The Secret to Self-Fulfilment

Today's vlog is a turning point in my process. For those of you who know me for some time you know that this point of self-fulfilment has been a tough one - especially related to my belief system that a career or a professional path would fill the sense of lack that I have experienced thoughout my life. No matter how good I was doing in school and university, ending high-school with average of 19/20 or how well I do in my professional career, being in the UK's top 10% of earners, there has been an endless feeling of not being good enough, that something is constantly missing, that I am not in the right path or that I should be doing something else. I can see how easily I could have spent my whole life focused on the empty hole while disregarding the aboundance that has existed in me all along...

I see that I have been the one creating the hole. believing it to be real and digging it deeper each time. I have been frustated with looking for a solution to a problem that I was creating! Just like with big pharmas, it has been about creating the disease and selling the cure - which does not make sense and is against life but we are doing this to our ownselves already.

Some key points that I faced and that I can now see with clarity are:

- no path will EVER fulfil me.
The constant search for that one career that will fulfil me is a daunting task ahead that I do not recommend to anyone. The idea/fear that some paths will
fulfil you while others won't will keep you trapped and you will likely miss many real possibilities because you are still waiting for that Aha moment to tell you "That is the right thing for you" - a godlike voice that will never come. What I am finally learning is that when I create something, being a business or a career or anything it's more like an extension of myself, a physical manifestation of who I am already. The business or career will be as complete as my relationship with myself. The same applies to personal relationships and even parenting - our outer world is an extension of our inner world. It is not seperate, not more nor less.

- no relationship will EVER complete me.
There are many love songs that focus on the "other half" and "you complete me" so we probably never questioned the danger of such statements. If I am not complete with myself THAT is a red flag that needs attention - it is like our being showing us that there is something that we are not giving to ourselves. One may momentarily feel complete with another but this will not be sustainable and such emotional dependency will eventually destroy the relationship, which is really a shame. Finally, one cannot blame another for not fulfiling our empty space because no one will ever fulfill a space that is not real, but through this the potential of a long-healthy relationship will be lost for real...

- the emptiness will NEVER be fulfilled
The biggest take-away is this: the idea of emptiness is not real in the first place! Therefore, the belief that I will be more or better if I have this, or I am with this person, or I learn this or I do this is a recipe for unhappiness and dispair. The only thing that is really missing is Me, my relationship with myself, my trust and my self-honesty. Once I allowed myself to let go of this self-imposed idea of lack or that something is missing I was able to actual be stable within me. I could even appreciate who I have been thus far and the process that I have been walking in my 29 years of this lifetime. 

In conclusion, my self-stability has been defined by the feeling of being fulfilled which very seldom happens, as it is not real hence the state of not feeling I am doing enough or taking the right path for me, as it has been a point of separation. So my starting point to move myself/take action/create something in my reality must not be this idea of self-fulfilment.

Now THIS is the empowering part because once we change the starting point for creation - as it no longer being a fight or a chasing race for that emptiness - it really starts being the creation of something new that comes from me and that adds on to my life, just like our bodies create life manifested in a new born baby that is an extension of ourselves. And rememeber, all creation starts with a breath.

The second secret of this blog is that the new generations don't need to spend half of their lives missing themselves - so please do share this article and video with your friends. Let's assist each other to start creating the best versions of ourselves, by first being stable and whole individuals.



I have been walking my process of self-investigation with the support of the buddies at DesteniiProcess. Other key resources in my process have been the sharings of all the Destonians and the amazing content on the Eqafe Self-Perfection store. My husband's music and my pet pigeon are also great influences in my life.

Recommended podcast: I am fulfilled - Live Review.

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DAY 162: The Blame Game & How to Not Be Lame

In a recent chat with a friend I saw myself playing the blame card - a card that I thought it was no longer in circulation - and an interesting process started to unfold in relation to the pattern of blame. Often times challenging conversations become great gifts in our process of self-expansion but the treasure hidden underneath the shaking waters can be easily missed when the tendency is to try to forget about it, to ignore the inner conflict and finally blame the other person for whatever is going on inside. I tried holding on to this card for some time but it was pointless - everything within me was (still is) showing me the need to slow down and understand what is happening. So let me once and for all investigate the Blame Game within me and share some of my realisations that may support others as well.

The first element that I want to explore is the "blind spot of blame", which is the inability to see that my words towards another carry blame. There is this rush of putting words out without realising that these words (written or spoken) carry feelings and emotions towards another. This blindness not only disregards the impact that my words may have unto another, but it also means that I ignore taking responsibility for the thoughts that exist in my own mind, now thrown unto another like a basketball game. I would actually call this emotional blame as a cry for help, but it is often received as a shout that puts others away.

Why do I say that blame is a cry for help? Because it is a projection of something that is going on within ourselves. Be LAME, according to the dictionary is the inability to walk without difficulty as the result of an injury; it is to be incomplete, feebly and weak.

Obviously if another person is unaware of this the whole conversation will escalate into unnecessary separation but, if this is done with someone also willing to walk this process in self-honesty then the journey gets very, very interesting. The gift of bringing blame back to self is the journey that I am walking now - after many years of playing this game that I decided to stop.

On the tube today, the chapter that I was reading on "Further Along The Road Less Travelled" was exactly about blame (no coincidence hein) and it says that the only way to stop blame is to stop. Well, based on my experience this stopping needs to happen both physically - as in taking a deep breath and stopping my current participation in the conversation from the starting point of blaming another, but also mentally by not allowing the thoughts of blame to keep running wild in my mind.

Ask yourself: How many times did I blame another for the feelings I experienced inside? And did it ever help me? Did it help me to understand what was going on WITH ME? The answer is no.

It is apparently easier to blame another than to take responsibility for my own self, my own thoughts, my own reactions and my own self-disappointment. It takes a decision to slow down and to be brutally self-honest. What does this mean? Firstly, it means that I am open with myself to see the truth of me. Secondly, it is the awareness that whatever I am projecting unto another is a point that exists within me and that I am responsible for bringing back to myself. This has been tougher than I thought... How can I bring back to myself a point that I am not yet aware of? It is a process. As I allow myself to see, more points open within me to see and get to know myself further.

