DAY 149: I'll do it next time - the misleading comfort of postponement

I wanted to postpone it... I found comfort in thinking that I would come back to this point and I would continue it another day. 

This backchat happened to me today regarding something that I was having resistance to do. I realised that this mind-comfort was not real since the opportunity to do it was here and now. 

I looked at this point and I see that I have the tendency to postpone things for later, which is a way of giving up on myself and in my ability to do something now for myself. From here, I create the desire to recreate a similar scenario in order to continue from where I stopped. This is also a form of holding myself back; what could be done in one moment I will extend it in time, sometimes for a few days, months or even years. 

The same happens with my process - when a point within me is postponed (e.g. a resistance to do something) I am creating an unnecessary timeloop for myself instead of pushing for myself towards an absolute completion and dedication to this present moment. Some points have multiple layers but the new ones will only emerge if I open up the way. By projecting a similar scenario in the future I am participating in the desire/energy to recreate this situation again and I can see also as a form of control because then I will have this "personal agenda" to accomplish. I am now seeing that I have created this condition to myself of going through the same point again when in fact my application can be in real-time and I can expand myself if I allow me to. 

I wanted to share this point no matter how short it is. In fact, after writing these notes to myself I found an excuse within me to publish it only tomorrow - but this excuse is not valid. The information is here and the excuse that "it will take time to publish" to my blog is not valid when I see the underlying resistance of sharing myself, of actually pushing for myself to complete it now with the tools that I have. Will there be new points once I publish this article? Absolutely. I will also write Self-Forgiveness on these points which will give a nice continuity to this one. 

Image: Andrew Gable - The Choice To Postpone The Inevitable – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 543