DAY 151: A Pigeon and World Peace: Conflict resolution in real-time

An unexpected event has been assisting me over the last week to understand two things clearer in my mind about conflict towards something or someone: firstly, that I fear that which I don't know and look for excuses in my mind to validate the fear, and secondly that the fear dissipates when I get to know the "other" side and my whole behaviour changes, from rejection to equality, empathy and compassion.

Last Friday, on his way to a meeting my husband saw a little pigeon outside the house and told me to check him out. All I could see was a dark thing that had nowhere to go and in me I saw someone that had no idea what to do. I had been given the instructions to check him out but I could not even hold him! I could not stay outside the whole day so I decided to get my thick gloves and try to hold him - one thing I was sure: under my attention he would not be caught by the cat that was already on his way. So with my super gloves I got him out of that hostile environment and brought the little one home. If initially in my mind I was the victim of such a bad luck, now I was defending him in the name of Life. There was a massive contradiction within me: if on one hand I could sympathise with his position, on the other hand my backchat was telling me that it was dangerous to have a pigeon at home. I had no clue what to do and I was shaking inside - I was with a bird that I judged as dirty, smelly, probably sick, ugly and useless. This was my mind speaking but at the same time I could not leave him outside.  After two attempts of putting him to fly outside and seeing him struggling with the cold and not being able to fly, I decided to open my harms to this new unexpected guest. I called my husband asking for help and what he said to me was crucial: "Put yourself in his place and treat him as you would like to be treated".

So how could a pigeon assist me to grasp this? Well, the details of the experience are as relevant as the realisations thereof, but the important thing here is to see that the experience of familiarity and stability in the presence of another being can happen even when initially there is resistance to accept another's existence. Sadly, this often happens only when the circumstances force us to face the inner fears and when there's no choice rather than to change in real-time, step by step.

The little one that I once thought to be dirty, smelly, probably sick, ugly and useless became my best reference point of self-change. On the second day I stopped wearing my gloves and I could feel his soft feathers for the first time, I could appreciate his smell without judging it, I could look at him as who he is - a breathing being in this world just like me. The former experience of disgust was transformed into a constant caring, attention and dedication that has gradually grown. I gave him the space to know me and he trusted walking on my hands, the same hands that have tried to put him outside twice to fly away. I then realised that his life was dependent on me to feed him and that I was not giving up on this responsibility - this decision had ripple effects and empowered me to not accept other giving-up thoughts in other areas of my life. With this we have been supporting each other, each one in his own process here.

We notice a considerable change in him, from being depressed and in a state of hopelessness, to now being curious about everything, walking around new places in the house, opening his eyes completely and being physically stronger. He can now fly higher as well (luckily we have high ceilings in the house!) and once he is able to eat by himself we will see if he is ready to fly outside.

My husband and I are fully dedicated to this mission and the young pigeon is responding well. We give him food regularly as he does not yet eat by himself, (we test different mixtures of seeds, vegetables and bread to make sure he has all the nutrients), we watch videos on youtube and read forums about pigeon-care, we took him to the vet, we do flying sessions in the living room, we walk with him around the house (he is very social and likes to be with people), we wake up earlier than usual to feed him before work, we try to do shifts of working from home so that he is not alone during the whole day, we place him in areas where he can get direct sunlight in the house, we talk to him and stroke him. Another important element is to have a stress-free environment (for him and for us!).

The timing of this experiment couldn't be better as I am currently writing my dissertation on conflict resolution and investigating the neurological and psychological mechanisms involved in the perceptions of the "we" and the "other", the fear responses, the distrust and the dehumanisation of the out-group. By bringing this point to myself, I can now see that I saw the pigeon species as less than my species, as not worthy of living in the same city or even sheltering on my roof. When I look deeper into this resistance towards pigeons I see memories that have shaped this continuous separation - the childhood memory of being in the park in Paris and getting my trousers dirty with pigeon poop; the image from the movie Mary Poppins where the bird lady is in a dark setting, surrounded by pigeons that cover her and walk on her hat; the memory of when I was maybe three years old and used to go Avenida da Liberdade in Lisbon to give bread to the pigeons and I was scared of them and also tried to scare them away. In my mind I have associated pigeons with darkness, dirt, bad smell, confusion, poverty and irritation. I had no reference of anything else but separation.

