Day 159: Who Are YOU in the face of disagreements?

When it comes to arguments or to simply being in disagreement with someone's ideas or opinions, I notice the tendency within me to focus so much on the clash of the minds that I forget about who I am in midst of it all. The consequence of getting obsessed with what another said to me for example suddenly becomes a traumatic experience that I prefer to avoid rather than investigating -- a nice way to hide my mind from myself! So on this post I will open up the other side of arguments and disagreements, which is the window of opportunity to get to know me, to investigate my own reactions and to let go of the burden that I have perceived such an experience to be.

So the question that came to me was: Who I Am when a discussion intensifies and my view differs from another's opinion?

Until now I have been perceiving another's comments as a personal attack to me, whereby I take it personally and I believe that I must defend myself from the "attack". If I look at my past memories of being in an argument with someone (this often happened with my sisters) I see that I could easily go into an offense mode, either by feeling offended or by spitefully wanting to offend another (the called "low blow"). From that moment on, I can also see the fear of its escalation because I have seen minds fighting before - words are used irresponsibly and the real topic that was discussed slips into second plan because now it is a battlefield for the minds and the energy thereof - I was no different and the same has happened to me, for as long as I participated in my mind.

This is precisely what I am currently changing within me.

What happens if I decide to be stable even when I may sense that another person is reacting?

What happens if I give myself time to respond instead of responding in the heat of the reaction?

What happens if I bring the reaction fully back to myself and recognise that whatever happens inside myself is my own creation?

The answer to these questions will definitely be different from everything that I have been living thus far, because I know exactly what happens when none of the above is applied - there is space for resentment, for sadness, for emotions, for disappointment, for fear, rupture and separation. The other person is just a mirror of all the emotions I allow within myself, first and foremost.

As part of my process of self-investigation I am decided to break down these patterns and to walk through Who I have been in the face of disagreements, in order to live Who I Want to Become in every moment of my life.

I will now look at the tendency to take words personally/as an attack from another.

I see that I would not react to comments if there wasn't something about me in it, meaning, the reaction is a veil that hinders me from seeing something about myself. So the other person actually assists me to uncover aspects about myself that I am not seeing or willing to see.

In a recent experience, the best way to describe my reaction was for feeling misunderstood - for wanting to explain myself and despite my efforts my words were being twisted and interpreted in a certain way that was not my starting point. From this I went into a perceived powerlessness because I was trying to convince another person of something about myself. But why do I need to convince someone about who I am? By bringing this point to myself I see that it was not about the other... It is about me standing for myself, stable and without self-doubt. It is about me being absolutely certain about my starting point and therefore not even reacting to any potential misinterpretations.

It is interesting to see that I was almost missing this point if I would have not stopped the emotional reactions and looked inside. I also see the effect of the reaction because from that moment on everything else was contaminated with the reaction and I was no longer stable within me. A practical tip to not allow emotions to take over is to let go for a moment - in this case, to not respond immediately to another and instead, give me time to stabilise myself again and come back to see the situation in self-honesty and common sense. It may be even a couple of days until one is calm and does not react immediately to another person - because it is not about the "other" but about what I experience inside myself through another.

Based on my experience, writing the backchat or the reaction can assist to let it go however it will not actually assist me to look further inside myself. That is where self-forgiveness comes in. By forgiving myself for the emotions I am participating in, I am able to slowly but surely take off the layers to dig deeper into self-awareness and understand new points about myself hidden behind reaction and fear.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the friction and the thoughts in my mind when someone states a different view of the world, politics and society.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take another person's views and comments as a personal attack to my own self and to my vision for the world.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to go into irritation within me when I notice that my words are being twisted and used in a different meaning than my initial starting point.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of how another may use my words based on the belief that I am being attacked.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to respond to defend myself (in this case my mind) instead of participating here in self-direction, in eventually clarifying what is going on without expecting to be either accepted or understood.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the friction that I feel in the moment I read/hear a comment that is in disagreement with what I am writing/saying is real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that another person is angry at me because I am not in agreement with them. In this, by bringing this point to myself I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get angry at another for not being in agreement with my views or with what I say. In this, I see, realise and understand that I am the one creating anger within me and projecting that towards another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the emotional reaction and the thoughts thereof are real. I see, realise and understand that the thoughts that come from the fear and the reaction are actually indicators of what I am still allowing myself to participate in and I can decide to look into these, forgive the reactions, the fear and allow myself to change myself in relation to Who I am in the face of disagreements.

