July 27, 2015

DAY 156: My relationship with myself, seen through the eyes of a bird

A new little bird joined our family a few weeks ago. This time was a female pigeon that was standing still by our doorstep and when she tried to fly she fell down on the floor. Our commitment to assist the life of our pigeon was extended to this new being that landed on our lives and we simply started doing everything in duplicate: feeding them, playing with them, putting the nappies, enjoying their company, putting them to sleep, and creating a stress-free environment for them and for us.

After two weeks, we decided to take our female pigeon to the park as we were under the impression that she wanted something else. As opposed to our male pigeon that has beenliving with us for longer, the female seemed less open to our presence, constantly screaming in fear when we approached her and enjoying being alone most of the time. She was older than when we found out first pigeon and within three days with us she could eat by herself and fly with excellent control. All of this lead us to think that  she had all the skills to expand herself out there and therefore we should re-assess what she wanted: either to stay with us or flying high out there.

Another thought that was defending this position was the fear of being judged as a bad person for keeping a wild bird at home and domesticating her. Her wild expression was so cute and genuine that I didn't want to mess with it either and I started feeling guilty for preventing her from being herself. As many of those walking the DIP Process know, all these thoughts are not actually about the other but are projections of a point that exists within me - in this case, the feeling and emotion of guilt, wanting to control what happens to another, and wanting to be perceived as a good person are all mirrors of points that I am facing within myself.

IIn this blog, I am addressing self-judgments projected toward what I believe others think of me. This is a point of assisting myself to realise that only I can take responsibility for the thoughts that exist within me, understand where they come from and decide to stop these thoughts. Curiously enough, these new thoughts and experience of self-distrust made me consider that new parents may also experience the need to make a baby feel OK and take personally when the baby cries or is unsatisfied.

In my next blog I will share the process that I have been walking in relation to the decision of letting her go.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge me as a bad person for keeping a wild bird indoors.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project this judgment towards other people and think that they judge me for keeping a wild bird at home.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowed myself to think that Duquesa (the new female pigeon) is unhappy and that she wants to leave our house because we are not good enough.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel sad when I see her flying to the window because I think that I am failing to keep her happy and well.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to take Duquesa's behaviour personally and to think that she is not OK because I am not giving her enough attention.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distrust my ability to know what is best for another being.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the negative and positive mood within me depending on what Duquesa does.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to think that I am responsible for Duquesa's instability indoors and I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to blame me when she goes against the wall and window.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in emotion to my relationship with Duquesa based on the idea that I can't deal with female birds.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to expect that my relationship with the new bird to be the same as I have with Marques (projection), instead of considering this new being in its uniqueness and embracing this new relationship as an opportunity to expand myself in it.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to desire her to stay with us so that I don't feel bad about myself and I don't think that I am not a good person to her.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty in case she decides to fly away and for taking her decision personally.

Self-corrective statements

When and as I see myself feeling ashamed for keeping a wild bird indoors, I stop the judgment and I breathe. This emotion of shame is a point of self-distrust towards my decision to assist the bird in her own path no matter what path is (indoors or outdoors).

I see, realise and understand that the judgment of being a bad person for keeping Duquesa inside only exists within me and that I am responsible for stopping it. I also see that the emotional reaction of pity towards her and myself only exist within me and that is clouding my ability to see the situation in common sense and what is best for her and for all.

When and as I see myself taking Duquesa's/another's attitudes personally and thinking that I am failing in being liked by another, I stop these ideas and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that the backchat about myself exists first and foremost within me and that the need for being liked is not real. I also see, realise and understand that I am basing my reactions in an idea and imagination that she doesn't want to stay with us, which is a contradiction; I see, realise and understand that through these thoughts I am actually separating myself from another being and not allowing me to be fully stable when interacting with her.

When and as I see myself reacting to her reaction against the nappy and against being indoors, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to stay stable and grounded in my relationship to Duquesa despite her reaction. I assist me by placing myself in her situation and in giving her an environment that is stress-free, stable and that accommodates her needs. As it happened when Marques, this is a new process to all of us and I can only be open to the response from her and understand that this is a moment of change to her too.

When and as I see myself thinking that I should simply open the window and put her outside, I stop and I breathe. I am aware that it is night now and that birds don't see in the dark and that such an act would not be self-responsible. I also see, realise and understand that any decision taken based on an emotional reaction does not consider what is best for all as it can only address the emotion of the mind (and a quick fix).
Therefore, I assist me in slowing the mind down and in considering solutions that address the current moment, such as going to the park in the morning and see if she wants to fly away.

