Day 154: Agreement Support series: "Why won't he listen to me?"

In this post I am starting a new series where I will share points about couple relationships based on my own experience of being a woman and in an Agreement with my husband.

The question "Why is he not listening to me?" arose when I was trying to help my partner but he was closed within his own mind, not wanting to see the common sense and support that I was giving him. There are many dimensions that I could cover but the one that I find really helpful for me to understand is what I can do in such situations. Who am I going to be in the face of a possession of another?

By possession in this context I mean when another is reacting in a personality of righteousness and ego, of separation towards myself and not looking for solutions but rather focus all the attention on the problem.

There have been times in my life where I can see what another is experiencing and that I am rejected when I try to help: I am told that there is nothing that I will say that will help, or that I don't understand, or that the other wants to be alone. Until now I have taken such comments personally and ended up thinking that I was the problem, that I was the one not able to help another, and feeling powerless towards another.

Recently I faced this point and I was surprisingly stable within me, not allowing emotions to manipulate and sabotage myself. My partner was facing a big resistance to see common sense and to listen to the support that I was giving, but this time I stood next to him and not allowed myself to feel influenced by another's possession. I used to think of me as a sponge that allows other emotions and fears to penetrate into myself but now I see that the attitude of resistance and rejection of another is the green light for me to stand stable no matter what and to be determined in supporting another without waiting for an immediate effect/reward or success.

Despite this attitude within me, the next day, I wasn't so certain about my ability to stand stable and I could see my self-trust diminishing, as if during the night I had been contaminated by the words of rejection. At night, when we both sat down to talk about our relationship, something fascinating happened: my partner had reconsider his attitude, wrote about his possession and had written specific commitments to support himself and to accept my help; on the other hand, I had actually started to give up on my ability to help him and began to imagine that we would be better away from each other. During our conversation we talked with each other in self-honesty about our shared fears, our shared and individual goals, and about the emotional reactions that we both allowed ourselves to go into. During our open chat, my partner confessed that my words resonated with him and were in fact key to assist him in seeing what he was doing to himself.

Below is the Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statement that I assist me in living from now on:

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to trust my ability to remain stable unconditionally despite of what my partner says to me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the imagination associated to the fear of rupture.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerless to assist my partner as if I don't know him anymore. I see, realise and understand that it is my responsibility to stand for and as our agreement especially in moments where he is not trusting himself to do so.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to cloud my awareness and stability with projections of the future that is based on snap decisions and imagination.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to stand stable despite the images and the fear that I see in my mind.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to remain 100% stable when I see thoughts in my mind that are not based on the present facts but it is a story that I am telling myself and a parallel life built in the mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to want to run away from people's possessions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get possessed by distrust and imagination based on the reactions I see in my partner.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that our possessions and emotions are real and to believe that the decisions taken in the mind are real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by my partner's reaction and thoughts, instead of allowing myself to see the influence and to decide not to become it.

I see, realise and understand that I have first and foremost an Agreement with myself to be the best I can be, to trust myself in my Process of changing automatic reactions, and to recreate my self-stability for and by myself.

I see, realise and understand that no decisions can be taken of the mind because the backchat and the reactions do not lead to what is best for all: in fact, I see, realise and understand that such backchat is based purely on survival and fear, and so none of this is valid if we want to build a Life  that is best for both of us.

When and as I see myself distrusting my ability to stand stable in face of another's possession, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am responsible for any reaction, feeling or thought that I have within myself in relation to another being.

When and as I see myself imagining taking a decision in my mind when it comes to our agreement (or any decision), I stop and I breathe.

I empower myself to remain here and to not go into the mind of thoughts and imagination.

I commit myself to look at the facts in this present time and to empower my ability to see what is the best for both us, not based on emotions but in common sense and self-responsibility.

I commit myself to realise that what I see in my mind as my imagination is an automated programme that I am responsible for directing, for stopping and for changing in order to change who I am in the present moment and therefore my future.

When and as I see myself thinking that rupture is the only option to deal with our possessions, I stop  and I breathe.

I commit myself to stop the emotion and move beyond the resistance to stand as myself, to trust myself as life and to see that the entertainment of the emotions and fears is a point that I am able to stop in one breath and give me direction.

When and as I see myself wanting to be away from my partner based on the belief that I can't help him because I don't see him applying what I tell him, I stop and I breathe. In this, I see that I will not save another with my words and that I cannot expect another to change because I ask so. I see that he must be the one supporting himself in every moment and that the only way I can help him is by standing as an example to myself, by standing stable, by stopping the thoughts, the emotions, the fears, and by being present unconditionally.

I commit myself to give me time to understand what my partner is going through in his life and I assist me in taking part in the conversation from a starting point of equality and commitment to create the best solutions for both of us.

When and as I see myself thinking that the imagination is real, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to strengthen my self-stability when I am facing a mind possession by recognising that these images are in my imagination only and that I am capable of giving me direction to stop the mind and to remain always as the solution to my own self, to decide what is best for me and to give me direction.

I commit myself to focus on who I am in my relationship with my partner.

I commit myself to stand as Life when dealing with another's mind.

Finally, I commit myself to let go of the ideas, fears and imagination that I think about in the mind, and I focus on the present moment, on the information that is here and in my direction in taking decisions that are based on common sense and what is best for both of us and our Agreement.

* An Agreement is when two beings decide to walk the Process of investigating their minds to become aware of themselves and support each other to reach their utmost potential.

Recommended material:

Relationship Success Support with Agreements Facing the Reality of Self

The Best & The Worst - Relationship Success Support

Relationships and Agreements

The Power of Listening (Part 2)

Picture found on Pinterest.

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DAY 148: How to stabilise myself when facing unexpected events

Today my bicycle was stolen and it took me a few hours  to stabilise myself and to focus on the things that I had planned that day and so this post is specifically to assist me in dealing with unexpected events in my reality.