In the recent experience I was  blaming another for what I was feeling and experiencing inside me for not being supported enough, understood or cared for. So here I ask myself: where am I not supporting MYSELF enough, understanding MYSELF enough, and caring for MYSELF enough? Why do I expect to receive this sort of support from another and therefore react when I don't get what I believe I need?

Looking back in past situations where blame was a prominent blockage, I did not allow me to be responsible for the points that I was projecting - so what have I been avoiding to give ME? To Realize about ME? To change within ME?

So the blame reaction is a defense mechanism hindering me from investigating and understanding something about me. It is the realisation that the other is not the one triggering these experiences within me - I was the one creating this experience to sabotage a moment of self-expansion.

My starting point in the conversation was to get some sort of freedom, to let go of the relationship, to have a break from it. Now, considering that my relationships with others are a mirror of the relationship I have with myself, I ask myself the question: - What is it in my life that I feel stuck in and I want badly to break away from?

When I didn't get what I thought I needed, I reacted and I blamed the other for not caring about me or understanding me. I even blamed another for not giving me the peace that I asked for. But which peace is this? How can I blame another for taking my peace away when in fact it was this lack of peace within me that triggered the conflict in the first place?

The idea of freedom and release that I was hoping to get from another was a projection of the freedom and release that I wanted to have from my own mind, from the constant thoughts, the same situations, the inner conflicts, fears, thoughts, habits and behaviour.

I understand now that when my relationship with myself is of lame, whereby I feel incomplete and unsure about what I want for myself, the tendency is to look for someone outside of me to guide me - because this is how we have been educated (look up to family, friends, partners and god). When the response from the other side is the opposite of what we wanted (freedom, space, let go), the lame within is projected unto another in the form of blame. The apparatus can be such that the attention shifts completely from self to "the other".

The key is to be able to identify the underlying experience out of which the blame reaction came about; the reaction with others simply becomes the external manifestation of what is going on inside and that we still try to hide from our own selves. It is not to blame pre-programming or wonder about it when things happen or open up. Rather approach it as: Okay, what's my responsibility and response-ability within it?

So the journey through the blame game shows me who/what I have been accepting to be and do, and it holds a decision to either stop and see, or turn a blind-eye (I) feeding the emotion of blame to blind me even more. A heads-up is that the same situation will happen again and again until I see what I am doing, so why postpone? What is there more for me to see and be? Wasn't' the dissatisfaction that led me to wanting the breakthrough and created this whole spiral? If I were to know myself, care for myself, and trust that I am capable for doing what is best for me that my relationship with another would be different - from stuckness to expansion, from blame to seeing, and from fighting to cooperation.

Scott Peck says in his book that forgiveness is the stopping of the blame game. I see that until then I will hold on to blame as a shield protecting my own vulnerabilities. But the forgiveness process only manifests for real if it comes from within, through forgiving myself for the experiences, emotions and feelings that I have created inside myself and where I accepted the dissatisfaction, stuckness, confusion and the desire for a freedom outside me to take over.

In my next blog I will share the process that I am starting to walk through Self-Forgiveness in relation to blame ... Stay tuned.

Recommended Interviews: 

Blame: The Design

Blame: From Beginning to End

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DAY 161: Walking baby steps before running (or putting the legs up)

Yesterday I injured myself during my yoga class and through this I have been facing an important realisation when it comes to doing something based on an image, as opposed to doing it considering every single step of it. In this specific situation, I decided to do the headstand position based on how I saw other people doing and disregarded the process of learning the position and considering my own body condition. Despite the pain in my neck that I started feeling after trying the pose, I am glad that this point opened up as an opportunity to learn from it. It is not about fearing to try something new (which in a way I overcame it by trying) but it is about building the confidence within me in order to try something new in full responsibility and self-care.

As I was reviewing this episode, I could relate this experience with previous accidents that I had in my childhood and later in my teenage years where I was always trying to prove something to others (to my older sisters or to boyfriends or to friends that I looked up to). In these memories I can relate to the little preparation I gave myself as if I was impatient with my own learning process and wanted to go faster, to try a new path, to win, to do what other people were doing... The result was to fall/fail. I couldn't go so fast before first tying the slower version, perfecting my confidence and gradually attempting new variations of that action (either running, or riding a motorbike or then raising my legs on the mat).

I can see how one single experience, when analysed without the judgment or being right or wrong, can uncover so many keys to my own process of self-awareness and self-change. When I was mentioning this experience to my husband, it was really supportive to not hear him saying something like "that was silly" but instead he said: Once you recover I can help you with learning that pose. It is that simple: I need to walk the baby steps before I put my legs up.

Going back to the pattern of wanting to prove something to others, this is another interesting point to look at in self-honesty. I see that it is related to my habit of looking up to people when they can do something that I cannot, and then how I then allowed myself to forget the path that one had to walk in order to do it. Being the youngest of three girls, I can see how I used to look up at my sisters for doing things so perfectly compared to how I did them (e.g. writing, playing games, drawing, knowledge) and how I went into the idea of being inferior for not being able to do those things (yet). It was hard for me to understand that my sisters were born before me and that they had already walked the phased that I was going through. I learned a lot from them, but the sense of pressure came with the experience based on the belief that I should be able to do it, even before learning how to do it!

As I am typing these words I am experience an emotional movement within me, so I will investigate it further. But in the meantime, I will start by walking the self-forgiveness in relation to the thoughts that led me to try the headstand without considering my process of learning and considering my body.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to put pressure on me/my neck by believing that I needed to try the headstand this day.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that doing the same poses over and over again is boring and therefore I should be trying something new, without realising that no matter what position I am doing it is me, I am my body, I am breathing, I am aware of myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own body awareness in the moment I tried to replicate the image of the headstand, from the mind to the physical reality.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to recognise that I had not learned each step and therefore any attempt was not going to be a full replica of the picture I had in my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project into my reality images of the mind, instead of using the physical reality as my reference and build from t(h)ere.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is time for me to do the headstand as if yoga has goals to be achieved outside of me and based on images of the mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for not being able to put my legs up even after I started to feel pain on my neck.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that someone in the room was judging me for the fact that I wasn't able to complete the pose and was "half-way".

