October 19, 2014

DAY 143: Comparing Happiness and the Survival Headache

I started feeling a strong headache last night while watching the Pursuit of Happiness, a movie with Will Smith about  a guy that struggles to get just enough for him and his five year old son. I was actually feeling tired as if I was living the same experience as the main character - the tiredness of the constant problems, the bills to pay, the fines and the debt knocking at one's door, which can easily put one down.

This guy was resilient and did not give up. However, and despite the fact that he was showing that he was able to get things done and find solutions, I was in this anxiety of imagining the worse end throughout the whole movie. If I bring this point to myself, I can see this pattern playing out in the relationship with myself - no matter how many times I have proven to myself that I am able to find solutions to myself, to stand up and to do what is best for me, I still allow myself to go into anxiety and into the survival mode of fearing the worse case scenarios in my life.

Another point that opened up was the belief and fear that I would not be able to find solutions like the main character did because I am a woman and because I would not be able to do it all by myself. The headache has been with me during the whole day today and so I have decided to write about it and see which points open up:

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to compare me to the main character of the movie and thinking that I would not be able to help myself if I was in his situation of poverty, struggle and a child to take care by myself.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as unable to face my problems and to find solutions for me and those around me.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to underestimate my ability to help myself, to know myself and to do that which is best for me.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create and participate in the survival mode of the mind by imagining the scarcity of money in my own mind.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create anxiety within me when I listen to people's problems because I start imagining these problems in my own life instead of assisting me in standing as a point of stability and a point of support to another. I realise that placing me in the position of the victim is not part of the solution but I am actually feeding the problem.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less capable of taking care of myself if I am alone.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to find solutions if I am not with my partner.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as weaker and inferior compared to the guy's story in the movie.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that people need to go through struggle in order to prove themselves as capable or simply to have a story of courage while in the meantime there are unnecessary consequences in one's minds and physical bodies that could be prevented.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project the film's story into my own life as an automatic reaction instead of simply learning from it and seeing what values and principles I am missing and separated from.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be with my partner in order to be stable and to give me direction when in fact this is a manifestation of the survival mode projected unto another whereby I fear losing my partner and go into anxiety when I imagine me facing issues by myself.

By walking the process over the last five years I have become aware that I am the only one able to assist me - and this is regardless of being alone or with my partner. The reality is that I am the one able and responsible for knowing my mind and walking the correction. This means that this fear and apparent dependency on my partner is not real and it is a moment to remind myself of that and align me to not participate in this belief system of the mind.

When and as I see myself creating unnecessary stress and anxiety within me by imagining what it would be like to have another person's problem, I stop and I breathe.
I realise that I am unable to help myself or another if I become part of the problem - I see that I can understand the problem by placing myself in their shoes however going into stress and anxiety will not help. Instead, I commit myself to apply the solutions that I have been practicing in my own life, such as slowing down the mind, understanding where the thought is coming from, stopping the thought, giving me direction, being self-honest, breathing and being clear in my correction in order to prevent unnecessary consequences.

I commit myself to stand as myself in my process of becoming self-aware, knowing myself and applying the corrective tools of stopping the mind, seeing the situation in common sense and applying the correction and solutions to change the situation for what is best for me. By creating this consistency within me and by building this trust I will be able to assist others in doing the same for themselves.

When and as I see myself comparing me to another person (being it in real life or to a character in the movie) and thinking that I would have given up, I stop the thought and I breathe. I realise that this backchat is not real and is unnacceptable - I realise that I don't have any choice rather than helping myself unconditionally in every moment. I also realise that usually when I compare myself to another is a form of self-judgement whereby I think of me as inferior and weaker. Thus, I commit myself to stop all thoughts of comparison in relation to other people's lives, experiences and stories.

When and as I see myself believing that my self-stability is dependent on being with my partner, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am the only one able to know me, to walk my points, and therefore the one able to create my self-stability in my process of changing my relationship with my mind.

When and as I see myself thinking and believing that my economic stability is dependent on my partner, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that it is my responsibility to make sure that I am able to take care of myself and to provide me the best living standard; I am also aware that in today's society and where I am now this living standard requires me to be financially supported. Therefore, the belief that my economic stability is dependent on another is not real because I am actually already proving to myself that I am responsible and capable of my own financial support. Having said this, I am also aware that one's economic stability may be provided by another when couples decide it so in a given time and therefore the fear is also unnacceptable considering that such decisions must be mutually agreed and properly planned.

When and as I see myself thinking that my partner would be able to apply common sense better than I do in stressful situations or in the context of the movie, I stop and I breathe.

I realise that it is pointless for me to project the movie's story literally into my life because that is not the point of learning from another; I realise that by taking another's story and example personally I am actually getting distracted from my ownself and for my own life. In this, I commit myself to take people's stories as examples to learn from and not to copy from. By learning from another I realise that I am assisting me in applying solutions as the principles of courage, of self-determination, of consistency and of creativity in my own life. I realise that I cannot live another person's process and that all I can and must do is to live my process/LIFE to my utmost potential.

When and as I see myself being limited by my own thoughts, fears, anxieties and images in my mind, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to use the tools of Desteni such as of writing, of investigating my mind, of forgiving myself and of writing my self-corrective statements in order to stop the cycle of self-limitition and give me the chance to change my relationship to myself, from self-limitation to self-awareness, self-expression, self-expansion and self-direction.

Image: 1001moviequotes.com
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