Self-Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself seeing the emotional reaction building up when I am reading or hearing comments that are in disagreement with what I stand for, I stop my reaction and I breathe.

I commit myself to slow down my mind until the point where the thoughts exist no more and I am deliberately grounding myself here in my breath. From here, I assist myself to recognise the pattern of reaction to disagreements and my responsibility in not feeding this friction/energy anymore. I commit myself to give me direction to see the common sense (or lack of it) in the disagreement and in making sure that there is no emotion involved in my participation, whereby my starting point is no longer about defending myself/ego but rather in clarifying whatever is not being clear to another based on my understanding of how the world is and how it should be.

When and as I see myself going into self-doubt when someone questions my integrity and self-honesty, I stop my reaction and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that my reaction is an indicator of where I am not unconditionally standing for myself in self-trust. Therefore, I also see that it is not about responding to another or defending myself because there is no quick fix for this - who I am as self-integrity and self-honesty is a decision that I live inside me, in every moment and that I stand in what I say and do.

When and as I see myself participating in irritation when I am seeing that my words are being misinterpreted and twisted into a different meaning, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that this irritation exists within me and this is where my focus goes, not about the other that is activating the irritation! By identifying the tendency to get irritated when things go out of my control because I can't control how another will interpret my words, I see, realise and understand that there is nothing to be worried about. All I can do is to assist me in being honest with myself in the words that I write/speak, in trusting myself unconditionally and in being stable within me when facing my mind and another's mind. I assist me in seeing the situation with a clear view without the emotional/taking personal personality and instead create the space to clarify the misinterpretation.

When and as I see myself participating in the urge to reply back to make my voice heard and try to change how another sees things, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that this urge is based on my desire to have another agreeing with me and ultimately change the other person, which is not how it works. Therefore, instead of participating in the friction of the disagreement, I assist me in being responsible for my self-stability in order to listen to another without reacting nor taking comments personally. I also give myself time to look at the points being discussed without reacting to it, and to reply (if applicable) in absolute self-stability and practical common sense.

From here, I see, realise and understand that I am creating myself differently in the face of an argument, I am letting go of the idea of wanting to defend myself / be seen in a specific way or wanting a specific outcome out of the conversation, and I assist me to focus on Who I am in this moment within myself - that is then projected in who I am and say to another.

Recommended resources for self-support:

Misinterpretation - Quantum Systemization - Part 48

Facing yourself in the Face of Arguments (Part 1) - Life Review

{ Continue Reading... }

Day 157: Feeling anxious, stressed and under pressure is NOT normal

Today I woke up feeling anxious and I went into the experience of anticipation, thinking that I had forgotten to do something or that I had forgotten something somewhere the day before. There was also dissatisfaction by thinking that I had not been as good or that I had done some mistake the day before.

Then I stopped the thoughts and asked myself: Why am I perceiving me as capable of doing less than who I am? Why am I automatically distrusting my ability to do everything at the best of my ability and to not forget stuff? Why am I creating this anxiety in my own body?

The answer was: I am the only one who can stop the judgments, the automatic anxiety, and the thoughts that feed all of these automatic reactions. I am the only one who can forgive myself and let go all the unsupportive mind of old habits, ideas, fear and self-distrust.

I got up, I slowed myself down through breath and I forgave myself out loud. I forgave the thoughts, the imagination, and the scenarios in my mind that were justifying the anxiety and stress. I restarted the day, stable and in self-awareness.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed the feeling of anticipation within me and to believe that this feeling is real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine situations (often the worse case scenario) where I have forgotten to do something and to react even further to these thoughts. I see, realise and understand that by feeding the thoughts I am continuing the cycle of reaction-thought-reaction that creates additional anxiety inside myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge me when I forget things and to punish me mentally for it, instead o seeing that the reason why I forgot things is that I am busy in thoughts (thus not present in the moment 100%) in the first place, and to assist me to learn from this mistake to not repeat it again.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that feeling anxious, stressed and under pressure is normal and that this is the only way I can move myself to do things.

So,

When and as I see myself feeling anxious and under pressure based on the anticipation that I have forgotten something or that I am late, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that the energetic response of reaction does not support me/my body and that it is not a solution for me to remember things or to move myself. I see that the thoughts of anticipation are automatic behaviours based on old habits and memories that no longer exist here and that now I am fully responsible for doing things/creating my life differently.