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to be looked up at for being advanced or for doing other poses/variations.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the desire to achieve something or to achieve an image is real when in fact it is a projection of how I look up at people when they do something that I can't do.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more or less depending on how people evaluate me/admire me or judge me.

I see, realise and understand that this judgement and imaginary person is actually a projection of my own judgement for not being able to do the pose as I had seen it. In this, I see that the image in my mind isn't real: what it is real is my body, my process of learning and now the pain that I feel for forcing the pose.

When and as I see myself desiring to copy what another is doing based on the idea that I am inferior and that therefore I need to do what they did in order to think of me as superior, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that these backchats and thoughts are based on separation, on the idea of superiority and inferiority, in self-judgments and in comparison, and therefore not based on principles that I want to live for myself.

When and as I see myself putting pressure on me by thinking that I need to do something in order to feel good about myself and to have a sense of achievement, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that these feelings are of the mind and are not real. I see that what is real is the process of learning, of developing my muscles, of training the poses and to take new steps based on a solid foundation.

When and as I see myself judging me for going too slow, being "behind" or inferior compared to other people's experiences, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that this desire for an experience to validate, value myself or to see myself equal to another is not real, as Who We Really Are is not defined by experiences, by knowledge, by doing more, less, faster or slower.

When and as I see myself thinking of an image in the mind and believing it to be real and that needs to be created in my reality, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that seeing others or having an image can be of support/guidance but it will be me creating in real time that is real and that is me. I see, realise and understand that I am not that image in the mind.

When and as I see myself projecting my judgment to the idea that someone is looking at me or thinking something about me, I stop and I breathe. By bringing these thoughts to myself, I support me in slowing down the mind and realising that these self-judgments are not me, and are not the other.

I commit myself to support me in being diligent with the steps that I must take in order to perfect something, or to simply do something new and I commit myself to recreate the process of learning as self-enjoyment rather than rushing through it and judging me for being "behind".

I commit myself to live each step of the learning process in full presence and self-satisfaction without having an end goal or a desire for achievement that is based on an imagine in the mind.

I commit myself to use the self-judgments to see/become aware of the automatic thoughts and "programs" of my mind and to deliberately stop the judgments by breathing, by bringing me back to this moment, giving me direction in self-awareness and therefore change my relationship with myself.

I see, realise and understand that my actions are a mirror of the relationship I have with myself.

I see, realise and understand that who I am is here in self-honesty, is being aware of my body and considering any physical limitations.

Therefore, I commit myself to change my relationship with myself and to act accordingly, by supporting me in my process of learning, of being patient with myself and of being stable with myself no matter what stage of the process I am in. 

Curiously, yoga is a practice. That's it, just a practice...

If you resonate with this point, I recommend listening to these interviews:

Crick in Your Neck - Reptilians - Part 340

Crick in Your Neck (Part 2) - Reptilians - Part 341

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DAY 160: Relationship Patterns: Wanting to leave everything behind and shut the door... Really?

During a conversation with friends, when asked how I deal with the emotional build up in my relationship with my partner I thought of a pattern that I haven't visited for quite some time: the pattern of accumulating dissatisfaction until I reach a point of wanting to leave everything and just go... Actually, my partner and I have been pretty good at applying ourselves in our agreement of mutual understanding and never staying in a reaction for more than a few minutes - often ending with both of us moving through the resistance, stop the argument with a hug, honest apologies and take-aways for the future. However, in that moment sat at the table and honestly sharing about our experiences, I saw in the back of my mind this impulse based on an image that pops-up in my mind of leaving the house as a manifestation of not standing my partner anymore.

Despite knowing that this is a pattern of the mind and not actually the solution to whatever challenges we may face, I could sense an emotional tone in my voice as if trying to still justify this thought and believe it to be valid. In self-honesty, I see that this reaction of leaving is no different from any other reactions that I don't participate in (throwing stuff, swearing, screaming), the main difference being that my version of reaction only happens inside the walls of my mind. I never actually applied the dramatic movie-like separation of shutting the door behind me but this is what my mind is heading in moments where I see the same old-behaviours in my partner that trigger dissatisfaction within me.

When I was walking home, I looked deeper into this point and saw an opportunity to open it up for me and investigate it, once and for all:

• What is behind the desire of wanting to escape in the midst of an argument?
• What do I believe to experience by leaving my partner behind?
• Is it from my partner that I want to runaway from, or from myself? What does this mind-pattern say about ME?

I can identify in my childhood the voices of couples having arguments and also seeing people threatening leaving the house if things were not to change. This is commonly showed in movies and soap operas too. It is interesting to see that it usually comes after an argument or a disagreement, as if there isn't enough room for two people to coexist or as if there is an invisible wall that hinders a calm communication and understanding.

By bringing this point to myself, I wonder what is that I don't want to face inside myself and believe that it is easier to leave - as a point of powerlessness and giving up on myself. Even though there would be a sense of letting it go, I am actually doing the opposite because whatever is causing the emotional reaction is getting suppressed and accumulated within me until it comes out and starts building up again. Why am I not allowing myself to speak in the moment where I see something needs to be discussed, or ideas to exchange to find solutions, instead of believing that such changes will only happen if starting from 0 somewhere else or with someone else?

So for this I have to let go for a moment of the idea of powerlessness when it comes to changing our relationship for the better and assist another to see what I am seeing, for example a correction in relation to house chores, washing the dishes or any other routines that are often at the heart of the argument. I must also be willing and vulnerable to hear what my partner says, as it can be a great support and reference for my own process of self-change.

I notice that the emotional build-up tends to explode in moments where I feel particularly vulnerable (e.g tired in the evening) or physically weak (sickness or pain). It happens that in these moments my outburst is a call for help more than anything else - I need support and cooperation, and also a sense of equality in the contribution to the house chores, especially if I am not feeling well to keep up my own tasks. From my experience, our bodies are also indicating us a point that has been neglected either through mental exhaustion or accumulation of non-resolved emotions and judgments. So the dissatisfaction towards my partner ends up being a mirror of how I feel in relation to my own self and therefore a great opportunity to look inside, if I am aware of this inside-out process.

