September 06, 2013

DAY 94: Competition with males, females and my own self

The self-forgiveness shared below assisted me to look at the point of competition with others. Curiously, the word competition has a "petition" in it and, according to the dictionary, one of its meanings is "to make an appeal to (a deity or superior)". So, already in the word I see that the relationships of competition is based on the polarity of superiority/inferiority and the perceived power in relation to the other. In this Process of Self-honesty, I bring the point to myself to understand how I am creating such energy within me and how is it manifested in the relationship with myself and consequently with others.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get distracted with the energy of competition in my relationship to other people instead of realising that competition/the need to compete is a distraction of the mind.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the energy of competition, love and fear in my relationship with males, as if we need to be in constant provocation. Within this, I realise that this is actually a sabotage by wanting to deliberately use another's feelings for my own self-appreciation and self-worthiness as I perceived myself to be dependent on another’s attention.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less than Life when I am rejected by a male, which is based on the belief that the other completes me and because I see the other as a proof that I must be cool otherwise he would not be with me. In this, I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to judge me as superior or inferior when I have a partner or when I don’t have a partner.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on another’s approval about what I do and what I say, instead of trusting me unconditionally and standing equal to another, without dependency but rather in mutual support. I realise that I wish another to ask for my help to make me feel worthy, when in fact I am not giving me my own self-support. Each one is responsible for support oneself-first and then simply support another as self.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to participate in the energy of competition in my relationship with females, which I now realise that it is the same relationship that I have with males and therefore it is a pattern within me that I must become aware of and correct.

Self-corrective Statements

When and as I see myself participating in the energy of competition with another person, I stop and I breathe. I realise that this Process is about Me, as who I am in every moment. I realise that this personality of competition is not who I want to be and it actually creates stress within me, almost like a bomb-clock that activates based on the belief that I must win/or be faster/or be better/or make more money, when all of this does not create any support for none of us and it actually creates friction and unstability in my relationship with others.

When and as I see myself wanting to be the leader and superior in a relationship with another, either a male or a female, I stop and I breathe. In fact, I realise that it was not about the gender, but it is my starting point of competition in my relationship with others that actually reveals my lack of self-worthiness. From here, I understand that there is this perceived inferiority that I try to hide from myself and then I try to cover up by going into the other polarity of wanting to be superior, hidden behind personalities, never considering to stand Equal and One with/as the other, in the moment, without trying to show off or do anything to prove myself to another.

I commit myself to stop the idea that males are naturally more confident than women. I realise that this is actually an excuse for me to not change and become confident in my actions.
I commit myself to stop existing using the male personalities as a reference that I must copy and become, instead of learning both with males and females if there are any characteristics that I see will support me in creating my stability in my life.

I commit myself to understand and investigate where the energy of competition comes from; what is the point that I want to compete against; and then walk that point in order to become it, instead of seeing it as separated from me. I realise that the energy of competition is a protection of the ego to not learn with another, not change the relationship with myself and keep the time-loop in regards to that specific point.


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