When and as I see myself blaming me for killing the wild nature of a bird, I stop and I breathe. By bringing this thought to myself I see that I am feeling limited if I was kept indoors and I had wings to fly. I see that I am also projecting my fear of doing something wrong towards the bird by keeping her indoors.

When and as I see myself feeling sad by thinking that she is loosing her self-expression here with us, I stop and I breathe. I see that I am defining her self-expression as an idea of what birds should or should not do instead of seeing that a being self-expression is not something that I can take away.

When and as I see myself distrusting my ability to know what is best for another being, I stop and I breathe. I assist me in focusing on common sense and basic needs where we are equals/similar. I see that she is currently safe and restful, and that it is not my purpose to keep a bird prisoner against her will.

I commit myself to stop the ideas that another doesn't like me and that I am failing in keeping another happy. I commit myself to take responsibility for the thoughts that I allow in my mind and I assist me in recreating my self-stability and self-trust in self-honesty, and to assist me in realising that who I am is not dependent on how another responds to what I do.

I commit myself to stop the self-judgments and the shame for keeping a wild bird indoors and to stop projecting these unto what I think others think about me. I commit myself to focus on what is here, what I can do to assist another, and what is simply common sense to do such as rescuing a bird in need and addressing the situation as it evolves.

I commit myself to bring the point of judgment and of wanting to be liked by another back to myself, and I assist me in being stable in my decision, in applying myself and in standing for myself. I also commit myself to trust my decision of trying to assist this bird unconditionally without expecting to be liked, or to be approved or to be seen as better for doing it.

I commit myself to stop imposing her a path based on what happened with Marques. I assist me to be open to solutions in real-time so that I can give her what she needs to express herself and be OK.

I commit myself to recreate my relationship with Duquesa from wanting to save her to actually see her as equal to me and to always base my decision of supporting her life as I support mine.

I commit myself to look at practical solutions to apply in moments where she is agitated and flying against things. I commit myself to breathe to stabilise myself first and to not react to her agitation.

I commit myself to be patient her and with myself, and to make sure I am stable in my relationship with Duquesa, either at home or if she decides to fly away.

Recommended resources:

A Pigeon and World Peace: Conflict resolution in real-time: http://joanaslifeprocess.blogspot.com/2015/04/day-71-pigeon-and-world-peace-conflict.html