Another dimension that I see in this pattern, is the idea that I would not experience this with someone else different. It is interesting to see how my mind projects the dissatisfaction towards another in the polarity of imagining the opposite (positive experience) with someone else. Nevertheless, the common element in the alternative reality is ME and therefore, the likelihood of going through the same pattern with another person or ending up with someone with a similar personality is strong enough.

In essence, whatever I am facing in my current relationship will keep on happening until I transcend my own mind of thoughts, beliefs, reactions, perceptions and judgments. Once I apply myself in my own self-honesty by investigating the source of my own emotional reactions, letting them go through forgiving myself, then I am able to stand by myself and change my communication with my partner, the outcome of disagreements, and ultimately our shared reality.

On my next post I will share my writing of self-forgiveness. Stay tuned :)

Recommend resources:

Inequality in Relationships - Quantum Systemization - Part 78

Facing yourself in the Face of Arguments (Part 1) - Life Review

Walking Through Resistance to Hugging - Relationship Success Support

What Your Thoughts Do When You're Unwell - Quantum Systemization - Part 81

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Day 155: How to Deal with Crazy Drivers on the Road

Recently while cycling I noticed the tendency of wanting to take revenge on drivers when I see them doing silly moves on the road. I feel the urge of teaching them the "lesson" of what they just did by screaming at them. I feel angry with the person and I believe that I must do something about it.

If I look at this reaction closer I see that I am the only one building up the anger within me and that I am the one creating stress inside myself. Even if the other person caused some dangerous situation that frightened me, whatever happens after it is my responsibility. It is also my responsibility to stop the reaction and give me my stability back.

Another point that I discovered is that the anger that I may feel in the road context is actually showing me something underneath. So I started asking myself: Where is this anger coming from?

My point in relation to what the driver did might be valid but the anger is not. So I also started doing an exercise of checking within me other areas of my live where I am experiencing instability, for example, is there any frustration from my work or relationship that I am projecting into this present moment?

First and foremost, I must deal with the reaction because this experience is completely dependent on me. Therefore, I decide to assist me to stop these thoughts and I forgive myself for the stressful experience that I create to myself.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get angry at another person when they so something silly on the road.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the urge of giving them a lesson by shouting at them or by doing the same silly thing unto them.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project this situation in the mind and imagine my attitude against another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine me taking revenge against another and to tell them that they did a mistake and that they are wrong.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to move myself from the starting point of attacking another.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to be unconditionally stable within myself, directing myself in self-awareness while cycling, and to not get distracted by the thoughts in the mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to speak with another from a starting point of punishment and superiority.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame another for my reaction when I know that I am the one allowing the reaction to prevail within me.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself getting angry at another for something that they did on the road and to blame another for my experience of stress and fright, I stop and I breathe.

I see, realise and understand that this is an automatic reaction based on seeing adults getting angry at each other on the road and that I am responsible for deciding who I want to be in these situations.

When and as I see myself blaming another for my experience and thinking that another deserves to have the same fright that I did in order to not repeat the scene, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that revenge is an emotion that only exists within me if I accept it and give value to it. I also see that imagining punishment will not solve the problem nor assist me to see the situation in common sense.

I see, realise and understand that I can direct my communication with another without reacting or participating in emotions, and that this approach is the best for both of us so that we can create an understanding about the issue and how it can be prevented in the future.

I commit myself to stop creating unnecessary stress within me by thinking that I need to give them a lesson, punish them or be mad at them. Instead, I assist myself to stop the imagination, to stand stable within me and to stand as an example of compassion, self-stability, maturity, and respect for another. I commit myself to speak with another in common sense and self-stability, without allowing the emotional reaction stepping forward. 

I commit myself to stop the ego-energy of wanting to be right on the road and to stop the belief that the other drivers are against me.

I commit myself to focus on being unconditionally stable to empower myself to be aware of myself, to be safe, and to change any automated reactions that distract me from being here. I also commit myself to create solutions for myself and to assist me interacting with others in constructive ways that are the best for all in any situation.

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DAY 153: Facing Fear Series: Exposing The Fear of Flying

In this blog I am starting a new series of articles that reflect my process of facing my fears - the fears that I have accepted to be me and to exist as it. Even if some of the fears that I will explore don't resonate directly with yours, I recommend reading it from a starting point of seeing the patterns and assisting yourself to identify yours.

In my self-investigation I am realising that the experience of fear towards something or someone is simply the tip of the iceberg: once I start digging further I see that it is no longer the fear itself (the experience of nervousness, reaction, automatic anxiety, thoughts and images)  but what is underneath all of this: what in my personal history has lead me to this moment in time where I fear this or that; how have I created my life based on the fear; what does this fear tell about me and my relationship with myself; why do I keep participating in it; who benefits from the fear; what consequences does it bring; what can I learn from it; and how can I change myself to stop feeding and creating more fear.

The process of bringing the fears to myself demystifies much of the mystery behind fears: the initial energy felt in my chest starts to slow down as I direct myself to understand the fear and to not fear the fear itself.

To kick off this series I will share a fear that I have personally been ashamed of and I don't think I ever shared my writings about it: the fear of flying on a plane.

I faced it very recently and it was actually during this experience that I decided within me to open it up to the world - if I have been hiding it from others (and myself) this may be happening to other people. The primary reason to open it up is first and foremost to say ENOUGH to this fear, begin the process of forgiving myself and letting it go. Until now, every time I go on a trip I face a time-loop: the same thoughts, the imagination of an accident, the paranoia, the cold in my body, the anticipation of the worse case scenario, and ultimately the fear of dying.

As I was writing this blog I typed the words "fear of" and the automatic suggestion of Google was "fear of flying". Apparently I am not the only one and I wonder how other people deal with it (or not). In my case, this fear reaction is very specific and only emerges when I have a trip planned - sometimes it also influences me in the process of planning but it has never reached the point where I don't go on a trip stopped by the fear. Nevertheless, from the moment I book it, to the experience of being in the plane until I land safe and I leave the plane I have always participated in the fear emotion.

