When it
comes to business, my experience has been very much based on working for
someone else, having objectives established by someone else and following a
struture that has been designed by someone else. The fact that all of this
framework is pre-existent allows me to dive into do my job and know exactly
what to do and when to do the tasks but the picture changes when one ownes a
business or starts a business. I began to understand the dynamics of being
one's own boss in my experience of being married with an entrepreneur however,
what my reality has been allowing me to recently see is that I am my own boss
as well - in who I am, in what I do and in how I direct my life.
Who to put the blame on when there is no one else to
blame?
The above
question came up after walking the points that I will be describing today. This
afternoon I noticed that there was some sort of hesitation before I said the
magic words "why didn't you do that" and "I was expecting you to
give me some direction" and, even though these words still came out of my
mouth, the discomfort in m body was here and I had no choice than bringing this
point to myself and investigate where my reaction was coming from. Since I
started this process of self-investigation I have been dealing with projections
- these are thoughts usually echoed towards another but are actually about my
own relationship with myself. So, instead of bringing my husband to the
equation, I can now see that the frustration was already in me before I put it
out against him - the inner-dialogue should then read "why didn't I do
that" and "I was expecting something different from me".
The reality
is that I haven't yet fully embraced my responsibility of directing me, whether
is in my personal life, relationships or in my professional career. In this
blog, I will assist me in moving beyond the polarity of judging myself to
actually help me understanding this point of self-direction.
Last month I
went through very important steps in my process of facing my fears, beliefs and
self-trust when it comes to taking decisions in my life. These decisions have
to do with giving me direction in expanding my skills and my world and I
literally stepped out of my comfort zone in order to walk my decision. There
was a lot of "glue" sticking me back to my seat and the mind was
constantly sending me reminders of past experiences or of other people's
experiences that could easily pushed me back to the comfort zone where I know
how things work. It took me time and assistance from friends to put my two feet
on the ground, place one in front of the other and start walking slowly but
surely into the new challenge ahead.
So, what
have been the main points and take-aways from being my own boss? Firstly, that
there is no one to blame, not even me; there is no one to compete with, not
even with me; there are no valid reactions, not even my own or against me. To
give an example of how to walk out of the mind cycle of
blame-competition-judgment, I will write about the relationship with myself
when things go slower than how I had initially planned (regarding this I
recommend the blog article "When Plans Don't Work Out As Planned"). As many might be familiar with
this pattern, the tendency is to give into frustration, anger and eventually
giving up of one's decision to continue the project. In order to correct this
tendency, the notion of time and the relationship with time require an
alignment if one wants to use the clock to support the business rather to
destroy it. What I mean by this is instead of trying to impose certain
timeframes (or should I say bomb-clocks) onto oneself, one must give time to
see what works and what doesn't and how long things really take. The mind can
play tricks when it comes to beliefs and expectation of how long it will take
to start bearing the fruits. I am not saying that having an end-goal is not
supportive however, one might get obcessed with the projected results without
actually being here and taking each and every required step that eventually
create the long-waited and deserved results.
This process
of walking a process being it towards professional or personal development
goals implies self-direction through which one keeps self engaged with the
long-run objective while at the same time deals with real-time points that need
to be solved and that will unfold the rest of the journey. No matter where one
is in one's process, every single action is part of the big picture and one has
the ability to enhance that big picture to become the best that one can ever
create for oneself.
This blog
title mentions the process of moving from self-judgement to self-direction and
the reason for such transition has to do with the realisation that it is the
self-judgment that holds oneself back from one's own ability to direct and
decide for oneself. I realise that
self-judgments can be great tools to get to know my mind and to understand why
I do things in certain ways but that's it! If self-judgments are having any
other impact in my life and if I accept these thoughts to play out for many
days, that is a redflag informing me that I am not directing myself to walk my
decision fully. For as long as I am stuck in self-judgments there is not space
for self-correction and this is the sticky glue that can hold me back in the
comfort zone because as soon as I step out of it, I will be facing new points
that can only be overcomed in self-trust and in self-correction. If one tries
to walk through the decision held back to self-judgments than self won't be fully
present, won't stand and will fall. This is why at Desteni we walk our process
of understanding how the mind works and what the mind shows us through the
thoughts that we have about ourselves so that one can direct the thoughts in a
constructive way to create one's future differently than how the past has been.
Finally, it
is worth reminding me that self-judgment is an energy, just like any other
emotion that usually comes along, such as fear and anxiety. New business or new
work places and new people can be perceived as scary situations because we are
facing first and foremost our own selves through the thoughts that pop up (Will
they like me? What impression will they have of me? Will I feel OK in this
place? Will I be able to succeed?). As often happens, questions lead to new
questions but the same happens with the answers - once I start working out a
solution to one point, the domino effect will unfold towards new solutions to
my life whereby I will help me in understanding why I am anxious about what
other people think of me, or why I would not enjoy myself in that new place, or
why on earth would I sabotage my own decision!
I associate this moment in my life to the
opening of the Pandora's Box mentioned in a recent interview that explains why
is that the moments of change are great gifts in one's process of
self-discovery and self-change. This is the power of Living in self-direction
when self-judgments are stopped, understood, forgiven and let go.
In the next
post I will walk specific Self-Forgiveness in regards to self-judgments and
the fear of not succeeding.
Photo credit: SinRL
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