But none of that prevented me from saving this little one. Who I am now and who I want to become cannot accept such inequality anymore. Over the last week I created the opportunity to redefine my relationship towards this pigeon and pigeons in general, to move from "them" to the "we", together sharing the same roof and the air we breathe. The simplicity of this micro-experience in my life can be projected into the societal and international divisions between people that define themselves as enemies, as opposites and as a threat to one's existence. Peace and reconciliation is possible, and it starts from within by living out the words we want to see manifested in this world, such as peace, understanding, respect, growth, equality

Finally, there was also the physical aspect of the pigeon - it is apparently not as expressive as a dog or a cat and at first sight pigeons have an intimidating look. It's a human habit to judge the book by its cover and missing much of what is here in this life and world. If I had never accepted this change in me I would have never seen the delicate presence of a pigeon, the preening movements to clean his feather, his response to sounds, his begging for food, his patience, his curiosity and his every-day discoveries.

So what changed since last week? I did. He did. We got to know each other and created a mutually supportive environment, where I give him that which he is unable to provide for himself and he assists me to be present here as nature. The giving and receiving approach is a practical way of living the word Peace, as perfectly explain on the Consciousness of the Dove interview, where peace exists when I become Peace and live as it in everything I do - in this case, through treating another as I would like to be treated and in recreating supportive relationships and a new way of existing within myself, with others and with the world as a whole.



Recommended Interview: 

The Consciousness of the Dove - Part 1,2,3

What does it mean to become and live the word ‘peace’?

Why is it not enough to desire peace as a way of manifesting it?

Why is it not so much your intentions, ideas and thoughts that influence your body, but your beingness?

Why are many people not aware of their beingness?

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DAY 140: Live events and Stopping the Fear in real-time

I manage live events as part of my daily job and I have noticed how the fear of an unexpected technical issue is terrifying. I am walking the process of stopping the fear in real-time whenever the fear possession starts manifesting in me however I realise that I haven't yet sat down and written about it to fully open the point within me,  facing them and starting my self-correction. For example, during a live event  I start imagining the various scenarios of "what can go wrong" and drifting away from myself, so I have to really push myself to ground myself and focus on that which I do have control and can guarantee that I do the best of my ability for a successful event.

As always, breathing has been my main support to slow down the mind and give me back my physical stability. Sometimes I wonder how people deal with these fears and emotions if they are not walking the Process, however I can see how I had not been aware of these for many years and that I had simply suppressed the fear, trying to replace it with some positive thoughts and praying that everything would go fine. Nowadays, I have been proving to myself that I am the one able to create my self-stability, just like I am the one responsible for creating my own reactions, fears, emotions or a stressful state of mind.

The more I feed the imagination the stronger it gets and so a firm decision is absolutely required to not go into the thoughts. Today during the live event I got scared (I scared myself) when something changed on my screen and I felt like a stone against my chest and a racing heart beat. In that moment I realised that such reaction and harm in/to my physical body is unacceptable and I slowly slowed myself, breath by breath, until my muscles relaxed again. I then felt the polarity manifesting, which was a feeling good sensation and the image of the end of the event. In that moment I wanted the time to move faster because I feared an unexpected issue to spoil the event - this fear isn't real but it assisted me in identifying my mind-patterns and walk these points in writing.

Curiously, by digging into the fear and anxiety in this example, I can identify the pattern of self-judgment emerging from it.

Why would something unexpected happen?

Who am I when something unexpected happens?

Why did I desire the time to move faster?

