I
realise that I want to control everything, including my own death - for
example, when I am next to a cliff or on the top of a high building, I have
thoughts of what would happen if I were to jump and have this curiosity to
imagine my own fall as if I were in a movie (on this point, I suggest my
previous post on the influence of the images from the media in our minds).
This sort of curiosity comes along with an energetic movement within me as a
need for a change, as if death would ever bring a change. The same applies in
violence: who has ever considered that violence could fix/change anything? When
a parent is violent towards a child, did it change the child or did it only
suppress the problem to avoid actually understanding where the issue comes
from and find a long-term real solution? By looking at the world, it is clear
to me that violence hasn't fixed anything - the instinct for war still exists
and people still believe that a conflict must exist in order to enforce an idea
of superiority and power over other nations.
This
week I felt physically tired and with little patience towards other people.
With this state of mind (which was my responsibility to understand its origins
and help myself to overcome it), I
noticed an increase in thoughts of violence: violence towards myself and
violence towards others. It is obvious that such thoughts are abusive and I
must stop them in a preventive measure before I create a consequence in my life
and in the life of others. I also noticed that when I am in a rush, the
presence of another person appears to be a burden, as if I just want to do my
things in my own bubble based on the idea that other won't understand me
(without even trying to explain myself because I see it as a waste of my "precious"
time!). For instance, during the peak-hours on the tube, people can be quite
violent when it comes to get into the tube and disregard the others, by pushing
the other without even looking in the eyes to see if the other person is ok. In these
moments, I find that breathing is the only tool to remind myself that I am here
and that the other person is here with me, as equals. Another time where thoughts of violence pop-up is when I see two people having a conversation or arguments and I
imagine that they will start being violent with another and that people around
might be hurt, including me. Of course, in common sense one should not stay in a situation of
imminent violence to prevent any unnecessary harm, however, these thoughts are
a distraction and do not support me to stand in common sense and see what is
the best thing to do in the moment.
Finally,
I realise that thoughts of violence towards other people are a reflection of my
own fears, as if I want to defend myself and therefore think that I must attack
before being attacked. These are the fears that I will be walking in my
self-forgiveness. I am the one who can change myself.
I
forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create thoughts and
images in my mind of being violent towards another person, as if I am watching
a movie in my mind, without seeing that this is a reaction within me that I
must stop in fully self-awareness to make sure that my stability is created
once and for all.
I
forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accumulate images of
violence within me that I capture from the news, from the street and from the
movies without questioning the physical abuse and pain that is being allowed by
others and within me in my own thoughts. I realise that it is my responsibility
to stop any images and influences from external images within me to make sure
that I create myself in complete integrity and equal to the other.
I
forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the
images in the mind, as well as the images on the TV, must happen in my own life
as if I dictate my life to be a copy of the violence in this world.
I
forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to associate violence of
words and physical violence to superiority and power.
I
forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must
impose myself through violence in order to be respected and feared by another.
I realise that violence is a perceived quick fix based on perceptions of power
but it is not a solution for life, as it creates separation, fear and distrust
between people.
I
forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that violent
movements are a manifestation of respect. I forgive myself for having accepted
and allowed myself to believe that violence can shuts up the other person.
Suddenly
I reminded myself of two times when my grandfather slapped me and recently I
started to think that he was right because I was a pain in the ass. However, I
realise that it is unacceptable to accept any form of violence towards myself
on anyone else and violence does not help anyone in understanding what needs to
be corrected or where does the reaction come from. The same way that I must not
accept any form of verbal violence against me or anyone else and therefore I
must stand as this principle of not doing to others that which I do not want to
be done unto me.
I
forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be petrified with the
images of violence in the reality and in the mind instead of realising that
violence is a projection of self-instability, need for attention, need for
power and perception of inferiority.
I
forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that sometimes
violence is required to bring order without seeing, realising and understand
that violence will create new layers of conflict suppressed between the
parties/people and within oneself, without any understanding or proper
communication. Consequently, I realise that the solution will be postponed
because the reaction or thoughts of violence will stay in one's mind until the
point comes up again in a new opportunity to see the common sense and change
myself in my relationship to conflict.
Therefore,
I commit myself to take this moment to walk through this point and write about
it, as I realise that I am fed up of these thoughts and images of the mind. I
realise that I don't want to create these images of conflict within me nor in
my reality, as this causes separation, fosters the conflict inside-out, and
that such energy of fear creates
friction and unstability within me, as within and in the world around me.
Self-corrective statements:
I
realise that the thoughts of violence within me are not who I am as Life in
oneness and equality and such thoughts are not what I want to create in my own
reality. Therefore, I commit myself to practice my self-correction in cleaning
the thoughts within me:
When and
as I see myself having an image of violence in my mind, I stop the thought
immediately and I breathe.
I commit
myself to stand and Live as the Principle of doing into others that which I
want to be done unto myself, which violence is not included. When and as
I see myself imagining someone being violent towards me, I stop this acceptance
and allowance. I realise that any form of violence against me/against life is
unacceptable and I commit myself to not participate in such violations of
stability and security that should be inherent to every being in this
existence. I realise that that which I accept within I will accept outside in
the world and in others, so I commit myself to stand firm in my decision to not
support violence in any way whatsoever, as within so without. I realise that I
must become the example of self-honesty, oneness and equality in me, in my
thoughts, words and deeds.
I
realise that the my mind participates in the polarities of fearing violence and
consequently desiring violence as an extreme and visual attraction for its
rarity. In this, I see, realise and understand that violence IS NOT NEEDED in
any way whatsoever and it is not through violent enforcement that real change
occurs.
From my
experience, I realise that violence will create more confusion and judgments of
right or wrong without a complete explanation and understanding of the
situation or about the mental state of the other person. In this, I commit
myself to see that violence is a reflection of ones' minds and therefore, I
commit myself to focus on my own mind and see when and in which circumstance
the thoughts pop up within me and I forgive the thoughts/reactions/anger in the moment, in a
real-time self-forgiveness and real-time application.
When and
as I see myself having a thought and an image of me perpetrating violence
towards another person by kicking them, I stop and I breathe. I realise that
any thoughts of violence are a projection of my own inner conflicts and I
commit myself to write and explore these, in common sense, in order to help me
to calm myself and find solutions that are the best for me/the others.
I
realise that any perceptions of power and superiority associated to violence is
brainwashing. I also realise that the perception of inferiority associated to
the memories of when I suffered violence from another person is not real - I
realise that these memories have a sense of inferiority which is not real. I
realise that I don't have to take revenge over my own memories/mind, as this
actually feeds the conflict of the mind and the energy of conflict that will
only feed separation within me and the others. I commit myself to stand stable
within and in self-honesty when I think of any memories that I have when I
suffered physical violence from another person at school. I commit myself to
stop and forgive the memories of the mind and therefore I stop the snowball of
the past to define/dictate who I am and what I do in my present and in my
future.
I commit
myself to become disciplined in the process of stopping the mind and in giving
me direction without allowing the mind to fly free, as it is not programmed to
stand for life/as Life in every moment of breath. I realise that this is
exactly the Process of re-programming my mind and who I am, this time with the
Principles of Life in everything I think, speak and do, in oneness and equality
with all that exists.
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