DAY 112: My Pre-programmed fears and other person's fears

Recently I was having a conversation with someone very close to me and I said that I was taking care of the horses, which is something new to me and to the other person. I was enthusiastic about fetching the horses, walking next to them, giving them a carrot, checking ticks, preparing their bed, water and food. I noticed that even though the other was glad to hear the cool things I have been doing, there was preoccupation and one thing that the person said to me was "don't forget the horses also bite". In that moment I went into a small reaction of "hey, don't worry, they are ok. You don't have to think about that". Within me, however, I was angry because I thought that the other was passing me a new fear for me to deal with. So my starting point was to actually accept the words as an image of me being bitten and therefore the fear got accepted within me. This was so quick that I did not even questioned myself, until I spoke about this with a Destonian, also walking the Journey to Life Process. Through our conversation I realised that the other did not necessarily pass me the fear - I was the one not directing the information I was receiving.

I can now see that the relationship that I have with the person that is close to me has been one of "father and daughter", meaning, I hear the other and most of the times I don't question that information because I believe that it is for my own good that I should keep it and use it as a protection. This is obviously not a learning process but more like a survival toolkit of advices that I should keep. At the same time, there is a belief that if I don't hear to this person, something bad will happen exactly because I did not consider those fears. But who said that the fears protect me? The fears limit me from doing certain things and that does not mean that I am not harming myself already - the stress that the fears energy produce, the constant survival mode, the images that I create based on these ideas do create consequence in my reality, inside my physical body and externally by being unaware of myself here.

So why couldn't I direct another person's comment about the horses? I simply did not consider this to be possible because so far I have been accumulating information as fears: mines (pre-programmed fears) and from others. Both types are part of my process - the process within myself/mind and the interrelational process. The latter is based on my relationship to others and how I direct myself in those circumstances. I realise that when I am having a conversation with another I am as responsible for the words I speak as for the words I listen - meaning, if another tells me about their ideas about what horses do, I am responsible for dealing with any reaction that come up within me and to direct the information. If I see that I am starting to create a fear based on the other's experience, I am responsible for stopping and not accepting nor allowing the fear within me. I can stand stable within me, look at that fear and decide within me that this fear is unacceptable and that I do not allow that fear in/as me. I can also forgive the emotional reaction and forgive any visualisation that I have created based on the persons comments.

In addition to this, I can share with another my experience with the horses and show to the other that his idea about the horses is limited to his experience or knowledge but that from my physical reality with dealing with the horses they have not bitten and will not necessarily going to bite me. There are so many variables for an animal to potentially harm a person that the fear will do nothing but to create separation, first within me (by existing in a fear dimension) and then towards the horse (separated from my awareness in this physical reality).

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accept the fear that someone tells me (e.g the fear of being bitten by a horse) when in fact this fear is simply information that I have accepted and allowed to become part of my fears list, instead of taking responsibility for my acceptances and allowances on first place.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to breathe and consider that the fear that I am listening from another does not correspond to my real experience with the horses and therefore I forgive myself for adopting another's fear as mine.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to disregard my reality of dealing with the horses without any bites but instead accept the fear of another's reality that is not dealing with the horses whatsoever.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that fears are real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fears "taught" by parents are true based on the belief that, if I don't hear them, something bad is going to happen and they will tell me: "see, I told you that it could happen".

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to "convert" the information I hear from another person into a fear, instead cross-referencing that information with my reality and not accepting it to become a fear within me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerless towards the fear when in fact the fear is an acceptance that I am responsible for.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accept the fear of being bitten by a horse to be something that will happen to me, when in fact a fear is an idea in my mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use the fears as a certainty of what could happen (predicting the future based on the fears knowledge existing in my mind) instead having my presence in real time as my reference for self-creation.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed fears to take over me, meaning, to consume my self-expression and liveliness in the moment.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for directing the information received from another and realising that the fear is unacceptable to exist in first place and to control who I am.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that fears are real simply because the fears are based on a memory which in my mind is so clear that I project unto my reality. In this case, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accept another's comment about the horses as a prediction of what will happen just because that same person once told about a cat that attacked my aunt. I realise that in my mind I associated this memory of a cat attacking my aunt and projected as the idea of a horse biting me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by another's comments and limit my action by fearing to be close to the horses.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that if I am bitten that is a punishment because I should have listened to the person's fear. Here I realise that the idea of the horse biting me is a form of control in my mind and that I also use the idea that the other person will be disappointed at me as an excuse to not stop the fear.

Self-Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself listening to another and realising that a fear is starting to build up within my chest (which starts to feel tightened), I stop, I breathe and I decide within myself that the fear (e.g. being bitten by a horse) is unacceptable to exist within me and to control my reality.

Instead of reacting towards another person's words, I direct it as what it is and I take responsibility for any reaction or fear that come up and I forgive myself for creating instability within me.

I realise that I am responsible for every single acceptance and allowance within myself, which includes all the fears' list that I have defined me as. I also realise that I have created myself based on these beliefs and ideas about me which is not supportive.

I realise that I am responsible for creating my stability which comes from standing stable as my breath, understand where the fears come from and become the solution/support to myself.

When and as I see myself accepting another person's fear as mine, I stop and I breathe. I take this opportunity to check if that fear already exists within me and I commit myself to forgive myself for accepting and allowing the fear within me. I check what is the memory that the fear brings and within the memory check what is the emotional reaction associated to it. I commit myself to forgive all these emotions that I have attached to myself and to my physical body.

I realise that I am walking the process of understanding and becoming aware of my pre-programmed fears, why they exist, how these fears are limiting me and then taking responsibility for forgiving myself for this self-destruction. At the same time, by interacting with other people, I am walking the process of dealing with a fear that was projected from another that it might not have existed within me before. In these cases I can simply decide not accept the fears in my reality, breathe through it, stand stable and let it go.

I realise that by accepting the fear I am accepting limiting my reality because I am not directing me in self-awareness but rather directing me based on fears and therefore creating excuses and blocking options in my reality to avoid the fears that I have created in first place.

When communicating with another, I commit myself to stand one and equal to the other person and to share my experience in relation to that point (e.g. taking care of the horses) so that the other may also see that the horses don't have to necessarily bite. I realise that this is possible once I have stopped the fear from getting "installed" within me, by having said within me that the fear is unacceptable and by allowing myself to stand stable as the words I hear and the words I speak.

I commit myself to be an active listener instead of a passive one, and to bring other points into the conversation through sharing myself one and equal to another, without wanting to change the other but to simply look at other points that may have not been considered.

I realise that if my fears are based on a memory and on an emotional reaction associated to it, by opening the point within me, I am actually facing the fear in real-time and is an opportunity to stop accepting that fear-memory-emotion to control my reality.

When and as I see myself visualising the fear based on what the person is talking about, I stop and I breathe. I bring that fear into me, I check the reaction in my chest and I say/decide within myself that this fear is unacceptable. I realise that I don't have to have a reason to have such a fear because I am committed to support myself by being aware of my reality. By being aware of my reality I can be cautious in case I see that the horse starts to be violent. Contrarily, fears create a separate reality in my mind that limits my actions, my expression and my awareness.

When and as I see myself blaming another for passing me their fears, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am the one responsible for my acceptances and allowances and that regardless where the fear comes from (pre-programmed or from my external reality) I am the one to direct what is happening within me. I also realise that by directing it I am able to change my relationship to the fear, forgive the energy-emotion associated to the fear, forgive the memory associations and stand stable within me.