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine that something unexpected will happen to my event. I see that these images are based on my past experiences that I am now projecting to my present reality.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think of me and define me as a victim of unexpected incidents and accidents.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire time moving faster during a live event instead of being stable and present in every single moment, during and outside work, when things are simple or when things are complex.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to realise that my time is my life and that who I am in every moment is not limited by my professional activity, quite the contrary - I realise that my daily job and any activity that I do is a moment where I am facing my mind and it is an opportunity for self-correction and to live the principles of  courage, self-trust, self-learning and self-correction.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that problems only happen to me and to think that things are simpler to other people.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to place a judgement of "right", "wrong", "easy", "complicated" when something happens in my reality. I realise that this emotional attachment to the things that happen to me is what I am busy with and therefore missing the step of an immediate physical self-correction. I realise that it is pointless and self-dishonest to compare my experience to others because I am only in my mind and therefore any thought about how others deal with their own mind is invalid because I am not dealing with their minds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and feed the mind-energy of anxiety in my physical body through my participation in thoughts and for passively accepting these thoughts to run inside of me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am this fear and this anxiety that manifests when something unexpected happens. I realise that the fear and the anxiety became automatic as part of my habit of living in constant fear however this is not who I am if I am to stand as Life, and as breath and as the solution to mySelf.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get distracted by the scenarios that my mind plays out and to believe that I must fight the thought or keep feeding the thought and self-sabotaging my own reality. I realise that I dont' require to think about the worse case scenario to be focused on my reality - actually, this pseudo-awareness is actually stress and it brings unnecessary consequences to my physical body which I am responsible for preventing it. I realise that in order for me to apply solutions in the physical reality I must stop the mind, breathe and restart my action in common sense, self-awareness, self-honesty, onenness and equality.

When and as I see myself creating and participating in a thought of something unexpected happening during my event, I stop the mind and I breathe. I commit myself to focus on my actions, on the practical steps that I know I must take to make sure everything goes well and I commit myself to stop any frustration when it comes to things outside of my control.

I commit myself to invest my time and my attention to the points that I am able to change and to improve, instead of defeating myself with the fear of that which I can't change or manage. In this, when and as I see myself going into the terrifying fear of some technical failure to spoil my event, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the event is an accumulation of actions that are taken in self-honesty, to do everything to my ability to complete an event flawlessly.

When and as I see myself going into memories, information about problems and the emotion of fear during a live event, I stop and I breathe. I realise that these memories, images and fears are points within me that I must forgive and let go so that a new relationship to my job and myself can develop.

When and as I see myself thinking of me as a victim of people or of situations, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this self-definition isn't the best for me because I am deliberately putting myself in stressful situations and in constant fear of losing my self-stability instead of creating my self-stability for myself in every moment. I realise that people or situations do not create victims and that this idea only exists within me about myself.

I commit myself to assist me in standing stable within me in every situation and with anyone, and for that, I commit myself to stop and breathe whenever my mind goes into the imagination of a crisis or problems in my reality, and to assist me in that moment to recreate my self-stability until there is no fear-energy within me.

I realise that the emotion itself does not come from the thought but comes from my belief and physical attachment to the thought or idea. Therefore, when and as I see myself limiting myself with a sudden thought that something "bad" or an accident will happen in my reality, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this thought is a projection of my own self-distrust and self-judgement and therefore I am able to correct the self-distrust and the ideas about myself.

I commit myself to change my attitude towards myself and my actions in any given moment, from self-judgement towards self-enjoyment and self-expansion in my relationship to myself.

I commit myself to become a stable being in my physical body and to not get distracted with the ideas I have created about myself in the mind.

When and as I see myself to have defined me as/believed that my self-judgements are real, I stop and I breathe. I realise that when the thought comes up I am "responsABLE" for directing the thought in a practical way, by seeing if it assists me or not, and to decide to let it go if it is not the best for me. Finally, I realise that even when some unexpected issues occur, I am capABLE of directing myself in self-stability and self-support in order to be the solution and to not become/participate in the problem.