It is relevant to mention that since this fear is very specific, I don't experience it "outside" the environment of flying or planning a trip, which is quite tricky because either I write about the fear in that moment or it will not be easy to replicate it to investigate the various dimensions of the fear. As soon as I allow myself to pass the fear of facing the fear itself, I pick up my notebook and I write. Initially it is as if I have a blank and don't know where to begin, but then I simply start writing what I am experiencing. Then, I write my self-forgiveness statements about the experience that I am allowing inside myself. I will share my self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements in my next blog but for now I wanted to first open up the point and lay down the practical ways that each one of us can face the bogus personality that exist in our minds.

An interesting thing that happened last time I took a plane was that I could clearly see beyond the fear. Since I have been walking this process for sometime and I knew already my reactions and the thoughts, I deliberately stopped and asked myself the questions: if I bring this point to myself, what do I see? If I am distrusting the pilot, what does that say about me? What am I projecting towards another? If I am blaming the market/businesses for putting profit above security, what does this thought show about me? If I am here but fearing to not be here (death) what am I accepting inside myself? Why do I create the experience of disempowerment to my own self?

For the first time I saw that the relationship that I have created to flying is an opportunity to get to know myself, my thinking, my concerns, my vulnerabilities and, ultimately, the points that need correction. As with any fear, I can see my pre-programmed behaviour that is almost outside of my control unless I realise that I am responsible for directing myself and for stopping/de-programme/change my mind. The fact that I was ashamed of sharing this fear publicly is another indicator of the self-sabotage that I am allowing to occur: shame is another personality that emerges with fear and that is justified with ideas about myself, about how I must act with others, what I must pretend to be or not to be. All of this is pointless because this is a process of self-honesty whereby I am the only one responsible for the thoughts, personalities and behaviour that I allow within me, so hiding it from others would be mainly about hiding this point from myself. Finally, this is a process of layers and one layer must go in order to make other layers visible and let go of the layers-burden that limit my life, my expression and my movement Here.

In the next blog I will start by sharing the memory of my first flight, the fears that emerged many years ago and the practical ways that I am assisting myself to slow down the mind, stop the fear and allow me to stay grounded even when flying high.

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DAY 144: Being my own boss - from self-judgments to self-direction

When it comes to business, my experience has been very much based on working for someone else, having objectives established by someone else and following a struture that has been designed by someone else. The fact that all of this framework is pre-existent allows me to dive into do my job and know exactly what to do and when to do the tasks but the picture changes when one ownes a business or starts a business. I began to understand the dynamics of being one's own boss in my experience of being married with an entrepreneur however, what my reality has been allowing me to recently see is that I am my own boss as well - in who I am, in what I do and in how I direct my life.

Who to put the blame on when there is no one else to blame?

The above question came up after walking the points that I will be describing today. This afternoon I noticed that there was some sort of hesitation before I said the magic words "why didn't you do that" and "I was expecting you to give me some direction" and, even though these words still came out of my mouth, the discomfort in m body was here and I had no choice than bringing this point to myself and investigate where my reaction was coming from. Since I started this process of self-investigation I have been dealing with projections - these are thoughts usually echoed towards another but are actually about my own relationship with myself. So, instead of bringing my husband to the equation, I can now see that the frustration was already in me before I put it out against him - the inner-dialogue should then read "why didn't I do that" and "I was expecting something different from me".

The reality is that I haven't yet fully embraced my responsibility of directing me, whether is in my personal life, relationships or in my professional career. In this blog, I will assist me in moving beyond the polarity of judging myself to actually help me understanding this point of self-direction.

Last month I went through very important steps in my process of facing my fears, beliefs and self-trust when it comes to taking decisions in my life. These decisions have to do with giving me direction in expanding my skills and my world and I literally stepped out of my comfort zone in order to walk my decision. There was a lot of "glue" sticking me back to my seat and the mind was constantly sending me reminders of past experiences or of other people's experiences that could easily pushed me back to the comfort zone where I know how things work. It took me time and assistance from friends to put my two feet on the ground, place one in front of the other and start walking slowly but surely into the new challenge ahead.

So, what have been the main points and take-aways from being my own boss? Firstly, that there is no one to blame, not even me; there is no one to compete with, not even with me; there are no valid reactions, not even my own or against me. To give an example of how to walk out of the mind cycle of blame-competition-judgment, I will write about the relationship with myself when things go slower than how I had initially planned (regarding this I recommend the blog article "When Plans Don't Work Out As Planned"). As many might be familiar with this pattern, the tendency is to give into frustration, anger and eventually giving up of one's decision to continue the project. In order to correct this tendency, the notion of time and the relationship with time require an alignment if one wants to use the clock to support the business rather to destroy it. What I mean by this is instead of trying to impose certain timeframes (or should I say bomb-clocks) onto oneself, one must give time to see what works and what doesn't and how long things really take. The mind can play tricks when it comes to beliefs and expectation of how long it will take to start bearing the fruits. I am not saying that having an end-goal is not supportive however, one might get obcessed with the projected results without actually being here and taking each and every required step that eventually create the long-waited and deserved results.

This process of walking a process being it towards professional or personal development goals implies self-direction through which one keeps self engaged with the long-run objective while at the same time deals with real-time points that need to be solved and that will unfold the rest of the journey. No matter where one is in one's process, every single action is part of the big picture and one has the ability to enhance that big picture to become the best that one can ever create for oneself.

This blog title mentions the process of moving from self-judgement to self-direction and the reason for such transition has to do with the realisation that it is the self-judgment that holds oneself back from one's own ability to direct and decide for oneself.  I realise that self-judgments can be great tools to get to know my mind and to understand why I do things in certain ways but that's it! If self-judgments are having any other impact in my life and if I accept these thoughts to play out for many days, that is a redflag informing me that I am not directing myself to walk my decision fully. For as long as I am stuck in self-judgments there is not space for self-correction and this is the sticky glue that can hold me back in the comfort zone because as soon as I step out of it, I will be facing new points that can only be overcomed in self-trust and in self-correction. If one tries to walk through the decision held back to self-judgments than self won't be fully present, won't stand and will fall. This is why at Desteni we walk our process of understanding how the mind works and what the mind shows us through the thoughts that we have about ourselves so that one can direct the thoughts in a constructive way to create one's future differently than how the past has been.