When I realised that there had been a deliberate robbery, I felt an energy of anger growing within me against whoever had taken it, against society as a whole and against the economic system that promotes survival. It helped to go out and run to keep moving myself and slow down the mind. The tendency was to look at every single bicycle hoping to find mine but whenever the energetic emotion of anger and sadness came up, I stopped the thought, I breathed and reminded me that I am not defined by this situation of being a victim of theft.

This was the second time it happened, however now I have the tools to deal with the emotional turmoil that comes with such an experience. I noticed how my thoughts were being contaminated by this experience of disappointment and distrust towards society, and that my mind was projecting such emotions to other areas of my life, which was unacceptable. How can my experience of anger influence my attitude towards other things that I am doing? Why do I accept becoming the emotions and therefore believing that whatever I do will get contaminated by it? Well, in reality I now see that I am the thoughts and emotions that I accept within me. That is also why it was no surprise that suddently I was distrusting my ability to deal with other areas of my life, because my distrust towards the outer world was firstly existing inside me.

In fact, all these emotional waves are dependent on whatever I do with them - either I feed them to continue the victim personality or I let them go. Letting them go does not mean to forget them but to simply use this memory as a remembrance to learn from: for example, to be more careful when locking my bike or to consider a bike chip. Well, bicycle theft is not a good example considering that it is quite hard to prevent these: no matter how good one's lock is, in the UK a bicycle is stolen every minute and less than 5% of those are returned to their owners (Bikeoff.org). Nevertheless, preventing my emotional reaction is completely my own resonsibility.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to build up the emotion of anger within me when facing an unexpected event such as bike theft.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take this incident personally and to think that someone had done this deliberately to make me anger.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame another for the anger I create/participate within me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the anger and the sadness into other areas of my life and to fear that unexpected events affect other areas of my life.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use this event to feed other emotions within me such as fear.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to stabilise myself and to resume my plans of the day realising that thinking about what happened and trying to look for the bicycle was not going to stabilise me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotion of self-distrust when facing a situation of feeling distrust towards the society we live in. In this, I realise that this generalisation is not supportive and I am aware that the current system promotes such separation among the people when in fact it is not necessary nor real, as we are all one and equal.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to look at this point in common sense, do what needs to be done in terms of reporting the burglary and then continue with tasks.

When and as I see myself trying to justify the feeling of sadness within me based on the memory of today's events, I stop and I breathe.

When and as I see myself feeling anger and feeding this feeling within me when I face an unexpected event that imply something being stolen from me, I stop the emotional build-up, I breathe and assist me to fully stabilise my presence.

When and as I see myself projecting the anger unto the people around me and unto society as a whole, I stop the thoughts and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am the only one creating this experience to myself and feeding the emotion within me. I also see, realise and understand that any scenarios/projections unto other areas of my life are not real and are unnecessary since these are images fed by emotions such as fear.

When and as I see myself going into the turmoil of emotions that are manifested in the way I start questioning everything and distrusting everyone in my reality, I stop and I breathe.

When and as I see myself getting obecessed with the emotions and distracting myself from the other responsibilities in my day, I stop and I breathe. I assist me in learning from this experience and to use this as a remembrance to be more effective in stopping the energy within me and to allow myself to dedicate my time to my responsibilities.

When and as I see myself believing that it is OK to be emotionally overwhelmed by situations like this, I stop and I breathe.

When and as I see myself judging the time that I am spending in dealing with this point as pointless, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am dealing with a point that is here and that this is an opportunity to re-establish my self-stability and to re-start in every breath, fresh and in complete self-will to correct myself and to give me direction.

I see, realise and understand that the time spent in the mind of emotions, thoughts and projections is time that I miss of my creation here.

I commit myself to let go of the emotion of anger as I see that it does not assist me to see the situation in common sense and in being practical about the things to do in order to deal with the events in my reality effectively and in self-support.

Reference: http://www.bikeoff.org/design_resource/ABT_problem_introduction.shtml

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DAY 140: Live events and Stopping the Fear in real-time

I manage live events as part of my daily job and I have noticed how the fear of an unexpected technical issue is terrifying. I am walking the process of stopping the fear in real-time whenever the fear possession starts manifesting in me however I realise that I haven't yet sat down and written about it to fully open the point within me,  facing them and starting my self-correction. For example, during a live event  I start imagining the various scenarios of "what can go wrong" and drifting away from myself, so I have to really push myself to ground myself and focus on that which I do have control and can guarantee that I do the best of my ability for a successful event.

As always, breathing has been my main support to slow down the mind and give me back my physical stability. Sometimes I wonder how people deal with these fears and emotions if they are not walking the Process, however I can see how I had not been aware of these for many years and that I had simply suppressed the fear, trying to replace it with some positive thoughts and praying that everything would go fine. Nowadays, I have been proving to myself that I am the one able to create my self-stability, just like I am the one responsible for creating my own reactions, fears, emotions or a stressful state of mind.

The more I feed the imagination the stronger it gets and so a firm decision is absolutely required to not go into the thoughts. Today during the live event I got scared (I scared myself) when something changed on my screen and I felt like a stone against my chest and a racing heart beat. In that moment I realised that such reaction and harm in/to my physical body is unacceptable and I slowly slowed myself, breath by breath, until my muscles relaxed again. I then felt the polarity manifesting, which was a feeling good sensation and the image of the end of the event. In that moment I wanted the time to move faster because I feared an unexpected issue to spoil the event - this fear isn't real but it assisted me in identifying my mind-patterns and walk these points in writing.

Curiously, by digging into the fear and anxiety in this example, I can identify the pattern of self-judgment emerging from it.

Why would something unexpected happen?

Who am I when something unexpected happens?

Why did I desire the time to move faster?

