manifestations of the ego and of a "show off" personality (which is also motivated by competition, comparison and superiority/inferiority). If such personalities exist, then I correct myself through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application.

When and as I see myself holding off my potential based on the idea that I want to fit in the image of humbleness, I stop and I breathe. I realise that every definition that I have created within me must be redefined so that I can allow myself to expand outside of my own self-judgement. I see that currently every definition that I have created about myself is being used to limit myself and to suppress my potential.

Therefore, I commit myself to investigate and redefine the word "humbleness" in order to align myself with the words and to start living the words for the best of me and for the best of this World.

I realise that any judgement that come up in my mind is an opportunity to correct the relationship I have with myself, and to direct me from self-judgement to self-worth, developing a self-supportive relationship with my own self.

I realise that the way the mind works holds on to the accepted self-definitions and judgments that I have imposed on me. From the moment I unconditionally embrace myself and investigate where self-distrust comes from, there are no judgement for the mind to hold on to anymore. It will require practice and consistency within me to reverse my mind and to start living the principle of self-worth.

Picture by Tiger Talk Series

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DAY 134: The Desteni of Living - My Declaration of Principle

On this blog I share the Principles that I commit myself to Stand as and Live by, manifested in everything I Do, Speak and Think. This is my Process of Living, supported by the Desteni tools, that I Walk for myself.

1. Realising and living my utmost potential

2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.

19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

Start your Process with the assistance of a Group of People dedicated to Life.

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Supporting materials: https://eqafe.com/free

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DAY 132: From Planning to actually Doing

I am noticing a pattern within me of planning an ideal scenario in my mind (the positive) but ending up becoming frustrated with myself when things go in a different way (the negative polarity). This is manifested in the big decisions that I take in life, whereby the panning of it was of immense enthusiasm and dedication but, when the time comes to walk the decision, I am not allowing myself to be stable and consistent in my application. Many of these projects take years to complete, such as building a specific career or in becoming fully comfortable in speaking another language. Walking this Process, a career path, or any decision is an accumulation of actions done throughout a period of time, so imagining things done or ready from one moment to the next is not realistic.

In many of my points and experiences, I notice that there is a resistance to be stable and consistent in my responsibilities. I tent to jump from the plan to the idea of how I would like the end-result to be.... Obviously there is a gap in between, which should be filled by the process of walking the decision practically. In addition to that, in order to walk the decision unconditionally, I must also let go the desire of finishing something because I have not even started! Instead of hanging myself to the hope and imagination, I can enjoy much more if I walk each action at a time, adjusting, correcting, testing and perfecting myself in my actions.

I can see this pattern manifested in my sports lessons, whereby I imagine the end of it rather than being present/moving myself in each exercise. I tend to imagine the relief of finishing the exercise without realising that I am separating me from my reality and making the exercise much difficult to myself.

The other point then comes up, which is self-pity, because I accumulate plans/best scenarios but I am not able to fully live them and complete them with the same enthusiasm as when I planned it. Therefore, I must align my relationship of planning and creating in order to support myself.

So,

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think about how things should be or how I would like things to be, and ending up living in an alternative reality and attached to the idea of "potential" but without  actually living what is here. I realise that by holding myself back to the idea/image of how things should be, I miss opportunities to see the common sense, to create what is best for me and for others in a given situation, and to reach my optimum potential in everything I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make things harder for myself by wanting to focus on many plans at the same time, rather than applying my time effectively into the decisions that I have decided to walk and to walk them completely.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have resistance to follow a schedule or a plan of action that should be used as a self-assistance. I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame the schedule and the plan for the pressure for the pressure that I am creating to myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to limit myself with the thoughts of wanting to give up and by comparing myself to others to either feel good or better about myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to limit myself when it comes to walk a decision, as if the motivation during the planning was not here anymore. I realise that planning is not based on an energetic motivation but  it is simply a self-supportive guide for my own actions and commitments.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage the things that support me the most, such as my studies, my process of writing, my daily job and my communication with people, by going into the thought that I am lost and that I should be doing something else. 

I realise that these thoughts are not real and I commit myself to focus on what is here, on that which I can do in this moment to support me to live the common sense, self-correction and the principle of self-honesty.

So,

When and as I see myself thinking that I am losing track of certain plans, I stop and I breathe.  I assist myself and I commit myself to align my time to my priorities and to make sure that I am consistent in all of them, without procrastination. If I see that some plans or tasks need to be postponed or adjusted, I commit myself to be clear with that decision inside me in order to prevent any self-sabotage of unnecessary pressure.

When and as I see myself participating in the positive energetic impulse of planning something in the mind-future, I stop and I breathe. I realise that nothing will happen if I don't move myself in this physical reality and make things happen for and by myself.

