DAY 152: Facing Anticipation: Not Wanting Holiday to End...

My holiday has just begun but in my mind I am anticipating its end, and I don't want it to finish. How contradictory is this?

The question that I must investigate within me is what is it that I am giving to myself on holiday that I am not giving / living every day when I am not on holiday?

On holiday I am usually by the sea or close to nature - either at the beach or in the countryside. This closeness to nature reminds me of my own body, breath, and presence here. When thoughts kick-in, it is easier to stop them because every time I see myself thinking about work or anything else that does not match the current reality, it is easier to recognise that the thought is not real and therefore it makes sense to stop it.

The beauty in nature allows me (forces me!) to enjoy this moment, be present, and be aware of myself.

Today I heard someone saying that on holiday time goes by slowly - it is interesting that one's relationship to time changes as a mirror of oneself, because on holiday activities are not overloaded, there is little or no pressure, and one allows oneself to not be in a rush.

How can I use this beneficial realisation to change my bipolar relationship between holiday versus daily-routine?

The same way that thoughts and memories of work-related points do not support me while I am on holiday, any memories and images of being on holiday must not distract me when I am back to work/home. I notice that it is hasn't been easy to disconnect completely from work during the weekends since weekends are often dedicated to study or to simply rest in order to restart the week fresh again. However, it is now clear to me that I am responsible for creating a daily-routine that is similar to my experience while I am on holiday.

The desire to be on holiday infinitely is based on the belief that my experience of relaxation, free time, good food, sports, sunshine and nature are elements that I can only live on holiday. Despite the fact that some of these are dependent on the time of the year and location, my experience here, aware of my body, breathing, supportive time management, and self-stability must be unconditional. No matter where I am or with whom I am, it is my responsibility to always give me the time to relax, to eat well, to be aware of my body, to be stable, to do things that I enjoy such as being close to nature, and to find a fine balance between a busy lifestyle and self-care. 

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I can only disconnect completely from work when I am on holiday and away from work-environment or daily routine.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get exhausted in my daily-routine and to use the future holiday as a comfort to justify my exhaustion and to believe that my future rest will pay-off the stress that I allow within me during the week.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think of holiday as a reward for exhaustion and hard work, instead of allowing me to be relaxed, eating good food regularly, doing sports and enjoying myself by default in my daily life, both when I am in the city/working lifestyle and on holiday.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to anticipate the end of my holiday and, by doing this, self-sabotaging myself Here.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react within me in stress when I anticipate the end of holiday, as if something is taken away from me.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself perceiving holiday as something separate from me, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that it is always me here, either at work/home or on holiday, and that any thought anticipating the end of holiday is a form of self-sabotage that distracts me from being Here now.

When and as I see myself imagining the last day on holiday and react to it, I stop and I breathe. In this, I see that this reaction is a point for me to investigate and forgive, and that apart from it there is no need to feed the energetic reaction within me.

I commit myself to check what I can / must I change in my daily-routine in order to recreate my self-stability, self-enjoyment, self-direction and self-care in every moment of my life.

I commit myself to practice relaxation techniques and other beneficial commitments when I go back to work/home.

When and as I see myself thinking that my experience of relaxation of enjoyment of nature can only happen when I am on holiday away from my daily routine, I stop and I breathe. In self-honesty I see that the experience of stress, rush, and in the mind is an experience that I have been accepting within me and that I have the ability to recreate it differently for the best of me each and every day. Being at the beach or into nature does not give me anything that I am not already - all these points exist within me but it is my responsibility to live them. Therefore, I commit myself to use my relaxing and empowering experience of being on holiday as a remembrance to then continue to apply myself when I am not on holiday.

Finally, as for the perception of time, I commit myself to look at time/hours passing by as a practical support to be efficient in my tasks and with time, and to be able to plan my activities accordingly. Any experience of rush or that the time passes by differently on holiday versus at work is a reference point to see how I am allowing such separation within me, and to empower myself to change my daily routine to be relaxing, enjoyable, manageable, and for me to be always aware of myself/body Here.

There are other dimensions to consider that have not been analysed, mainly related to the current design of the job system and the money system that also promote the separation between work and holiday. For those interested in this area and curious about new ways of living in society I recommend reading the proposal of the Living Income Guaranteed, that outlines a transition to an economic system that focus on shared well-being and the end of modern survival.

Photos taken in the Algarve, Portugal.