Day 29: Unpunctuality has a cure! PART 1

This was the first week of my life when I didn't struggle with 'time'.

Apparently there has been a fight 'against time' around here. The fight always starts within self. So the cure is within oneself. I am the cure for the patterns I create.

Being punctual has been an objective since I am young... I used to ask myself how did my friends could arrive at school on time, sometimes even earlier!

Well, the pattern of unpunctuality goes back to my primary school and by that time I was dependent on my parent's schedules.

Nowadays, there are no excuses to not look at this point in self-honesty. In regards to this specific point, it seems quite simple. Well, it isn't and it implies a whole re-education. 
By analysing the '- why am I still allowing myself to be unpunctual' and '- why is it so hard to arrive on time', I realised that my notion of time has to change. Of course, in order to get new results I have to act in a different way.

As I wrote above, the fight starts within myself. I have been defining myself as unpunctual. By this, I avoided to look at the point in self-responsibility, realising that it depends on me to change this outcome. Here some of the side effects that I found happening to me and to other people by being in a constant stuggle to accomplish schedules:
 

- stress

- self-distrust

- impatience
- excuses
- rush
- tiredness
- complains
- blame
- car accidents
- motocycle accidents
- ...

If I am not willing to change, the same to happen over and over again.
- But where does this unpunctual behaviour comes from? Ideas.
By looking at the moments that I am not ponctual, writing and discussing it, I see a pattern in all of those memories. By experience I know that it is not enough to say: 'This time I will be ponctual'. It hasn't happening over the last 23 years... So I have to go further and see what has been my starting point.
First: my idea about time. The idea that I am able to do everything in 2 minutes. That is not physically possible. 
There is also the idea that I don't want others to wait for me; but the end result is usually exactly that. There is no point in wanting to do something for others - first I have to do it for and by myself. Then, everyone will benefit from it. Also, there is no point in saying an hour which physically I know that is impossible to achieve. That is why self-honesty is the key in this process.
Until now, I have been perceiving time as against myself, instead of standing one and equal with time and supporting myself as time. Time is stable. Why can't I be stable? 
Interestingly, it happens to not be ponctual regarding things that are a priority! It is a priority to get on time to work, to school and to sports. Considering that all of these activities are for my own benefit, I have to become this stability. I have to allow myself to trust myself regarding time and to direct myself within self-trust. There is nothing against me, except what I create against me. 
All of these are brief examples of how the mind works. The mind is not self-disciplined. The mind is lazy. However, for me to physically exist, all I have to do is to breathe and feed myself! So, from now on, my breath is my starting point. I am my self-support as my body.

By this, I am also realising that self-direction as breath is all that it takes to trust myself - as Life.


No more fight against time around here. No more fight against myself in the morning... 
However, all these words are simply my preparation for the action.

The change happens here in real time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distrust myself in the morning by thinking that I won't leave home on time.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to be moved by the fear of arriving late instead of directing myself to move myself here on time. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be limited by the memories of when I am running late.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be self-dishonest when making an appointment and in the morning I decide to change it for later.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have a lot of time in the morning, instead of realising that this is an idea of comfort which is not real.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think of quick actions in my mind -- instead of being aware of the real time actions take in the physical. 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe in the idea I've created about time. This idea became a self-deception and I am the one cheating myself with it - I support myself to become self-responsible about the time that I take to make things.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the practical examples of being in constant rush. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give me enough time for what I need to do.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to define me as unponctual. I stop and I allow myself to start again in every moment towards the best for me, thus, the best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive time as separated from me or something against myself! I am the one who create the situations for myself - I am the one to be responsible to change the action, thus, the outcome will be different.