February 13, 2012

Day 70: An Agreement with Self - no more relation'shits

Amazingly, only recently I started to walk the process in Self-Agreement. What does this mean? It means that until now I have been trapping myself into believing that someone or something outside me would change me or change my reality.
In a world of mirrors, relationships are a reflection of the mess accepted inside oneself. Even though I was reading the Desteni material and investigating myself through mind constructs, I have been perceiving this process as separated from me. Obviously, this would not going to work and it reached an unsustainable situation towards my relationship with my partner.
We have been living together for two years and by that time we established an Agreement. We wrote down how we would be supporting each other unconditionally as self; how we would practically and equally be Here as self, walking each one's individual process, side by side. We also recorded our conversations saying how we would apply ourselves during the time we would share ahead. The process is indeed about walking the words.

After two years, we were still having a relationship and we have deceived ourselves in thinking we had an agreement.

"Agreement is not based in thinking, it's based in self honest practical living support of each other - sharing, respecting, supporting." Bernard Poolman

I was still feeding a relationship since I haven't established myself as an Agreement with Self! I was still trying to  change myself for others, instead of changing myself for myself, equal and one with another. Without realising, I was deceiving myself by going into hope and faith in believing that the situation would be better in the future and that certain points within us would simply disappear throughout time.  A relationship manifests the relationship one has with oneself. In my case, it was manifesting self-distrust, self-sabotage, self-victimisation and self-dishonesty. These patterns were then being projected towards my partner as blame, expectation, competition and unstability.
This is exactly what a relationship is based on:  to exist in relation to someone; to exist in comparison to someone; to exist as the connection with a partner, etc... However, this is not how I want to exist as! All of that is based on a complete separation and is not me as Life here in Oneness and Equality.
From my experience, relationships do not bring any good to Life neither to the world, quite the contrary: the constant polarity of highs and lows, the needs, the desires, the memories, the idea of perfections and the separation towards myself.
As Bernard Poolman says, "If it is about 'love' - then, you're screwed. If it is about a life worth living - you have to draw some lines".

And that is what an Agreement is about: "An agreement is a commitment to support each other for Life in strengthening each other through the support, to bring about a world that's best for all in living it as the agreement."
First, there must be an Agreement with Self. It is all-ways about Self. In fact, it has nothing to do with a partner. I am here alone, walking alone, as all. If I am not an example - I can't have any expectation towards another being. 

Am I Self-Aware in every moment? 
Am I applying myself in self-honesty in every moment of breath? 
Am I being an example of Life here on Earth? 
Am I pushing myself to face all issues of Ego that require to be seen and transcended? 
Why am I holding on to personalities, beliefs and ideas about myself? 
Who am I trying to cheat? 

If all around me in this society is a bad example of what humans can achieve, one must find support somewhere else! I am really glad that I have enrolled the Relationship course as part of the Desteni I Process. I will focus myself on working on the patterns of self-distrust, self-sabotage, self-victimisation and self-dishonesty which I have defined me as.  I am now on Lesson 1: Who am I in this course? focused on the difference between relationships and agreements and I already see the importance of the vocabulary shared in the materials, the explanations of how personality works and manifests in this world. It will support me to  really become effective and established in SELF-agreement and I will be able to identify when I am slipping into relationship patterns, and when I am living my self-agreement, with myself, and with another. I will work on my acceptances and allowances which I am responsible for. One thing is for sure: I know what an agreement is not! So now, everything that comes out of my application will be towards creating myself and in creating a practical life that is best for all.

"Place the practical points to be lived on the walls where you live and Walk It. Make it so visible that you cannot miss it." Bernard Poolman

Relationships are of the mind. An agreement is physical seen in actions and living and interaction, walking responsibility, discipline, assistance and support that is Visible.
This is the walk I am taking, for me as all. My participation in the world, in this blog, or when sharing my myself with someone is a manifestation of my Agreement towards self, honouring myself as Life, respecting myself and walking the words I stand for. Inside-outside. There is no middle-road.
When sharing myself with someOne, the practical Point of self honesty is: are both me and my partner participating equally effective in the process and if not - Why are you allowing ineffectiveness to exist?

Remember, it is all-ways about Self. This is the gift one must give to oneself in every moment. The result must be what is the best for All.


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