DAY 88: Self-Worth (and lack of it)

In self-honesty, and through self-forgiveness, I will look at and open up the point of self-worthiness and the lack of it within me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take my mind for granted and never questioned me about the point of self-worth and never actually investigated where the need to excel  comes from.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life/my things have to be complicated because I believe that I am destined to take on complicated and complex tasks, instead of looking at each and every single point of my life (either tasks at work, studies, career, family) in practical common sense, without believing me to be special in any way whatsoever.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to have an emotional relationship to my actions, which I realise is based on the polarity thoughts of succeeding VS failure, when in fact it is through this starting point that I am failing to be self-honest. I also realise that the emotional relationship to things is a manifestation of fear of loss that instead of taking it personally I can help myself in dealing with it and forgiving each thought.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define my value/worthiness based on the ideas of perfection of the mind and, when such an idea of a perfect team, a perfect day, a perfect relationship or a perfect job don't match with the reality, I go into a self-devaluation and self-disappointment mode.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create layers of things that I believe I must do to compensate the failure, without seeing that I am competing with my own mind and the ideas of perfection that are not real in first place.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to have the reality as my starting point and therefore do that which must be done considering my position, my abilities, my experience, my time and my availability.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to value me as Life, within and as each breath, constantly, without hesitation, regardless of where I am and what I am doing.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that by standing within the starting point of Life, as that which is best for All, in self-honesty, my decisions will be based on such principle and therefore no devaluation will happen because there is nothing to judge as right or wrong, perfect or imperfect. I also realise that in self-awareness and self-honesty I am able to correct myself when I go into the thoughts/values/judgements of the mind, take a breath, give me back the stability of Life and move myself from Here, in common sense and practical solutions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I must devalue myself/skills in order to be seen as humble and to be accepted by another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am confident and value my work I will be judged as vain.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to be seen/judged as having a high potential and therefore desiring to be special in the eyes of another.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire to go beyond people's expectations without seeing that these were my own expectations and that I have been the one limiting myself in such self-limitations.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to limit my expansion by holding myself back and by desiring to be recognised for a hard working person and a victim when I go beyond that what is physically sustainable.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to exhaust myself until I can no longer fight with the mind without seeing that this fight with the mind is pointless - I realise that the mind shows me my acceptances and allowances and it is my responsibility to stand in my directive Principles as Life and to give me direction in self-honesty, by forgiving each point of the mind, understanding it, and finally start the Process of self-correction consistently, all-ways and for eternity.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to leave a backdoor opened based on the idea that I have to go through the same point again in the future because I am not ready to correct myself now and because I have defined me as that point (comfort zone of the mind). Therefore, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is about going through the same points/cycles over again and I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will react to the same points in the same way, which is a disregard for my process of self-honesty and self-change.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to imagine me having a depression because of work and blaming the system for it, without seeing that I am participating in this scenario by accepting it in my mind and projecting it in my reality, instead of taking the responsibility of taking care of me in every moment of my Life and changing all the self-abusive patterns that exist in my relationship to myself.

Self-corrective statements:

When and as I see myself thinking that the solution for a problem is creating another problem such as working long hours and compromising my physical rest, I stop and I breathe. I realise that a solution that stands for life must stand for All life, including my own. Therefore, I commit myself to stop looking at my life from a mind starting point of competition, excess and inequality, and to start changing my solutions within me by applying solutions that consider everyone involved in the situation.

When and as I see myself looking at the situation from a mind starting point, which I see within me to be based on secretism, on inequality, on competition, on memories, on previous experiences, on ideas of success and failure, and on emotional fear, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the starting point within me must be of Self-Honesty as Life, one and Equal to another in order to make any change in my experience on Earth and therefore to change my participation. I realise that 'my world' reflects my own accepted mind and that any reactions, fears or emotions that pop up are materials for me to work on, forgive and change, in order the outcome of my participation.

When and as I see myself judging the "normal" job from 9-5 as not being good enough for me for being too simple, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the judgement towards a normal job is not real per se but it is based on my experience of seeing my father working extra hours, working over the weekend, arriving home late, which I have associated to success and worthiness. I realise that working more hours compromises my physical stability specially when it becomes a habit and when there is no self-direction in that decision (a sort of go with the flow = mind). Therefore, when and as I see myself participating in the polarity of judging  extra-hours as wrong but at the same time staying till late by default, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this polarity creates conflict and a friction within me that is not supportive. I also see I that sometimes there is a real need to fix something that implies staying until late however that does not mean that there is an emotional attachment to that situation based on the fear of doing that a pattern or based on the fear of abusing my body. In such situations, I commit myself to stabilise me through breath and to do what needs to be done in that moment, adapting and being flexible, always considering what is best for All, including me. I realise that if I have an early morning in the next day, I must be responsible for myself in this point and communicate it accordingly to make sure that I don’t compromise my physical rest.

When and as I see myself under estimating my skills by wanting to be seen as humble, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this idea of humbleness as being passive and ignorant is a self-dishonesty and a limitation because I am holding myself back and postponing myself, instead of applying my skills at my fullest potential in everything I do, all the time. I realise that there is no real need to be accepted by the other because this starting point is based on separation and fear of being rejected. I commit myself to stand stable and self-honest in my communication with the other, by stop speaking about certain things or in a certain way on order to be accepted (I come to the realisation that such judgments exist within me and therefore I can stop them).

When and as I see myself thinking that business models only change when there is a tragedy (associated to death or depression) I stop and I breathe. I realise that by feeding the patterns of the mind within me I am actually perpetuating the system, as within so without. Therefore, I commit myself to take my Life/my current reality to face the points that are here and that I am capable and responsible for directing, as my own example. I realise that I have all the tools I need to apply my self-correction in every moment of breath, in every decision and in everything I do.

When and as I see myself postponing my application, my self-honesty and my self-correction by thinking that I will likely go through the same point again in the future, I stop and I breathe. I realise that it is up to me to go through the same emotional experience again and recreate the same consequence to myself again. In self-honesty I see that it is not the best for me and that also affects the others around me. Therefore, instead of accumulating more points within me to deal with 'later', I commit myself to embrace one point at a time, looking at the point that is here and open it for myself, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-realisation and self-commitment to change and finally apply it.

I realise that I am valuing me as Life by standing as my commitment to stop my participation in the mind and in stopping my acceptances and allowances that my thoughts show me. I realise that the desire for competing with another is also based on the idea that I must prove to myself that I deserve having more than the other and that I am worth more, instead of stopping the inequality within me and looking at the practical thing to do. In this, I realise that I am not standing as Life-value each time I perceive me as more worthy and less worthy in my thoughts, which are judgements of the mind in separation with myself/the other/Life here.