Day 154: Agreement Support series: "Why won't he listen to me?"

In this post I am starting a new series where I will share points about couple relationships based on my own experience of being a woman and in an Agreement with my husband.

The question "Why is he not listening to me?" arose when I was trying to help my partner but he was closed within his own mind, not wanting to see the common sense and support that I was giving him. There are many dimensions that I could cover but the one that I find really helpful for me to understand is what I can do in such situations. Who am I going to be in the face of a possession of another?

By possession in this context I mean when another is reacting in a personality of righteousness and ego, of separation towards myself and not looking for solutions but rather focus all the attention on the problem.

There have been times in my life where I can see what another is experiencing and that I am rejected when I try to help: I am told that there is nothing that I will say that will help, or that I don't understand, or that the other wants to be alone. Until now I have taken such comments personally and ended up thinking that I was the problem, that I was the one not able to help another, and feeling powerless towards another.

Recently I faced this point and I was surprisingly stable within me, not allowing emotions to manipulate and sabotage myself. My partner was facing a big resistance to see common sense and to listen to the support that I was giving, but this time I stood next to him and not allowed myself to feel influenced by another's possession. I used to think of me as a sponge that allows other emotions and fears to penetrate into myself but now I see that the attitude of resistance and rejection of another is the green light for me to stand stable no matter what and to be determined in supporting another without waiting for an immediate effect/reward or success.

Despite this attitude within me, the next day, I wasn't so certain about my ability to stand stable and I could see my self-trust diminishing, as if during the night I had been contaminated by the words of rejection. At night, when we both sat down to talk about our relationship, something fascinating happened: my partner had reconsider his attitude, wrote about his possession and had written specific commitments to support himself and to accept my help; on the other hand, I had actually started to give up on my ability to help him and began to imagine that we would be better away from each other. During our conversation we talked with each other in self-honesty about our shared fears, our shared and individual goals, and about the emotional reactions that we both allowed ourselves to go into. During our open chat, my partner confessed that my words resonated with him and were in fact key to assist him in seeing what he was doing to himself.

Below is the Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statement that I assist me in living from now on:

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to trust my ability to remain stable unconditionally despite of what my partner says to me.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the imagination associated to the fear of rupture.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerless to assist my partner as if I don't know him anymore. I see, realise and understand that it is my responsibility to stand for and as our agreement especially in moments where he is not trusting himself to do so.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to cloud my awareness and stability with projections of the future that is based on snap decisions and imagination.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to stand stable despite the images and the fear that I see in my mind.

I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to remain 100% stable when I see thoughts in my mind that are not based on the present facts but it is a story that I am telling myself and a parallel life built in the mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to want to run away from people's possessions.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get possessed by distrust and imagination based on the reactions I see in my partner.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that our possessions and emotions are real and to believe that the decisions taken in the mind are real.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by my partner's reaction and thoughts, instead of allowing myself to see the influence and to decide not to become it.

I see, realise and understand that I have first and foremost an Agreement with myself to be the best I can be, to trust myself in my Process of changing automatic reactions, and to recreate my self-stability for and by myself.

I see, realise and understand that no decisions can be taken of the mind because the backchat and the reactions do not lead to what is best for all: in fact, I see, realise and understand that such backchat is based purely on survival and fear, and so none of this is valid if we want to build a Life  that is best for both of us.

When and as I see myself distrusting my ability to stand stable in face of another's possession, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that I am responsible for any reaction, feeling or thought that I have within myself in relation to another being.

When and as I see myself imagining taking a decision in my mind when it comes to our agreement (or any decision), I stop and I breathe.

I empower myself to remain here and to not go into the mind of thoughts and imagination.

I commit myself to look at the facts in this present time and to empower my ability to see what is the best for both us, not based on emotions but in common sense and self-responsibility.

I commit myself to realise that what I see in my mind as my imagination is an automated programme that I am responsible for directing, for stopping and for changing in order to change who I am in the present moment and therefore my future.

When and as I see myself thinking that rupture is the only option to deal with our possessions, I stop  and I breathe.

I commit myself to stop the emotion and move beyond the resistance to stand as myself, to trust myself as life and to see that the entertainment of the emotions and fears is a point that I am able to stop in one breath and give me direction.

When and as I see myself wanting to be away from my partner based on the belief that I can't help him because I don't see him applying what I tell him, I stop and I breathe. In this, I see that I will not save another with my words and that I cannot expect another to change because I ask so. I see that he must be the one supporting himself in every moment and that the only way I can help him is by standing as an example to myself, by standing stable, by stopping the thoughts, the emotions, the fears, and by being present unconditionally.

I commit myself to give me time to understand what my partner is going through in his life and I assist me in taking part in the conversation from a starting point of equality and commitment to create the best solutions for both of us.

When and as I see myself thinking that the imagination is real, I stop and I breathe.

I commit myself to strengthen my self-stability when I am facing a mind possession by recognising that these images are in my imagination only and that I am capable of giving me direction to stop the mind and to remain always as the solution to my own self, to decide what is best for me and to give me direction.

I commit myself to focus on who I am in my relationship with my partner.

I commit myself to stand as Life when dealing with another's mind.

Finally, I commit myself to let go of the ideas, fears and imagination that I think about in the mind, and I focus on the present moment, on the information that is here and in my direction in taking decisions that are based on common sense and what is best for both of us and our Agreement.

* An Agreement is when two beings decide to walk the Process of investigating their minds to become aware of themselves and support each other to reach their utmost potential.

Recommended material:

Relationship Success Support with Agreements Facing the Reality of Self

The Best & The Worst - Relationship Success Support

Relationships and Agreements

The Power of Listening (Part 2)

Picture found on Pinterest.