August 10, 2014

DAY 139: Swimming in emotions and how it affects my day-to-day living

- "Why wasn't I able to stop the emotions?"
- "It's not that you were not able Jo - it's simply that you didn't..." (Excerpt from a chat with Sunette)

This lake of emotions is now clear to me but the only reason I could see that I was not stable was because of the consequences of emotions in the various areas of in my life - for example, I have been reactive towards people and towards events when things don't go as planned; I have also been physically exhausted and at the same time with difficulty to sleep; my physical expression and intimacy with my partner seems to be blocked; and, ultimately, my ability to take decisions went down the drain.

Regarding the last point, I haven't allowed myself to take direction in this current of emotions. As a result, I haven't been able to stop thinking about certain points in my reality without actually deciding upon a solution - my mind is hooked in the same thoughts without any productive outcome whatsoever! Just like Anu explained in his interview "How to Make Choices", it is not possible to take a clear decision in such a cloudy emotional environment - I am literally unable to see the various options, the dimensions to consider and the solution in common sense. 

This "swimming in emotions" is indicating that I am accepting emotions inside of me for a longer period of time than is necessary without standing within a decision inside myself to direct them and instead look for practical solutions. Physically, I have been facing the consequences of the emotional energy effect on my body - not only feeling exhausted, but also had an urinary infection that required antibiotics, a couple of red spots on my face, an allergic reaction and burning sensation in my left ear (Inner Self) and some articulation blockage for a few seconds on my left index finger and on my right big toe. I thought that sports would assist me in reducing stress, however this time I was also reactive in sports and I was allowing myself to be fearful and imagining that I would hurt myself.
Mentally, I see that the more I participate in the thoughts and I believe in the thoughts and emotions to be real, the more I go into this state of directionless because all my attention and resources go into the emotion so there is no energy left for self/for my physical action and for solutions to myself. I can also see the domino effect playing out, whereby I start imagining all the other areas of my life going into chaos and failure, creating even more stress and anxiety within myself. For example, I had a problem with my internet at home and, since then, that other problems unfolded simply because I wasn't able to direct the other things as I would normally do - the reaction became a virus that I manifested whenever something didn't work. If I had not participated in the first reaction, that would have potentially worked as an example to myself to apply in the other areas of my life. Even if I had participated in the first reaction, that must not be an excuse to justify the next reactions. 

Stopping the emotions is a decision and, as with any decision, I must practice it and apply myself in every moment so that change happens.
This is my commitment as of today, this moment, now.

I am aware that the energy build-up had happened and I am still recovering from it so I must not be hard on myself in terms of trying to fight the thoughts and the emotions. As Sunette says, initially I won't be able to NOT go into thoughts and emotions AT ALL - my main focus is to when I see I am thinking too much and in a state of emotion, I take responsibility. Meaning, I write out the emotion and I forgive myself until I am stable.
Also, I must not believe that the emotions will go away by themselves because there is no magic in the process - I take self-responsibility, I face the emotion, I understand where the emotion comes from and I let it go through self-forgiveness. Sports by itself won't help unless I make sure that I create my self-stability first, which is only possible through writing because I slow my mind, I stop participating in the emotional energy and I am able to see the problem and the solution for myself. The imagination is still active in my mind and I dreamed a lot last night again, but instead of believing it to be real, I will investigate the patterns, the fears, the desires, and I let the images go.

By taking responsibility for the emotion that exists within me, I start the process of correcting myself and changing myself.

I am grateful for having the support of the Desteni buddies to assist me in my Process and in reminding me of being Assertive with myself and Standing Up for myself. The fact that we have regular chats has definitely supported me in opening up this point and understanding what was going on over the last two weeks. I will now do my "homework" and write the list of emotions I've experienced since the point opened up and do some sounding of self forgiveness until I feel stable.

More on this to come in my next blog.