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine that something unexpected will happen to my event. I see that these images are based on my past experiences that I am now projecting to my present reality.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think of me and define me as a victim of unexpected incidents and accidents.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire time moving faster during a live event instead of being stable and present in every single moment, during and outside work, when things are simple or when things are complex.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to realise that my time is my life and that who I am in every moment is not limited by my professional activity, quite the contrary - I realise that my daily job and any activity that I do is a moment where I am facing my mind and it is an opportunity for self-correction and to live the principles of  courage, self-trust, self-learning and self-correction.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that problems only happen to me and to think that things are simpler to other people.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to place a judgement of "right", "wrong", "easy", "complicated" when something happens in my reality. I realise that this emotional attachment to the things that happen to me is what I am busy with and therefore missing the step of an immediate physical self-correction. I realise that it is pointless and self-dishonest to compare my experience to others because I am only in my mind and therefore any thought about how others deal with their own mind is invalid because I am not dealing with their minds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and feed the mind-energy of anxiety in my physical body through my participation in thoughts and for passively accepting these thoughts to run inside of me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am this fear and this anxiety that manifests when something unexpected happens. I realise that the fear and the anxiety became automatic as part of my habit of living in constant fear however this is not who I am if I am to stand as Life, and as breath and as the solution to mySelf.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get distracted by the scenarios that my mind plays out and to believe that I must fight the thought or keep feeding the thought and self-sabotaging my own reality. I realise that I dont' require to think about the worse case scenario to be focused on my reality - actually, this pseudo-awareness is actually stress and it brings unnecessary consequences to my physical body which I am responsible for preventing it. I realise that in order for me to apply solutions in the physical reality I must stop the mind, breathe and restart my action in common sense, self-awareness, self-honesty, onenness and equality.

When and as I see myself creating and participating in a thought of something unexpected happening during my event, I stop the mind and I breathe. I commit myself to focus on my actions, on the practical steps that I know I must take to make sure everything goes well and I commit myself to stop any frustration when it comes to things outside of my control.

I commit myself to invest my time and my attention to the points that I am able to change and to improve, instead of defeating myself with the fear of that which I can't change or manage. In this, when and as I see myself going into the terrifying fear of some technical failure to spoil my event, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the event is an accumulation of actions that are taken in self-honesty, to do everything to my ability to complete an event flawlessly.

When and as I see myself going into memories, information about problems and the emotion of fear during a live event, I stop and I breathe. I realise that these memories, images and fears are points within me that I must forgive and let go so that a new relationship to my job and myself can develop.

When and as I see myself thinking of me as a victim of people or of situations, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this self-definition isn't the best for me because I am deliberately putting myself in stressful situations and in constant fear of losing my self-stability instead of creating my self-stability for myself in every moment. I realise that people or situations do not create victims and that this idea only exists within me about myself.

I commit myself to assist me in standing stable within me in every situation and with anyone, and for that, I commit myself to stop and breathe whenever my mind goes into the imagination of a crisis or problems in my reality, and to assist me in that moment to recreate my self-stability until there is no fear-energy within me.

I realise that the emotion itself does not come from the thought but comes from my belief and physical attachment to the thought or idea. Therefore, when and as I see myself limiting myself with a sudden thought that something "bad" or an accident will happen in my reality, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this thought is a projection of my own self-distrust and self-judgement and therefore I am able to correct the self-distrust and the ideas about myself.

I commit myself to change my attitude towards myself and my actions in any given moment, from self-judgement towards self-enjoyment and self-expansion in my relationship to myself.

I commit myself to become a stable being in my physical body and to not get distracted with the ideas I have created about myself in the mind.

When and as I see myself to have defined me as/believed that my self-judgements are real, I stop and I breathe. I realise that when the thought comes up I am "responsABLE" for directing the thought in a practical way, by seeing if it assists me or not, and to decide to let it go if it is not the best for me. Finally, I realise that even when some unexpected issues occur, I am capABLE of directing myself in self-stability and self-support in order to be the solution and to not become/participate in the problem.

I commit myself to use the information brought by my mind to assist me in the process of dissecting the thoughts, the fears, the personalities, the emotions and the fears, and to embrace my mind as a guide for me to walk towards self-realisation and self-corrE(A)CTION.

The more I write, the more points emerge. I can identify new dimensions as part of my daily job and I will continue walking these points and share them in blogs to come.

References:
Free Life Coaching http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/
Life Review - Trying to Suppress Your Mind https://eqafe.com/i/jferreira-trying-to-suppress-your-mind-life-review

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DAY 139: Swimming in emotions and how it affects my day-to-day living

- "Why wasn't I able to stop the emotions?"

- "It's not that you were not able Jo - it's simply that you didn't..." (Excerpt from a chat with Sunette)

This lake of emotions is now clear to me but the only reason I could see that I was not stable was because of the consequences of emotions in the various areas of in my life - for example, I have been reactive towards people and towards events when things don't go as planned; I have also been physically exhausted and at the same time with difficulty to sleep; my physical expression and intimacy with my partner seems to be blocked; and, ultimately, my ability to take decisions went down the drain.

Regarding the last point, I haven't allowed myself to take direction in this current of emotions. As a result, I haven't been able to stop thinking about certain points in my reality without actually deciding upon a solution - my mind is hooked in the same thoughts without any productive outcome whatsoever! Just like Anu explained in his interview "How to Make Choices", it is not possible to take a clear decision in such a cloudy emotional environment - I am literally unable to see the various options, the dimensions to consider and the solution in common sense. 

This "swimming in emotions" is indicating that I am accepting emotions inside of me for a longer period of time than is necessary without standing within a decision inside myself to direct them and instead look for practical solutions. Physically, I have been facing the consequences of the emotional energy effect on my body - not only feeling exhausted, but also had an urinary infection that required antibiotics, a couple of red spots on my face, an allergic reaction and burning sensation in my left ear (Inner Self) and some articulation blockage for a few seconds on my left index finger and on my right big toe. I thought that sports would assist me in reducing stress, however this time I was also reactive in sports and I was allowing myself to be fearful and imagining that I would hurt myself.