Finally, it is worth reminding me that self-judgment is an energy, just like any other emotion that usually comes along, such as fear and anxiety. New business or new work places and new people can be perceived as scary situations because we are facing first and foremost our own selves through the thoughts that pop up (Will they like me? What impression will they have of me? Will I feel OK in this place? Will I be able to succeed?). As often happens, questions lead to new questions but the same happens with the answers - once I start working out a solution to one point, the domino effect will unfold towards new solutions to my life whereby I will help me in understanding why I am anxious about what other people think of me, or why I would not enjoy myself in that new place, or why on earth would I sabotage my own decision!

 I associate this moment in my life to the opening of the Pandora's Box mentioned in a recent interview that explains why is that the moments of change are great gifts in one's process of self-discovery and self-change. This is the power of Living in self-direction when self-judgments are stopped, understood, forgiven and let go.

In the next post I will walk specific Self-Forgiveness in regards to self-judgments and the fear of not succeeding.

Photo credit: SinRL

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DAY 142: Why relationships escalate into conflict / boredom? How to Prevent it?

"One of the primary things in terms of conflict / boredom in relationships is that the MIND stays the SAME - being with one person, same minds...hm...perfect concoction for conflict / boredom, because previously, when you were 'single', your mind was stimulated by many different people and things most of the time... now you are exposed to ONE person, ONE mind and your one mind...all the time...with NO CHANGE..." Sunette Spies

I was reading this statement and I could relate to my own relationship with my partner. Additionally, I can also see the consequence of taking this conflict/boredom into its extreme by seeing other people's relationships falling apart. By bringing this point to myself, I see that there have been moments in my marriage/agreement where I thought that change would only arise if there was a drastic and radical change - for example, breaking up, or leaving, or not speaking with my partner - all kinds of drama scenes in movies can apply to this "need" to see change happening.

But does it really mean that I have changed?

Not at all.

Why?

Because such reactions are a sign that I am first and foremost bored with my own self; I believe that I am powerless to change the relationship, to act upon the situation, to change the other and mainly, to change myself.

These two last points are key - the belief that I am unable to change the other implies that I desire the other to change because I believe that this will make me feel better about myself. In self-honesty I see that the starting point has been of complete self-interest and not actually caring about the other and wanting the other to reach his fullest potential. I also realise that I am the only one able to change myself, to deal with my mind and create my own self-fulfilment.

Another pattern that happens within me is to get to the point of believing that I don't need to change because it is the other who is causing the instability within me. This is one of the best examples of blame and resistance to face my own mind and to investigating what is happening with myself.

Even though these moments are less frequent nowadays, whenever I go into conflict in my mind it assists me to write, to forgive the energy reaction, to forgive the blame, to forgive the resistance to speak with another, to forgive the shame of having all these reactions and thoughts, and it also assists me to listen to the Eqafe interviews for a new perspective on the point that I facing (by searching for keywords such as blame, change, hopelessness, relationship, etc.). When conflict emerges in my relationship to another it is an indicator that I have not stopped me from participating in the backchats of the mind and that I have not taken responsibility for the inner-conflict that exists within me.

A tricky example of boredom happens when I desire the reality to match an image in my mind and an idea of how things "should" be. I try to place this hologram in front of my reality but it does not fit - so it is easier to blame the reality rather than investigating the image/ idea that exists in my mind (- where did this idea come from? By whom was I influenced to believe in it? Why is this image so rigid?) which I have deliberately created for myself. It is also interesting to see that it is easier to focus on how things "should" be rather than looking at how things can be, based on practical reality and new solutions that can be applied now.

In the end of the day, I realise that I create my own hopelessness and suffering by believing that my mind is right and therefore, if my reality doesn't match it, then reality is wrong. I put pressure on me and on my partner unnecessarily because  I believe that the image in my mind will make me happy. So my happiness is dependent on an image and everything else is just wrong and is creating unhappiness.  Meanwhile, I go into judgement by thinking that what is here is not good enough - I judge me as not good enough, I judge the others as not good enough, I judge this world as not good enough, I judge my job as not good enough, I judge my career as not good enough, I judge my relationship as not good enough and I judge my life as not good enough.

Now I ask myself:

Did I ever consider that ALL that I was missing was ME? Did I ever Decide that I am Here and that I am capable of stopping the "not-good-enough" backchat? That things will not move and change if I am not willing to change myself? That my relationship with my partner will never change if I won't change my communication, my habits, my needs and beliefs? Did I ever consider that my life is stuck because I allow myself to be stuck in my own mind?

Just like Sunette described it, I realise that my mind goes easily into searching new things to think about, to get distracted by, to be motivated in order to escape from my own boredom. Time is invested in emotions, in experiences, in entertainment while the real cause of the problem (and the cause of the solution) is being missed. No matter how many new relationships I have again, how many new places I live, how many new people I meet, the same Me will be unstable unless I stop being unstable. This is the type of brutal self-honesty that is required.

Curiously enough, over the last years I haven't taken any radical change in my life but quite the opposite - my decisions are taken in greater consideration, through communicating with others, writing about it and being creative to find solutions never thought and allowed before. This has greatly assisted me in the process of creating my Self-Stability and unconditional Self-Trust. 

A self-honest decision is not a snap-decision or a reaction towards something or someone. The process of living the decision implies the commitment within oneself to change, to do things differently and to apply the decision in every moment of breath. 

I have been realising that I am the beginning and the end of my own life, meaning, that no matter what happens around me and inside me (such as emotions) I am fully responsible for it as my own creation. This also means that when I am not satisfied with something in my life, being it my job, my behaviour or my relationship with my partner, I must remind myself that I am fully responsible to change this point from this moment onwards. This is Real Self-Empowerment. This is Real Self-Change. This is Real Self-Trust. This is Real Self-Creation. This is a Real platform to build a relationship with another.

Finally, I have been also realising that I will face my mind for as long as I don't change myself - and this is actually where boredom comes from because it is tiring to see the same point coming over and over again and thinking that I am unable to change it or direct it to a different outcome. Actually, the mind works like a guidebook that shows me my thinking patterns, my habits, my addictions, my fears, my feelings and emotions, my judgements, my relationships, my ideas and my desires BUT it is up to me to RECREATE myself in order to change who I am in relation to each mind pattern and to move from reAction to creAction.

