August 24, 2013

DAY 86: At Most Fear: the atmosphere of the mind

Once Bernard asked Joao what was the one single thought that occupied his mind in everything he did. Today I decided to ask me the same question and the answer that resonated with my experience was the Fear of Death. It is not a coincidence that a few minutes before I had thoughts about a coach accident: in fact, over the last three weeks I have been traveling a lot and I just realised that I am fed up with this atmosphere of fear within me! I realise that I participate in the fear of dying each time I am on a plane, when I am on a coach, when I take a train and when I ride a bicycle, and all of the attention given to the mind is tiring and draining. I came to the limit and I realise that the point is here for me to walk it, step by step, letting it go.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feed the fear of dying when I am traveling, instead of acknowledging that accidents do happen but that anticipating these is pointless because I am not supporting me to be present and aware of myself to help me in case of an eventuality.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to create thoughts of accidents and about my own death in my mind without realising that I am the only one responsible for keep feeding this pattern of thought within me and disregarding my Process of Becoming Life in every moment of breath (my existence).

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to entertain my mind with the pattern of fearing to die young and leaving all the things that I am currently doing, instead of realising and understanding that Self-Honesty is to honour life in every moment of my existence here and therefore I commit myself to stop the fear of the future but to rather focus on who I am in each moment Here.

I realise that the fear of dying young is based on stories from other people and the idea of self-victimization which are already a form of me giving up on myself and in my potential of changing the faith of failure towards Life.

When and as I see myself using examples of accidents from the past and stories from other people's deaths to justify the 'legitimacy' of my thoughts, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am the only one responsible for the thoughts that I accept within me and therefore it is my responsibility to not limit myself by the experience or stories from the people who died young which were thoughts that I kept within me in self-dishonesty and fear. I realise that living in fear is not living, as it is separating me from myself here.  

When and as I see myself having a thought about dying on a plane trip or on a coach or on a train, I stop the thought and the energy of fear and I breathe.   I commit myself to look at the situation in common sense and assess the practical preventive measures that I/all can apply in that current moment. I commit myself to stop the thoughts and let it go the fear of losing myself Here (distraction/not real), and by doing so I allow me to be present Here in complete self-awareness and stand stable within my physical body no matter what.

I will continue walking the fear of loss/death on the next blog, going through the need for controlling the reality, the contradiction of 'living' under stress and the memories from the past that I am limiting my future with.


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