Mentally, I see that the more I participate in the thoughts and I believe in the thoughts and emotions to be real, the more I go into this state of directionless because all my attention and resources go into the emotion so there is no energy left for self/for my physical action and for solutions to myself. I can also see the domino effect playing out, whereby I start imagining all the other areas of my life going into chaos and failure, creating even more stress and anxiety within myself. For example, I had a problem with my internet at home and, since then, that other problems unfolded simply because I wasn't able to direct the other things as I would normally do - the reaction became a virus that I manifested whenever something didn't work. If I had not participated in the first reaction, that would have potentially worked as an example to myself to apply in the other areas of my life. Even if I had participated in the first reaction, that must not be an excuse to justify the next reactions. 

Stopping the emotions is a decision and, as with any decision, I must practice it and apply myself in every moment so that change happens.

This is my commitment as of today, this moment, now.

I am aware that the energy build-up had happened and I am still recovering from it so I must not be hard on myself in terms of trying to fight the thoughts and the emotions. As Sunette says, initially I won't be able to NOT go into thoughts and emotions AT ALL - my main focus is to when I see I am thinking too much and in a state of emotion, I take responsibility. Meaning, I write out the emotion and I forgive myself until I am stable.

Also, I must not believe that the emotions will go away by themselves because there is no magic in the process - I take self-responsibility, I face the emotion, I understand where the emotion comes from and I let it go through self-forgiveness. Sports by itself won't help unless I make sure that I create my self-stability first, which is only possible through writing because I slow my mind, I stop participating in the emotional energy and I am able to see the problem and the solution for myself. The imagination is still active in my mind and I dreamed a lot last night again, but instead of believing it to be real, I will investigate the patterns, the fears, the desires, and I let the images go.

By taking responsibility for the emotion that exists within me, I start the process of correcting myself and changing myself.

I am grateful for having the support of the Desteni buddies to assist me in my Process and in reminding me of being Assertive with myself and Standing Up for myself. The fact that we have regular chats has definitely supported me in opening up this point and understanding what was going on over the last two weeks. I will now do my "homework" and write the list of emotions I've experienced since the point opened up and do some sounding of self forgiveness until I feel stable.

More on this to come in my next blog.

Resources:

Heaven's Journey To Life

How to Make Choices - Reptilians - Part 137

What does it Mean to Stand Up - Reptilians' Support - Part 175

Life Review - Acceptance and Allowance vs. The Decision

Desteni Lite FREE course

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DAY 122: Being the pillar of my own life in my decision-making

Very recently I noticed a strong emotional attachment manifested towards people very close to me when I started having thoughts about a plane crash caused by the storm that day. The emotional reaction was manifested in an extreme anxiety, nervousness, impatience and physical unfocus on what I was doing. I decided to stop myself, sit down and start typing Self-Forgiveness statements about the thoughts and fears that I was experiencing inside me. 

I am grateful for taking the decision to stop and to deal with the energetic fear of the mind in that moment and not accumulate the point within me.

I looked at the emotions related to the fear of losing people that are dear to me. Underneath the first layers, I started to see points of comparison, judgments, self-judgments, guilt, regret, needs, acceptances and hopes in my relationship to them. The "magic" of self-forgiveness is that the points are brought to myself, and in that moment I could see these exact same points existing towards my own self (but being projected unto others).

I now see that starting the self-forgiveness was just the beginning of that which is a big point within me that I am still walking. I realise  the point of standing stable alone, as an individual pillar of my own life.

The inner-threat of losing people close to me triggered a self-sabotage point in a very specific moment of my life, when I have to take decisions that also affect other people and that it might not be that which I am expected to say or do. A good analogy is the moment when I say No to alcohol against all the odds because all my family, most of my friends and probably the majority of society drinks, even though it is a drug. I can explain all the consequences of it but some people are not willing to hear because alcohol became a habit, a point of comfort and a "solution" without seeing the long-term consequences. The point that I am facing in my life is based on a growing awareness within me in regards to what is supportive and what is not, and the point of being  responsible for what I accept and allow inside and outside me.

I am realising that if I don't stand as my decision of not accepting and allowing certain things in my words and actions, the point of staggering will continue, because I am not living my decision in absolute certainty. If I don't clearly state that "I don't drink alcohol", people will still attempt to offer me a glass of wine. My decision is never dependent on others and my lack of application is never to blame others. Even when they know, they will probably still try to offer me a glass of wine so that I join the group and they feel good about themselves (self-interest). All I must do is to stand stable within my self-awareness and self-correction based on the realisation of the consequences of my decisions and not allow myself to be manipulated by emotions (either mine or theirs), which happens when I am not assertive and loyal to my own decision to do and say that which I accept and allow in/for my life.

On my next post I will expand on the point of taking decisions to appreciate others.

 Artwork by Andrew Gable

http://andrewgableart.com/

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DAY 119: Self-Forgiveness on Staying in bed

Despite my recent written commitment to wake up for and by myself, I stayed in bed today - this was a deliberate self-dishonesty because even if I felt physically tired I could have simply started the day slowly, but awake. Instead, I pressed snooze on my phone and let it stay in this mode for about one hour. The consequence was the rush and pressure that I put on myself since I had an appointment later in the morning.

It was cool to be aware of the reactions within me and to do my best in being efficient with the short time I had, however, I know that I can recreate a better reality for myself, stress-free.

The main point to look at was the deliberate sabotage that I went through in the morning: I was aware of my commitment but I did not apply my self-will. Therefore I will continue forgiving myself until I am clear on this point, I test it and I change:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create this internal fight between wanting to stay in the comfort of my bed and wanting to live my commitment of waking up in self-direction. I realise that if I created this fight I am the one able to fix it. In self-honesty I see that my lack of self-direction to wake up was based on the excuse that it is Saturday and that I "can" stay in bed because apparently there is no work responsibility of waking up at a certain time. It is exactly in this moment that I see if my commitment is real and if it is unconditional. Therefore, 

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to live my commitment of waking up once my alarm rings everyday, including weekends. I have been realising that 7 hours of sleep is currently the number of hours that my body requires to rest and that after this time I am recharging my mind because I am feeding the fight of waking up VS staying in bed that I created to myself in first place. I also realise that regardless of the number of hours of sleep, the moment I wake up must be unconditional, breathe by breathe, in one decision - my self-direction and self-commitment are unconditional. 