Supportive links:

https://eqafe.com/free

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/

FREE Self-development course - http://lite.desteniiprocess.com 

Relationship Guidance - http://desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships

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DAY 138: When the reaction becomes physical

The Characters I Play to Hide The LIE that is Me – by Andrew Gable

I have been experiencing an enormous reaction within me since Friday. The context associated to it has to do with issues with my internet provider and the lack of competence to fix the problem in a timely manner. However, the reaction itself is my own creation and there is no one or nothing to blame - I am the one accepting this event to take control over me, rather than me directing the point in unconditional self-stability. 
Physically, I have been experience nervousness, mood changes, tiredness, headache and difficulty falling asleep.

One interview that assisted me to understand where the physical discomfort is coming from  is the Reacting to Your Mind - The Future of Consciousness series, which I recommend listening to. Through it, I learned how I can take the emotional reactions in a supportive way to assist me in the process of investigating my mind and directing myself. I realise now that the physical discomfort is a gift that my mind is giving to me so that I can open the point that is triggering and feeding the reaction, through writing about it, checking the memories, thoughts and words associated to the reaction. If I miss this opportunity to direct the specific point that is manifesting in my own mind, that will mean that I will have to go through the same energy again to see the point again and eventually deconstruct it and change myself. A time-loop is not really an option because that means that I am accepting and allowing more energy to be generated in my own physical body to create once again all the thoughts and backchat related the reactive emotion. The point is here and now, so I will open it up for myself.

While I am writing now, I am noticing my eyes wanting to close for a nap - the perfect self-sabotage and defense-mechanism to not go into the deep layers of my own mind.

I order to open up the point, I will start applying self-forgiveness on the thoughts and backchats that I am responsible for directing:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react to the customer assistant based on the backchat that they don't know what they are doing and that they are not helping ME!

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project myself into the future and react to the limited internet access at home in the upcoming week.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define my experience by the lack of internet access at home, which I see it is of helplessness because I don't have a confirmation of when this problem is going to be solved and when I can resume my online participation.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame the provider for the frustration that I am allowing myself to participate in.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed the myself, as my body, to be controlled by the reaction instead of me directing the reaction towards an advancement in my process and in my relationship to myself and other people.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the reaction in my tone of voice when speaking with the operator over the phone, which I see it was based on an emotional reaction and powerlessness related to the lack of clarity and solution.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed the reaction to expand and grow within me like a virus, instead of me stopping it and giving it direction by focusing on finding a solution to the problem.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be impatient with the other person because she was not saying that which I wanted to hear. In this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be dependent on the external world in order to be stable within me, and therefore keep on feeding the reaction and blame within me.

I realise that speaking in a firm way to find a solution to the problem must not imply an emotional reaction.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that the only way for me to be heard and be respected is if I react and raise my voice.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take the internet issue and the provider's mistake personally, like a personal attack.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reaction in my thoughts is real and that I have the right to react when a service is not given properly. In this I realise that I am the only one playing the reaction game within and in my actions, and therefore I realise that I am fully responsible for the physical discomfort that I feel in my body.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to put pressure on me to have this problem sorted even when they said to me that the department was closed and that only tomorrow they can look into it.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of having had this issue because I judge me as unable to direct the point of choosing the best internet provider.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that other people are more able to insist and negotiate a solution.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feed the backchat of having bad luck to justify the reaction, rather than seeing that no matter what happens in the external world, I must stand as my principle of self-stability and self-responsibility for my thoughts, words and actions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react emotionally to negative situations that do not correspond to the image of "how things should be" in my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire all my relationships to be peaceful and therefore to react when there is a situation of disagreement and when the solution is not straightforward.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become part of the problem by reacting and wanting to project my reaction onto another, instead or standing as an example of self-stability and focused on finding the best solution, instead of making the problem bigger than what it is.

Self-Corrective Statements:

I realise that by desiring the positive scenario to play-out I am actually feeding its negative polarity, and so, I can take this opportunity to see how I am creating the polarity and instability for myself and how I can correct me by not giving in to the thoughts and to rather work with the physical reality towards real solutions.

I realise that I judge people as weak if they don't react and, based on this, I react in fury because I want to be seen as a strong and a respectful person.

In this, I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to be a strong and trustful person within me in every moment of breath, in how I deal with my own self and how I direct me in my process of stopping the mind and rebirthing as Life in the physical body and in this world.

I realise that feeding the reaction will create consequences in my other tasks because I am allowing the energy to consume me and this is not the best for me or to my physical body.

I commit myself to use this experience and these thoughts that the mind shows me to change myself in real time whenever I face a problem in my reality or something unexpected happens. I realise that the reaction against the unexpected (being it a positive or a negative emotion) manifests because I have created an idea/image of how things should be, so I am already establishing the platform for the reaction to manifest to any other scenario.

When and as I see myself imagining the perfect scenario in the mind, I stop and I breathe. I realise that in reality things take time and that such scenarios can only be used as a reference but not as a definitive outcome considering that there are other points to be considered and other people/systems involved.

When and as I see myself going into a thought of reaction and imagining me reacting to another, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to give me this opportunity to direct my mind and to change my programming of automated reaction to a stable communication, first with myself and then to the other.

When and as I see the mind showing me memories of people reacting and getting what they want, I stop and I breathe. By bringing this point to myself, I realise that I tend to respond in panic and quick solution when someone is reacting for the sake of keeping a 'peaceful' relationship and making everyone happy. In this, I realise that by participating in another's reaction I am actually being self-dishonest and maintaining the pattern of problem-reaction-solution in this world, which is not a real solution to the problem because a reaction is never based in common-sense but in emotional energetic charges. I commit myself to assist me in seeing, realising and understanding that the idea that people get what they want when they react is a belief-system within me, based on manipulation and self-manipulation that limits me, because according to my belief system, if I don’t react I am weak and the other is the winner.

When and as I see myself judging me as weak if I don't react to the problem/person, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this is a process of walking in self-honesty for myself, stopping all the self-judgements and the thought patterns that create unnecessary consequences for the sake of keeping an image of "strength" and for wanting to "win" the case - therefore, I commit myself to stop the judgement of weakness/strength associated to the reactive pattern. I realise that such judgement is based on my own experience of perceiving reactive people as being successful, when in fact the reaction is affecting self and everyone else unnecessarily. I also realise that such competition is pointless because in a reaction everyone loses the potential of changing the pre-programme reaction into a fruitful outcome that considers what is best for all.

