January 27, 2011

Day 15: Relationship with chocolate: the cycle is here again...

... and what it means to accept the sweetness of Life as me.

This point is here again. I am facing myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become -- This is exactly what this process is all about.
As every relationship, this pattern is manifested as a need, fear and pleasure perceived outside myself. I realized today how hard was for me to stop myself from thinking about a chocolate cake (an image of the mind and an idea about its taste) -- this mind control is totally unacceptable and self-dishonest. Now that I am writing this, I am feeling very sleepy: I breathe in self-support and I stand awake for myself.
At the supermarket, my first thought was about buying a chocolate cake - after going through the supermarket shelves, none of the cakes seemed to be good (based on the image I had in my mind) and I pushed myself to stop thinking of it. After forgiving myself out loud, I moved myself and directed myself to do other things.
Later, at my sister's house there were many chocolates and I imagined myself eating chocolate again. I ate a piece of one of the chocolates (not the cake I was thinking about initially) and I immediately stopped thinking of it. I realized today that it is not about the chocolate I eat/I imagine, but the comfort associated with eating it.
By that moment of hesitation and self-doubt, I reacted towards my father and this was clearly a projection of self-anger/self-distrust towards him.
I moved myself to write about these points and I searched for my previous writings and Self-Forgiveness I work about this point before. What I found showed me that I haven't transcended the patterns manifested within the relationship with chocolate so far. The cycle is here again.

From a previous session on 17 March 2010 with Muscle Communication I realized that this relationship is based on:

  • I believe chocolate will damage my teeth
  • I see chocolate as a need
  • I fear to don't have the taste of chocolate anymore
  • I find comfort in chocolate/desserts
  • I desire for a dessert because I feel alone
  • I see chocolate as a compensation
  • Chocolate became a suppression within myself
  • It is based on fear of loss
  • I relate chocolate with memories of happy moments in my childhood
  • I associate chocolate with happiness

These have been exactly the manifestations I went through today. By keep feeding these patterns within myself, I go into a time loop instead of directing myself in each moment of breath in self-awareness. Reading these notes now were very supportive to face this point until this is dOne. Self-Forgiveness is effective within self-correction in the physical action. I Stop. I face the point. I breathe. I apply myself. I stand as Life. I walk in Self-Honesty. I walk this point of disconnecting this relationship in terms of chocolate supporting mind consciousness systems' existence within my human physical body. I stand in Self-Support, One and Equal as chocolate as a manifestation of Life here.

Notes from 16 April 2010. The same point:

Interesting that in the last session I realized I've been perceiving chocolate as a reward and compensation; today, I was feeling a resistance to start the SRA lessons after dinner and when I decided to go for it, i had the thought that, because I was directing myself to do the lesson, then I deserved a chocolate.

While writing this, I remembered some experiences related with this relationship: when I was young my parents used to say that if I didn't eat all the food on the plate I wouldn't have a dessert - curiously I always had space in my stomach for a dessert, specially for chocolate; when I was in the summer camps, chocolate was the prize of the sports competitions.

  • I associate chocolate with a moment of joy and as something that i deserve after doing something
  • I associate parties with eating chocolates as I was allowed to eat as much chocolate and sweets as I wanted.
= eating chocolate is linked to an energy defined as happiness
I never saw chocolate as just chocolate without any association?
I see polarity as well: desire for chocolate (perceived as a prize) and then feeling regret for eating when I had to go to the dentist, because I associated teeth damaged with the quantity of sweets and chocolates I eat.
This judgement of chocolate (both desired and feared) was fed also by my experience with my sisters, who blame chocolate each time they get weight. I remember that they used to question how I was so thin considering the chocolates I used to eat.

By that time, the priority point was (with the support of Muscle Communication)
The Relationship with chocolate is associated with:
  • a prize/compensation
  • something that i can trust as good

The points for me to work were:
  • the feelings associated with chocolates and the need for chocolate.