I forgive myself as my body for having accepted and allowed myself to create rush in my own self/body and put pressure on my body to move fast because I have limited the time available for my actions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am separated from my decision to wake up at a certain time. This conflict within me reminds me the arguments I had (and still have) with my mum because I wanted to wake up early but my mum would insist that I needed to sleep more.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I must stay in bed a little bit longer because I went to bed late the night before.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be tired during the day if I wake up early in the morning. In this, I see that if I get tired I can rest or stop for a moment since it is the weekend, however based on my experience once I wake up I am able to stay awake for many hours in a row.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with thinking about excuses for me to stay in bed instead of moving myself physically to transcend the resistance to direct myself. I realise that if I move myself physically and if I am aware of my breath I will not give in to the energy/thoughts of the mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create my own indiscipline in relation to my commitments - I realise that I don't take my commitments seriously.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to embrace my commitment of waking up in the morning as I had planned the night before.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to stick with my plan and to have accepted to go into a "workaround" justifying why I changed the plan and stayed in bed. I realise that I can make my reality easier if I trust myself and if I live the agreement I did with myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think "I can stay in bed a little bit longer because I can get dressed and ready in a rush", without seeing, realising and understanding that I am creating my own experience of rush/stress instead of standing as an example of commitment, dedication and stability towards myself/my actions.

In addition to the self-corrective statements written yesterday:

I commit myself to stick to common sense: if I decide something in the evening but in the morning I don't stick with the plan, in common sense I see that the problem is not the plan but my attitude towards it that has changed based on how I feel in the morning. In this, I am aware that feelings are not real because they change from night to day and feelings are not trustworthy. I also see that this is a mind-pattern of wanting to give up on my own decision and to take the easy way which is to leave the habits as they are, instead of moving myself through the resistance and rediscover me in my decision to wake up in self-direction, for and by myself, and start the day stable within me, giving me time to write and eat in the morning for example. 

I realise that by sticking to my agreement of waking up early at the time I have set to be the best for me I am re-establishing my relationship to all my tasks and commitments throughout the day, not accepting less than what I am able of doing with the time I have.

While writing the self-forgiveness I had this memory of a story that I read in the primary school about this child that was describing her morning and it consisted of waking up, getting dressed, having breakfast, doing the homework and then leaving to school. It was quite shocking for me to think of having time in the morning to sit down to do my homework, since my mornings were always stressful: looking at the clock, eating quickly (later in secondary school skipped the early breakfast), dressing on my way to the door and leaving to take a ride from my dad or a friend. My day has always started in a state of rush that I learned how to cope with so that I could be stable in the classroom and "forget" the morning run. It is funny that I am "haunted" by these memories and I notice physical reactions in my body while writing these words. Tomorrow I  will do the exercise recommended in the Journey Into the Afterlife and I  will focus on How I am experiencing myself in the moment I wake up and check what is the emotion associated and continue investigating this personality system.

Illustration: http://www.realbeauty.com/health/wellness/get-some-get-up-and-go#slide-1

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DAY 117: Impulse to do things: how to deal with the excitement energy

This week I have been dealing mainly with the fear energy, as shared on my previous posts. However, the fascinating aspect of the process is that, by opening new layers within me, new points become more clear, just like an onion that gets cleaner inside once we start removing the top layers. So on this post I will share the first realizations as to how the excitement energy manifests within me and how I have been correcting myself in order to be constant in my presence here and not giving in to the energy of the mind.

I have been gradually noticing how there are impulses in me to do things, such as speaking with another, hugging another or simply to stand up and do tasks. Until now I had not understood that the impulse, which in the past I called it 'love', 'emotion', 'feelings' and 'motivation', is actually mind energy. What I mean by mind energy is the energy resource based on emotions and feelings that feed the thoughts and, consequently my actions.

The reason I am sharing this today is the impact that this point is having in my life: for the first time I am becoming aware of this energy and, most importantly, I am able to see that I don't have to participate in the energy anymore. For many years I have been participating and using these urges of excitement to believe that I was alive and that I was defined by it. The outcome/excitement is a sort of sugar rush that manifests in various situations. What is quite scary is the amount of thoughts and the nature of the thoughts that are generated in my mind under such energy: thoughts based on memories, associations, imagination, information that I have heard, images that I have seen and also sexual attraction (more information on the energy of the mind can be found in a recent Eqafe interview that explains the origin of sexual attraction). In essence, the energy of the mind is a source of distraction and consequently destruction in all directions, as if we were slaves of the impulses, disregarding the practical reality and common sense.

Now I see that the energy is a sticky glue that I must slowly but surely stop feeding. Why? Because it only creates instability and, despite of the initial excitement, it only brings consequence for me and for the people around me. The energy sometimes can also block me and I become passive, for example when I think that I have to do a given task but my mind goes immediately to the thought that this will take too long or that will be complicated, so I start immediately with a resistance and excuses to do it.

From what I have been realising the best assistance that one can give to oneself is to breathe whenever thoughts pop up in the mind - through breath one brings oneself back to the physical body and doesn't feed the mind. The thoughts will probably keep on coming, as the mind has never been disciplined or directed, but it is very important that one does not take the thoughts personally. I have been saying self-forgiveness to myself on the thoughts and patterns that I see popping up when I am with specific people or when I am dealing with certain tasks of my day. I have been also reminding myself to stand stable within me, aware that I am dealing with energy which in essence is not real unless I participate in it, and that there is no need to go into self-judgment nor regret for the thoughts, because I am dedicated in correcting the mind - first, by understanding how my mind is "programmed" to think this way, where does the energy/motivation/desire/resistance come from and then be able to correct myself and not having the mind controlling my actions.

I wish I had someone since my childhood explaining me how the energy of the mind works and that I did not have to believe in the thoughts and backchats of the mind. So I strongly recommend everyone to start investigating and getting to know thyself. For more details about the process, visit the Desteni Forum and enjoy the free course to start dealing with your own mind.