When and as I see myself taking the problems personally and thinking that nothing goes as planned, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the obsession with planning in the mind is an indicator of the excessive attention and energy that I put into the mind, rather than being fully present in my physical reality and direct myself in real time and working with what is here, without anchoring myself to the images of the mind of "how things should be".

I commit myself to stop the reaction within me, breathe, slow down the mind, see the thoughts and live the decision to direct my thoughts to support me in finding solutions to myself and, consequently, to others and to this world problems.

Recommended resources:
https://www.facebook.com/7yearjourneytolife
lite.desteniiprocess.com
eqafe.com

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DAY 135: Living the Principle of Patience, as within so without

A new point opened up within me last month month as a result of an accumulation of desire to move things forward quickly without having a basic foundation of self-stability within me. To be more specific, the point of being patience with myself, my process and with the world around me resonated with the experience of pressure and tension that I was experiencing. As I am walking the Desteni of Living Process, I decided to read my statements again, this time focused on the point of patience to understand how it impacts me and my application.

On this blog I will redefine the word Patience to assist me in walking the other Principles.

Starting with the point 12, where it says:

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

I realise that my definition of the word Patience is still very much in relation to time. By "not waiting for others" I easily interpret this point as going into a rush and a fight against time so that I take responsibility for myself and for the world around me. However, living the Principle of Self-Responsibility is an all encompass decision that must consider everything within me, all the points, all the backchats, all my relationships, all my words and all my definitions. Having rush as a starting point is obviously not supportive and I just cannot allow myself to use the existing definition of the word patience to justify the race against my own self and time. Therefore, in order to live this Principle, as well as the other 22 Principles within my Declaration, I commit myself to redefine the word Patience within me - not in relation to time or in wanting to be quick or enforcing my realisations unto others and external world, but to be patient within my own self, to guarantee that I walk this process fully, completely, that I investigate all my points, that I apply and test the correction, that I learn from myself and others, that I re-educate myself about the things that I don't understand and that I am patient with others as I am with myself.

In the redefinition of the word Patience within me, the point of not "waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world" is exactly about not allowing quick fixes within or without - solutions must come from within no matter how long it takes me to realise or to correct myself. In order to be constant within myself and, therefore, to push myself to be self-aware in everything I hear, speak and do, I realise that being patient is key - the patience to be constant, to be disciplined and to apply my self-correction. This Process manifests from the inner to the outer world: first I must be patient to recognise that which I don't understand, to realise where my fears come from, to understand why I judge me and others; secondly I must be patient with me to recreate a stable foundation within me where I live the Principle for myself in my daily day, in my relationships, in my own decisions, constantly; and finally, to live the Patience of seeing how the world works, to become aware of the time it takes for change to actually occur, to not fight the system but to be patient with it, just like the Destonians were patient with me when I started my Process five years ago.

Patience it is not to lay down or lay back; it is not about becoming powerless but it is exactly the opposite - as it is explained in Anu's interview "Patience and How to Live it", without patience one goes easily into reaction and that is a manifestation of powerlessness, because one is controlled by another's reaction instead of standing stable and directing the situation in common sense.

According to the dictionary*, Patience is

1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

Curiously enough none of the definitions above refers to time, except the confrontation with delay. When something needs to be done, it is irrelevant and actually counterproductive to be under time pressure.

In my redefinition of Patience I realise that it implies understanding; for understanding to develop I must be humble and willing to investigate, to ask questions and to give me time to consolidate and apply my understanding. This waiting mode is not a hopeless state, but rather a time that I give to myself to process the information, to investigate the problem and to search for solutions, both for myself and the world. "Waiting" does not mean "stopping", because while I am waiting for myself to realise a point I can be proactively investigating the point within me until I see that I am ready to apply it in my own life.
For as long as there is the directive principle of changing oneself to the utmost potential, there is no need to react against time. If impatience manifests I check where I have missed my understanding or self-direction, I apply self-forgiveness and I establish my commitment to correct myself.

In order for me to be able to realise that I have created who and how I am in this moment, I must be patient with myself and in walking in this physical reality without jumping steps - I cannot walk quicker than  my physical body; I must walk within the awareness that my physical breath is my reference to make sure that I don't miss any breath/any moment in my application. If I miss-a-take, I am patient with myself and I give me this opportunity to investigate where I missed the breath and therefore support me to not do the mistake again.

I realise that I was not educated to be patient with myself because most likely others (family, friends) weren't educated about it either. I also see a judgement towards Patience, as if being patient is a waste of time or a failure. Until now I could not understand why I should be patient when I see people already able to overcome certain points and so, in my mind, I believe I should be able to overcome those points too. However, in physical reality I must walk each and every point by myself in order to live it for myself. I realise that projecting my correction or a final outcome  will not help until I live the decision to walk the correction in real time and get to know me in the process of changing.

The two patterns that contribute to feed impatience within me are comparison and desire. Therefore, whenever I see the pattern of comparison manifested in my thoughts, I commit myself to slow down and see what is that I am not allowing myself to walk for myself, why am I not being patient with myself in my own process and why is that I wish to become like another  by pure magic.The same applies to the desire: instead of desiring to be like another (which would be the quick fix) I must investigate within me what is that I am not giving and living for myself, learn with the other that it is possible to become it, and then move myself to start living that specific characteristic or decision in my life.

I am the only one able to get to know myself fully and completely. That is why I cannot wait for anything or anyone to do it for me because it simply won't happen. That is why my only choice is to walk my process and to be Patient with me to slowly but surely become the Living Principles in my relationship to myself and to this world. This is all I must do for myself and that is all my time is for.

Finally, being aware that the process of changing one's mind and consequently this word will take as much time as it took the create the patterns in first place, being patient is key to let the rush go and to stand in self-responsibility and self-direction, walking breath by breath, one step at a time.

Quote by Bernard Poolman: https://bernardpoolmanquotes.wordpress.com/2012/02/19/process-of-self-realization-as-life-in-equality/

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