When and as I see myself feeding the feeling of anxiety and stress with imagination about what I could have done "wrong" or forgotten to do the day before, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that whatever happened the day before I cannot change it, however I can change what I do with the remembrances of it and I can also take responsibility for doing things differently from now on. I also realise that who I am in relation to my reactions is also my responsibility so instead of going into stress and pressure I commit myself to be the solution to myself: if I have forgotten something, I learn from it and I proactively find a solution to start applying now.

When and as I see myself judging myself for whatever I have forgotten to do or for thinking that I wasn't good enough the day before, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that these self-judgments are lies that I tell to myself automatically to feed self-distrust and that feed the stress, anxiety and anticipation.

I commit myself to stop the cycle of energetic responses inside myself and to trust my ability to stabilise myself through breath, through slowing down the mind and by stopping feeding the thoughts that justify the anxiety and stress within myself.

I remind myself that anxiety, stress and pressure are not who I am and therefore I commit myself to not allow automatic mind reactions to take over me/my direction/my decision to stabilise myself and be present.

I also see, realise and understand that the more aware and present I am, the more I am able to do things fully and therefore prevent thoughts of self-doubt, anxiety, stress and pressure within me.

{ Continue Reading... }

Day 155: How to Deal with Crazy Drivers on the Road

Recently while cycling I noticed the tendency of wanting to take revenge on drivers when I see them doing silly moves on the road. I feel the urge of teaching them the "lesson" of what they just did by screaming at them. I feel angry with the person and I believe that I must do something about it.

If I look at this reaction closer I see that I am the only one building up the anger within me and that I am the one creating stress inside myself. Even if the other person caused some dangerous situation that frightened me, whatever happens after it is my responsibility. It is also my responsibility to stop the reaction and give me my stability back.

Another point that I discovered is that the anger that I may feel in the road context is actually showing me something underneath. So I started asking myself: Where is this anger coming from?

My point in relation to what the driver did might be valid but the anger is not. So I also started doing an exercise of checking within me other areas of my live where I am experiencing instability, for example, is there any frustration from my work or relationship that I am projecting into this present moment?

First and foremost, I must deal with the reaction because this experience is completely dependent on me. Therefore, I decide to assist me to stop these thoughts and I forgive myself for the stressful experience that I create to myself.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get angry at another person when they so something silly on the road.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the urge of giving them a lesson by shouting at them or by doing the same silly thing unto them.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project this situation in the mind and imagine my attitude against another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine me taking revenge against another and to tell them that they did a mistake and that they are wrong.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to move myself from the starting point of attacking another.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to be unconditionally stable within myself, directing myself in self-awareness while cycling, and to not get distracted by the thoughts in the mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to speak with another from a starting point of punishment and superiority.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame another for my reaction when I know that I am the one allowing the reaction to prevail within me.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself getting angry at another for something that they did on the road and to blame another for my experience of stress and fright, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that this is an automatic reaction based on seeing adults getting angry at each other on the road and that I am responsible for deciding who I want to be in these situations.

When and as I see myself blaming another for my experience and thinking that another deserves to have the same fright that I did in order to not repeat the scene, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that revenge is an emotion that only exists within me if I accept it and give value to it. I also see that imagining punishment will not solve the problem nor assist me to see the situation in common sense.

I see, realise and understand that I can direct my communication with another without reacting or participating in emotions, and that this approach is the best for both of us so that we can create an understanding about the issue and how it can be prevented in the future.

I commit myself to stop creating unnecessary stress within me by thinking that I need to give them a lesson, punish them or be mad at them. Instead, I assist myself to stop the imagination, to stand stable within me and to stand as an example of compassion, self-stability, maturity, and respect for another. I commit myself to speak with another in common sense and self-stability, without allowing the emotional reaction stepping forward. 

I commit myself to stop the ego-energy of wanting to be right on the road and to stop the belief that the other drivers are against me.

I commit myself to focus on being unconditionally stable to empower myself to be aware of myself, to be safe, and to change any automated reactions that distract me from being here. I also commit myself to create solutions for myself and to assist me interacting with others in constructive ways that are the best for all in any situation.

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 139: Swimming in emotions and how it affects my day-to-day living

- "Why wasn't I able to stop the emotions?"

- "It's not that you were not able Jo - it's simply that you didn't..." (Excerpt from a chat with Sunette)

This lake of emotions is now clear to me but the only reason I could see that I was not stable was because of the consequences of emotions in the various areas of in my life - for example, I have been reactive towards people and towards events when things don't go as planned; I have also been physically exhausted and at the same time with difficulty to sleep; my physical expression and intimacy with my partner seems to be blocked; and, ultimately, my ability to take decisions went down the drain.