Chocolate is chocolate. Chocolate is me here, there is nothing to lose or to win. By eating chocolate, I become chocolate, my body is made of chocolate. I exist as the chocolate thus there is no need or association required. I support myself by not allowing nor accepting a need for chocolate, by not believing chocolate as something more than who I am, by not fearing chocolate/fearing myself. Such self-dishonest is unacceptable.

Eating chocolate as a way to feel better within myself is self-dishonest - as if chocolate gives me more than what I already am. This feeling that chocolate gives me life is trapping myself and accepting me as sweet-less, hateful, bad and hard on myself.
I am as sweet as the chocolate. Thus, chocolate does not give me anything that I am not already.
Now I underSTAND what it means to be the sweetness of live.
I trust myself as Life I already am. I AM here. Self-support from the inside-out.
I am the sweetness of Life and I am the pleasure within myself, I embrace myself, I am my direction and the example to myself.
Chocolate has nothing that I am not - I don't accept any kind of separation or hate towards myself. I am one within and as Life in all that exists.

  1. I forgive myself for having created an idea that there's someone forbidding me to eat what I want, such as chocolates.
  2. I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel weak about the issues of food as if I don't know how to support myself. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to distrust myself as my self-support and thus to believe that others know better what is the best for me instead of me supporting self.
  3. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to need others' agreement to direct myself - including on what I eat. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to forget that I am the one feeding myself, I am the one directing myself and doing what is the best for me, as all.
  4. I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to copy what other people do and eat because if they do and eat it then it is acceptable, right and good for me.
  5. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to judge things according to other people's judgements.
  6. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distrust my self-support and trust more in things outside myself. However, if I do not see myself as self-support, then I don't see others as me and all I create is based on a double separation (first from myself and then from others).
  7. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to trust more in what my dentist says than what I direct myself to do and become stable.
  8. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by others from the starting point that I don't know what is the best for me or that I don't do things right.

This pattern is related with wanting/needing others to tell me what to do.

Dictionary word "abhorrent"
  • Abhorrent towards myself
When someone gives me attention I feel better within myself because my starting point is that I don't deserve it. It seems that no one wants to be told what to do, however we are always waiting for someone or something to direct us. This is separation.
It seems that i do not enjoy myself. Because I judge myself according to the patterns and the past, I am not enjoying myself, my own company, my presence, my voice, my attitudes and the directions I take.

  • Specific words: hateful, inconsistent, feeling disgust
Self-distrust and self-judgements manifested into a relationship with chocolate and sweeten food:
  1. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to love chocolates and desire chocolates because I perceive myself as sweet less and hateful. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to hate myself and to project the love polarity into chocolates as an escape of this relationship of hate within myself.
  2. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to use chocolates as a comfort to the feelings and self-judgements within myself which are self-dishonest.
  3. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to judge myself as hateful, inconsistent and disgustful. I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe to be these thoughts and judgements.
  4. I forgive myself for having allowed and accepted myself to lose self-trust by believing in my self-judgements according to my experiences and perceptions (which I am 'programmed' to feed).
  5. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to create a relationship with sweet food as if it is forbidden, just because I perceive sweet food to be the best thing to eat and as more than me. I forgive myself for perceiving sweet food as forbidden to because I judge me as not sweet/not good.
  6. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to become these thoughts through and project it as reactions and irritation.
  7. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to create this resistance against myself as if I don't deserve to feel good at myself, stable and grateful.
  8. I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to project this self-aggression into my actions.
  9. I forgive myself for having allowed myself to think of me with disgust and ignoring myself and I forgive myself for accepting myself to look for pleasure outside myself, by eating chocolates for instance.
  10. I forgive myself for wanting to provide all the best to other people and ignore myself - I forgive myself for wanting to bring self-confidence to people around me and to forget to support myself all-ways in each breath I take.

NOW: practical application of myself as Life. I accept the sweetness of life as Life in me.
Next step: work this relationship on a Mind Construct.

Video support on this point: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSOas8yvZKE
More about this process: http://www.desteniiprocess.com/


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