DAY 135: Living the Principle of Patience, as within so without

A new point opened up within me last month month as a result of an accumulation of desire to move things forward quickly without having a basic foundation of self-stability within me. To be more specific, the point of being patience with myself, my process and with the world around me resonated with the experience of pressure and tension that I was experiencing. As I am walking the Desteni of Living Process, I decided to read my statements again, this time focused on the point of patience to understand how it impacts me and my application.

On this blog I will redefine the word Patience to assist me in walking the other Principles.

Starting with the point 12, where it says:

12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

I realise that my definition of the word Patience is still very much in relation to time. By "not waiting for others" I easily interpret this point as going into a rush and a fight against time so that I take responsibility for myself and for the world around me. However, living the Principle of Self-Responsibility is an all encompass decision that must consider everything within me, all the points, all the backchats, all my relationships, all my words and all my definitions. Having rush as a starting point is obviously not supportive and I just cannot allow myself to use the existing definition of the word patience to justify the race against my own self and time. Therefore, in order to live this Principle, as well as the other 22 Principles within my Declaration, I commit myself to redefine the word Patience within me - not in relation to time or in wanting to be quick or enforcing my realisations unto others and external world, but to be patient within my own self, to guarantee that I walk this process fully, completely, that I investigate all my points, that I apply and test the correction, that I learn from myself and others, that I re-educate myself about the things that I don't understand and that I am patient with others as I am with myself.

In the redefinition of the word Patience within me, the point of not "waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world" is exactly about not allowing quick fixes within or without - solutions must come from within no matter how long it takes me to realise or to correct myself. In order to be constant within myself and, therefore, to push myself to be self-aware in everything I hear, speak and do, I realise that being patient is key - the patience to be constant, to be disciplined and to apply my self-correction. This Process manifests from the inner to the outer world: first I must be patient to recognise that which I don't understand, to realise where my fears come from, to understand why I judge me and others; secondly I must be patient with me to recreate a stable foundation within me where I live the Principle for myself in my daily day, in my relationships, in my own decisions, constantly; and finally, to live the Patience of seeing how the world works, to become aware of the time it takes for change to actually occur, to not fight the system but to be patient with it, just like the Destonians were patient with me when I started my Process five years ago.

Patience it is not to lay down or lay back; it is not about becoming powerless but it is exactly the opposite - as it is explained in Anu's interview "Patience and How to Live it", without patience one goes easily into reaction and that is a manifestation of powerlessness, because one is controlled by another's reaction instead of standing stable and directing the situation in common sense.

According to the dictionary*, Patience is

1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

Curiously enough none of the definitions above refers to time, except the confrontation with delay. When something needs to be done, it is irrelevant and actually counterproductive to be under time pressure.

In my redefinition of Patience I realise that it implies understanding; for understanding to develop I must be humble and willing to investigate, to ask questions and to give me time to consolidate and apply my understanding. This waiting mode is not a hopeless state, but rather a time that I give to myself to process the information, to investigate the problem and to search for solutions, both for myself and the world. "Waiting" does not mean "stopping", because while I am waiting for myself to realise a point I can be proactively investigating the point within me until I see that I am ready to apply it in my own life.
For as long as there is the directive principle of changing oneself to the utmost potential, there is no need to react against time. If impatience manifests I check where I have missed my understanding or self-direction, I apply self-forgiveness and I establish my commitment to correct myself.

In order for me to be able to realise that I have created who and how I am in this moment, I must be patient with myself and in walking in this physical reality without jumping steps - I cannot walk quicker than  my physical body; I must walk within the awareness that my physical breath is my reference to make sure that I don't miss any breath/any moment in my application. If I miss-a-take, I am patient with myself and I give me this opportunity to investigate where I missed the breath and therefore support me to not do the mistake again.

I realise that I was not educated to be patient with myself because most likely others (family, friends) weren't educated about it either. I also see a judgement towards Patience, as if being patient is a waste of time or a failure. Until now I could not understand why I should be patient when I see people already able to overcome certain points and so, in my mind, I believe I should be able to overcome those points too. However, in physical reality I must walk each and every point by myself in order to live it for myself. I realise that projecting my correction or a final outcome  will not help until I live the decision to walk the correction in real time and get to know me in the process of changing.

The two patterns that contribute to feed impatience within me are comparison and desire. Therefore, whenever I see the pattern of comparison manifested in my thoughts, I commit myself to slow down and see what is that I am not allowing myself to walk for myself, why am I not being patient with myself in my own process and why is that I wish to become like another  by pure magic.The same applies to the desire: instead of desiring to be like another (which would be the quick fix) I must investigate within me what is that I am not giving and living for myself, learn with the other that it is possible to become it, and then move myself to start living that specific characteristic or decision in my life.

I am the only one able to get to know myself fully and completely. That is why I cannot wait for anything or anyone to do it for me because it simply won't happen. That is why my only choice is to walk my process and to be Patient with me to slowly but surely become the Living Principles in my relationship to myself and to this world. This is all I must do for myself and that is all my time is for.

Finally, being aware that the process of changing one's mind and consequently this word will take as much time as it took the create the patterns in first place, being patient is key to let the rush go and to stand in self-responsibility and self-direction, walking breath by breath, one step at a time.

Quote by Bernard Poolman: https://bernardpoolmanquotes.wordpress.com/2012/02/19/process-of-self-realization-as-life-in-equality/