August 27, 2013

DAY 89: Curiosity to see the limit - How far can we go? Reflection on violence

I realise that I want to control everything, including my own death - for example, when I am next to a cliff or on the top of a high building, I have thoughts of what would happen if I were to jump and have this curiosity to imagine my own fall as if I were in a movie (on this point, I suggest my previous post on the influence of the images from the media in our minds). This sort of curiosity comes along with an energetic movement within me as a need for a change, as if death would ever bring a change. The same applies in violence: who has ever considered that violence could fix/change anything? When a parent is violent towards a child, did it change the child or did it only suppress the problem to avoid actually understanding where the issue comes from and find a long-term real solution? By looking at the world, it is clear to me that violence hasn't fixed anything - the instinct for war still exists and people still believe that a conflict must exist in order to enforce an idea of superiority and power over other nations.

This week I felt physically tired and with little patience towards other people. With this state of mind (which was my responsibility to understand its origins and help myself to overcome it), I  noticed an increase in thoughts of violence: violence towards myself and violence towards others. It is obvious that such thoughts are abusive and I must stop them in a preventive measure before I create a consequence in my life and in the life of others. I also noticed that when I am in a rush, the presence of another person appears to be a burden, as if I just want to do my things in my own bubble based on the idea that other won't understand me (without even trying to explain myself because I see it as a waste of my "precious" time!). For instance, during the peak-hours on the tube, people can be quite violent when it comes to get into the tube and disregard the others, by pushing the other without even looking in the eyes to see if the other person is ok. In these moments, I find that breathing is the only tool to remind myself that I am here and that the other person is here with me, as equals. Another time where thoughts of violence pop-up is when I see two people having a conversation or arguments and I imagine that they will start being violent with another and that people around might be hurt, including me. Of course, in common sense one should not stay in a situation of imminent violence to prevent any unnecessary harm, however, these thoughts are a distraction and do not support me to stand in common sense and see what is the best thing to do in the moment.

Finally, I realise that thoughts of violence towards other people are a reflection of my own fears, as if I want to defend myself and therefore think that I must attack before being attacked. These are the fears that I will be walking in my self-forgiveness. I am the one who can change myself.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create thoughts and images in my mind of being violent towards another person, as if I am watching a movie in my mind, without seeing that this is a reaction within me that I must stop in fully self-awareness to make sure that my stability is created once and for all. 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to accumulate images of violence within me that I capture from the news, from the street and from the movies without questioning the physical abuse and pain that is being allowed by others and within me in my own thoughts. I realise that it is my responsibility to stop any images and influences from external images within me to make sure that I create myself in complete integrity and equal to the other.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that the images in the mind, as well as the images on the TV, must happen in my own life as if I dictate my life to be a copy of the violence in this world.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to associate violence of words and physical violence to superiority and power.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must impose myself through violence in order to be respected and feared by another. I realise that violence is a perceived quick fix based on perceptions of power but it is not a solution for life, as it creates separation, fear and distrust between people.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that violent movements are a manifestation of respect. I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that violence can shuts up the other person.
Suddenly I reminded myself of two times when my grandfather slapped me and recently I started to think that he was right because I was a pain in the ass. However, I realise that it is unacceptable to accept any form of violence towards myself on anyone else and violence does not help anyone in understanding what needs to be corrected or where does the reaction come from. The same way that I must not accept any form of verbal violence against me or anyone else and therefore I must stand as this principle of not doing to others that which I do not want to be done unto me. 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be petrified with the images of violence in the reality and in the mind instead of realising that violence is a projection of self-instability, need for attention, need for power and perception of inferiority. 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that sometimes violence is required to bring order without seeing, realising and understand that violence will create new layers of conflict suppressed between the parties/people and within oneself, without any understanding or proper communication. Consequently, I realise that the solution will be postponed because the reaction or thoughts of violence will stay in one's mind until the point comes up again in a new opportunity to see the common sense and change myself in my relationship to conflict.
Therefore, I commit myself to take this moment to walk through this point and write about it, as I realise that I am fed up of these thoughts and images of the mind. I realise that I don't want to create these images of conflict within me nor in my reality, as this causes separation, fosters the conflict inside-out, and that such energy of fear  creates friction and unstability within me, as within and in the world around me.

Self-corrective statements:

I realise that the thoughts of violence within me are not who I am as Life in oneness and equality and such thoughts are not what I want to create in my own reality. Therefore, I commit myself to practice my self-correction in cleaning the thoughts within me:

When and as I see myself having an image of violence in my mind, I stop the thought immediately and I breathe.

I commit myself to stand and Live as the Principle of doing into others that which I want to be done unto myself, which violence is not included.  When and as I see myself imagining someone being violent towards me, I stop this acceptance and allowance. I realise that any form of violence against me/against life is unacceptable and I commit myself to not participate in such violations of stability and security that should be inherent to every being in this existence. I realise that that which I accept within I will accept outside in the world and in others, so I commit myself to stand firm in my decision to not support violence in any way whatsoever, as within so without. I realise that I must become the example of self-honesty, oneness and equality in me, in my thoughts, words and deeds.

I realise that the my mind participates in the polarities of fearing violence and consequently desiring violence as an extreme and visual attraction for its rarity. In this, I see, realise and understand that violence IS NOT NEEDED in any way whatsoever and it is not through violent enforcement that real change occurs.
From my experience, I realise that violence will create more confusion and judgments of right or wrong without a complete explanation and understanding of the situation or about the mental state of the other person. In this, I commit myself to see that violence is a reflection of ones' minds and therefore, I commit myself to focus on my own mind and see when and in which circumstance the thoughts pop up within me and I forgive the thoughts/reactions/anger in the moment, in a real-time self-forgiveness and real-time application.

When and as I see myself having a thought and an image of me perpetrating violence towards another person by kicking them, I stop and I breathe. I realise that any thoughts of violence are a projection of my own inner conflicts and I commit myself to write and explore these, in common sense, in order to help me to calm myself and find solutions that are the best for me/the others.

I realise that any perceptions of power and superiority associated to violence is brainwashing. I also realise that the perception of inferiority associated to the memories of when I suffered violence from another person is not real - I realise that these memories have a sense of inferiority which is not real. I realise that I don't have to take revenge over my own memories/mind, as this actually feeds the conflict of the mind and the energy of conflict that will only feed separation within me and the others. I commit myself to stand stable within and in self-honesty when I think of any memories that I have when I suffered physical violence from another person at school. I commit myself to stop and forgive the memories of the mind and therefore I stop the snowball of the past to define/dictate who I am and what I do in my present and in my future.

I commit myself to become disciplined in the process of stopping the mind and in giving me direction without allowing the mind to fly free, as it is not programmed to stand for life/as Life in every moment of breath. I realise that this is exactly the Process of re-programming my mind and who I am, this time with the Principles of Life in everything I think, speak and do, in oneness and equality with all that exists.


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