DAY 81 - A New Start In My Process

I have been walking the Desteni Process over the last four years and since last year I started writing my Journey to Life blog in Portuguese. This is the seven year process of writing that is shared in many blogs by people around the world and today I realised that it is time to have my Journey to Life in English, so that my words can be shared globally. This decision has also culminated with an event that has shaken my world recently: the death of Bernard Poolman on Sunday 11th August.

Where should I start? I will start from this present moment where I am now. There is a mix of surprise with Bernard's death, as well as a new confidence within me and in the Group of people walking this Process. The point of surprise comes from the idea of infinity that I had within me, like a child that believes that the parents will live forever - and that's what Bernard became to me: a father that stood as an example of Integrity, Self-Honesty, Self-Commitment to All Life on Earth. His support to others was unconditional while not accepting bullshit from the ego/mind's of humans. When I visited the farm in April 2012 I remember my initial nervousness when meeting him but soon I realised that we were equals and I allowed myself to Hear him without self-judgments and to simply Be there with the rest of the group. At the farm, I witnessed the potential of humanity in coexistence, in supporting each other, in finding solutions, in being practical, in enjoying ourselves together, in looking at our own selves and taking responsibility of each individual's correction.

Yesterday evening, when I came across the news that Bernard had passed away, my mind went into a state of denial and regret for not having been to the farm earlier this year to meet with Bernard again. This reaction of the mind showed me the pattern of regret that I haven't yet taken responsibility for, but the fact that I could see this point straight away without giving in to self-blame is the best thing I could give to myself. This shows me that my Process of self-correction is Real and that the awareness taught to me in the various chats with Bernard, Sunette, Esteni and others can be Practically Lived by me. That's what Bernard represents to me: the Practical Living Example of standing in Oneness and Equality, Self-Correction, fearless, stability and awareness of the interconnected existence that we, as Humanity, are responsible for. Therefore, by walking this Process, everything that Bernard represents exists in me in every moment of breath Here.

This morning, I went through my notebook from my visit to the farm and I started to allow the energy of regret within me for not having had more chats with Bernard, or for not taking "enough" notes, and for not having recorded every single word. It is interesting how my mind can sabotage myself by giving in into the pattern of wishing to go back in time. I now see that this desire is in complete self-interest to have the sense of comfort again, the sense of protection and security that I had when discussing points with Bernard. This is another indicator that I am not yet creating such Stability within myself. As Bernard said to me: "If you cannot stand Alone you are fucked because you are dependent."

On my notebook I found the following:

Points that I see in Bernard:

• Knows exactly what he does
• Self-Confidence
• Stands unconditionally
• Does not worry what other people say or think
• Speaks in common sense all the time

If I am Honest with Myself, I am still separated from these points as I am not yet consistent in my Direction, Self-Correction and Dedication to myself Here. Regardless of how many chats I could have with Bernard, it is up to MY decision to Become my Own Example of Living the Principles of Life. Bernard was not going to Walk the Process for me, of course. He did provide All the support that he could for everyone interested in becoming a better version of the human race. As Bernard also mentioned, "When we are born we are given Life but somewhere in between we lose direction and we lose who we are." so he put together  a bunch of materials online for guidance in our process of Self-Forgiveness, Self-Realization and ultimate Self-Change, and so started the foundation of a group (Destonians) of people that are willing to learn the Principles of Life, to walk them, to apply Self-Forgiveness, to know oneself and to become Self-honest. During the years that I have been participating in the group, I  have witnessed the quality of the material shared, the priceless information, the unique writings and its positive impact on my daily application, my own writings, my blogs, my choices in Life and my relationships. 

Therefore, I am Grateful for Bernard's existence on Earth. I am grateful for his kindness, for not giving up of his Process, for not keeping his solutions for himself and for establishing the founding blocks of the Destonians, of the Equal Moneymovement, of the Journey to Life blogs and of all the Courses that have been created to support everyone around the world. I am also grateful to Bernard for being firm in his communication with me, without bullshit, and for showing me solutions in common sense and helping me to see the mind/thoughts that I have allowed within me. And finally, I am grateful that Bernard instigated the seeds of a marriage with Joao, which did happen in September 2012. Bernard has always been ahead of the game!

For those that did not manage to go to the farm while Bernard was there, there is no point to regret it either. His words are available everywhere online, on his writings, videos and books, and only Self can walk this Process for Oneself. Again, there are no excuses to not live the Principles of Life as Bernard Poolman did.

In essence, WE HAVE ALL THE TOOLS WE NEED TO WALK THIS PROCESS AND GET IT DONE. Meaning, to realise who we can be as Integrity and Common sense. Overall, we are All potential "Bernards" as beings on Earth that are not accepting the pre-programmed thoughts of our minds to determine who we will become and that are not accepting the systems that are destroying our planet.

One major point that Bernard raised in our conversations was my Religion of Self and my judgmental patterns, which I am still understanding how these work in my mind and how these judgments shape my decisions. Many of them will be expanded on this blog, so that it can also support other human beings going through similar points.

Walking this process means to let go of the personalities, of the perceived comfort of the ego and every single judgement that creates separation with all that exists. There is no quick fix: it will take at least 7 years of self-commitment to walk through the patterns and personalities that I have built within me.

Many of the people walking this process are students, are future politicians, are economists, are artists, are teachers, are parents, are corporate, are directors, are unemployed, are psychologists, are educators... and the result of applying the tools of Desteni in our daily actions have enormous benefits in establishing self-stability, self-trust, self-appreciation and self-change. I have been meeting many Destonians and it is amazing to see human beings walking their own process of Self-Forgiveness and that we are equals in this Process: common fears, common realisations, common self-motivation, common care, common concerns and common willingness to change oneself and the world for the better.

So I ask myself: would it be different if I were to meet Bernard again at the farm this year? If the answer in my mind is a Yes, then I must investigate every single point that Bernard Poolman represents to me and investigate where and how am I not giving and living these points to myself unconditionally. Of course that his physical presence, his voice, his jokes will be missed when I am back to the farm this year, but his Words remain within Me by Living the Principles that He Stood for.

One must Hear the Message and Walk it.

Thank you for reading and for walking with.