Artwork: Emotion, by Andrew Gable

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DAY 115: Self-Forgiveness on the memory of a friend's death

This is a continuation of the previous post "Haunted by Memories" that expands on the emotional  relationship that I created towards a memory about a friend who died in a car accident in my primary school years. This memory has been around for so long that I have never considered investigating what is behind it, become aware of the emotions and see that I can stop giving in so much into the mind.

Self-Forgiveness:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to associate my current reality with the memory of losing a friend in a car accident and, by doing this, to project the fear of death into this moment when I am ALIVE.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the emotion of fear of getting bad news just like it happened when I was told that my friend had died.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that if my friend had an accident the same thing can happen to me - through this I realise that I am limiting my Life with knowledge and with people's experiences that I project unto myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and feed the fear of having a car accident every time I access this memory when I am in a car with a friend driving.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the emotional attachment to this memory is real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear to go in the car with friends and cousins because I heard that my friend was with cousins and family friends when she died.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use this memory to validate the fear of having a car accident, instead of questioning the fear in first place. I see, realise and understand that fear is an energy that feeds the mind, keeps me distracted from myself and separated from the physical reality. Therefore, I realise that I must not trust the memories to validate or judge my present and that it is my responsibility to see the memory as it is - a memory in the mind - and stand stable in my present moment.

To be continued...

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DAY 114: Haunted by Memories

I never considered that memories could be harmful, even though I had already noticed that memories bring instability caused by the emotional attachment towards the memory: good or bad, memories still have an impact in my reality and, by allowing such emotions to control my present, I am getting stuck in the mind. Not only mentally stuck, but physically sick. My body has been a reference to when I am unstable and lately I am having strong belly pain, unable to stand up for too long and diarrhea. It is not a coincidence because the pain manifests with specific thoughts (fears) and the location is also specific (the solar plexus) where the fear energy gets accumulated - it is amazing.
One memory that "haunted" me recently was about a car accident that happened to a friend of mine during my primary school years. I have never wrote about this memory but it is part of a repeating thought that pops up often when I am in the car with friends. Her name was Margarida and she died on that car accident - it was one of my first encounters with death and it was weird to see and to feel ta contagious sadness among the people at the funeral. At the same time, everybody was speaking about her and recognising her existence ("did people do that when she was alive?").
 The emotion attached to this memory is fear and confusion: fear that a car accident could also happen to me, and confusion for not knowing why she died, why her and not any other of us? I don't remember anyone explaining me what death was apart from the same old-story that she is an angel in the sky.

The point of sharing this memory is to investigate the emotions within the memory in order to support me to understand how my mind works and how to assist myself in recreating my stability.

I see, realise and understand that it is not a coincidence that this memory pops-up often in my mind and I will be walking the Self-Forgiveness on my next post.

 Artwork by Andrew Gable: http://andrewgableart.com/store/inside-the-mind-original-drawing/

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DAY 108: How do I make decisions?

I can decide to drift in the mind or to give me direction. Recently I have been noticing the thoughts that take me to the emptiness of uncertainty and it creates a feeling of powerlessness. This feeling of the mind, althought made of powerlessness, can have the power to contaminate my reality. I wonder if this is a life pattern that everyone faces. Is everyone living in between the mind and, very now and then, in this reality? Or never at all. My mind goes easily into a poetry moment when it comes to face the hard walls of my mind.

So at the moment I am living the decision to not drift into the mind of thoughts and I have decided to focus on a task that I proposed myself to do but that I forgot to actually start it. How many times it happens to start something with the best intentions to finish it (I can actually see the final product in my mind as if it is real) but the actual physical realisation never takes off completely from the initial motivation? Now that I am looking at this point, a new interesting dimension came up: when I imagine something being done, I associate it with how the time is portrayed in movies and in TV series - things happen in quantum decisions because I see the character thinking about something and the next scene the person is already doing it. Have I not tried to implement this quantum decision-making in my own life too?

How many times do I take a decision of slowing down and take the time to perfect myself but suddenly I change my decision based on the imagination of the next challenge - but when the challenge comes, I start thinking twice because I have not taken the time to establish my foundation. I must not take the quantum-action of series personally as I am walking this life in real-time. If decisions as based on imagination, then it is not trustworthy. I better test it in real-time and find out for myself if such decision works for me.

If I am constantly desiring to have a quantum-mind experience copying what happens in movies and series, the notion of time is going to be manipulated and this physical reality disregarded.

So the task that I am going to walk this week is to look at how I make decisions. It is a great timing as I am walking this point on my DIP lesson and I have been having an enormous resistance to walk the exercise of identifying the positive and the negative elements that make my decision-making. It is just unacceptable to waste this opportunity to support myself and change who and how I have been existing as.

Do I make decisions based on the movies and series' fiction-time? Or do I actually consider real time?

Do I make decisions based on the fear of loss?

Do I make decisions based on negative and positive feelings/emotions?

Is my decision based on common-sense?

Am I wanting to copy someone else? Am I wanting to be somebody else?

When I go into the mind, the past and the future dance with each other. It requires training to be in physical time, think in physical time and accept physical time. I must finally realise that my body requires a breath-in and a breath-out to function well and that my life-time is made of the breaths I take and give.

The decision to stop and write here and right now was not planned in my mind - I had to impose it to myself otherwise I would stay in the pre-programmed mode of imagining it and getting distracted with thoughts outside of me.

Thinking about other people's lives is also a point to consider that is manifested in the movies and TV series. A decision that I must take is to really investigate where my thoughts come from when I am looking at another's person life. I must decide to bring those points to myself - investigate where the comparison come from, what do I perceive the other has, how do I judge me in relation to the other, etc.  This will allow me to identify my mind-decisions and obviously support me in my correction from the mind to real-physical time. I will walk the decision point this week and I will be sharing some of my realisations that will eventually arise.