I commit myself to use the information brought by my mind to assist me in the process of dissecting the thoughts, the fears, the personalities, the emotions and the fears, and to embrace my mind as a guide for me to walk towards self-realisation and self-corrE(A)CTION.

The more I write, the more points emerge. I can identify new dimensions as part of my daily job and I will continue walking these points and share them in blogs to come.

References:
Free Life Coaching http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/
Life Review - Trying to Suppress Your Mind https://eqafe.com/i/jferreira-trying-to-suppress-your-mind-life-review

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DAY 103: Why do I feel embarrassed

I must deconstruct the moment of embarrassment to see all the layers under the experience of embarrassment  Walking it through self-corrective statements helps me to open us these layers within me.

This is a continuation of my blog: Embarrassment - Losing my comfort zone at work

When and as I see myself judging the action of speaking English in public as something too big and too risky for me, I stop and I breathe. In this sentence I realise the following: speaking in English is speaking a language, not more not less than speaking in Portuguese or in French; speaking in public is not different, or should not be different than speaking with myself or with the people that are close to me; judging something as more than what I perceive I can do is an idea, therefore, I can first do the action and then see what is that I must align in order to stand equal to that action - in this case, judging speaking in public to be a big task was my own mind-dictatorship telling me how to judge that moment and define me according to the experience and fear of being overwhelmed by something "bigger than me". Finally judging it as risky implies that I have an agenda to follow in order to stick to a certain image or reputation that only I invented to myself, instead of creating myself through my actions - is it not risky to stay stuck in my own imposed mind of ideas and fears? I realise that the risk is also an idea through which I limit my options and my own expansion. In fact, speaking in public in English is supporting me to stand comfortable with the language, comfortable with my own voice and making myself more clear to others. Speaking in public and outloud forces me to change the way I communicate, the structure of my narrative, it helps me to see what is relevant and what is ego, and I start enjoying myself in my communication in English, instead of getting frustrated with it.

 When and as I see myself holding myself back to the memory in my mind where I judge me in being embarassed, I stop and I breathe. Instead of simply accepting this memory as the only thing that was left from my past, I start investigating what is that the memory/mind/embarrassment and judgments are showing me what I have bee accepting myself to be and exist as. In this case, I realise that the memory of my performance as being the cause of failure is a manifestation of devaluation of my own self, whereby I judge everything that I do or touch as getting less value because I got involved. I also realise that the action of speaking in public was merely a few minutes of practically assisting the event, but the weight over this memory is the self-judgment. As the Eqafe interview also assisted me to see is that what my mind is showing me in moments of embarrassment is that which I fear others to thing of me, that in turn is a projection of that which I want to hide from others and, finally, of that which I want to keep avoiding facing within me. I commit myself to stop the habit of going automatically to the acceptance of self-judgments but to instead stop the self-judgment and support me to be stable in everything I do and to embrace my actions. I see that I would not harm me on purpose, nor would I deliberately decide in self-interest, because none of these "choices" are self-honest actions. So, if I think that others are judging me as less, I see that this is my own thought and that I must forgive me for diminish me in my relationship to others. I can only stand as life in this world if I stand for and as my own life and if I respect me as Life, equal and one with another being and all that exists. I commit myself to stop the attachment to the memory and to stop manipulating me through defining me as the memory and the accepted perceptions of myself and others. I commit myself to debunk my own personalities found when I investigate these moments of embarrassment.  I commit myself to restart again in each breath and let go of the judgments and give me time and practice the ability to know myself, to understand the patterns of my mind and to help me unconditionally to change me in self-direction in order to stand in oneness and equality and to be always self-honest.

Recommended Eqafe interviews:

Embarrassment: Is it Really so Bad? - Atlanteans - Part 107

Embarrassment: Embarrassment and Personalities - Atlanteans - Part 106

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DAY 100: My relationship to entertainment - opening this point within me

Before I took the decision to stop and write, I was going to watch another episode of a series. My starting point was based on a long day of work and an escape from a headache of the mind that I was starting to feel.  I was seeing my my partner entertained with a game and I felt the anxiety of wanting to stop studying and doing something fun and relaxing, even though I was creating exactly the other polarity of stress in the thoughts of "what should" or "should not do". Now that I am writing, I am giving me my stability back.