Regarding the last point, I haven't allowed myself to take direction in this current of emotions. As a result, I haven't been able to stop thinking about certain points in my reality without actually deciding upon a solution - my mind is hooked in the same thoughts without any productive outcome whatsoever! Just like Anu explained in his interview "How to Make Choices", it is not possible to take a clear decision in such a cloudy emotional environment - I am literally unable to see the various options, the dimensions to consider and the solution in common sense. 

This "swimming in emotions" is indicating that I am accepting emotions inside of me for a longer period of time than is necessary without standing within a decision inside myself to direct them and instead look for practical solutions. Physically, I have been facing the consequences of the emotional energy effect on my body - not only feeling exhausted, but also had an urinary infection that required antibiotics, a couple of red spots on my face, an allergic reaction and burning sensation in my left ear (Inner Self) and some articulation blockage for a few seconds on my left index finger and on my right big toe. I thought that sports would assist me in reducing stress, however this time I was also reactive in sports and I was allowing myself to be fearful and imagining that I would hurt myself.

Mentally, I see that the more I participate in the thoughts and I believe in the thoughts and emotions to be real, the more I go into this state of directionless because all my attention and resources go into the emotion so there is no energy left for self/for my physical action and for solutions to myself. I can also see the domino effect playing out, whereby I start imagining all the other areas of my life going into chaos and failure, creating even more stress and anxiety within myself. For example, I had a problem with my internet at home and, since then, that other problems unfolded simply because I wasn't able to direct the other things as I would normally do - the reaction became a virus that I manifested whenever something didn't work. If I had not participated in the first reaction, that would have potentially worked as an example to myself to apply in the other areas of my life. Even if I had participated in the first reaction, that must not be an excuse to justify the next reactions. 

Stopping the emotions is a decision and, as with any decision, I must practice it and apply myself in every moment so that change happens.

This is my commitment as of today, this moment, now.

I am aware that the energy build-up had happened and I am still recovering from it so I must not be hard on myself in terms of trying to fight the thoughts and the emotions. As Sunette says, initially I won't be able to NOT go into thoughts and emotions AT ALL - my main focus is to when I see I am thinking too much and in a state of emotion, I take responsibility. Meaning, I write out the emotion and I forgive myself until I am stable.

Also, I must not believe that the emotions will go away by themselves because there is no magic in the process - I take self-responsibility, I face the emotion, I understand where the emotion comes from and I let it go through self-forgiveness. Sports by itself won't help unless I make sure that I create my self-stability first, which is only possible through writing because I slow my mind, I stop participating in the emotional energy and I am able to see the problem and the solution for myself. The imagination is still active in my mind and I dreamed a lot last night again, but instead of believing it to be real, I will investigate the patterns, the fears, the desires, and I let the images go.

By taking responsibility for the emotion that exists within me, I start the process of correcting myself and changing myself.

I am grateful for having the support of the Desteni buddies to assist me in my Process and in reminding me of being Assertive with myself and Standing Up for myself. The fact that we have regular chats has definitely supported me in opening up this point and understanding what was going on over the last two weeks. I will now do my "homework" and write the list of emotions I've experienced since the point opened up and do some sounding of self forgiveness until I feel stable.

More on this to come in my next blog.

Resources:

Heaven's Journey To Life

How to Make Choices - Reptilians - Part 137

What does it Mean to Stand Up - Reptilians' Support - Part 175

Life Review - Acceptance and Allowance vs. The Decision

Desteni Lite FREE course

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 138: When the reaction becomes physical

The Characters I Play to Hide The LIE that is Me – by Andrew Gable

I have been experiencing an enormous reaction within me since Friday. The context associated to it has to do with issues with my internet provider and the lack of competence to fix the problem in a timely manner. However, the reaction itself is my own creation and there is no one or nothing to blame - I am the one accepting this event to take control over me, rather than me directing the point in unconditional self-stability. 
Physically, I have been experience nervousness, mood changes, tiredness, headache and difficulty falling asleep.

One interview that assisted me to understand where the physical discomfort is coming from  is the Reacting to Your Mind - The Future of Consciousness series, which I recommend listening to. Through it, I learned how I can take the emotional reactions in a supportive way to assist me in the process of investigating my mind and directing myself. I realise now that the physical discomfort is a gift that my mind is giving to me so that I can open the point that is triggering and feeding the reaction, through writing about it, checking the memories, thoughts and words associated to the reaction. If I miss this opportunity to direct the specific point that is manifesting in my own mind, that will mean that I will have to go through the same energy again to see the point again and eventually deconstruct it and change myself. A time-loop is not really an option because that means that I am accepting and allowing more energy to be generated in my own physical body to create once again all the thoughts and backchat related the reactive emotion. The point is here and now, so I will open it up for myself.