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DAY 101: My own entertainment - The addiction to the energy of the mind

Today I finally saw something that has been disregarded in a very naive way lol. You know when something is always there but you have never noticed? Well, this is what has been happening as my blindness towards the mind, and more specifically, the way I have been feeding the mind ALL THE TIME THROUGHOUT MY LIFE. How? Through the energy in the form of emotions, of anxiety, of fear, of distrust, of feelings, of love, of sadness, of despair, of desire, of hope, of regret, of impatience, of anticipation, of expectations, of blame, of guilt, of jealousy, of reaction, of comparison, of anger, of hate, of imagination, of exhaustion, of positive, of negative, of happiness, of judgement, of distraction.

So, yesterday I was almost blaming the TV series for my entertainment but today I see what is really happening: the real entertainment happens inside me in my relationship with my own mind and the addiction to the energy generated by and for the mind. This self-slavery is the ultimate self-deception and this realisation is just the beginning of the process that I am walking. I am, for the first time, aware that all these emotions and energetic feelings don't need to exist - or should I say, I live without such energetic emotions. The same way I see that I should be able to watch any series, speak with another, do anything without any energetic movement within me. Only breath remains.

This realization came actually from a combination of factors, namely the understanding from the Eqafe interview on Impatience and my experience tonight after watching the last episode of a TV series. I noticed an anxiety within me by knowing that I was going to watch the last episode: my mind was going to lose its daily meal of emotional attachment! When the episode came to an end I thought "Is this it"? And I saw that the energy was not real because it was not here anymore - I am still here, the energy is not. The mind is still here and I can see it more clearly when I get distracted from my writing for example. It is like a shadow that watches everything that I do. This must not be a big surprise: I know the mind because I became the main allie of the mind. The challenge and the process here is to realize who I really am, as Life, by transcending the mind.

While I am writing I can see the fear of dying right now - here is another trick of the mind: the ultimate fear of death as a tool to participate in the energy. So I teach myself to breathe and overcome the storms of the mind.  I stop thinking about death and I focus on my breath. I associate a realisation as an achievement and so I fear to "suffer" the negative consequence of something bad to happen to me. So the label of realisation as a positive thing must be redefined within me.

Why does the mind exist? Through this question I realise that I am actually blaming the mind for my slavery. So I can rephrase my question and ask myself: Why and how did I become the mind? Why and how do I participate in emotions, anxiety, fear, distrust, feelings, love, sadness, despair, desire,  hope, regret, impatience, anticipation, expectations, blame, guilt, jealousy, reaction, comparison, anger, hate, imagination, exhaustion, positive, negative,  happiness, judgement, distraction. That's why in the Desteni material we always see and read about the point of self-responsibility and self-stability, because this is what I must be able to recreate in me and become.

It is apparently tough to let go of a belief, of a religion, of an idea, of a dream and this is the resistance that I have created in my own mind towards the mind itself. It is amazing how ideas become so real in my mind that I am able to project them into my reality and live by it - of course this is not a Life, because it is a prison limited by my own imagination.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get excited with a realisation/understanding, as this is a point of energetic excitement of the ego and based on the fear of losing such a realisation! Therefore, when and as I see myself realising a new point or a new dimension within a point, I stop and I breathe.

I support me to stand stable within and as the realisation, because the realisation is not separated from me. I commit myself to walk through/as/become the realisation and therefore there is no need to go into excitement or fear of losing that which I already am.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to see that the emotion of desire to watch a series is an energetic anxiety of the mind that I can stop through breath. Within this, I see that the addiction to the energy of the mind is not the best for me, because it creates a separate reality of nervousness and I am not aware of me here anymore.

So when and as I see myself going into the energy of the mind, either in the form of anxiety, of fear, of emotional attachment and of desire, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to breathe until I take control of me here, stable and aware of my actions out of the mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to avoid watching the last episode because I did not want to lose the energetic desire of watching another episode.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to distract me with the energy of the mind instead of watching the series as it was initially my plan. I realise that I deviate from my objective of simply watching the story and move on.

When and as I see myself going into the parallel reality of the emotions of the mind, I stop the sequence of emotions and I breathe. I support me to remind me of what I am doing and I help me to be aware of when I slip into the mind of imagination, anticipation, fear and emotions in order to stabilise myself more efficiently and with less consequence.

When and as I see myself going into the imagination of the mind and the images of the mind, I stop and I breathe. I see that these images are not real, that are memories and that I can only use them as a reference to see what I must stop within me - what are the preoccupations that move in my mind?, what are the thoughts that I am distracted with?, what are the fears that I project unto myself? What is the consequence that I am creating by being distracted of my own reality?

I commit myself to support me in seeing my own mind and to dedicate myself to correct me, to clarify the memories, to understand the fears and to stop me from participating in the mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that this process is a radical process and that my realisations will bring some immediate changes - I realise that I must walk point by point and that I must apply each and every single realisation in real-time until I face each and every pattern where I have been enslaving myself. In this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to fear to move on in my own process and to change me. I realise that this fear of the unknown is an idea that is not real - I also realise that the mind is not the best for me and therefore I must practice myself in self-awareness, I must practice my breathing, practice stopping the mind and practicing solutions in my real life.

When and as I see myself navigating in the mind of memories, of images, of beliefs, I stop this self-entertainment and I breathe. I realise that I must be my own cure because I am the one feeding this addiction to the energy of the mind. I commit myself to focus on my breath until I am back to this reality and I restart my actions in self-awareness and self-correction.

