I started
feeling a strong headache last night while watching the Pursuit of Happiness, a
movie with Will Smith about a guy that
struggles to get just enough for him and his five
year old son. I was actually feeling tired as if I was living the same
experience as the main character - the tiredness of the constant problems, the
bills to pay, the fines and the debt knocking at one's door, which can easily
put one down.
This guy was
resilient and did not give up. However, and despite the fact that he was
showing that he was able to get things done and find solutions, I was in this
anxiety of imagining the worse end throughout the whole movie. If I bring this
point to myself, I can see this pattern playing out in the relationship with
myself - no matter how many times I have proven to myself that I am able to
find solutions to myself, to stand up and to do what is best for me, I still
allow myself to go into anxiety and into the survival mode of fearing the worse
case scenarios in my life.
Another
point that opened up was the belief and fear that I would not be able to find
solutions like the main character did because I am a woman and because I would
not be able to do it all by myself. The headache has been with me during the
whole day today and so I have decided to write about it and see which points
open up:
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to compare me to the main
character of the movie and thinking that I would not be able to help myself if
I was in his situation of poverty, struggle and a child to take care by myself.
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as unable to face my
problems and to find solutions for me and those around me.
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to underestimate my ability to
help myself, to know myself and to do that which is best for me.
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the
survival mode of the mind by imagining the scarcity of money in my own mind.
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within me when
I listen to people's problems because I start imagining these problems in my
own life instead of assisting me in standing as a point of stability and a
point of support to another. I realise that placing me in the position of the
victim is not part of the solution but I am actually feeding the problem.
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less capable
of taking care of myself if I am alone.
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to
find solutions if I am not with my partner.
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as weaker and
inferior compared to the guy's story in the movie.
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that people need to go
through struggle in order to prove themselves as capable or simply to have a
story of courage while in the meantime there are unnecessary consequences in
one's minds and physical bodies that could be prevented.
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the film's story into
my own life as an automatic reaction instead of simply learning from it and
seeing what values and principles I am missing and separated from.
I forgive
myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be with
my partner in order to be stable and to give me direction when in fact this is
a manifestation of the survival mode projected unto another whereby I fear
losing my partner and go into anxiety when I imagine me facing issues by
myself.
By walking
the process over the last five years I have become aware that I am the only one
able to assist me - and this is regardless of being alone or with my partner.
The reality is that I am the one able and responsible for knowing my mind and
walking the correction. This means that this fear and apparent dependency on my
partner is not real and it is a moment to remind myself of that and align me to
not participate in this belief system of the mind.
When and as
I see myself creating unnecessary stress and anxiety within me by imagining
what it would be like to have another person's problem, I stop and I breathe.
I realise
that I am unable to help myself or another if I become part of the problem - I
see that I can understand the problem by placing myself in their shoes however
going into stress and anxiety will not help. Instead, I commit myself to apply
the solutions that I have been practicing in my own life, such as slowing down
the mind, understanding where the thought is coming from, stopping the thought,
giving me direction, being self-honest, breathing and being clear in my
correction in order to prevent unnecessary consequences.
I commit
myself to stand as myself in my process of becoming self-aware, knowing myself
and applying the corrective tools of stopping the mind, seeing the situation in
common sense and applying the correction and solutions to change the situation
for what is best for me. By creating this consistency within me and by building
this trust I will be able to assist others in doing the same for themselves.
When and as
I see myself comparing me to another person (being it in real life or to a
character in the movie) and thinking that I would have given up, I stop the
thought and I breathe. I realise that this backchat is not real and is
unnacceptable - I realise that I don't have any choice rather than helping
myself unconditionally in every moment. I also realise that usually when I
compare myself to another is a form of self-judgement whereby I think of me as
inferior and weaker. Thus, I commit myself to stop all thoughts of comparison
in relation to other people's lives, experiences and stories.
When and as
I see myself believing that my self-stability is dependent on being with my
partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am the only one able to know
me, to walk my points, and therefore the one able to create my self-stability
in my process of changing my relationship with my mind.
When and as
I see myself thinking and believing that my economic stability is dependent on
my partner, I stop and I breathe.
I realise
that it is my responsibility to make sure that I am able to take care of myself
and to provide me the best living standard; I am also aware that in today's
society and where I am now this living standard requires me to be financially
supported. Therefore, the belief that my economic stability is dependent on
another is not real because I am actually already proving to myself that I am
responsible and capable of my own financial support. Having said this, I am
also aware that one's economic stability may be provided by another when
couples decide it so in a given time and therefore the fear is also
unnacceptable considering that such decisions must be mutually agreed and
properly planned.
When and as
I see myself thinking that my partner would be able to apply common sense
better than I do in stressful situations or in the context of the movie, I stop
and I breathe.
I realise
that it is pointless for me to project the movie's story literally into my life
because that is not the point of learning from another; I realise that by
taking another's story and example personally I am actually getting distracted
from my ownself and for my own life. In this, I commit myself to take people's
stories as examples to learn from and not to copy from. By learning from
another I realise that I am assisting me in applying solutions as the
principles of courage, of self-determination, of consistency and of creativity
in my own life. I realise that I cannot live another person's process and that
all I can and must do is to live my process/LIFE to my utmost potential.
When and as
I see myself being limited by my own thoughts, fears, anxieties and images in
my mind, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to use the tools of Desteni such
as of writing, of investigating my mind, of forgiving myself and of writing my
self-corrective statements in order to stop the cycle of self-limitition and
give me the chance to change my relationship to myself, from self-limitation to
self-awareness, self-expression, self-expansion and self-direction.
Image: 1001moviequotes.com
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