While I am writing now, I am noticing my eyes wanting to close for a nap - the perfect self-sabotage and defense-mechanism to not go into the deep layers of my own mind.

I order to open up the point, I will start applying self-forgiveness on the thoughts and backchats that I am responsible for directing:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react to the customer assistant based on the backchat that they don't know what they are doing and that they are not helping ME!

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future and react to the limited internet access at home in the upcoming week.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define my experience by the lack of internet access at home, which I see it is of helplessness because I don't have a confirmation of when this problem is going to be solved and when I can resume my online participation.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame the provider for the frustration that I am allowing myself to participate in.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed the myself, as my body, to be controlled by the reaction instead of me directing the reaction towards an advancement in my process and in my relationship to myself and other people.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the reaction in my tone of voice when speaking with the operator over the phone, which I see it was based on an emotional reaction and powerlessness related to the lack of clarity and solution.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed the reaction to expand and grow within me like a virus, instead of me stopping it and giving it direction by focusing on finding a solution to the problem.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be impatient with the other person because she was not saying that which I wanted to hear. In this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on the external world in order to be stable within me, and therefore keep on feeding the reaction and blame within me.

I realise that speaking in a firm way to find a solution to the problem must not imply an emotional reaction.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that the only way for me to be heard and be respected is if I react and raise my voice.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take the internet issue and the provider's mistake personally, like a personal attack.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reaction in my thoughts is real and that I have the right to react when a service is not given properly. In this I realise that I am the only one playing the reaction game within and in my actions, and therefore I realise that I am fully responsible for the physical discomfort that I feel in my body.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to put pressure on me to have this problem sorted even when they said to me that the department was closed and that only tomorrow they can look into it.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of having had this issue because I judge me as unable to direct the point of choosing the best internet provider.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that other people are more able to insist and negotiate a solution.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feed the backchat of having bad luck to justify the reaction, rather than seeing that no matter what happens in the external world, I must stand as my principle of self-stability and self-responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally to negative situations that do not correspond to the image of "how things should be" in my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire all my relationships to be peaceful and therefore to react when there is a situation of disagreement and when the solution is not straightforward.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become part of the problem by reacting and wanting to project my reaction onto another, instead or standing as an example of self-stability and focused on finding the best solution, instead of making the problem bigger than what it is.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I realise that by desiring the positive scenario to play-out I am actually feeding its negative polarity, and so, I can take this opportunity to see how I am creating the polarity and instability for myself and how I can correct me by not giving in to the thoughts and to rather work with the physical reality towards real solutions.

I realise that I judge people as weak if they don't react and, based on this, I react in fury because I want to be seen as a strong and a respectful person.

In this, I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to be a strong and trustful person within me in every moment of breath, in how I deal with my own self and how I direct me in my process of stopping the mind and rebirthing as Life in the physical body and in this world.

I realise that feeding the reaction will create consequences in my other tasks because I am allowing the energy to consume me and this is not the best for me or to my physical body.

I commit myself to use this experience and these thoughts that the mind shows me to change myself in real time whenever I face a problem in my reality or something unexpected happens. I realise that the reaction against the unexpected (being it a positive or a negative emotion) manifests because I have created an idea/image of how things should be, so I am already establishing the platform for the reaction to manifest to any other scenario.

When and as I see myself imagining the perfect scenario in the mind, I stop and I breathe. I realise that in reality things take time and that such scenarios can only be used as a reference but not as a definitive outcome considering that there are other points to be considered and other people/systems involved.

When and as I see myself going into a thought of reaction and imagining me reacting to another, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to give me this opportunity to direct my mind and to change my programming of automated reaction to a stable communication, first with myself and then to the other.

When and as I see the mind showing me memories of people reacting and getting what they want, I stop and I breathe. By bringing this point to myself, I realise that I tend to respond in panic and quick solution when someone is reacting for the sake of keeping a 'peaceful' relationship and making everyone happy. In this, I realise that by participating in another's reaction I am actually being self-dishonest and maintaining the pattern of problem-reaction-solution in this world, which is not a real solution to the problem because a reaction is never based in common-sense but in emotional energetic charges. I commit myself to assist me in seeing, realising and understanding that the idea that people get what they want when they react is a belief-system within me, based on manipulation and self-manipulation that limits me, because according to my belief system, if I don’t react I am weak and the other is the winner.

