September 06, 2013

DAY 95: Facing the 'career indecision pattern' for many years...

In my most recent exercise of the Agreement course, I had a look at who I am currently and how I became this me. In order to expand on this point, I went through the patterns that became part of me, in my way of living, my thoughts and my plans. One of these points is the career indecision that I faced almost all my life. There was some sort of pressure from adults in wanting to know "what you want to do when you get older?..." and I was stressed with the fact that I did not know. I was good at school so people used to say "don't worry, you have time and you are good at school so you can do whatever you want". Being good at school did not seem to be enough - I desired something or someone to tell me "This is your best choice, go for it, your vocation is for that", but this obviously never happened. It is my decision and it is my assessment to see in self-honest what is that I can/want do. Probably this is a pattern of modern days, because in the past people did not have much choice: they would work at the parents' business or simply work in whatever their city could provide as an option. In my case, I had the opportunity to travel since I was 7 years old and my parents never imposed me any career path apart from "do what makes you happy and please take care of yourself". So this freedom to decide became a frustration and the years passed by. Influenced by society, I realised that I desired a prestigious career for the social and financial benefits of it. However, this greed did not sound right and I was not educated to do things for money. Probably that's why I had a resistance to work in the system, exchanging my time/dedication for a salary, but this is how it works and I made peace with it. So you may ask yourself: have you decided what to do? Before I get to that point, I will share in the blogs to come some of the writings that I went through on my Agreement course because this is the Process that I am walking and answers won't come through miracles. I am walking this point in real-time and one thing I can see now that I did not have before was the tools to face my self-doubts and my fears. Now, I do have the solution to know myself through self-forgiveness, writing, investigating the things for real without judgments and being opened to solutions outside of the comfort zone of the past. Stay tuned and feel free to send a comment in case you faced or are facing the career indecision pattern.

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