Post a Comment

Please type your message

Popular Posts


"1984 book" "Brian Haw" "Council of the European Union" "duty free" alcohol "Equal Money Sistem" "Equal Money System" "equal money" "equal money" life Einstein developing children "European Union" "heaven on earth" "Joana Ferreira" "mindful blindness" "North Africa" "north London" "Osama Bin Laden" "Robbie Williams" "She's the one" "Sistema de Igualdade Monetária" "South London" "Stephen Hawking" "Structural Resonance Alignment" 2012 80-20 Rule 9/11 abuse acceptances accidents achievement action activists Adamastor addiction adolescente advertising African trypanosomiasis agreement airplane airport alarm Alcohol Amanda Seyfried anger anger management Animals Anna Brix Thomsen anticipation Anu anxiety anxiety. pressure Apple argos arguments ashes atomic bomb attack attention seeker awareness baby steps backchat bacteria bank barbie basic income beauty bed behavior belief beliefs Bernard Poolman best for all BIG bike theft bills bipolarity birds blame blaming blindness blog boardgame body body fat explained born boss brands breath breathe breathing bribery bully bus buy callosity callousness cancer capitalism capitalismo Car accident career cats change change the world change yourself childish children China chocolate chocolates choices chronic stress comfort zone commitment common sense common-sense communication communication fear comparison competition conflict conflict resolution consequence consumerism cook corruption countries couple creation crise curiosity cycle cycling deadlines death debt deception decision decision-making decisions definitions dehumanisation Denmark dentist depression desemprego desire despair Desteni Desteni I Process desteni i process lite desteniiprocess Destonians developing nations dinheiro DIP DIP lite diplomacy Direction Disagreements disappointment diseases without cure disempowerment dissatisfaction distraction doctors documentary doomsday drunk earth economic system educate oneself education ego Einstein elevator elite embarrassment emotions empowerment emprego endodontic energy English Enola Gay enslavement entertainment entrepreneurship eqafe Equal Life Foundation Equal Money Equal Money System Equal Money System; North Africa equal-money equality equalmoney Esquizofrenia Esteni EU euromilhões Europe European Union evolution exams excuses exhaustion expansion expectation expectations experience eyes fail failure fairy story fame family FAO farm fashion fashion week Fatima Fear fear of accidents fear of cats fear of death fear of failing fear of failure fear of flying fear of loss Fear week Fears feelings feet females fight figthing flight freedom frente-a-frente Friday friend friendship frustration fulfilled full time job future gaivota gangs getting sick on holiday giving up God gods grades guilt guns habit habits hangout hapiness happiness headache headstand healthcare heaven heaven on earth Heavily Indebted Poor Countries hell help here hereafter History HIV holding back holiday hollywood Holocaust Memorial Day homeopathy hope horse racing horseback riding horses How to be patient how to live well human human behaviour human beings Human Rights Humanity humbleness I'm not good enough IAEA ignorance ikea illusion Image Images imagination impulse In time indecision inferiority inflation inner fight inner world intentions interdependence International Migrants Day International relations interviews invention jealousy Joana Ferreira Joana Jesus job job uncertainty jobs Journey to Life judgments justice justification Justin Timberlake ken know thyself knowledge knowtheother knowthyself Krugman lame language learning leave partner legs let go let it go liberty lie Lies Life Life earth stress mind equalmoney society self-honesty life path lightning limitation listen to me liver Liverpool Living living application living income guaranteed London Londres look loss love MA males manifesto manipulation marriage materials MatterFreeMan media memories memory memory. Fears men mente migration mind mind consciousness system mind Construct mindshift mirror of the world misinterpretation misunderstood mobile models money morning mortgage mother Motivation movie movie industry movies muerte mundo music music star nature neck need negative new year news night Obama occupy old olympics Oneness organised others ownership pain parenting Parents Pareto parfum Parliament partner past path patience patterns peace people perdão próprio perfection persona personalities personality Physical physical body pigeons plan plane plane crash planning plans play plays pobreza polarity política political will politicians politics Portugal Portuguese positive possession postponement posture potential poverty power powerlessness pre-programme pre-programmed present presentation pressure primary school Principles priorities problem problem solving process procrastination profession profissão profit progress projection projections protests psychology public public relations public speaking punctuality punishment purpose Pursuit of Happiness Quantum suicide Questions RapeLay Rastani reactions realisation reality reconciliation refugees rejection relationship relationships religion Remembrance remembrance day reputation rescue Research and Development resistance resources righteousness Rights riots Robot Virgins root canal roots routine Rozelle de Lange RT news rules rupture rush rush hour rush. stress Saturday schedule schedules secrets Self self help self honesty self judgement self stability self-awareness self-change self-confidence self-correction self-definition self-direction self-distrust self-expression Self-Forgiveness self-fulfilment self-honesty self-judgment self-limitation self-perfection self-realisation self-respect self-responsibility self-stability self-trust self-trust. stress self-worth self. principles separation separation from others ser humano series sexomania Shakespeare shame sharing sickness SIM Sistema de Igualdad Monetaria slavery sleeping sickness smoking snooze society society. self-honesty soldier solution solutions space shuttle Spain spitefulness sports Stability stage stand up start the day starvation Starve step by step Steve Jobs stop the mind street stress stressless stuckness study success Sunette Sunette Spies sunshine superficiality superiority support suppression survival survival. rich system taking things personally technological evolution technology teenagers The Act of Killing the perfect girlfriend the unexpected thinking too much Third Contact thoughts time time management toblerone tourist trust Truth Tsetse Tsetse fly Tv TV series Twin Towers UK understanding unkown unponctuality unpunctuality unsecure urges vaccine valentine's valentine's day gifts value victimisation violence virus vlog wake up walk walk the talk wall street war war on terror warfare weak weakness wealth distribution weekend weight White lies Who Am I WikiLeaks woman women words Work workaholic World World Events World Health Organization world peace worry worry wart worthiness writing yoga practice yogini young young pigeon youth

Blog Archive

joana jesus, 2015. Powered by Blogger.
Copyright © Joana's Journey to Life | Powered by Blogger
Design by Blog Oh! Blog | Blogger Theme by