When and as I see myself judging me as weak if I don't react to the problem/person, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a process of walking in self-honesty for myself, stopping all the self-judgements and the thought patterns that create unnecessary consequences for the sake of keeping an image of "strength" and for wanting to "win" the case - therefore, I commit myself to stop the judgement of weakness/strength associated to the reactive pattern. I realise that such judgement is based on my own experience of perceiving reactive people as being successful, when in fact the reaction is affecting self and everyone else unnecessarily. I also realise that such competition is pointless because in a reaction everyone loses the potential of changing the pre-programme reaction into a fruitful outcome that considers what is best for all.

When and as I see myself taking the problems personally and thinking that nothing goes as planned, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the obsession with planning in the mind is an indicator of the excessive attention and energy that I put into the mind, rather than being fully present in my physical reality and direct myself in real time and working with what is here, without anchoring myself to the images of the mind of "how things should be".

I commit myself to stop the reaction within me, breathe, slow down the mind, see the thoughts and live the decision to direct my thoughts to support me in finding solutions to myself and, consequently, to others and to this world problems.

Recommended resources:
https://www.facebook.com/7yearjourneytolife
lite.desteniiprocess.com
eqafe.com

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 124: From Reaction to Understanding... and finally the commitment to Change

Something happened at work and I started building up a reaction within me. I felt that I had been thrown under the bus because I had not been informed about all the details of the task ahead.
I could see the thoughts, I could see the blame towards another, I could feel the anxiety in my body - regardless of all these indications, I projected my reaction onto another..

The problem:

I believed that this reaction was real and that I had the right to be angry. I accepted and allowed myself to be the victim and therefore I behaved as such. In that moment, I gave in to the mind and allowed the spin of thoughts to bombard my reality, manifested in my tone of voice, my body movement, my resistance to hear another person's explanations, the desire to be recognised as "right". I could see the righteousness mood in me, based on the belief that I was right and the other was wrong, that I could have done things differently and that the other was to blame.

In all of this internal hurricane there was no time or will for self-forgiveness. I was full with thoughts and reactions and, even though I just wanted to leave the place, I also wanted to stay, under the pressure of speaking up and making sure that my  point was heard.

At night, I opened up these points in a chat with my husband and by then I was open to hear him. His perspective was clear, in common sense and supported me to see what I had just created inside of me and in my reality. He was telling me the truth that I had not given myself the time and the space to tell to myself - even though I knew it. 

It was clear now that I had seen the problem but I had ignored the solution. I could have stopped the reaction within me but, under the mind effect I thought that I had to put it out for the world to see that I was angry and that things were not OK. That I was not OK.

But why?

Now I ask myself: - why do I want others to know that I am not OK. Will that help me? How can others help me if I am not even willing to help myself, to understand myself, to forgive myself and to change the relationship with my own self?

My husband asked me: Why did you not communicate with your team that you needed help? 

The point of communication was something that I did not consider. In my mind I thought that I should know something and that, because I did not know what to do, I thought I was the problem (which was not far from the point but I was judging myself instead of investigating the root of the problem)!

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to build up the energetic reaction within me and to feed it with the idea and belief that I am a victim in the whole story.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to stop in the moment and to breathe until I stabilise myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would feel better after I put my thoughts out so that the other recognises my point.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to want the other to feel guilty about what has done, which I now see that I was being spiteful and mean.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that my reaction can stop when I see the reward of "being right" when in self-honesty there is nothing to be proud of in the patterns of blame and righteousness.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am the one feeding and participating in these patterns and therefore I am responsible for creating separation towards another being.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that if I had stayed silence the other would repeat this point - now I see that this situation is not new and that I cannot change another. The only thing that I can change is me and my relationship to myself and to the world/others.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear to say that I did not know something, but instead tried to hide my lack of knowledge. I realise that I put too much effort into covering things up instead of being direct about what is really going on, without going into the reaction or self-judgment.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as the problem for not knowing how to do something at work and to project the problem towards others, instead of first dealing with my own self-judgment, stop it and then raise awareness for the lack of communication in the team.

Therefore,

When and as I see myself in a situation that is new to me and that I start blaming another for placing me in such place, I stop the blame and I breathe. Instead of trying to justify my own reaction I see that I can simply stop, speak with another and understand what is the plan and what I should do in that new situation.