When and as I see myself holding back to an image/projection of a plan that is not longer feasible or realistic, I stop the mind and I breathe. I look into the image/projection and I assess if the starting point of the plan is still the best for me and how can I change the plan in order to reflect my own process of change.

I realise that the optimum potential is not an image, but is a state of being in everything I do and I speak.

Therefore, I assist and support myself to stop the image of the completion of a task (being it at work, in my studies or in sports), and I support me to be aware of each moment of breath, of each decision, of each body movement and action, considering that the process of walking the plan will depend on the accumulation of my actions in every moment.

Instead of placing/limiting my attention into the projected future in the mind that is not supportive, I commit myself to be focused on my actions and on who I am in each action. I realise that planning is based on a direction and in principles that are the best for me that I apply into my actions. Therefore, I stop creating/participating in the images of how I want things to be and, instead, I start looking in common sense at what is Here and I dedicate myself to create real-time solutions, in Self-Direction, Self-Responsibility and Self-Change.

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DAY 121: If I was alone, would I do/behave the same way?

The following points opened up after writing and re-reading the previous post: "DAY 40: From attention seeker to self-expression". 

When and as I see myself judging what I say based on the idea that the other person is judging me as an attention seeker, I stop and I breathe. This "attention-seeking" definition reminds me when as a kid I started to show what I could do, but I realise that I was actually taking the other person's comment of "here you are showing off" as an attack against myself! Instead of taking the thought or even the comment personally, I commit myself to look within me at the starting point for me to share myself or share a story or show something to another.

I now see and I start realising that this judgment of being an attention-seeker is in itself a limitation, because I am "killing" my self-expression or any potential for expansion or realisation in that moment while I am communicating with another. Therefore, when and as I see myself going into the self-judgment of being an attention-seeker or showing-off, I stop , I breathe and I check within me what is the starting point of what I am saying or doing. Instead of going immediately into the self-judgment of being an attention-seeker, I accept and allow myself to correct my starting point and to stand in self-honesty, in self-support, equal and one with the other that is listening me and speaking to me.

When and as I see myself defining me as something that is clearly creating limitation in my reality and in my relationship to what I do and to other people, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself to realise that the self-definition became my acceptances and allowances, but that this is not unchangeable! I realise that the comfort and the perceived stability that the self-judgment brings is not real but I haven't allowed myself to be or do something differently.

I realise that, just like this world system, I got used to certain rules and beliefs because I never heard or saw something different, but that does not mean that the way things are is the best way (it clearly isn't, based on the inequality and lack of common sense that exists in this world system). The same applies to my process: if I see that the self-definitions, the self-judgments and the fears are limiting me, why would I continue attached to it? Why do I fear to step forward and walk in self-initiative to change my own relation to myself?

When and as I see myself judging the way I communicate and the way I express myself as seeking for attention, I stop and I breathe. In this moment, I can ask myself: If I was alone, would I do/behave the same way? Am I being unconditional in my expression with another or am I waiting to have something back, either a comment or a look of acceptance? I realise that who I am with others must be one and equal to who I am within me, based on the same principles, motivation and self-correction.

When and as I see myself suppressing my expression, my voice and my movement based on the thought that someone is watching me and judging  me, I stop and I breathe. I assist and support myself to see that the judgment already existed within me and that I am accessing  a mind-system through another, in a projection of my own mind. In this, I commit myself to stop the thought that I am being judged by another and I bring this point to myself to see how I am judging my own body movement, voice and actions.

When and as I see myself judging my voice, my behavior and even my clothes as childish, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a self-definition that I have believed myself to be but that I never took responsibility for stopping the judgment and actually enjoy myself and express myself in absolute stability and self-confidence.

When and as I see myself wanting a response from my reality to accept that which I am doing or saying, I stop and I breathe. I realise that my reality is a mirror of what's happening inside me, therefore whatever response I am looking for outside me is that which I am not giving to myself yet. On the other hand, when and as I see myself thinking that I am being an attention seeker, I stop and I breathe. I assist myself to investigate the factor behind wanting to get specific people's attention, which I see to be related to the resistance to stand firm by myself unconditionally and regardless of what others say  or do.

I commit myself to practice my stability in my communication, by slowing down and by stopping the mind in the moment. Through this, I assist and support myself to see what I am believing and defining myself to be, why I am defining as it, how I am limiting my decisions, my options and my existence Here.

I realise that if I don't stand for and by myself my expression will be reduced to my mind (world mind) of accepted and allowed do's don'ts, self-judgments and self-limitations.

I will continue investigating and writing about this point.

Artwork: "CONSUMED By The Idea of Yourself" - Charcoal and Chalk Pastel on Paper, 11x14inch, by Andrew Gable

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