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DAY 88: Self-Worth (and lack of it)

In self-honesty, and through self-forgiveness, I will look at and open up the point of self-worthiness and the lack of it within me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take my mind for granted and never questioned me about the point of self-worth and never actually investigated where the need to excel  comes from.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life/my things have to be complicated because I believe that I am destined to take on complicated and complex tasks, instead of looking at each and every single point of my life (either tasks at work, studies, career, family) in practical common sense, without believing me to be special in any way whatsoever.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have an emotional relationship to my actions, which I realise is based on the polarity thoughts of succeeding VS failure, when in fact it is through this starting point that I am failing to be self-honest. I also realise that the emotional relationship to things is a manifestation of fear of loss that instead of taking it personally I can help myself in dealing with it and forgiving each thought.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define my value/worthiness based on the ideas of perfection of the mind and, when such an idea of a perfect team, a perfect day, a perfect relationship or a perfect job don't match with the reality, I go into a self-devaluation and self-disappointment mode.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create layers of things that I believe I must do to compensate the failure, without seeing that I am competing with my own mind and the ideas of perfection that are not real in first place.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to have the reality as my starting point and therefore do that which must be done considering my position, my abilities, my experience, my time and my availability.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to value me as Life, within and as each breath, constantly, without hesitation, regardless of where I am and what I am doing.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that by standing within the starting point of Life, as that which is best for All, in self-honesty, my decisions will be based on such principle and therefore no devaluation will happen because there is nothing to judge as right or wrong, perfect or imperfect. I also realise that in self-awareness and self-honesty I am able to correct myself when I go into the thoughts/values/judgements of the mind, take a breath, give me back the stability of Life and move myself from Here, in common sense and practical solutions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I must devalue myself/skills in order to be seen as humble and to be accepted by another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am confident and value my work I will be judged as vain.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen/judged as having a high potential and therefore desiring to be special in the eyes of another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to go beyond people's expectations without seeing that these were my own expectations and that I have been the one limiting myself in such self-limitations.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to limit my expansion by holding myself back and by desiring to be recognised for a hard working person and a victim when I go beyond that what is physically sustainable.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to exhaust myself until I can no longer fight with the mind without seeing that this fight with the mind is pointless - I realise that the mind shows me my acceptances and allowances and it is my responsibility to stand in my directive Principles as Life and to give me direction in self-honesty, by forgiving each point of the mind, understanding it, and finally start the Process of self-correction consistently, all-ways and for eternity.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to leave a backdoor opened based on the idea that I have to go through the same point again in the future because I am not ready to correct myself now and because I have defined me as that point (comfort zone of the mind). Therefore, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is about going through the same points/cycles over again and I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will react to the same points in the same way, which is a disregard for my process of self-honesty and self-change.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine me having a depression because of work and blaming the system for it, without seeing that I am participating in this scenario by accepting it in my mind and projecting it in my reality, instead of taking the responsibility of taking care of me in every moment of my Life and changing all the self-abusive patterns that exist in my relationship to myself.

Self-corrective statements:

When and as I see myself thinking that the solution for a problem is creating another problem such as working long hours and compromising my physical rest, I stop and I breathe. I realise that a solution that stands for life must stand for All life, including my own. Therefore, I commit myself to stop looking at my life from a mind starting point of competition, excess and inequality, and to start changing my solutions within me by applying solutions that consider everyone involved in the situation.

When and as I see myself looking at the situation from a mind starting point, which I see within me to be based on secretism, on inequality, on competition, on memories, on previous experiences, on ideas of success and failure, and on emotional fear, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the starting point within me must be of Self-Honesty as Life, one and Equal to another in order to make any change in my experience on Earth and therefore to change my participation. I realise that 'my world' reflects my own accepted mind and that any reactions, fears or emotions that pop up are materials for me to work on, forgive and change, in order the outcome of my participation.

When and as I see myself judging the "normal" job from 9-5 as not being good enough for me for being too simple, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the judgement towards a normal job is not real per se but it is based on my experience of seeing my father working extra hours, working over the weekend, arriving home late, which I have associated to success and worthiness. I realise that working more hours compromises my physical stability specially when it becomes a habit and when there is no self-direction in that decision (a sort of go with the flow = mind). Therefore, when and as I see myself participating in the polarity of judging  extra-hours as wrong but at the same time staying till late by default, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this polarity creates conflict and a friction within me that is not supportive. I also see I that sometimes there is a real need to fix something that implies staying until late however that does not mean that there is an emotional attachment to that situation based on the fear of doing that a pattern or based on the fear of abusing my body. In such situations, I commit myself to stabilise me through breath and to do what needs to be done in that moment, adapting and being flexible, always considering what is best for All, including me. I realise that if I have an early morning in the next day, I must be responsible for myself in this point and communicate it accordingly to make sure that I don’t compromise my physical rest.

When and as I see myself under estimating my skills by wanting to be seen as humble, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this idea of humbleness as being passive and ignorant is a self-dishonesty and a limitation because I am holding myself back and postponing myself, instead of applying my skills at my fullest potential in everything I do, all the time. I realise that there is no real need to be accepted by the other because this starting point is based on separation and fear of being rejected. I commit myself to stand stable and self-honest in my communication with the other, by stop speaking about certain things or in a certain way on order to be accepted (I come to the realisation that such judgments exist within me and therefore I can stop them).

When and as I see myself thinking that business models only change when there is a tragedy (associated to death or depression) I stop and I breathe. I realise that by feeding the patterns of the mind within me I am actually perpetuating the system, as within so without. Therefore, I commit myself to take my Life/my current reality to face the points that are here and that I am capable and responsible for directing, as my own example. I realise that I have all the tools I need to apply my self-correction in every moment of breath, in every decision and in everything I do.

When and as I see myself postponing my application, my self-honesty and my self-correction by thinking that I will likely go through the same point again in the future, I stop and I breathe. I realise that it is up to me to go through the same emotional experience again and recreate the same consequence to myself again. In self-honesty I see that it is not the best for me and that also affects the others around me. Therefore, instead of accumulating more points within me to deal with 'later', I commit myself to embrace one point at a time, looking at the point that is here and open it for myself, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-realisation and self-commitment to change and finally apply it.

I realise that I am valuing me as Life by standing as my commitment to stop my participation in the mind and in stopping my acceptances and allowances that my thoughts show me. I realise that the desire for competing with another is also based on the idea that I must prove to myself that I deserve having more than the other and that I am worth more, instead of stopping the inequality within me and looking at the practical thing to do. In this, I realise that I am not standing as Life-value each time I perceive me as more worthy and less worthy in my thoughts, which are judgements of the mind in separation with myself/the other/Life here.

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