I realise that the reason why I did not ask for help was because I thought that would be a sign of failure and because I thought that I should be able to know what to do. However, it is not a problem not to know something because I can ask to those that know/the people involved in the project for longer.

When and as I see myself putting pressure on me to get a solution magically without actually knowing what to do, I stop this idea that "I must know" and I simply investigate, I speak with those that know and I gather the information that is required for me to understand the problem and to know its solution.

When and as I see myself speaking all the thoughts that run wild in my mind in deliberate spitefulness and blame towards another, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am responsible for stopping the spitefulness within me and this world.

When and as I see myself building up a reaction, the self-distrust and sense of powerlessness because I don't know something, I stop the reaction and I breathe. I realise that my self-trust must not come from any knowledge but from the realisation that I stand for myself no matter what, and that I am my own solution to whatever happens inside me, being it thoughts, reactions, nervousness, the voice tonality and the physical tiredness.

I realise that I must not fall into the mind of fear and self-judgment but that each moment is an opportunity for me to recreate myself outside of my programme and start speaking in pure common sense. I realise that saying that I don't know when I am not familiar with something it is an opportunity to be humble and to stand confident unconditionally. I realise that I don't define myself by the knowledge I have. Therefore, instead of using my knowledge as a way to promote myself, I can and must apply my understanding of how my mind works in my current daily job and be practical to find/create my own solutions.

Self-corrective statements:

I commit myself to deliberately stop the reaction within me and to make the decision to not participate in the reaction anymore. I realise that I am creating my own physical exhaustion and physical self-destruction, which is unacceptable in my process of becoming LIFE, not giving in to Death.

I commit myself to embrace the moment when I feel unstable and to realise that this is the moment where I live the decision to empower myself by creating myself differently, not within reaction or blame, but within self-awareness, self-reconciliation, self-respect, patience, care and understanding. 

I commit myself to understand what is going on in that specific situation at work, the lack of information and the miscommunication , and from this point I lead the process of creating a solution where each people involved can participate and is empowered to do so. I realise that blame and guilt are destructive elements whereas self-honesty and equality (all equally responsible) is empowering. Once this is understood, our common direction will lead to solutions.

I commit myself to not allow myself being spiteful nor to behave in spitefulness, as none of this leads to solution - only separation and conflict.

I commit myself to keep my reality simple without the idea that I should know something that will save the whole situation - instead, I realise that each one is equally responsible for the mess of that situation (and this world) and therefore I will stand by the principle of focusing on a solution, within me (e.g. where does the reaction come from) and in my external reality. For that, I will communicate with the others openly, without judgement, without blame, without righteousness, and I investigate until I am satisfied with the information that I have, so that I can actually participate as the solution.

I commit myself to stop the blame towards another whenever I feel myself as the victim - I realise that this is a self-judgment and that I am the one defining me as the victim and feed the circle of self-limitation each time I blame another. My self-stability is never dependent on another's words or actions, because I decide who I am and who I want to be in my existence in this world. If I believe that I am a victim, I will behave as such. Therefore, I commit myself to stand equal to another and realise that each of us is an individual responsible for one's words and actions.

I commit myself to stand stable in my decision to not blame another, to not feel guilty, to not accept being a victim of my own mind/reactions or a victim of others.

I commit myself to invest my energy and time into bringing about the solution, in my thoughts, words and deeds.

  

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 123: Facing a REACTION - The Past Me and the New Me

Today I faced who I have been within a reaction - my old me that I visited again: I was nervous, stressed, could not think properly, I wanted to blame another and, despite of all the signs, I still wanted to justify this state of mind.  This time, however, there was a moment where the energy of the reaction was so deliberately strong that made me stop and see what I was doing to myself. Being aware of the pattern of reaction within me supported me to slow down and take a decision: the decision to not allow this consequence in my Life anymore - the decision to become the solution instead of feeding the problem - The decision to change who I am in the Present and, therefore, my Future.

So what was the problem?

The problem was that I could not find my tube card - for about 2 minutes I searched for it while trying to call my husband to check if he knew where the card was. After about 5 minutes I went into the experience of rush because I would be late for work. I kept on trying to contact my husband but he did not pick up.  I was literally on my own and it became clear that no one else could help me:  the same way that giving in into the mind-reaction in blame, anger and self-victimisation was also my creation. I noticed that it has been a long time since the last time I went into this stressful state of "fighting against the clock" and having my plans being delayed by an unexpected issue. It was also being accumulated by other small points that now seemed to be extremely big and justifying my belief of self-victimisation.

