April 11, 2012

Day 75: When competition plays the game: fear of loss and jealousy

Who am I without competition?  Can you imagine Life without compitytion? It is a pity that we still haven't changed our participation in this world as such.
This point has been so ingrained in my actions that I couldn't see it anymore. Slowly but surely I am walking this process of realising Self as Life where competition is not part of the equation. Why? Because competition is in fact an internal fight of the ego that feeds the mind with its energetic highs and lows. Considering that all is Equal and One, and if I allow competition to exist within and as me, I am the one competing with myself - and this system is the manifestation of self-competition/self-abuse/separation from self and others as self.
Two interesting examples where one can self-investigate the pattern of competition is in sports and in relationships.
On a recent tennis match, I saw many points coming through while I was playing: for instance, the image of me winning the game; the perception of being better than my opponent based on our physical appearances; the ego-driven energy of desiring to win; the fear of failure (losing the game); and the shame of telling others the result in case of losing. All these distractions and comparisons (com-prison) of the mind were in fact interfering with my real action.
 The programme of my conscious mind was literally playing the game... I was the one allowing this game of competition to take place. As soon as I saw the point of competition rising in my thoughts, I stopped and I directed these points through self-forgiveness:
So I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to participate in the desire of winning... and in the fear of losing, etc., because none of it is real! See: the mind works in polarities- the positive and the negative - and this friction creates conflict which generates the energy to fuel the mind. So we are actually feeding our own bullshit in a cycle of stupidity.  

 Both the negative and the positive points must be investigated since this is part of the same pattern of competition. So I stop and I see how I participate in sports. I then realise that who I am during the game is not dependent on competition - I play with my body, not with the mind. Do I really want to be unstable? Is this how I want to participate in this world towards another human being? Is this how I want to be treated by others? My opponent was probably having a similar backchat and that is the mental fight that humans are busy with.... Even though none of it is real, each one is responsible for its manifestation and how it plays out in this world.
Interestingly, this pattern is found in all human interactions. Let's look at the relationship between two people, where one seeks for another's attention in the mind game called love. By believing that the other person fills the other half of self (which by itself is impossible to be halved), there is going to be the fear of lost, the fear of being alone and a complete dependency.
As it is presented in Anu's interview on control, the very foundation of relationships is deception because you are accepting points in the other that you believe to be separated from you and that you are not being/allowing as you - that is where dependency comes from.

Human beings will then enter in the game of self-sabotage, self-distrust and control around self, based on image-ination. By accepting and allowing accepted relationship towards self and another, one will be always in active competition with  potential "external players"  - the outcome manifested in this world is commonly known as jealousy.
The polarity of inferior-negative is also manifested here: one accepts to be inferior to the partner (which is projected in this world as a desire for protection), while at the same time desires to show superiority towards other human beings (e.g. other women), pretty much like defending one's territory. 
Since one is entertained with this game, it is required a lot of self-honesty to realise that the competition is actually towards self, and always SELF. These patterns are actually showing self that one is not absolutely complete/stable/satisfied alone (as Life) and that is not allowing self to be Trustworthy, to Trust Self and to stand One and Equal with other beings, as Self.
I am currently walking these points of competition in my writings through self-forgiveness,  looking at the multiple personalities that I have created towards women that interact with Joao, looking at my backchat and forgive each point as it pops up. Interestingly, the women that I perceive as a "threat" to this survival instinct of the mind, are women that I consider as superior to me - in this case, I must investigate what points I see in them that I am not yet Living as self. It is my responsibility to clean up the mess inside me and recreate self as the best of me, for the best of All. This is the only way to support self in bringing self back to the principles of Life, as Oneness and Equality as all that exists.
Competing with Self (and others as self) is a lost fight. One is actually destroying self and consequently this world. Can you see how we are in fact creating wars in this world? Have a look at the fear of losing power, the need to control and the greediness of survival - these have all the same starting point  of competition over resources. Now have a look at how in your Life you are feeding such patterns. Fascinating isn't it? Now you know what to do.

For more information on Self-Forgiveness:
2012 - When Self Forgiveness is Real?

Anu’s interview about Control:


  1. Thanks Joana,
    Women are very competitive and territorial. I have been alone and since this, no more dinner parties. I dated someone for a while and the dinner parties started again. lol
    I have a neighbor who's wife left him and he was alone for a while. he would talk with me and say hi etc. Now he has a "new woman" with a baby. He has spoken with me a couple of times ( this woman is known for a "temper" around town,) there is this unspoken understanding that we no longer say hi to one another, and he has admitted that she is difficult.
    So we no longer just sometimes interact with conversation. We keep a distance incase she suddenly shows up.

    1. Thanks for your comment. I see your point and here is another perspective: In relation to women being competitive and territorial, that is who we, women, have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as in this world, however that it is not who we Women Really Are, as Life, as human beings here. It is a programme in this society that we actually follow without questioning... It is very much related with self-distrust, distrust towards others, self-suppression, fears, etc. Actually, we can see what the other person is manifesting to us, like a mirror. The best thing to do is to know oneself first and to work on self-stability through self-forgiveness, as suggested on the article. Then one is able to see the patterns of relationships and not participate in it. You can check out this forum, there is a cool discussion about "Relationships as Limitation Bubbles & Fear as Self-Abuse" http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=2942&p=15659&hilit=relationships#p15659 enjoy! I am currently walking this course http://www.desteniiprocess.com/courses/relationships and is very very effective. All the best, Joana

  2. Thanks Joana - I can relate to this being 'threatened' by other women and yes, it's always those that I define as 'superior' - so it's time to stop comparing/judging self as another - and stand equal within the consideration that we are in fact one and so there is no need to compare. We are simply here - thanks for the support!


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