The pattern mentioned above of using entertainment as an escape is old - meaning, I realise that is has been within me for awhile, since school time where I saw entertainment/play as a reward after study. Nowadays, the same relationship with entertainment still exists however the time for games and relaxation is shorter than in childhood, so another pattern emerged: the accumulation of desire for entertainment and "free time".  After the daily 8 hours (sometimes more) at work, I have committed myself to continue studying for a Masters which I am now on my first year.

Yesterday, I realised an immense anxiety when I read the list of my assignments' deadlines, like an attack of fear of not making and the backchat of "it is too much at the same time". In my mind,I read the desire to go on holiday again to let go of all the various projects that I am involved. But then I ask myself: Do I want to run away from myself all my life? Is this real tiredness or am I sabotaging my own commitments?

In self-honesty, I do want to live all my commitments, not only the MA but also my daily writing, the DIP, the married life, the physical rest, my friendships and sports. So the feeling and anxiety of overwhelmingness is an indicator of a point that I must support myself to organise my daily life in a way that is viable, is fun and I express and expand myself in everything that I do.

But where does my need for entertainment come from?

Let me have a  look at that what is that watching a series gives me that I am not giving to myself by default:

• usually watching a series is a sign of having done all my other tasks and so there is a moment of "freedom" in my daily schedule to simply watch others on the screen;
• watching a series fills in a break when I arrive home after work, just before I start my other tasks such as the study or my writings;
• a postponement that is covered by an apparent calmness
•  a distraction from my own thoughts and a distraction of myself, because I am focused on another's life and therefore I don't judge me nor make mistakes. At the same time, I see that I am not creating anything either, I am only being an observer of other characters.
• The comfort of seeing the characters finding always a solution for their problems
• It gives me motivation to watch the next one because I want to follow the story; it feeds me curiosity about their story

So now, by bringing these points to myself, I can ask myself how am I participating in the other polarity in relation to my own life/story? Why do I participate in the resistance of facing and transcending my own problems, as if I want to keep me in a time-loop without understanding my own mind, instead of moving forward, finding solutions to myself and being curious to know me and my potential as Life? Why am I not creating myself for the best of me in everything that I do, without labeling my actions as "highs" or "lows"? Can I not read my university deadlines in absolute stability and confident that I am going to manage my time accordingly?

At the moment, I am grateful that I stopped the urge to watch the series and directed me to write, stopping the indecision of the mind as to "what should I do". Writing-self is a point of direction to stop, clarify the headache of the mind and start again, prioritizing my responsibilities and doing the best with the time that I have. Luckily my job does not imply bringing work home so it depends on me to manage the 5 hours in the evening to my self-commitments.

On my next blog I will write the self-forgiveness on the need for external entertainment, which is a point of separation.

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Day 90: Taking people's words and actions personally

