Tonight I came across this question:
Why do I feel obliged to correspond to others' expectations about me?
How come I've been putting others' expectations above me? Well, the mind is quicker than my actions and it is just too easy to imagine what I think others are expecting from me, which is based on the ideas I have been building about myself - layers of memories, beliefs and definitions of who I am.
Simple: expectations are not real. The same with beliefs and self-definitions.
In fact, expectations are a serious sign of a mental disease... Why? Because it is about wanting to prove myself to myself (funny hein?) - everything I think others' may expect from me is a projection of what I expect from me, which is an obvious point of separation. It is like an internal fight of wanting to do something but then the opposite ends up happening. That which I expect is in fact seen as not me, as something separated from me and that it is not me yet - but who made me believe that I am not what I want to be??
Projections towards others reflect me like a mirror --- in self-awareness I realise that I can 'use' the expectation (thoughts) as a form of seeing what I am judging myself as. If I expect to be the 'perfect' girlfriend to Joao, it is not about Joao at all --- it is about the idea I've created of what a perfect girlfriend should look/be like to Joao. By expecting it, I am judging me as not being that perfection (otherwise I would not need to desire it because I would simply be it!). By keep feeding such ideas, I will become it because that has been the mind-limitation behind my actions.
When and as I see myself participating in any expectation (as thoughts) towards someone, I stop and I breathe. Within this I allow myself to see the pattern of expecting what I perceive as not being able to be/do to myself . By this, I Stop it. There is no point in feeding self-limitations at all. I am here. I am responsible for creating the belief of 'not being this'/or 'not being able of doing that'/'this is not who I am', bla bla. This is such a mind control.
Simple: the mind is not real. How can I prove it? By stopping whenever a pattern comes in, breathing and walking in another direction. Walking the talk in self-honesty and self-correction. The body is real.
Note: The toughest part is to overcome the first resistance of recognizing that it is my responsibility to stop - there is no one to blame. The expectations were not created by the other --- it was created by me. The second part is to be willing to start again. Welcome to Process.
0 comments:
Post a Comment
Please type your message