DAY 83 - We Must Motivate Ourselves

What does the need for motivation tell me about my acceptances and allowances?

This week I've seen this need in my thoughts regarding two different situations in my current reality: the need for motivation at work and the need for motivation to walk my Process. The motivation at work was projected towards the management, by thinking that I need to be motivated by them to do my job and there was this desire of listening to some nice and cool sentences to make sense of my effort (silly hum?). As for the motivation in my Process, this resonated when I was reading Cerise's blog where she wrote "He is not here to motivate us anymore - we must motivate ourselves." I realised that I associated Bernard Poolman to a source of motivation in the sense that his explanations were so clear that I had no doubt as to why I am walking this Process and why/how this is the best for me and the best for Humanity. So with him passing away, I faced the obvious - no more motivation from Bernard and Joana, you must stand up, stand clear and certain for yourself!

When I put these thoughts into writing I start seeing what I have been accepting and allowing, which is a form of slavery and dependency to move myself, to dedicate myself and to do my/the best. What I also see is that by separating myself from my self-motivation and my self-direction, I go into a state of dissatisfaction and I judge me as not being good enough because I don't establish this certainty within me of what I am doing and why I am doing it, and of course, I haven't allowed myself to be certain that I do it for myself and that I am the only one responsible for my Process Here.

Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to need motivation as an energy separated from me which is in fact an illusion and a form of energy-addiction to give me purpose in self-interest and self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to feed the need for motivation at work and therefore to use this to justify my lack of self-direction, lack of consistency and lack of responsibility to decide for myself what I am doing, how and why I am doing it.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to do the easy thing which is to blame management for not providing the motivation that my mind requires, instead of looking at this situation in self-honesty and take the decision, once and for all, to change my relationship to motivation and my relationship to my work in order to live everyday in self-commitment to everything that I do, to live the commitment of breathing at work, to live the commitment of deciding what is best for me at work, to live the commitment to trust myself in my actions at work, to live the commitment of transcending resistances at work, to live the commitment of walking points at work and to not see work as a separate reality from my Process.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe that without the energy of motivation (either based on the idea of success or the money motivation) it means that something is wrong and that I am being passive about my Life. I now see, realise and understand that this judgment is based on the idea that without  a higher motivation I am going to get bored and I am going to lose my enthusiasm, when in fact this energy-motivation is actually killing me and harming my body stability. I also realise that self-honest motivation is the motivation to keep on walking, to be constantly stable in what I say and do and ultimately to stand alone in complete self-trust as Life.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to become dependent on Bernard's presence in the Forum to motivate me/us and to give us reasons to not give up, instead of taking his words and live the commitment of walking them, without waiting to be said what to do. I realise that Bernard Poolman is and was the Principles of Life and any other definition that I give him (as a motivator, guide, father) is not required because it has always been up to me to become that which I have projected towards Bernard and  all that I wanted him to be.

Self-Corrective Statements

I give me now the opportunity to be aware of what my thoughts/needs of the mind show me so that I can see and work on myself to give me these points in my daily self-correction. So when and as I see myself desiring to have a manager that motivates me and gives me reasons to continue my job, I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to not participate in desires and needs separated from myself and therefore I commit myself to stop being dependent on another's mind and presence. Instead, I allow myself to become the unconditional motivation as self-direction, to continue walking my process at work, to learn with myself, to become more efficient, to be perfectionist in a way that is best for me, without wanting to fit someone else's idea of perfection which would result in self-abuse by for example working many hours to correspond to the idea of commitment disregarding my own self. I realise that if I stand in self-motivation, then there is no such thing as self-abuse, because I guide myself, I direct myself and I decide what is possible to be done and how it is going to be done in a way that is best for All.

When and as I see myself thinking that I will miss Bernard's motivation to move myself in my process and to be focused on my daily application, I stop and I breathe. I realise that the need for motivation of the mind is irrelevant because in fact all I must do to Be Here is to Breathe Here and Be Self-Honest Here, which I can only do these for myself. I also realise that despite the words that Bernard could write us or tell us it is always my responsibility to realise these words and live them in my practical daily living.

When and as I see myself thinking of self-motivation as an enthusiasm based on a sentence that someone tells me or a thought of the future or an image that corresponds to an idea of perfection, I stop and I breathe. I see, realise and understand that this motivation is energy-based which is not real - the fact that I feel "less" and inferior when such motivation does not exist, it means that I went to the negative polarity and in my mind I am expecting someone or something to feed the positive energy, and therefore believe that I need an external motivation to keep on going. By stopping and Breathing, I commit myself to stand stable as each breath I take in and to stand stable in each breath that I give out. I commit myself to stop the energy-motivation associated to another being and I support myself, step by step, to start creating my self-direction based on the Principles of Life that Bernard is/was: Self-Honesty, Oneness, Equality, Best for All and Common Sense. 

In essence, my motivation as Life is in standing as the Principles of Life in everything I speak and do. I also see that a Self-Honest enthusiasm is based on the Principles of Life manifested within and as Self-Expression. Again, no energy, no separation, no images and no needs of the mind.