While typing the title of this blog, I realised how comic in fact this whole projection is: how can I blame someone for my own interpretation of their words? Why do I go into a reaction when the other person doesn't do what I expect to be done? Isn't this an experience that I create in myself? How come can I expect another to know  my expectations and my relationships to words and therefore expect that they would say things and do things in a way that does not cause me any reaction? Isn't it common sense that it is my responsibility to stop the projections and to start purifying the words within me? Is it not the case that I can learn with another and the other can learn from me? I will therefore walk the point of taking another's words and actions personally:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feel angry internally when someone does not do that which I expect and think should be done.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create this experience of anger within me which is a point of separation inside-out. I realise that I am responsible for my own anger because I am the one creating such experience within me based on the belief that this is how things should be/work.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have the right to be angry at another, which is based on the belief of righteousness.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to let the reaction go and to be patient with another being as I like people to be patient with me.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to stop the mind in these moments and to allow myself to breathe slowly until I calm myself down and prevent the reaction/consequence.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to realise that the resistance to slow down and breathe is a defense mechanism of the mind to keep the energy building up within me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that if things don't go as I planned it means that something is going to go wrong. I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine/create/antecipate images of what can go wrong.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the pattern of self-punishment based on the feeling of guilt when things don't go as I think they should go.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react towards my own mind/imagination, instead of realising that I am accumulating this energetic experience and it requires me to be disciplined to STOP the ball, to breathe and to give me direction in that moment outside of my imagination, moving me in self-stability, one and equal to the other being.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to help me in these moment of energetic emotions and to support me in seeing the common sensical thing to do - either in communicating with another what would be a best practice or to ask to another what he/she is doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that I know what the other is doing and to believe that I know what is going to happen based on the starting point that things will go wrong.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the back chat of the mind which is this conversation within me, the convictions, the assumptions and the answers in my mind that are pure imagination.

Self-corrective statements

I realise that currently my relationships  and interactions with other beings manifest the various patterns that I became and therefore this is my opportunity to walk these points and change myself.

When and as I see myself looking at another's action and thinking that she/he is doing it wrong, I stop the thought and I breathe. Instead of being a zombie observer, I commit myself to either help the other if needed or to do what I am doing and focus on my own actions (being an example to myself).

When and as I see myself fearing that the other person will drop something based on the starting point that if it was me I would be more careful, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I can only be careful with my actions and that thinking about the other as not careful is a point of separation. Therefore, I support myself to stand stable with another and to trust the other as myself. I realise that this projection actually shows me that I am the one not trusting myself in every moment and that I am accepting to distract me from myself entertained with thoughts about the others.

When and as I see myself participating in the patterns of righteousness towards another person, I stop and I breathe. I realise that my idea of how things work is based on my own experiences and that I cannot impose unto another - by bringing this point to myself, I realise that I am the one who believes that I must obey to another and do what I am told without considering what is the best thing to do, and this is the justification as to why I  tend to react when the other does not obey me! Within this realisation, I commit myself to stop wanting to control the other person, stop wanting to impose and to stop being a slave of my own mind. I realise that what I see in another also exists within me so I take this opportunity to stop accepting and allowing me to be a slave or desiring to have slaves doing what are told. I realise that all of us have much more to gain if we communicate with each other to come to an agreement of what is the best thing to do, as equals, rather then competing with ideas, minds and egos.

When and as I see myself taking another person's actions or words personally as an offense or as disobedience, I stop and I breathe. I slow the mind and I slow the thoughts about the other in order to allow me to focus on me, as to what I am allowing within my own thoughts. I realise that if I have a reaction towards specific words or voice tonality then I must investigate within me where is the reaction coming from, forgiving the memories that keep me separated from being here, stable in the present moment. At the same time, I realise that thinking that the other is doing something just to annoy me is a manifestation of paranoia and inferiority, therefore, I help me by stopping these thoughts and correcting me in my relationships to the other people, allowing me to stand equal to another, not superior or inferior.

When and as I see myself participating in the imagination and belief that I know that another's intentions are malicious, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to stand accountable for my own thoughts and look at my starting point in real-time in order to stop the cycle and not feeding the mind.

When and as I see myself thinking that things will go wrong if things are done differently from what I believe should be, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the starting point of the plan was based  on my imagination, previous experience and judgments, instead of considering the best for all and common sense. I realise that changes to the plan is not necessarily a bad thing or that imply any punishment. I realise that it is my responsibility to make the best I can and be constantly correcting my actions in order to do things perfectly as the best for all.

I commit myself to focus on who I am in my relationship and interaction with another and I support me to be stable, equal to the other, in self-honesty, self-trust, steadfast in my own actions while open to another's solutions, looking at things in common sense and treating the other as I like to be treated.

Illustration 1: https://eqafe.com/p/the-nature-of-taking-things-personally-reptilians-part-222

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