Post a Comment

Please type your message

Popular Posts


"1984 book" "Brian Haw" "Council of the European Union" "duty free" alcohol "Equal Money Sistem" "Equal Money System" "equal money" "equal money" life Einstein developing children "European Union" "heaven on earth" "Joana Ferreira" "mindful blindness" "North Africa" "north London" "Osama Bin Laden" "Robbie Williams" "She's the one" "Sistema de Igualdade Monetária" "South London" "Stephen Hawking" "Structural Resonance Alignment" 2012 80-20 Rule 9/11 abuse acceptances accidents achievement action activists Adamastor addiction adolescente advertising African trypanosomiasis agreement airplane airport alarm Alcohol Amanda Seyfried anger anger management Animals Anna Brix Thomsen anticipation Anu anxiety anxiety. pressure Apple argos arguments ashes atomic bomb attack attention seeker awareness baby steps backchat bacteria bank barbie basic income beauty bed behavior belief beliefs Bernard Poolman best for all BIG bike theft bills bipolarity birds blame blaming blindness blog boardgame body body fat explained born boss brands breath breathe breathing bribery bully bus buy callosity callousness cancer capitalism capitalismo Car accident career cats change change the world change yourself childish children China chocolate chocolates choices chronic stress comfort zone commitment common sense common-sense communication communication fear comparison competition conflict conflict resolution consequence consumerism cook corruption countries couple creation crise curiosity cycle cycling deadlines death debt deception decision decision-making decisions definitions dehumanisation Denmark dentist depression desemprego desire despair Desteni Desteni I Process desteni i process lite desteniiprocess Destonians developing nations dinheiro DIP DIP lite diplomacy Direction Disagreements disappointment diseases without cure disempowerment dissatisfaction distraction doctors documentary doomsday drunk earth economic system educate oneself education ego Einstein elevator elite embarrassment emotions empowerment emprego endodontic energy English Enola Gay enslavement entertainment entrepreneurship eqafe Equal Life Foundation Equal Money Equal Money System Equal Money System; North Africa equal-money equality equalmoney Esquizofrenia Esteni EU euromilhões Europe European Union evolution exams excuses exhaustion expansion expectation expectations experience eyes fail failure fairy story fame family FAO farm fashion fashion week Fatima Fear fear of accidents fear of cats fear of death fear of failing fear of failure fear of flying fear of loss Fear week Fears feelings feet females fight figthing flight freedom frente-a-frente Friday friend friendship frustration fulfilled full time job future gaivota gangs getting sick on holiday giving up God gods grades guilt guns habit habits hangout hapiness happiness headache headstand healthcare heaven heaven on earth Heavily Indebted Poor Countries hell help here hereafter History HIV holding back holiday hollywood Holocaust Memorial Day homeopathy hope horse racing horseback riding horses How to be patient how to live well human human behaviour human beings Human Rights Humanity humbleness I'm not good enough IAEA ignorance ikea illusion Image Images imagination impulse In time indecision inferiority inflation inner fight inner world intentions interdependence International Migrants Day International relations interviews invention jealousy Joana Ferreira Joana Jesus job job uncertainty jobs Journey to Life judgments justice justification Justin Timberlake ken know thyself knowledge knowtheother knowthyself Krugman lame language learning leave partner legs let go let it go liberty lie Lies Life Life earth stress mind equalmoney society self-honesty life path lightning limitation listen to me liver Liverpool Living living application living income guaranteed London Londres look loss love MA males manifesto manipulation marriage materials MatterFreeMan media memories memory memory. Fears men mente migration mind mind consciousness system mind Construct mindshift mirror of the world misinterpretation misunderstood mobile models money morning mortgage mother Motivation movie movie industry movies muerte mundo music music star nature neck need negative new year news night Obama occupy old olympics Oneness organised others ownership pain parenting Parents Pareto parfum Parliament partner past path patience patterns peace people perdão próprio perfection persona personalities personality Physical physical body pigeons plan plane plane crash planning plans play plays pobreza polarity política political will politicians politics Portugal Portuguese positive possession postponement posture potential poverty power powerlessness pre-programme pre-programmed present presentation pressure primary school Principles priorities problem problem solving process procrastination profession profissão profit progress projection projections protests psychology public public relations public speaking punctuality punishment purpose Pursuit of Happiness Quantum suicide Questions RapeLay Rastani reactions realisation reality reconciliation refugees rejection relationship relationships religion Remembrance remembrance day reputation rescue Research and Development resistance resources righteousness Rights riots Robot Virgins root canal roots routine Rozelle de Lange RT news rules rupture rush rush hour rush. stress Saturday schedule schedules secrets Self self help self honesty self judgement self stability self-awareness self-change self-confidence self-correction self-definition self-direction self-distrust self-expression Self-Forgiveness self-fulfilment self-honesty self-judgment self-limitation self-perfection self-realisation self-respect self-responsibility self-stability self-trust self-trust. stress self-worth self. principles separation separation from others ser humano series sexomania Shakespeare shame sharing sickness SIM Sistema de Igualdad Monetaria slavery sleeping sickness smoking snooze society society. self-honesty soldier solution solutions space shuttle Spain spitefulness sports Stability stage stand up start the day starvation Starve step by step Steve Jobs stop the mind street stress stressless stuckness study success Sunette Sunette Spies sunshine superficiality superiority support suppression survival survival. rich system taking things personally technological evolution technology teenagers The Act of Killing the perfect girlfriend the unexpected thinking too much Third Contact thoughts time time management toblerone tourist trust Truth Tsetse Tsetse fly Tv TV series Twin Towers UK understanding unkown unponctuality unpunctuality unsecure urges vaccine valentine's valentine's day gifts value victimisation violence virus vlog wake up walk walk the talk wall street war war on terror warfare weak weakness wealth distribution weekend weight White lies Who Am I WikiLeaks woman women words Work workaholic World World Events World Health Organization world peace worry worry wart worthiness writing yoga practice yogini young young pigeon youth

Blog Archive

joana jesus, 2015. Powered by Blogger.
Copyright © Joana's Journey to Life | Powered by Blogger
Design by Blog Oh! Blog | Blogger Theme by NewBloggerThemes.com