DAY 118: I Wake Up For and By Myself

So far I have been waiting for something or someone to wake me up, being it an alarm-clock, my mum, my husband, a near-death experience, a career, a trip, a motivation, a challenge... Always considering that something externally would make me jump out of the bed but never allowing myself to make the decision of waking up because I am Here.

I am grateful for having listened to the Eqafe series Murdered Death Research today to have a perspective on what it means to stand as the living word for oneself, because one is Life and must stand as it, not less. Today I stood less than who I am in the moment I broke my agreement of waking up in the morning. This was no coincidence and many points came up when I looked at the timeline of me staying in bed in the morning, the stress I created to myself, the excuses, the pattern of blaming another, the self-definition of not being punctual and the memories of my childhood.

When I finished forgiving myself in writing on my train journey to work, I realised that I was allowing myself to restart my day - I had dealt with my mind in that moment and I was calm.

Just before I go to sleep tonight, I am going to write my self-corrective statements and lay down my guidelines to support my practical self-correction in the morning.

When and as I see myself thinking to myself that I will stay just a little bit more in bed after the first alarm, I stop and I breathe. I realise that a distraction of a few seconds can compromise my whole decision of waking up at a certain time and I realise that the time I have defined to wake up is the best for me to do everything that I need to do in the morning without any rush.

I realise that by standing up in bed in the moment I hear my alarm is me living my decision of supporting myself to wake up and standing up as my decision.

When and as I see myself wanting to stay in bed as a warm refugee to avoid facing the cold in the morning, the commute journey and the daily responsibilities, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that these thoughts are not real because when I am actually doing these things I can enjoy myself and every moment is an opportunity to recreate my stability in everything I do. I realise that no matter what I do it is always me in my living expression, in expanding myself and in recreating myself out of the mind of assumptions, of boredom and of comparison.

When and as I see myself participating in the evening backchat that I am not going to wake up so early, I stop the thought and I breathe. I realise that I am sabotaging my decision even before I have the opportunity to dedicate myself to test my decision. I commit myself to be fully aware of myself at the time I setup my alarm clock and I commit myself to be realistic in relation to the time that I give to myself to rest and to do the morning tasks.

I realise that the morning rush of being late is a form of mind-energy that creates a sense of a mission to accomplish but in fact it creates instability, survival and does not imply perfecting myself.

I realise that not waking up in self-direction in the morning creates consequence in my Process, as I am giving up on my responsibility to be Here in self-awareness and in being my directive principle for what is best for me. Therefore,

I commit myself to practice my trustworthiness in every morning by waking up and getting up when I listen to the alarm that I have set to a specific time.

I commit myself to dress something warm in the morning when I leave bed to make sure that I recreate my physical comfort everywhere I go and in everything I do. I realise that wanting to stay in bed daydreaming is a time-waste and therefore I commit myself to be aware of my responsibility to be and express myself here as Life and to grow and expand as Life. Staying in bed after I had slept the amount of hours that my body needs to rest is an indicator that I am not living my self-direction and that I am still giving in to the mind-energy of dreams, memories and habits of apparent comfort.

I assist and support myself to recreate my mornings for it to be a time of self-care and a living decision of how I want to direct my life. I realise that waking up in stress and rush is an experience that I created to myself but that I can change such experience in common sense and in finding a practical solution to recreate my stability from the moment I wake up.

I commit myself to continue writing on this resistance to wake up and investigate all the memories, definitions, fears and emotions attached to this point and I commit myself to continue on practicing my application in which every morning is an opportunity to change my relationship to waking up.

I commit myself to realise that I wake up by myself and I stand for myself because I am Here and it is my right to stand as Life, in self-awareness, in self-creation and in self-direction.