The Solution:

I decided to leave a voice mail on my husband's phone and in that moment I noticed the anger in my voice and the energy came up in a hiccup. In that moment, I dropped the call and I stopped - I physically stopped myself in the room and took a breath. I said to myself something like: "this situation is unacceptable - I am creating this experience to myself, I see that. I must become my solution. Blaming another for taking my card is not helping in any way so why do I do it? Instead, what can I actually do at the moment to make sure that I leave on time for work?"  From this moment, the whole scene changed. Instead of feeding the blame towards my husband, I directed my attention into a practical solution. Interestingly enough, I opened up my wallet again and I saw a backup card that I could use for the train too! Before, I remember to check my wallet and I could not see it even though it was there all the time! This says a lot about the whole blindness driven by the blame and reaction projected onto other people.

The reward:

The unexpected experience that before could have potentially conditioned and limited my day, I realise that it was a transcendance point within me that I was able to understand where it was coming from and how I could change myself and my reality. The deliberate change of attitude towards my reaction can work as a future reference to keep on applying my self-correction in every moment.

When my husband called me back a few minutes later, I could still recognise the traces of blame and anger in my communication even though I had already found a solution. In the end, my husband informed me that unfortunately the card had been left  in his jacket's pocket by mistake, and I reacted again. So additional points that I must look at are: - why do I want the other to see that I am reacting? What is reaction going to do to the other? Why do I believe that by reacting with another this is going to prevent the same point happening in the future?

When I left the bus I was physically stable within me, walking firm in my decision to not allow this experience to define the rest of my day. I took the tube and I wrote about this experience, about the point of blame, the spitefulness of reacting towards another in my communication and the desire to blame the other to justify the emotional energy, instead of stopping the reaction within me. I then realised that the reaction is of the past and of the present, but not necessarily of the future as long as I don't create/feed it. In self-honesty, it is my responsibility to become aware of the reaction, to breathe through the energy, to stop it from being projected and to release in from within, through self-forgiveness, breathing, writing and living the decision to breakthrough a pattern that otherwise could easily contaminate me and the reality around me.

 The old-reaction pattern was for the first time replaced by a real-time change in the way I saw the problem, I saw the solution and I decided to become it - embracing the New me that I am responsible for creating.

Art work by JL Kenney

{ Continue Reading... }

DAY 98: Facing a scene of violence & Facing my own fears

Very recently I came across a scene of violence in the middle of the street when a few guys started to kick another guy that ended laid down on the pavement. I was caught by surprise and reacted in fear inside of me, uncertain of whether I should stay still or run away from that place. The fear of the escalation of violence was a mix of insecurity and anticipation. I also noticed an "instinct" to get involved to stop the fight and help the guy that was a minority in the conflict, but in common sense I knew that I should not fuel the conflict even more (and it could be dangerous because I had no idea of these guys were armed). Some people from the "audience" started to defend the victim under attack and the fight ended with the guys running away up the road. I don't know where the fight started or who was to blame but nothing should justify such primitive actions between human beings.

Within me there was still nervousness and anxiety, fearing that new fights could arise and that I could be hit accidentally by them. I can take this opportunity to walk the fear of violence, my memories behind it,  the ideas that I created in my mind and all the layers that constitute this fear within me. The physical instability from this event is an indicator that I must deal with these points within me in order to recreate my inner-stability unconditionally. My relationship of fear towards violence is made of various components such as the reactions, the verbal violence, the projections, the images of violence, the origins of such images and the fears of the mind associated to violence. This is what I am going to walk and share on my blog.

Self-forgiveness on the Energetic-fear of violence:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to give away my responsibility to stand here and stable as breath when I saw the group of youngsters passing by me at night.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that/judge groups of young people as potential attackers just because of my experience earlier with the fight.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become/feel powerless when I am alone and I see males or groups of males walking on the street.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define me/women as victims of male violence, physical strength and control.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project such images of violence (including the images from the movies/TV) unto my daily life, having an unequal starting point of believing that females are incapable of defending themselves. Within this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have ever considered physical violence as a solution to any problem or conflict, as I realise that no real understanding, no real communication, no understanding and no real change can come up out of violence, only more fear, physical instability and separation.

In my next blog I will walk the self-corrective statements and support myself in becoming more aware of such points/energetic fears when these pop up in my reality.

{ Continue Reading... }